(Note from Rudy: I wanted the title, “Ditch Stitch Tits.” Over Instant Messenger, Grey thickly said, “What’s with you and the stitch tits? This is about Vlad, not Pamela Anderson.” It means Vlad had a pectoral tear. Your pectoral is in your chest. Sorry none of you could bask in my preferred title. Now, carry on, Grey — lamer!) Vladimir Guerrero is due back on Monday from a torn pectoral. I’m not a doctor, but occasionally I played one in my preteen years. All I know of the pectoral is it’s somewhere in Vlad’s body. Do I have one? Maybe. No idea. So let’s go with what I do know. Scioscia lies; he lies when he cries that Vlad can’t play the outfield, but can DH, which he said on April 7th, right before Vlad missed six weeks. When Vlad did finally hit the DL, some source that Jayson Stark won’t reveal (because this is just so damning I suppose) said, “When those offensive linemen get (the same injury as Vlad) in the NFL, they’re out for the year.” So, assuming Vlad doesn’t need to block Jose Guillen from trying to tackle Scioscia, will Vlad be in the clear come Monday? Not likely. The injury that was only supposed to effect him when he throws has already sidelined him for 6 weeks from hitting. I’m assuming the Angels brass got together and decided half of a Vlad (or Vl) was a lot more intimidating hitting in the middle of the lineup than sitting on the sidelines doing Sudoku. This does not mean you need to have him in your fantasy lineup. Remember last year from June on, Vlad only hit 20 homers, or about what Raul Ibanez has done already (Raul!). Then you throw in the risk of having a player who is a Latin 34 with deteriorating skills and knees and he’s a sell. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Brian Anderson – Could have some slight value in AL-Only leagues. Though if you have a erection for longer than 4 hours after picking up Brian Anderson, you should seek advice from a doctor. Please, blog, may I have some more?
After a great first week (3 HR, 5 RBI), Troy Tulowitzki has done a whole lot of nothing. From 4/12 to 4/29, 0 HR and 0 RBI. He’s K-ing in 28% of his ABs, almost double his career rate. He’s now sporting a .200 AVG for the year. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Francisco Liriano went four innings and gave up seven runs against a team that absolutely kills lefties in Fenway. Let’s run down his 3-year averages for the months of the season, starting with April: 6.93, 1.99, 1.51, 2.31, 1.13 and 4.36. You think he might need some time to get going? His April combined ERA for the last 3 years, not including this year, is almost 7. His combined May through August ERAs are under 2. Are you kidding me? Please, blog, may I have some more?
I wrote this blurb about Daisuke Matsuzaka, then ran it through an online Japanese translator then converted it back to English. Here’s what came out — “Dice-K’s arm fell asleep! You wish he was going to recover like Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai after he found humility. Please, blog, may I have some more?
That’s a Fantasy Baseball Look at the signings or trades of Randy Wolf, Bobby Abreu, Aaron Heilman, Rich Hill, Andruw Jones and Ty Wiggington. And, yes, I couldn’t resist the palindrome. I’m real late to the discussion on some of these. Not because I didn’t hear about them, but I just didn’t feel like they warranted immediate attention. So here’s a fantasy baseball breakdown for these offseason signings and trades:
Ty Wiggington – Last year at 2nd base he was nice to have. At 3rd base this year, he’s okay. I’d slot him in between 21 and 25 on the top 20 3rd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball. I’d prefer to take a flier on someone like Gordon or Sandoval though if you’re that deep into the position. This acquisition hurts Luke Scott’s value, but Luke Scott hurts Luke Scott’s value anyway. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2009 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Holliday hits the 15-day DL with a strained hamstring. I wouldn’t be surprised if he just sat for a few days and pushed through it if the Rockies were in a better position team-wise. Well, ain’t that a kick in the pants? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Acosta called into Razzball HQ yesterday. Here’s what he had to say, “Upon returnance, John Smoltz can have closer job back. Upon Soriano’s returnance, he can have setup role. Gonzalez wants eighth inning and lefty specialist role? He have it. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In his first major league start, Max Scherzer didn’t look like Jobacum, Linecum and Joba’s love child, just a nervous rookie pitcher. You see a lot of unearned runs and you think to yourself, “Leave it to the Baby-Backs to fark up my man Jobacum.” Yeah, that was a gift by the official scorer. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Guess what, ya’ll?! New closer in Atlanta. That’s right the Braves lost Peter Moylan to an injury so Manny Acosta takes over until Soriano returns. Soriano is due back soon, but he’s injury-prone so this may seem flippant, but Accardo came out of nowhere to save a lot of games last year. Please, blog, may I have some more?