I wish I knew what Donnie Baseball was doing, he says what he doesn’t mean but means what he doesn’t say. I personally think we need to get Rand Paul involved in this and get some filibustering going. Maybe Magic can open a movie theater or something to show us a preview of what is actually going to happen. Well my theory is this, Donnie is a player’s manager and doesn’t wanna step on anyone’s feelings, so instead he will have no common decency and piss all over everyone’s fantasy teams. He kinda makes me feel the same way I felt when I watched Iron Eagle for the first time and I really thought Chappy died. Cheated is the reference, if that movie escapes you. So for my own personal rankings below I have inserted Kenley into the chart, while I am not completely sold that we know which way is loose. So screw it, it’s my list so I am placing him there just like the Gideons place bibles.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome folks, to another round of Bear or Bull. The series is so awesome, I am able talk about animals AND baseball(s). And this week, I guess Walmart. Word. And while the best play on words I could think of involves Starling Marte and one of the cornerstones to an eventual Corporatocracy, well, you know something special is brewing around this parts. And it ain’t just the fermenting kim chee. Am I lost? Maybe you’re lost. More rum for everyone! Yes it’s supposed to rhyme, or else, what’s the point? So yeah, see that perfect line of association I just drew? Point A, animals, straight to Point B, rum. Whoooo! Can we talk about baseball now? Never!Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the words of one Champ Kind, “That’s a whaaammy!” Hanley Ramirez left the game last night with a hamstring injury in just his fourth game back from the DL with a torn ligament in his thumb. HanRam will have tests done this weekend but early signs are not good. He did that “Oww! PAIN!”-grab-the-back-of-the-leg move that Giancarlo Stanton owners are no doubt familiar with, and he needed the help of two trainers to get off the field. Manager Don Mattingly said it looked like he’ll miss “…a good amount of time,” and wouldn’t expect him back anytime soon. Don also added, “Hot damn-ley! This screws up all my plan-leys!” That makes two of us, Donny. Ramirez’s rehab for his thumb went so smoothly we should have known some doom and gloom was on the way. In addition to returning ahead of schedule and bursting with confidence (I don’t think I ever heard HanRam speaking so enthusiastically about playing, I guess leaving the Marlins can do wondrous things for morale), Hanley started out mashing right out of the gate, batting .455 with a homer and stolen base. It was too good to be true. Sure, no one thought he was Ironman-ley (III: Gandhi’s Revenge!), but this is tough luck for anyone. Hopefully owners haven’t dropped their Josh Donaldsons, Brandon Crawfords or various other replacements just yet because they could likely be without HanRam for the next 3-5 weeks, if not more.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The week was going swimmingly, with inflatable swim muscles, I may add, then Kevin Gregg showed up and said “Oh, I thought everyone wore these glasses now.” I don’t trust Kevin for 2 reasons, closers come and closers go (Kyuji is coming back) so add that into your closer entree like a good splash of adobo. The second reason is he has two first names, I’m sorry, it’s a phobia of mine ever since I went to school with a kid named Ferris Ferris. No I didn’t stutter, that’s a true story. Next we move to Boston, where Joe-L is returning from the DL; John Farrell has said what is typical, we will see what happens. My 2 cents is that Bailey keeps it until he falters or Hanrahan whines enough to make a stink. If I could call Joel, this is how the convo would go. Sup Joel. Who is this? Then I would hang up and not answer when he star 69′s me. I do that cause I don’t like people messin’ around on my phone. Lastly this week, I have moved Jim Johnson, minus his cult following, into the top tier. He has shown me enough to warrant a bump up. The games he pitches in are showing the confidence that Buck has in him, like a great illegitimate dad would in his Maury Povich type son. The bump over Papelbon is based purely on stats and accumulation right now, Paps just isn’t seeing the chances that some other closers are seeing and that inevitably hurts my feelings and his stats/value. Enjoy the week as if you were listening to the soundtrack from Rocky 4, what could get better than that.? If you said that talking robot Pauly got, then we are on the same page my friend.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Harvey was better last night. Better than Stephen Strasburg. In a battle of two of the NL’s most exciting young pitchers, Matt Harvey dominated again, pitching 7.0 innings, giving up just 4 hits, 1 ER and striking out seven. Harvey currently leads fantasy leagues in “Players You Wish You Drafted.” Stephen Strasburg countered pitching 6.0 innings, 2 ER (4 R) and struck out six. St. Rasburg battled chants from the NY crowd “Har-vey’s better! Har-vey’s better!” Ouch. How could they turn on you so quickly, Stephen? And for a younger, sexier fantasy ace. Well, if there was ever a time to sell off your Matt Harveys for gold and fame, now is good. Harvey was filthy again, touching 99 mph several times last night, he was throwing some serious cheese (his fastball has averaged 96.1 mph this season) and the mighty Nationals couldn’t touch him. The guy’s got gas. Flatulence jokes aside, Harvey moves to 4-0 (the first Met to win his first four starts of the season since David Cone) with a 0.93 ERA and has given up just 10 hits all season. Harvey’s K-upside makes me love him more than I care to share in print, but if I can get a top 20 player for him I’m making a deal. Curt Schilling said if he’s starting a franchise, he’s going with Harvey over Strasburg. Well, that’s just your opinion, man. We know what happened to 38 studios so maybe Big Schill isn’t the guy to ask if you’re trying to run a successful business. Strasburg, who has a 3 losses despite a 2.96 ERA, was upset about the crowds chant, responding with his own chant, “Must pitch better. Better than Matt Harvey. I will be better, faster, stronger than Matt Harvey.” Chill Stras, obsessmuch? Matt Harvey did get the better of the Nats last night but either way going forward, clearly, these two will be among fantasy’s best.
Here’s what else happened last night in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I wish I was a mathematician or at least had one of those rad looking calculator watches. For now I will remain myself and take random, yet seasoned guesses at this thing that we covet so much, the save. It’s the only position that every person garnering save capability is owned in every league no matter how big or small, which makes it fun. They say all the fun is the chase, I guess that’s why I am bored with so many people tied up in my Gam-Gam’s basement. Digression, segue, punctuation. The Royals, or for better reference, Greg Holland, has figured out his mojo, while all of us hoping for a heated up Kelvin to pounce are reduced to wait for a Holland-days off. I am glad that Holland has shown what we all thought he could be, albeit for one glorious day. Two in a row is a winning streak, so said Lou Brown. So onto the rankings of closers and some of their ‘cuffs. This week’s random weird but true factoid, the Phillies are 13 games into the season and do not have a hold by any pitcher on their team. Put that in your cheese steak and smoke itPlease, blog, may I have some more?
It’s the first week of the season and there is really only one question as we enter the first week of fantasy SAGNOF-ville. What in the name of Brian Boitano are the Tigers doing with the closer situation. Well I liken it to a drug cartel, 3 Latinos and some coke, with some equal distribution until someone gets too big for their britches and knocks everyone else off. I like a good even mix of Al-Al, Benoit, Dotel and Coke to all get some run based on the situation and it being too early for Leyland to cash in his Marlboro miles for that new kayak. So with the first post of my inauguration, I am starting from scratch and the rankings start with this post so no fancy pluses or minuses until the next post. I will also try and alternate between closers and Holds guys for my weekly posts.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott White from CBS hosted this NL-Only draft that started at 8 AM PST. For the second time in my life, I was glad I didn’t live in Hawaii. The first time was when I received a coconut piggy bank from every relative that ever went to visit Hawaii. They should have a March Madness tournament for number one wackiest export. In the first round, Hawaii vs. China with coconut piggy banks going against backscratchers. They can meet the winner of the match-up between Switzerland and Taiwan with cuckoo clocks taking on baby corn. “I can’t believe baby corns advanced to the 2nd round. I didn’t think cuckoo clocks could be beat.” That’s the guy in your office who bets on anything that’s organized in a tournament. I drafted the team almost completely on my own since it was so early and Rudy was nursing a huffing hangover. Rudy did scoop in and draft the bench because, well, I had to poop. Anyway, here’s our 2013 fantasy baseball NL-Only team:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2013 Reds Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Brandon Kraeling from Red Reporter.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s a scenario: You are the burger flipper manager at your local burger flipping place. Someone comes to you and says Ryan Braun, your best burger flipping employee, is injecting his meat with HGH. That’s why they’re tasting so good, yells one of your other employees. You don’t want to believe Ryan is doing this. His burgers are soooooooo delicious. All of your customers love them. Kowtowing to your other employees and the media, you decide to taste test his burgers. Sadly, they do taste test positive for HGH. You have no solution other than to suspend him. This is gonna hurt business. When, by sheer luck, it turns out your taste testers sampled his burgers after they were delivered to their house from FedEx and the soooooooo delicious burger wasn’t tasted in the restaurant. Ryan’s attorneys rejoice. Ryan says, “I told you my burgers were clean” and you shrug. You’re just glad your best burger flipper can keep making you those soooooooo delicious burgers. Then…THEN someone comes along and says they found a note scribbled in the dumpster that says Ryan is ordering HGH to inject into his soooooooo delicious burgers. You look at that note and say, “Okay, we’ll keep an eye on things,” and go back to serving those soooooooo delicious burgers that everyone likes. Well, damn me and my deliciously Horsey sauce argument about chain of custody and Biogenesis as a ‘consultant.’ There’s no way Ryan Braun is being suspended for this Biogenesis nonsense. It’s ridiculous. Can we move on? Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?