Did anyone pitch well yesterday? Clayton Richard (3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks) went in Petco. Hodgepadre, why do you let me down the last week of the season? Do I not feed you after midnight like you ask?Please, blog, may I have some more?
That title is lifted from Jimmy Dickens’ A Tale of Three Cities, the younger brother’s blatant ripoff of the classic novel. For what Jimmy Dickens lacked in originality, he made up with his ability to avoid cholera and scurvy. His brother, Charles, used to say it was because Jimmy was the rat spreading the dreaded disease.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Pablo Sandoval hit two homers, and his third in two days to bring his season total to 11. The other day when Alberto Callaspo hit his 10th homer, I went into our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater to see who had been more valuable this year, Alberto Callaspo or Pablo Sandoval.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know that cracked out guy at the 7-11 at 3 AM who’s just trying to get a cylindrical hamburger for free? ”Yo, man, can I get me a cylindrical hamburger?” Grabs said hot doggey-looking burger and jets for the exit.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Felix Hernandez joined Philip Humber and Matt Cain in the Perfect Game club this year, shutting down the Rays in Seattle yesterday. If only it was against the Yankees and Ichiro (hitting 9th) was the last hitter and Ichiro bunted. Oh, the Internet drama!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Texas finally caught a glimpse of MLB’s best Japanese starter as Hiroki Kuroda went 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Rangers. Did they play this game in the Old Yankee Stadium? The one that was 700 feet to center and had Red Ruffing’s mausoleum in dead left?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day I got an email saying I have a financial windfall coming to me from a deceased relative in Nigerian that I didn’t know. So I don’t even need to be doling out fantasy advice anymore. Take the thirty-seven cents I made yesterday from this site and shove it!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Todd Frazier went deep twice yesterday. When asked the other day if Frazier would play, Dusty Baker said, “It could be (Miguel) Cairo. I’ve got an idea what guys’ strengths and weaknesses are… We’ll see. It’s up to Frazier. Okay, who switched out my mint toothpicks with splinters! You know my T-picks kill the skunk breath!” Todd Frazier is a damn fine specimen of underachieving-could-easily-be-achieving-if-he-starts-hitting prospect hitting nom-nom. In the minors last year, he had 15 homers and 17 steals, year before 17/14, year before he helped pen Richard Marx’s foray into romance novels, “Hold Onto The Knights.” What can’t he do!? Not sure if that’s rhetorical, but I’ll answer. I’m not sure he can hit for an average over .240 in the long run. There’s a chance Rolen gets Wally Pipp’d even if he returns healthy and that ‘if’ is the size of Hasselhoff’s ego. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks. ERA is at 0.00, WHIP is at 0.57. Dusty Baker said yesterday that the plan is for Aroldis to start someday. That reminds me of a sentence I read recently in Scientific American, “Because of natural evolution patterns, it’s conceivable that pigs will fly someday.”
Vance Worley – Placed on the DL. Went from a match-ups pitcher who could get lit to having an inflamed elbow. Call the fire department!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Right now on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater the top outfielders are Hamilton, Kemp, Beltran, CarGo, Braun, Bruce, Jones, Grandy and then Bryan LaHair. Now, I’m not saying LaHair doesn’t belong in that company– No, that’s exactly what I’m saying. For 1st basemen, he’s currently above Prince Fielder, Votto and Miggy. I know, you think of yourself as a brilliant NASA-level scientist who has been working on a pencil made of Doritos crumbs. Your Dorito pencil will come to fruition; the sour cream and chive eraser is a great addition, but you didn’t plan on LaHair doing anywhere near this good. If you own LaHair, you stepped in LaCrap. Right now, a guy who people weren’t sure could make it in the major leagues is hitting .384 with 8 homers in 28 games. The power isn’t totally bonkers. He’s on pace for around 40 homers. 25 homers seems doable, maybe even 30. The batting average is Jimmy Stewart’s rabbit, Harvey. It’s Keyser Söze. It’s your imaginary friend that you agreed to marry if you get to 40 years old and you’re both still single. Right now, he has a .510 BABIP. The only way he sustains that is if LaHair has some Zapped telekinesis power. He wouldn’t even be able to sustain it if he hired Willie Aames to run on the field to distract the fielders. (Willie charges $15/hour for this service if you want him for your softball games.) His current K-rate (29.1) would have been third worst last year (or third best if you’re a masochist).Please, blog, may I have some more?
Finally, an injury to an Angel that can clear up the awful logjam between OF/DH/3B. Oh wait, it’s to their catcher – Chris Iannetta – where their ‘depth’ involves Bobby Wilson, an injured Hank Conger and sub-Mathis scrubs. Maybe they should try Mark Trumbo at catcher. He’s gotta be better there than at 3B. Chris Iannetta anagrams to Neat Christian – how fitting for an Angel. I guess someone had to be the martyr to save Pujols’s soul from the fiery pits of replacement-level. For those of you in deep enough leagues to warrant a roster spot for Iannetta, just pick up whatever schmohawk catcher is on the waiver wire with the most ABs in the last 2 weeks. Nothing’s sweeter than a random HR from a FA scrub (shoutout to Cesar Izturis’s HR for our NL-only team). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks. “Wait until he hits twenty-seven years old and he can barely lift his arm to pack his bowl.” That’s Lincecum watching the Strasburg highlights.Please, blog, may I have some more?