Fantasy Baseball Advice

With 2 HRs yesterday, Adam Lind now has 36/11/43/.313 on the year.  I know, Cody Ross has looked good for stretches.   Even Aaron Rowand has had a week or two here and there.  But why are people asking me if Adam Lind should be sold off or worse dropped?  You don’t want 85/27/100/.285?  I know he was as boring as dog balls for the month of May.  Well, he’s batting near-.500 in June.  He’s shoved into the middle of the Blue Jays lineup like a Jenga piece no one will touch.  Heart. Of. The. Lineup.  Dear Razzball reader, let’s look at his OBP, shall we?  He had a .380 OBP in 1500+ ABs in the minors and a .377 OBP so far this year.  In the minors, he had a .318 average, he has a .313 average this year.  He has power potential AND can hit for average.  (Caps for emphasis and the hyperopic.)  Fastballs?  He likes them.  Breaking balls?  Don’t bother him.  Sure, it took him until 25 to develop into a major leaguer, but so what?  What were you doing at 25?  I was trying to figure what I wanted to do at 26.  Lind’s biggest drawback, he can’t field.  Holy heffin’ hey in the screw hole, that doesn’t matter to us.  Lind’s good, don’t be scared.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Hamilton – Out 4-6 weeks with an abdominal tear.  His owners out 4-6 weeks with tears.

Jose Valverde – Fist pumps could be back as early as this weekend.  Trade Hawkins!  Joking.  Unless you can… No, that’s wrong.  But really what is right without someone doing wrong?  Nietzsche!

C.J. Wilson – I was remiss in leaving him off yesterday’s roundup.  Frank² could be headed to the DL again with shoulder soreness.  Wilson should be owned in all leagues.

Brandon McCarthy – Headed to the DL with a stress fracture of shoulder.  Votto feels for him, he has a stress fracture of his melon.

Chris Davis – 0-for-3, 3 Ks yesterday.  Has 87 Ks in 191 ABs.  Wow.  Listen to this from Matthew Berry, “I’m sticking with Davis.  Look, you didn’t draft him for his batting average anyway, and he is hitting for power with 12 home runs…. Keep in mind he was a career .302 hitter in the minors.”  Oh, okay.  Luckily, he only has two sides of his mouth.  If that is indeed his mouth he’s using.

Jason Marquis – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Leads the NL in Wins.  Yup, makes sense.

Torii Hunter – Sidelined with a nagging groin.  I had one of those when I was 19.  I almost went blind because of it.  Sorry, I hate to work blue.  Pun intended.

Chris Iannetta – Due back on Tuesday.  If you’re nursing some schmohawk catcher and Iannetta’s on waivers, act like ya know, MC Lyte.

Clint Barmes – Similar to Hamilton, he’s on a tear.  Only the good kind.  He’s 13-for-31 with a homer and 7 RBIs in his last 7 games.

Garrett Atkins – He’s not even starting anymore.

Randy Johnson - Didn’t he just pitch?  Nice, Giants.  Throw your 45-year-old on short rest.  What, are they trying to get out of an innings clause or something?

Armando Galarraga – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners vs. the White Sox, a team that has a .247 average against righties.  I’m not sure if anyone’s holding out hope Galarraga’s going to be good again like last year, well, he’s not.

Jeremy Bonderman – 4 IP, 6 ER and now the White Sox are .250 against righties.

Miguel Cabrera – Returned and went 0-for-7 in the doubleheader.  Hey, at least he’s back.  I have Jose Reyes and Carlos Quentin playing spades on my DL.

Alexei Ramirez - 5-for-9 with one homer in the doubleheader and now batting .261.  BTW, Alfonso Soriano hit .284 in April, Alexei hit .214.  Soriano hit .216 in May, Alexei hit .281.  Who will have the conch shell in June?

Gordon Beckham – 0 for his first 13 ABs.  Beckham, you’re proving Ozzie right.

Jose Contretras – One hit over eight innings as he returned from the minors, though for him it should be called the seniors.  He could very well get shelled in his next start.

Chipper Jones – HR yesterday, three in two days.  So this is why people own him… Cool, now when do I trade him?  When he sneezes?  Hiccups?  Someone, throw me a bone.

Nick Stavinoha – Went 0-for-4 wearing Pujols’s jersey.

Andy Sonnanstine – 7 IP, 5 ER.  Jeff Niemann stole his juice.

Sean West – 8 IP, 0 ER. I know, woo-hoo.  I looked at his 60 walks in 100 2/3 innings in Double A, his 22 walks in 42 2/3 innings in Triple A and I vomited on my wall and it spelled out, “Don’t pickup.”

Johnny Damon – 12th homer yesterday.  What’s his over/under set at for homers?  24?  I’m taking the over.  By 2.  Who wants some action?

Randy Choate – Maddon brought Choate into the 8th inning of a 4-3 game yesterday.  A game the Rays were losing.

Andrew McCutchen – 4-for-7 with 2 triples, batting leadoff as the unknown soldyjer’s light burns in the two hole.  McCutchen’s batting .400; somebody reach behind the Häagen-Dazs and take Ted Williams’s brain out of the freezer, he’s gonna wanna see this!  I’d sell McCutchen right now if you don’t need speed.

Josh Outman – 6 IP, 3 ER and has an ERA of 3.17.  I swear to you, he’s not this good, but he gets the Giants next time out.  All aboard!

Andrew Bailey – 2 days, 2 saves.  He’s the closer, guys.  Stop owning Ziegler, people in your league are starting to wonder if you’ve abandoned your team.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 2-for-4 yesterday with 4 RBIs.  A homer the day before.  I’m not saying he’s God’s gift to cornermen, but as teams pitch around A-Gonz, Kouz could pick up some scraps.

David Ortiz – His doctor prescribed eyedrops to hopefully help with his hitting.  Who’s his optometrist, Victor Conte?

The Orioles love their ex-Cubbies so they decided to sample some of their Pecan’t Pie rather than just hand the LF job to Nolan Reimold.  As with most of these rookies, a lot depends on starting jobs.  And Reimold doesn’t have one.  Yet.  So who’s blocking Reimold?  Luke Scott?  Who are you, Luke Scott?  A 30-something prospect?  Luke Scott must’ve called Matt Stairs for advice on how to prolong a major league career that should’ve ended years ago.   Go to the DL, Luke.  (He’s not there yet, but maybe if we all hold our breath.  What Razzballers want, Razzballers get!)  Then there’s Felix Pee-ay, who is crap-ay.  He was hurt in yesterday’s game.  Not to mention, many think his ship has already come and gone for prospect status.  If Reimold emerges from this O’s left fielder mess, he’s a slugger who we think could hit for power without costing you too much in the average department.  The nice thing about Reimold compared to a rookie pitcher — say, I don’t know, Hochevar! — is Reimold could slump for a week and only give you a few 0-for-4s, not a 36.00 ERA.  If we had to bet, we’d say the Orioles don’t bring him up in order to avoid giving him ‘Super 2′ status.  Why would we accuse the Orioles of leaving their best available player in the organization for a specific position in AAA?  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kevin Youkilis – Youuuk can take a spot on the DL.  Thanks Sawx.  Instead of just putting him on the DL with his oblique injury, they kept him on the bench for 7 days before doing it.  Hey man – you might have a bunch of bench spots but us fantasy owners don’t!  The DL stint is backdated so he might only be out for another week or so but oblique injuries can be a wickid pissah of an injury.

Dan Haren – 7 IP, 3 ER.  “Johan, I think I heard Upton whispering to Byrnesie that they were saving their runs for Doug.  No, I’m not being paranoid!  Could you just come over?”

Stephen Drew – Returned from the DL.  Brother J.D. calls to ask, “They can DL you for less than 60 days?”

Ryan Ludwick – Pulled in the 1st inning with a hamstring injury.  That never sounds good.  If he has to go on the DL, LaRussa is down to two in his original 4 man OF rotation (Rasmus, Duncan).  We have a feeling LaRussa is trying to determine which young pitcher will make the better outfielder  – PJ Walters or Mitchell Boggs.

Chien-Ming Wang – 6 shutout innings in Triple-A.  I’ve already picked him up in a deep league (16 teams).  Hey, I had to get rid of Hocevar as quick as possible.  If you have an open DL slot, slide a Wang into it.

Chris Davis – 9th homer of the year and up to .231.  Hello, Mr. Reynolds.  Goodbye, Mr. Reynolds.

B.J. Ryan – Ricciardi said even when Ryan returns, Downs will be his closer.  Yeah, I trust Ricciardi when it comes to B.J.

Carlos Quentin – Out until Friday with a sore heel.  That’ll teach him to break bats with his foot.

Luke Hochevar – I was roofied and violated.  We won’t go into specifics.  But I think I’m done with rookie pitchers.  Wait… Against the A’s?  Really?  Bring back Ponson!  I hate you, Hochevar.  And I’m glad I can’t pronounce your name, it’ll be easier to forget.

Derek Holland – 1.74 ERA on the year as he got his first win.  He’s just working middle relief right now, but he could move into the rotation picture.  Wait, didn’t I just say no more rookie pitchers?  Damn you, Hochevar.

Kevin Slowey – 6 IP, 1 ER.  Great to see Slowey do what he’s supposed to do after Hochevar kicked my teeth in.

Armando Galarraga – 5 2/3, 5 ER. I gotta be honest, it’s nice to see a guy I thought would fail do exactly that.  Sorry, to his owners.  Scharmandofreude!

Manny Parra – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks.  Manny being Parra with the Ks, but not the walks (only 2).  Encouraging…  Oh, wait.  It was the Marlins.  They don’t walk.

Zach Duke – 8 IP, 1 ER.  Has only had two disasters through 7 starts, but he doesn’t strikeout out that many guys so I’m a little weary. His ERA should come up a full run, but it’s only at 2.52, so that’s not that bad.

Matt Capps – 3 baserunners, but worked a scoreless ninth with 2 Ks.

Brad Lidge – Gave up another run.  I’d continue to hold Madson, something seems off with Lidge right now.

Jayson Werth – 4 steals, including one of home.  I didn’t see it, but I have to assume Belisario fell for the ol’ “Hey, look over there!”

Jimmy Rollins – Hit 5th yesterday.  I’m sorry, but is that supposed to break him out of his slump?  By hitting him in the heart of the order instead of the top?  I don’t think this lasts.

Brad Hawpe – 4-for-4 with 1 HR and 5 RBI.  Now at .359 with 5 HR and 25 RBI.  Hawpe has never taken that next step like Holliday and we’d bet the under on .300, 30 HR, and 100 RBI.  While he’ll give you quality numbers, now might be the best time you’ll have to trade him.  He’s an awful fielder and, with Colorado’s OF depth, he should be deemed expendable if they are out of the pennant race come July.

Felipe Paulino – 4 IP, 7 ER.  Looked more like Ronnie Paulino in this start.  While Ronnie’s doing a number two.

Ian Stewart – A solo homer and a grand slam from the 8th spot in the lineup.  He has been struggling mightily and Sonovabenched us in a couple leagues.  He now has 2B/3B eligibility in ESPN (had it already in Yahoo!) and is still 3 games away from OF eligibility.  Hopefully this outburst leads to a couple more OF starts…

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Has now pitched three quality starts in a row.  The only terrible starts of the year (3 of them) were against the Dodgers (twice) and the Cubs.  So if we’re to believe this, he should be a “go pitcher” for his next start against the Pirates.

Daniel Murphy – Could see time at first with Delgado nursing a bad hip.  This doesn’t add a whole lot to his value, since Murphy was a borderline outfielder as it was.  You don’t really want him at 1st.

Joe Mauer – Fourth homer in his tenth game.  Sure does have a lot of *pinkie to mouth* Pauer.  Guess when you only play 80 games a year, you gotta get your stats in while you’re playing.

Delmon Young – .277 on the year with 1 homer and 2 steals.  Wow is this guy yawnstipating.

Conor Jackson – He’s now on the DL with a ‘general illness’ according to new GM AJ Finch.  I got an idea, send him to a “General Hospital.”

Jerry Hairston Jr. – 3-for-7, 3 RBIs and 2 steals in the last two games.  .343 in May with 2 homers.  Rudy snagged him before this mini-hot streak.  Might end tomorrow, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it holds up for another week or so.

Joey Votto – Left the game with dizziness.  I thought in Cincy it was called “Dustiness?”

Frank Francisco – Suffering from bicep tendinitis.  We picked up Wilson in a few leagues.  We’re frankly frankled about it but frankfully Francisco is supposed to be franking it up again in a couple of days.

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 3 ER.  With 8 Ks, he looked solid outside of two innings (1st and 4th).  But if you can’t beat the Aint’s, who can you beat? The Nats, actually.  But not if you pitch for them.  Conundrum!

Matt Cain – 7 IP, 4 ER.  God forbid I get a Win in a league.  Seriously, what the eff?

Joe Beimel – Almost got the save yesterday for those still torturing themselves with Nats relievers.

Pablo Sandoval – Game winning HR yesterday.  After the game, Pablo said through a translator, “San Francisco is my village and no one will pilfer it, except for I.”  His translator was dressed like a waiter at Medievel Times.  Very weird scene.

If you drafted Manny this year, then you better make a new plan, Stan because Man-Ram is getting time off for bad behavior.  50 games to be exact.  The reason – he came up positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which can be used to boost testosterone levels.  Manny seems to be claiming his doctor prescribed it for erectile dysfunction but the drug is most often prescribed for…women’s fertility.  Huh?  And here we thought Alyssa Milano was the only person in the LA Dodger clubhouse taking those.  Maybe Manny got screwed by a bad boner doctor but our money is on Scott Boras.  He probably gave those pills to Manny, told him they were Flintstone vitamins, and Manny hallucinated Flintstone faces onto the vitamins.

So what are the fantasy implications besides crying if you own him and picking from the FA scraps?  Juan Pierre is going to get the lion’s share of playing time in the outfield.  With Hudson and Ethier hitting so well at the top and Torre always going back to Furcali as his leadoff hitter, the only question is whether he bats Pierre 8th or 9th (tonight it was the 9th).  This is a pretty good move if you’re a Pierre owner as he’d get bunted over by the pitcher if he hit 8th but will steal from the 9th slot (got one today).  As for whether this affects the production of O-Dog and Andre Ethier, time will tell.  You’d have to think that O-Dog’s runs and Ethier’s RBIs are going to down because of this.  Interestingly, Torre moved up Ethier to #3 and hit Loney #4.  Our guess would be that he goes back to his beloved lefty/righty/lefty/righty order and separates Ethier and Loney with either Martin or Kemp.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 1 Hit, 5 walks, 7 Ks.  His walks are up, his Ks are down, his homers are up.  None of this spells, “Yay.”  His BABIP is near his norms but his men left on base is higher than it’s been for the last couple of years.  His ERA is under 3 but it should be over 5.  Like Minnie Pearl, I’m going to give this to you plain and simple, he needs to cut down on his walks.  But it’s still early, Cain has time to correct his problems.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks. 3.59 ERA on the year and five consecutive no decisions.  Why can’t I get a win?  Who have I wronged? Was it the old lady who yelled at me in the post office calling me Prince Charles?  Cause if it was her, I’m sorry.  She was up next.  I just told her you’re up, I wasn’t rushing her!

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 6 ER, 4 Ks.  ‘nn settled down after being Kemp’d in the first.  Unfortunately, this takes some of the shine off of ‘nn so it’ll make it harder for you to flip him.

Joe Beimel – Vin Scully, “The Nats are without a closer so they’re trying out Beimel in the role.”  He said that as Beimel pitched the 8th in a four run game.  Of course he’s pitching the eighth!  It makes perfect sense.  I’m currently pulling my mustache hair out.

Joel Hanrahan – I think the old Nats closer becomes the new Nats closer, but remember the Nats have 3 saves on the season.

Kip Wells – One of the only closers who can come into an 11-7 game and ensure it’ll be a save opportunity.

Cla Meredith – Went to 4-0 with another vulture win yesterday.  He would be leading in Wins on all of my teams.  I hate Wins.

Mark Reynolds – 0-for-5 with 4 Ks to lower his average to .255 as Chris B. Davis hit his 7th homer going 2-for-4 to raise his average to .211.  Anyone wanna bet who gets to .230 first?

Brad Ziegler – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Andrew Bailey threw a scoreless two-thirds of an inning.  Cha-cha-cha-changes…

Brandon McCarthy – 4 IP, 7 ER.  Rudy got sonavabenched on his Fantasy Razzball team.  Oh… Poor Rudy.  I’m still in 2nd.  Natch!

Jack Cust – HR, strikeout… Wait, no walk? How dare you!

Jeremy Sowers – Replacing Laffey in the Indians rotation.  Look away, baby, look away.

Casey Kotchman – First homer of the season yesterday as he bats .313 on the season.  Might be startin’ somethin’.  Then again, the Braves are facing a lefty tomorrow.  Okay, Saturday’ll be startin’ somethin’.

Kendry Morales – In my series of “yawnstipating 1st baseman who won’t get drafted but should” posts, I targeted Morales.  He just hit his 5th homer.  I am Prince Charles!

Hanley Ramirez – 2 HRs yesterday.  For the longest time the ‘lins were threatening to put some reins on Hanley’s running.  He’s sitting on 3 steals and 4 caught stealings.

Derrek Lee – Sat out 2nd straight game but said the injury was “no big deal.”  Oh.  Okay.  Then how about you play?

Bengie Molina – 2 HRs and 4 RBIs yesterday.  Brings his totals to 7 HRs and 27 RBIs.  The rest of the Giants have 9 HRs and 84 RBIs.  Step away from the buffet, Molina, and let Fred get some grub.

Dexter Fowler – 0-for-3 yesterday and has been terrible since he lit Razzball aflame with his 5 steal game.  Icarus Fowler?

Jered Weaver – A complete game win with 8 Ks and 3 baserunners.  A HR by Aaron Hill spoiled the shutout.  Won’t be surprised if he ends up with 15 Wins, a 3.50 ERA, and 175 Ks.  As long as big bro Jeff doesn’t drive up north to teach him how to flatten his slider.

Jose Molina – Headed to the DL, joining Posada.  Bring back Yogi!

Mariano Rivera – Kazaam!

Evan Longoria – 2 HRs with 10 on the year and 38 RBIs.  I wrote a whole post on why Longoria should be a 2nd rounder?  I think he ends up with more value than Wright this year and for the next 10 years.

Mark Buehrle – 8 IP, 0 ER and is 5-0 on the year.  Maybe I should’ve drafted him in a league.  Back in my top 80 starters post, I wrote, “He’s not flashy with those Big City Ks. You probably won’t want to own him. But for the better part of two years, I’ve owned him off and on. He’s usually good for a few ‘worth-owning’ streaks a year.”  So far this year it’s obviously been one of those “worth-owning streaks.”

Armando Galarraga – 6 IP, 6 ER.  Yeah, this didn’t help convert me into a fan.

Ian Stewart – Hit a homer yesterday while playing 3rd.  Atkins is traded by the July deadline, you heard it here first.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 5th homer as he bats .328 on the season with 2 steals.  My preseason predictions were 55/23/65/.245/7.  From a catcher?  You kinda like that.

Brian Bannister – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  Still not buying in.

Jayson Nix – HR yesterday.  Why is the world conspiring against me?

Joakim Soria – Got the save, but gave up two hits, two walks and one run after giving up an unearned run his first time back.  I’d hold Juan Cruz for now if you have room.  And who doesn’t have room for Juan Cruz, he’s like a buck-twenty soaking wet.

Rick Ankiel – To the DL.  This boosts Rasmus’s value a bit (but he already had some value).

Rocco Baldelli – Nordberg returns from the DL.

Alex Rodriguez – Due back on Friday.  But don’t look here.  Look back at Manny.

Anibal Sanchez – Left game with shoulder discomfort.  Not good, home slice.  But neither are any of his stats.

Clete Thomas – I love managers that remove a top of the lineup hitter then just shove some other schmohawk in their place.  “Clete.  I like that name.  Like the things at the bottom of a baseball shoe.  You hit 3rd, Clete.”  If Spike Owen came out of retirement, he’d hit 4th.

As Stephen Drew tried to take that step forward in 2009 that fantasy baseball owners craved, he hurt his hamstring.  Wonder what a Drew family vacation is like… “J.D., you wanna go see the world’s largest bottle cap?  It’s supposedly 17 inches in circumference!” “Sure, I’ll go tell Mom and Pop.”  On the way to the Sequoia, two hamstring pulls, a fractured hip and the Mom needs Tommy John surgery.  Pretty sure no one’s giving them joint family coverage.  The MDs in AZ say Drew’s injury shouldn’t knock him out longer than the 15 days.  When you consider he hadn’t even started to hit yet, looks like Drew’ll begin his season mid-May.  All in all, this is a decent buy low guy right now.  If you can trade some spare parts for him (closer-du-jour, extra OF, etc.), he should prove worth stashing.  He’s still talented and he can have a solid three-quarters of a season.  Hopefully, he spent the first quarter on someone else’s team.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:

Brandon Webb – Earliest return date is late-May.  Still a long season so you can’t really sell him short, but with the trouble coming in his right shoulder, I’d be worried this doesn’t become a worst situation before it gets better.

Brian McCann – Headed for Lasik with eye problems.  Maybe he said fudge and Cox made him suck on some soap.  David Ross is filling in for him on the Braves and he hit a HR yesterday.  Ross actually isn’t an awful replacement for fantasy owners either.  You might get some pop and his killer average shouldn’t hurt for only two weeks.  It matters how deep your league is, but I’d also look at Salty, Hundley, Shoppach and Laird, in that order.

Chris Getz – Headed to the DL.  I know what you’re thinking, Gordon Beckham gets his chance!  Yeah, but what matters is what Ozzie Guillen’s thinking.  Ozzie’s thinking Brent Lillibridge and Jayson Nix.  I know what you’re thinking now, what’s Ozzie thinking?!

Jake Peavy – 5 IP, 5 ER.  I know this is no in-depth observation, but he just doesn’t look right.  This is very sad for me.  He’s given up way too many home runs and walks.  I wouldn’t sell him short because he can go on a ten game run where he’s unhittable… Or at least I hope he does.

Justin Upton – HRs in back-to-back games in between numerous flailings at breaking pitches (Jaboo strikes again).  At this point, he should just change his last name to Upside.  Because that’s both his allure and the reason he’s overvalued in every non-keeper league.

Mark Reynolds – 5th homer yesterday.  Guess who else hit his 5th homer yesterday?  Davis.  We got ourselves a hot one, America!

Conor Jackson – 2-for-6.  Got the game winning hit yesterday, which means poopie-squat for fantasy, but it might be the confidence builder he needs.

Cameron Maybin – 0-for-5, batting .189 on the season.   Sleeper pick went comatose the first month of the season.  I’m ready to pull the plug in 12 team leagues.  Potential replacements are Spillborghs, Kubel, Cody Ross, Teahen or Juan Rivera, obviously depends on what is out there.

Clayton Kershaw – 4 2/3, 9 ER.  Walk, tried to get ahead of a hitter resulting in a home run… Rinse and repeat.  From an absolute gem against the Giants where he K’d 13 to back-to-back beatings. He’s too good/erratic to bench.  If you bench him, you’ll miss a gem.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs, bringing his season total to 5.  Guess all it took was being on the same team as his little brother, Andy.  (Why haven’t the Yanks signed Mark Teixeira’s little brother to get him off his typical slow start?   Like Cody Ransom or Angel Berroa are better?)  Maybe now he’s a 2nd half of April hitter.  His upside still seems like Jorge Cantu… And his downside too.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 7-for-13 this weekend.  As I said last week, I was giving him one more week.  This was the kind of weekend I was looking for.  He’s earned a bit longer leash.

Kenshin Kawakami – It’s 4 starts now and the control (11 BB in 21.2 IP) + gopheritis (5 in 4 games) has us thinking Atlanta signed some 1/2 price sushi.  The K’s are intriguing but he has to be downgraded to matchup starter vs. start every game.

Manny Parra – 5 IP, 1 ER.  Hey, I’m a fan, but frankly this could’ve been a five earned game just as easily.

Jose Valverde – Got the save but was noticeably limping.  Cuddle Boy, Hawkins should be held for now.

Andy Sonnanstine – 4 IP, 7 ER.  The A’s whooped that trick.

B.J. Upton – 0-for-4, .156 on the season.  While J. Up is all upside, B. Up is not this bad.

Justin Masterson – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Keeping walks down and Ks up.  Hopefully, Dice-K doesn’t take the bullet train back.

Pablo Sandoval - 4-for-4, HR, now batting .292.  Hope everyone held out hope where he was eligible at catcher.  He’s stocky (read: fat) but doesn’t have that much power.  My preseason projections gave him 14 homers and a .300 average.  Still sounds about right.

Jered Weaver – 7 shutout innings leaves him at 2-1 with good ERA, WHIP, solid K rate (almost 8 per 9 IP) and, most importantly, he’s not another Angel pitcher with a broken wing.  Only owned in 87% of ESPN leagues.  Seems to be underrated – maybe because of his brother?

Jordan Zimmermann – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  No weepstakes here so far.  Very impressive start against the Mets.  He won’t obviously stay below a 3 ERA, but while teams try to figure him out, he could coast to a solid 1st half.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Looks like someone let my Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell get in their head.

Joakim Soria & Brandon Morrow – Both have sore shoulders that – for now – are just day-to-day.  (Soria + Morrow = Sorrow?)  Morrow seems ready to go for next game where Soria might be due back middle of next week.  Might be worth playing Aardsma and Juan Cruz in deep leagues or if you need saves.

Derrek Lee – Removed because of neck spasms.  When you’re batting .197, you’re snapping your neck from the pitcher to the catcher a lot.

Ross Ohlendorf – Outdueled Peavy to go to 2-2 with a 3.24 ERA.  We really want to root for a guy with such a fun last name to say but his crazy low K rate (10 K in 25 IP) hints at a pitcher who’ll get flogged sooner vs. later and often vs. seldom.

Aaron Laffey – Won his 2nd game this week since being called up from the minors.  He’s far from a K guy but he is throwing a lot of ground balls right now.  Consider him for spot starts but he’s more likely to earn a full-time spot this year on a Razzball staff right now vs. a real fantasy baseball staff (real fantasy baseball staff – is that an oxymoron?)

Armando Galarraga – Now at 3-0 with a 1.85 ERA.  Guess the fact we named him #1 most risky pitcher motivated him or something.  He’s K-ing nearly a guy an inning which is above last years 6.35/9 IP rate.  We haven’t flipped positions on him just yet but getting there.

Shawn Hill – To the 15-day DL.  Hmm… maybe he’s part Drew?

Chris Ray – Sherrill won’t see saves in back-to-back games according to the O’s.  Then again, according to the O’s they have a major league pitching staff.

Adam Jones – 3-for-4, HR and 1st steal of the year.  The steals will come and the power will continue.  He’s not a sell candidate, unless you’re against Prop 420.

Robinson Cano? Please tell me you’re not going to suggest we buy into Robinson Cano? Please, Grey, I was beginning to find you halfway intelligent. Sorry, random italicized voice, I’m a glutton for punishment.  Someone has a terrific season the previous year (Pedroia) and I pull back.  A player craps the bed in the previous season (Robinson Cano) and I get excited about them. This is the story of my life with women too.  Kick me in the nads and I’ll buy you steel-toed boots.  (One thing I have learned, never — and I mean never — ask a girl what’s wrong.  Sweep that shizz under the rug where it belongs. Or better yet, pretend everything’s fine.)  Last year, Cano had a low BABIP for him and his line drive rate.  I won’t go too much into the numbers; I know that too many numbers makes your head hurt.  But Robinson Cano should’ve hit about .300 last year.  He was unlucky and ended up with a .271 average.  His line drive rate was on par with his career norms, actually exceeding his 2007 rate when he hit .306.  I usually try to avoid players that don’t know how to take a walk, but through his entire career he’s been this player and has done fine with this approach.  I don’t see Cano as someone that is going to breakout in 2009 with tremendous power and speed.  He is what he is.  Think 17/80/.300 hitter.  At 2nd base, there’s value in that.  Then throw in the fact that he’s usually only a 2nd half player, yet so far this April he’s been hitting the ball really well.  So to recap, never ask a girl what’s wrong and buy Cano.  Got it?  Good!  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Ryan Franklin – Shouldn’t be on waivers in any league at this point.  If he is, for shame.

Ryan Braun – Sticking with the newly established Ryan theme.  Braun says he’s fine, but these guys lie all the time.  So he is hurting.  Okay, let’s assume the worst case scenario is he slumps until June.  That’s a horrific slump.  A slump that will suck the life out of you.  In 2007, he was hitting .222 with one home run entering June.  He finished that year with 34 HRs and 15 steals.  Granted, he was just called up, but his ability to put up huge numbers in a short time still holds true.  Yes, buy a slumping guy who seems to be struggling with an injury.  You need alligator blood when the high bettor checks to you.

John Danks – Ooh, Verducci said he’s going to breakdown this year and I’m telling you to go out and get him.  Such a rebel! Danks is a third year starter and I do have a penchant for those.  In 2008, his walks were down, K/9 up, HRs fell… If not for a Snelly July of ‘08, he would’ve been a top 20 starter.  This is Danks.  This is your brain owning Danks.  Yay!  Any questions?

Kyle Davies – I hate picking up guys and then not starting him, but I also don’t want to watch a guy breakout on someone else’s team.  Tough call with Davies, but you may have to grab him then sit on him.  Try the torso, that seems most comfortable.

Jay Bruce – He’s exceptionally gifted.  I know, I know.  Exceptionally gifted in one hand and a hot Mike Cameron in the other and you want Cameron.  Patience is a virtue, or so I’ve read after a delicious General Tsao’s Chicken.

Aaron Hill – Aaron Hill’s Fan Club meetings got a few more members this week.  When I asked Rudy if his love affair with Freddy Sanchez would ever end, he said no.  Then rethought, and said maybe for Aaron Hill.  Somebody’s got wandering eyes!

SELL

Ichiro Suzuki – Stress free, Ichiro returned with a home run.  Now sell this schmohawk.  No, I don’t think you should sell him for a bag of buttered popcorn and a Buddy Biancalana rookie card, but if you can get a valuable piece, do it.

Heath Bell – Really I could put any top closer here.  If you need a piece for your team, the first guy you should be looking to trade is a closer.  They’re expendable.

Armando Galarraga – “He’s near the league leaders in Wins, ERA, WHIP and he makes a terrific Eggs Benedict.  Poaching eggs is not easy.”  The preceding was you trying to trade Galarraga to one of your leaguemates.

Jordan Schafer – He’s struckout 10 times in the last 15 ABs.  That’s brilliantly bad.  Not bad as in good, but bad as in bad.  Imagine he gets 500 ABs and strikes out 450 times.  That would be cool.

Emilio Bonifacio – Nobody puts Bonifacio in the corner!