Fantasy Baseball Advice

The other day in the comments someone asked that I give some pairings for my first two rounds of the 2010 fantasy baseball drafts.  I was going to do this anyway (you’re not the boss of me!), but sometimes I need a gentle nudge in the right direction.  Not a noodge, thank you.  What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd if you’ve drafted so and so first.  I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders and pitchers too.  We’ll go through those on another post.  For easy reference, the Royal We will be using the top 10 2010 fantasy baseball rankings and the top 20 2010 fantasy baseball rankings.  I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league.  Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2010 fantasy baseball drafts:

Albert Pujols – Could really team him up with anyone, except another 1st baseman.  Preferably, I’d like to have Pujols and a 3rd baseman (Zimmerman).  Then on the turn you can grab an outfielder.  So Pujols, Zimmerman and Upton.  Yeah, that would be nice.

Hanley Ramirez – Again, you want just about anyone but Tulo, Reyes or Rollins.  Ideally, you want a big bat.  I.e., not Carl Crawford.  Someone that is going to get you 30+ homers.  Howard and Fielder will be gone, but A-Gon, Morneau, Zimmerman or even Votto should be there.  I’d consider J-Upside, but if I went that way I would definitely want another 30+ hitter sooner vs. later.

Chase Utley – No Kinsler or Phillips.  Since Utley is a power threat at a normally weaker position, I’d take a speed outfielder (Crawford), speed shorstop (Reyes, Rollins) or a power/speed outfielder (Sizemore, Upton).  He could work with a 1st baseman or a 3rd baseman or even Tulo.  Shoot, Utley works with everyone.  Love you, Utley.  Write soon!

Alex Rodriguez – No 3rd basemen.  A-Rod is similar to Utley since he also gives you a decent amount of steals, you can put him with just about anyone.  Someone like Holliday would give you a nice balance.

Ryan Braun – I wouldn’t draft an outfielder next and I’d hesitate to draft a 1st baseman.  Ideally, I’d try for a shortstop (Tulo or Rollins), 2nd baseman (Kinsler, Phillips) or a 3rd baseman (Zimmerman).  The reason I’d hesitate on a 1st baseman is because it’s a deeper position and so is outfield, so you’d have two deep positions covered and no shallow ones.  I wouldn’t kick Braun and Votto out of bed, but Braun/Zimmerman looks better.

Mark Teixeira/Miguel Cabrera/Prince Fielder/Ryan Howard – Similarly to Braun, I’d avoid a 1st baseman and hesitate on an outfielder.  Ideally, you’d have some combo of one of those 1st basemen and Wright, Longoria, Kinsler or Tulo.

Matt Kemp – Since he’s not as safe with the power as Braun, I’d take a 1st baseman with Kemp.  I’d also look at taking a bat at a weaker position (Tulo, Kinsler, Wright).  I’d avoid guys who bring their value with speed (Reyes, Crawford, Ellsbury).

Evan Longoria – Anything but a 3rd baseman.  Since his speed’s a little wonky, I’d have no problem pairing him with Sizemore.  Holliday would also work nicely since Longoria’s average is a bit weak.

Tim Lincecum – You have to have a big bat at 1st base if you’re going to take Lincecum.  If you can’t get Howard, Fielder, Miggy or Tex, skip Lincecum altogether and go for Wright as your first pick.

David Wright – Since he hit, what, 2 homers last year, I’d want a power guy at a weak position to be paired with Wright or a power guy at 1st base.  Think Tulo and Wright.  That’s nice.  Think Wright and Howard.  That sounds like the best pairing since my tilapia, Mad Dog 20/20 pairing last night.

We finish off the infield with the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball.  The top 20 2010 fantasy baseball rankings from shallowest to deepest go catchers, shortstops, third basemen, 2nd basemen then 1st basemen.  That’s right, I think the 2nd basemen are deeper than the 3rd basemen.  3rd base gets the gas face.  Last year, I punted 3rd base knowing I could get Mark Reynolds late.  This year, Stewart’s my sleeper du jour, but because of the lack of 3rd base options, he’s not even making it into the 10th round of most drafts.  That’s a bad sign.  As with other top 20 rankings, I list where I see tiers beginning and ending and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1. Alex Rodriguez – See the top 10 for 2010 fantasy baseball for A-Rod’s projections.

2. Evan Longoria – See the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball for Longoria’s projections.

3. David Wright – See the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball for Wright’s projections.

4. Ryan Zimmerman – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Sandoval.  I call this tier, “You didn’t get a top 3rd baseman, so here you are.”  Zimmerman finally came into his own last year.  The homers might plateau around 30 and the average probably won’t go above .300… Then again, he’s only 25 years old and he has some speed potential…. Then again, the Nats have put the brakes on him to avoid injury.  Either either way, Zimmerman’s on the rise with solid power, Runs, RBIs and average.  Hmm… Sounds a lot like Youuuuuk.  2010 Projections:  105/30/110/.295/5

5. Kevin Youkilis – See the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post for Youkilis’s projections.

6. Mark Reynolds – See the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball for Reynolds’s projections.

7. Pablo Sandoval – See the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post for Sandoval’s projections.

8. Chone Figgins – This is a new tier.  This is a one man tier.  I call this tier, “You better have some serious power from your middle infielders to support Figgy’s dearth.” Figgy’s Dearth is also a great speed metal band.  2010 Projections:  105/5/55/.295/40

9. Gordon Beckham – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Beltre.  I call this tier, “Upside, no upside, upside, no upside, no upside.”  I went over my Gordon Beckham fantasy already.  At that post, I said, “Shoot, Jacquese from The Real World: San Diego could probably see the bottom.”  Then I said, “It’s impossible; LaRussa tried it briefly with Pujols.”  Finally, I said, “I love you, Gordon Beckham even if you sound British and their teeth aren’t the best.”  Hmm… Gotta work on what quotes I pull.  2010 Projections:  85/18/63/.260/14

10. Michael Young – Which percentage doesn’t fit — 8.6%, 6.9%, 7.2% or 14.9%?  If you answered anything other than 14.9%, you might’ve stopped at the “or.”  Fair enough, I do that sometimes.  Those percentages were his last four years of HR/FB.  He’s really not a 20 homer hitter or.  2010 Projections:  75/14/90/.315/10

11. Ian Stewart – I went over Stewart’s projections in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.  He also received an Ian Stewart sleeper thing-a-ma-whosie.

12. Aramis Ramirez – He’s Pablo Sandoval with injury concerns, a slightly lower average and no upside.  Aramis is only 31 so you may not want to write him off, but he hasn’t hit more than 30 homers since 2006 so I’m writing him off.  2010 Projections:  75/25/95/.290

13. Chipper Jones – Last year, Chipper played in the most games in a season since 2003 and he had his worst season ever.  Hey, Chipper, maybe don’t push yourself so hard to play injured.  ‘09 wasn’t a sign that he can’t still hit .310, just some bad luck.  2010 Projections:  75/20/85/.310/5

14. Adrian Beltre – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Cantu.  I call this tier, “You might want to drop these guys from your team before May 1st.”  God knows Beltre had his balls busted enough last year, but in 449 ABs, he hit 8 homers.  So did Gregg Zaun.  The move to Fenway has to help a bit, right?  Sure, or at least that’s what I said.  2010 Projections:  70/24/80/.275/10

15. Mark DeRosa – Is DeRosa a 20 homer hitter or a platoon player?  That’s something to *pinkie to mouth* ponderosa.  2010 Projections:  65/18/75/.265/3

16. Jorge Cantu – I could’ve put Casey Blake here, but what fun is that?  Wait, what fun is Cantu? Yeah, true.  Cantu hit 7 homers in April then took a Taco Bell-sized dump for 4 months.  The batting woes may be attributed to a sore wrist.  In September, he started hitting again.  May have been due to his wrist coming around.  Then again, maybe you’ll want to drop him by mid-April.  It’s called a flier, ya’ll.  2010 Projections:  65/18/80/.280

17. Chris Davis – Only has 11 games at 3rd base so Davis may not have eligibility in your league.  This is a new tier.  This is the last tier and I call it, “Your last chance for some upside.”  See the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post for Davis’s projections.

18. Jake Fox – Went over my Jake Fox fantasy already.  2010 Projections:  75/24/85/.250

19. Alex Gordon – You know that scene in Notting Hill when Hugh Grant walks through the market and it goes from autumn to spring?  What, not lame enough?  Okay, here’s a lamer example.  You know when Bella is staring out the window in New Moon and the seasons change as the camera goes around her?  Yeah, that’s Alex Gordon staring at his career.  He’ll only be 26 in 2010 and he’s still capable of the upside he hinted at, oh, 4 years ago when he hit 29 homers and stole 22 bases in Double-A and followed that with a 15/14 year with the Royals in 2007, but it’s really getting to be now or never.  2010 Projections:  75/17/85/.270/12

20. Casey McGehee – I went over McGehee’s projections in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

20 1/2. Andy LaRoche – This guy needs Troy Dunn to find his upside.  I contemplated leaving LaRoche off entirely because I can’t imagine him putting together a season to make him worthwhile for fantasy, except for stretches when he can be grabbed off of waivers.  2010 Projections:  75/16/70/.270/3

After the top 20 third basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball, there’s some guys, but these two stand out:

Chase Headley – First off, I’d draft Headley before LaRoche.  I only placed them in this order because I wanted to highlight Headley.  So consider him highlighted.  Headley can get 25 homers and steal 10 bases.  Will he?  Who am, Nostradumbass?  I don’t know.  But someone who can produce that should be getting more pub than he has.  I’m righting wrongs like a modern day superhero.  Well, not really, but I am wearing a cape.  2010 Projections:  70/20/85/.290/10

Brandon Wood – The Angels trust him at 3rd about as much as The Old Man trusts Chumlee, but they gotta give Wood the keys to the Imperial at some point.  Don’t they?  2010 Projections: 60/25/75/.250/7 <–optimistic, but whatever

Drop the balloons and get out your noisemakers, it’s time for the 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings. It’s a celebration, snitches! All the 2010 Fantasy Baseball rankings will live in that link. The 2010 fantasy baseball rankings can also be found at the top of the page. See next to the Fantasy Baseball Forum link? Yeah, right there. Way to use those eyes! The 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob. This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2010 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Pujols retiring to become a hand model, so while it is the 2010 fantasy baseball gospel. Take it with a tablet of salt. Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2010 fantasy baseball then we will go around the horn with a top 20 list for every position. Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 80. Listed next to each player are my 2010 projections. Did I consult with CHONE, Bill James, ESPN, Marcel and whoever else does projections? Yeah, of course. Dur. But in the end they are my projections. Finally, as with each list in the 2010 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop. I look at tiers like this, if Chase Utley and Albert Pujols are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 1st and one guy is ranked 3rd, they’re both very close. It comes down to personal preference. I would prefer the guy at number one better than the guy at three, but you do what you do and I’ll do what I do. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1. Albert Pujols – This is the first tier. This goes from here until Braun. I call this tier, “The, uh, top five.” The first round is stacked with talent so don’t take this the wrong way, but Pujols has a wonky elbow, Utley has had more hip surgeries than Zsa Zsa and Hanley’s shoulder comes out of the socket when he’s playing Wii Tennis. I hope they’ll all be fine, but I worry about them more than I should for the first picks of a draft. Maybe I’m just a worrywart. It’s not like Jose Reyes, Grady Sizemore or David Wright had any issues after getting ranked in the top ten last year. 2010 Projections: 110/40/120/.337/10

2. Hanley Ramirez – I almost put Hanley first because I can see myself taking him first overall in certain leagues, but what finally convinced to go with this ranking is my nagging want for a first baseman in the 1st or 2nd round. I like Billy Butler and all but he’s a corner man, I don’t want his moobs jiggling around in my 1st base slot. Hanley’s work ethic was questioned last year by Dan Uggla. Yeah, and Uggla sucks. Though I’m going to drop some caveats on you. Hanley’s not stealing like he used to because the team doesn’t want to risk him getting hurt and Hanley’s aforementioned shoulder might cause issues with power. I wouldn’t be shocked to see Hanley go 20/20 with a .300 average, but because of his track record and position, I couldn’t drop him any lower. 2010 Projections: 100/25/110/.320/25

3. Chase Utley – I love Chase Utley. Easily my favorite player. Look next to the definition of gritty and you see a picture of a young Clint Eastwood, but then under that it says, “See also Chase Utley.” You can’t make that shizz up. 2010 Projections: 110/32/105/.300/15

4. Alex Rodriguez – When you have a bottom line of 30 homers, 15 steals and a .290 average, a stacked lineup surrounding you and eligibility at 3rd base, you have my vote for the 4th pick of the draft. 2010 Projections: 110/36/120/.310/15

5. Ryan Braun – Could easily have been fourth, but the outfield eligibility softens his case. What I really like about Braun is how he feels like a 40 homer, 20 steal player who just hasn’t gotten there yet. In other words, he’s on the rise. In other other words, I wouldn’t kick the fifth pick of any draft out of bed. 2010 Projections: 110/37/120/.305/17

6. Mark Teixeira – After the high five, this is a new tier. This tier goes from here to the beginning of the top 20. I call this tier, “I hope someone takes Joe Mauer in this tier so I can take one of these other guys.” Teixeira’s consistency is being rewarded with this high ranking. Yes, some players get contract extensions, others get bonuses. Teixeira is being rewarded with a high ranking by yours truly. Congrats! I fought with myself for far longer than I care to admit regarding who I want first between Miguel Cabrera and Teixeira. Alas, you lose, Miggy. 2010 Projections: 100/37/120/.305

7. Miguel Cabrera – I know too many numbers give you the yawns, but Miguel Cabrera’s peripheral numbers are incredibly consistent. HR/FB since 2007 — 18.5%, 18.9% and 18.3%. FB% over the same time — 39.3%, 39.3% and 36.8%. The total percentage of pitches he swung at — 51.6%, 51.5% and 50.8%. Those numbers are across three years, playing in the American and National League and being drunk. Holy see, that’s consistent. Doode is a robot. 2010 Projections: 105/35/115/.320/3

8. Matt Kemp – Let’s face it, the first round is not filled with much upside. A-Rod, Tex, Howard, Fielder etc etc etc are great, but they’re not getting much better. Now Kemp feels similar to Braun in that he can exceed expectations. If I may don my “Running for Councilman” hat, that promise of a better tomorrow has Kemp ranked a smidge higher than maybe his numbers say. In 2010, count on Kemp not hitting in the 6th hole or lower in over 350 ABs as he did last year. 2010 Projections: 100/30/110/.305/32

9. Prince Fielder – In these lean steroid-testing times, 40 homer guys like Prince Fielder aren’t as easy to find anymore. Yes, that is the only time lean and Prince Fielder have been used in a sentence. His career HR/FB rate is 20.4%. Last year, he was at a 23.1% clip. I think he gets to 40 homers; I don’t think 45 is necessarily in the bag.  2010 Projections: 100/42/115/.285

10. Ryan Howard – So many guys wanted to be in this spot. Kinsler flashed his 20/20 potential and his eligibility, Longoria bragged of his potential and Lincecum smoked the competition (bad pun point for Grey). Alas, it’s Howard at the end (not to be confused with Howard’s end). The one thing that really bothered me about Fielder and Howard is, if the brothers from another chubby mother are first round picks, how is Adrian Gonzalez a late second round pick? Here’s how I reconciled that in my head. Firstly, Adrian Gonzalez is a 40 homer hitter going on a 35 homer hitter. Fielder is going the other way and Howard is a no doubt 45 homer hitter. Secondly, Prince Fielder is a .285 hitter going on a .300 hitter. Gonzo is a .280 hitter going on a .270 hitter. Thirdly, Gonzo has the schmohawk behind door number one hitting in front of him and the schmohawk behind door number two behind him. Fourthly, Petco. Fifthly, there’s no such thing as a fifthly. Howard is a .275 hitter with that lineup, that ballpark and that guaranteed power. 2010 Projections: 105/47/140/.275

Catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops for 2009 have been accounted for.  Up now, the top 20 3rd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.   Lots of surprises in the top 20 for 3rd basemen.  On top, Mini-Donkey, Figgy, Longoria and Kung Fu Panda, which sounds like an anime cartoon that has a 75% chance of giving you a seizure.  (BTW, anyone ever watch anime?  It’s about giant robots that want to be loved.  That shizz is depressing.)  Then when you get to around the halfway mark-o, the drop off is precipitous. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Mark Reynolds – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen post.  Preseason Rank #14, 2009 Projections:  75/31/100/.255/7, Final Numbers:  98/44/102/.260/24

2. Chone Figgins – He’s actually right in line with the stats I predicted for him in the preseason.  So I knew exactly what he’d give you/me and I ranked him 15th.  This seems like crazy talk from a mental patient.  I’ve said it before, I’m obviously about to say it again.  I don’t like owning steals at 3rd base.  It puts you at a major disadvantage in the power department.  If you get 5 homers from your 3rd baseman, you better have Utley, Hill or Tulo giving you major power from your middle infield spots.  And, even then, I’d prefer to get 40 steals from a waiver wire pickup like Rajai Davis.  Preseason Rank #15, 2009 Projections:  95/5/55/.295/35, Final Numbers:  114/5/54/.298/42

3. Evan Longoria – He was right in line with my preseason predictions, but for some reason his season felt disappointing.  Not disappointing where he would be dropped in rankings for next season.  Not disappointing where he actually performed below expectations.  Disappointing in that he didn’t completely blow away expectations.  Kinda like how I felt after watching the first two seasons of Mad Men on DVD.  Solid, but wasn’t it supposed to be even better than that?  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  85/30/110/.275/7, Final Numbers:  100/33/113/.281/9

4. Pablo Sandoval – Went over him in the top 20 Catchers post. Preseason Rank #13, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

5. Ryan Zimmerman – Zimmerman could’ve easily fell into the Alex Gordon, Delmon Young class with a poor season in 2009.  Luckily for him and his owners, he finally took the next step with his power.  Unfortunately, somewhere between Jim Bowden riding his Segway out of town and the Nats having another terrible season, Zimmerman stopped running.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  80/20/90/.285/7, Final Numbers:  110/33/106/.292/2

6. Kevin Youkilis – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen post.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  95/27/110/.290/5, Final Numbers:  99/27/94/.305/7

7. David Wright – If I would’ve told you in March that you’d get 27 steals from Wright, I imagine you would’ve been over the moon, or whatever that old-timey expression is.  In 2009, Wright pulled his best impersonation of Alex Rios circa 2008.  Numbers aren’t necessarily terrible.  They’re just not at all what you expected.  If you wanted 10 homers and 25+ steals in the first round, you would’ve taken Victorino with the third pick of the draft.  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  110/33/120/.310/14, Final Numbers: 88/10/72/.307/27

8. Alex Rodriguez – A-Rod ended giving a lot more steals than I thought he would.  Now, for the first time in a long time, he might actually be underrated going into next season.  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  70/24/75/.295/4, Final Numbers:  78/30/100/.286/14

9. Michael Young – Went over him in the top 20 shortstops post.  Didn’t have 3rd base eligibility in the preseason so was unranked.  2009 Projections:  100/10/85/.310/10, Final Numbers:  76/22/68/.322/8

10. Marco Scutaro – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post. Final Numbers:  100/12/60/.282/14

11. Adam Kennedy – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post.  Final Numbers:  65/11/63/.289/20

12. Chris Coghlan – Knowing I’m against Figgins as your third baseman, you can imagine how I feel about Coghlan.  The fact he ranked so high on this list really tells you all you need to know about the state of the hot corner.  If you take nothing away from this, know you want a 1st baseman in your corner infidel spot, not a 3rd baseman.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  84/9/47/.321/8

13. Jorge Cantu – This was a classic terrible season that can absolutely kill your team.  I’ll explain.  You watch him come out of the gates in April on fire (7/22/.365).  You’re aware that he hit 29 homers the year before.  You’re psyched.  You just drafted Cantu later than most and now he’s going to have a career year.  May comes, he’s bad.  You know he’ll get better because April was so good.  June comes and he’s hitting for average again, but no pop.  You’re starting to get worried.  Was April a fluke?  July comes and he hits for average and still no power.  You’re officially sick of him.  August comes and the bottom falls out.  Finally, you’ve had enough.  You drop him.  Then, in September, he hits again on someone else’s team.  Finally, you find out Cantu impregnated your sister.  Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  80/25/90/.270/5, Final Numbers:  67/16/100/.289/3

14. Scott Rolen – Member back in the day when 85/20/95/.285 were “Injured Scott Rolen” numbers.  Well, get a load of what “Healthy Scott Rolen” numbers look like now…  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  76/11/67/.305/5

15. Casey Blake – When I went back to see where I ranked Blake in the preseason, I was actually kinda surprised I didn’t.  I think what happened was I started figuring out his predictions then I fell asleep.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  84/18/79/.280/3

16. Alberto Callaspo – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post. Final Numbers:  79/11/73/.300/2

17. Russell Branyan – Here’s a guy that is the exact opposite of Jorge Cantu.  He gave you all the stats you needed from him then went to the DL.  Preseason Unranked, though he did appear in the first Buy/Sell of the season listed as a Buy.  Then he appeared in a late summer Sell column right before he disappeared into the abyss.  Net-net, natch.  Final Numbers:  64/31/76/.251/2

18. Mike Lowell – In January, I said, “‘Hip surgery on an old doode,” my trepidation says.”  And that’s me quoting my trepidation!  Preseason Rank #19, 2009 Projections:  75/20/85/.275, Final Numbers:  54/17/75/.290/2

19. Chipper Jones – This was the year the Glass Chipper shattered.  Preseason Rank #6, 2009 Projections:  80/20/85/.320/5, Final Numbers:  80/18/71/.264/4

20. Aramis Ramirez – Not only did the two month DL stint murder his numbers, but even when he returned he didn’t always look like himself.  I blame Milton Bradley.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  105/30/115/.295, Final Numbers:  46/15/65/.317/2

Yesterday, DeWayne Wise joined other historical footnotes, such as the guy who tried to tackle Hank Aaron as he rounded the bases on 715, Francisco Cabrera and the other 4 guys besides Crispus Attucks that were killed in the Boston Massacre, when he saved Mark Buehrle’s perfect game.  That’s the DeWayne Wise of this video.   I look forward to his next video, Stop Cheering Me!  Okay, so Buehrle is not just a difficult to spell last name.  No, sir.  He’s a perfect game pitcher, um, guy.   So what can we expect of him going forward?  After he threw the no-hitter in 2007, he went right back to being the just-below 4 ERA pitcher he was before and since.  I’d expect the same now.  This perfect game doesn’t do much for Buehrle’s value unless you can convince your leaguemates that he’s suddenly Nolan Ryan Jr.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lance Berkman – To the DL.  What is totally lame, besides me using the word lame, he just pinch-hit on Wednesday.  Why play him at all if he might go on the DL?  Especially when all reports are saying he could’ve played through it.  He could have been back earlier after sitting out the July 21st game too.  Very frustrating.   On the bright side, now everyone has room for Garrett Jones!  *Grey saddles up to a bar*  What’s your name?  Garrietta Jones?  Marry me!

Jordan Zimmermann – Heads to the DL with elbow tenderness.  Even when he returns, his innings will be limited.  You guys had a good run, now it’s time to look elsewhere.

Mark Rzepczynski – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 7 baserunners.  The RZE is really unreliable as a fantasy starter.

Alex Rios – 1-for-3, stole three bases yesterday.  I see what’s happening here.  Can’t give us fantasy value with power so you revert back to your speed.  Very sneaky.

Yunel Escobar – Hit another homer yesterday.  Doode’s out of his mind right now.  If only he didn’t have less speed than the three-hundred pound, Pablo Sandoval.

Jarrod Washburn – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners.  Who is this guy and what has he done with Jarrod Washburn?

Scott Kazmir – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I didn’t start him here and I won’t start him next time out.  At some point, I’m going to have to cut bait, but there’s too much upside for me to do it yet. (I did discuss it with Rudy though, so the time is near.)

Rafael Betancourt – Traded to the Rox as the Indians decide another season is in the books.  Sleep well, Comatose Indians Fan.

Dan Haren – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Hey, it’s after the All-Star break, it’s not like you weren’t forewarned.

Justin Upton – Yesterday, he hit his first homer since July 9th.  Good to see it, but he’s still hitting .167 in July so he has a bit to go before I say he’s fully back.

Phil Hughes – Getting saves now?  Zoinks!  Mariano had pitched in 5 of 6 games since the All-Star break.  Even (fill-in your deity) rested on (fill-in your Sabbath).

Alex Rodriguez – Might be the first time in two months I’ve mentioned him.  (I don’t talk much about the top players.)  Anyhoo, he has three steals in the last three games.  Great sign that his hip is feeling well.

Steve Pearce – 2-for-4 as he played 1st base.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  He’ll be just left of the forward slash.

Ryan Doumit – Third homer in two days.  I see your Miguel Montero and I raise you a Ryan Doumit.

Kyle Blanks – Rudy Jr. hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  Rudy was so proud, he called him up to congratulate him, but Kyle said, “You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu, but it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad… It’s been sure nice talking to you.”  And as Rudy hung up the phone, it occurred to him, he should go grab a beer with Cecil Fielder.