Last week around the Razzball water cooler, Sky was like, “you should be my creeper of the week.” Boy does he wish he took that back. I rolled up about 5 driveways down from his house at 13(redacted)5 (redacted)field Lane, (redacted)town, (redacted) in my 1985 maroon Chevy Astro and grew a Derek Holland/Tyler Skaggs-esque-stache until the moment was ripe. While he may have you think he’s working on some awesome content over there at Razzball Football, I actually hired a look alike off Craigslist to post his work. I mean, look at how fuzzy his picture is, I could get anyone from Channing Tatum to The Elephant Man to Tehol. Trust me, that’s not the only thing Tehol advertises as “his services” on Craigslist.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Fantasy Razzball is the game where the goal is to manage the worst fantasy baseball team possible. You hope to find terrible players who don’t get sent to the minors. As in the RCL, a team’s points are multiplied by the League Competitive Index. The LCI is based on the total points of the top 8 teams per league. The overall standings can be found below. Points are credited as follows:
Hitters (AB = +2, H = -3, R = -4, HR = -6, RBI = -4, K = +2)
Pitchers (IP = -1, HR = +4, L = +8, K = -1, ER = +1.5, H+BB = +1).
You can find links to the six Fantasy Razzball leagues (along with the 64 RCLs) here.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, if the Dodgers really do have the Magic touch, they better get Zack Greinke some aid. Greinke flew back to LA yesterday and, boy, is his elbow tired. I say, “Blame it on Harang,” but I say like I’m Milli Vanilli. Greinke’s MRI came back clean, and Dr. Neal ElAttrache diagnosed him with inflammation. Is it me or does Dr. Neal ElAttrache’s last name look like those sneaker/slippers Nike used to make in the 90′s? Any the hoo! Dr. Neal Air Huarache gave Greinke some anti-inflammatory medication and the news has been positive (after the negative news). I really to the third power dislike pitchers with elbow issues, but Greinke is supposed to be able to throw again in a few days. I haven’t moved him yet in my 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, but I’m going to be watching this situation like I’m a cyclops with a monocle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don Mattingly said that Kenley Jansen is now his closer. His exact words were, “There was a time and a place to put a closer in the setup role and an inferior pitcher in the closer role and that time has past. I will know try to figure out why I ever shaved my mustache. Things were much easier when Joe Torre was in the dugout managing the team and not on speed dial. ‘Ooh, I’m Joe Torre, I take twenty minutes to return a text.’ C’mon, man, I can only ask for a replay review so many times! I wonder if I can get Paul Sorvino to be my bench coach. Or Joe Mantegna, he also kinda looks like Torre.” Jansen will be a $12 Salad in all leagues by July, if not sooner. Yes, he should be owned in all leagues, if he isn’t already. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jhoulys Chacin – Went to the Disgraceful List when he refused his assignment to Triple-A. If you are gonna suck in your first 5 MLB starts of the year, Jhoulys you can do is report to AAA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Though I do believe there should be a one Mariner maximum when it comes to fantasy baseball bloggers and I’ve already filled that need with my Olivo post, it’s hard to ignore what Kyle Seager has done over the last couple of weeks. Blame Mike Carp for using fugu as a shoulder wrap for this article if you’re angry. The ESPN crowd is slowly coming around to him at a 5.5% ownership clip but for the most part they just haven’t found the need for a Mariners hitter on their roster that isn’t posing for a last supper painting. Yahoo owners do have him already with an 18% clip, but that’s mainly for his shortstop eligibility where as long as you have a pulse and you’re not Alex Gonzalez, you’re probably on someone’s team. Actually, if there were a zombie Phil Rizzuto (Spelled ‘Rirruto’ in cursive for Billy Madison fans), they’d probably pick him up too. In Fleaflicker leagues, he’s at 9% owned. All that said, let’s take a look at why I’m eager for Seager in AL-only and deeper leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is the league we won last year hosted by Scott White of CBS Sports. Yay, us. Okay, new year, new league. Well, not so fast. Last year’s league coasted through the season in first place from about May on and if you were industrious enough to click on that link, you’ll see it looks like a bit of a mess. We won with Freddy Sanchez and Skip Schumaker? We didn’t just win; we won in a walk. I don’t tell you to beat into your heads how good we are (maybe a little). I tell you this so you know how deep the league is you’re about to look at. No, I don’t like Clint Barmes, but if he’s getting ABs at MI in this here league, he’s worth a roster spot. Anyway, here’s our 2012 fantasy baseball team with thoughts on different draft picks:
For sake of clarity: 12 teams, NL-Only, Roto, 5 x 5 — C, C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, CI, MI, OF, OF, OF, OF, OF, Util, BN, BN, BN — P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, BN, BN, BN, BN, DL, DL
C – Ryan Hanigan $4
C – Geovany Soto $11
1B – Gaby Sanchez $17
2B – Aaron Hill $13
3B – Pablo Sandoval $24
SS – Alex Gonzalez $3
MI – Clint Barmes $6
CI – Ryan Zimmerman $26
OF – Jay Bruce $27
OF – Tony Campana $5
OF – Jason Kubel $10
OF – Laynce Nix $0 (free round)
OF – Justin Upton $36
U – Gerardo Parra $1
Bench – Stephen Lombardozzi $0 (free round)
Bench – Chase d’Arnaud $0 (free round)
Bench – Tony Gwynn $0 (free round)
Bench – Brett Jackson $4
P – Trevor Cahill $10
P – Daniel Hudson $19
P – Anibal Sanchez $14
P – Ricky Nolasco $4
P – Juan Nicasio $4
P – Chris Narveson $1
P – Aaron Harang $2
P – Javy Guerra $11
P – Luke Gregerson $8
Bench – Brad Lidge $0 (free round)
Bench – Brandon Lyon $0 (free round)
Bench – Travis Wood $0 (free round)
THAT’S NOT SAGNOF… THIS IS SAGNOF!Please, blog, may I have some more?
As reported ad nauseum yesterday, Albert Pujols signed with the Los Angeles Suburb of Los Angeles Angels yesterday. Or the Albertaheim Pujalos, as they should now be called. Something that wasn’t reported, with Pujols going from a Cardinal to an Angel, Dan Brown now has a new book idea. After every home run, Pujols seemed to be pointing at God, but he was obviously pointing at the Angels. And since it is the Christmas season, let us not forget: When a Pujols gets a contract, an Angel gets his rings. Someone reported how Pujols stands to make $68,493 per day. I have an idea: Occupy Pujols! They’ll like that one in West Hollywood. Okay, enough of the jibber-jabbering.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jered Weaver will not make his final start of the year because he doesn’t care about your H2H team. Weaver ends the season with a line of 18-8/2.41/1.01/198. If you throw out three bad starts, his ERA would’ve been 1.72 in 220 innings, but if if’s and but’s were candy and nuts no one would ever leave the bathroom. Verlander’s gonna win the Cy Young, shizz is foregone. Put it in an envelope and hand it to your mail carrier so he can steam it open and check it for cash. Either way, let’s look at what Weaver did this year. Mullet over, if you will. Weaver was better last year. Blunt is as blunt does right there. His K-rate, xFIP and hair were all better. His K-rate this year was right in line with past rates, if you exclude 2010. For now, last year looks like the outlier for Ks. Also, batters made contact with his pitches inside the strike zone at a higher rate than last year and hitters weren’t as fooled by pitches outside the strike zone. In the end, he’s not going to be terrible in 2012; it’s just a repeat of 2011 seems unlikely, unless Superman circles the earth a few hundred times.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mark Trumbo is done for the year with a stress fracture in his foot. What an inauspicious end to his rookie season, if I’m using the word inauspicious correctly, or even spelling it right. Year line was 65/29/87/.254/9. Trumbo’s OBP was tizzerrible at .291, but his minor league rates suggest he can grow into someone that can take a walk here and there. He’ll never be a .400 OBP guy. The power and the light speed is for real. His most impressive number for this year? 539. As in the number at-bats Scioscia gave him. Sure, he was a bit hogtied with Kendrys adding an S for “sidelined.” In 2012 when Kendrys returns (or is the verb singular there?), we’ll see if Scioscia learned his lesson that every player doesn’t need to be a variation of a light-hitting middle infielder. I have my doubts. There’s talk Trumbo could see action at third base next year, but he fields about as well as Dalton Trumbo avoided commie accusations. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:
Yovani Gallardo – Scratched from his last start so he’s ready for the postseason. Um, I have fantasy championships on the line? Hello, priorities. On a real baseball note, I hope the Brewers go all the way in the playoffs. That is who I’m rooting for. Or is it whom? Anyhoo! (Anywhom?) Not just because I want to see Selig’s toupee get all bent out of shape when he hands the World Series trophy to the owner that replaced him or because I picked them in the preseason. I want the Sausage Race on a national stage. The kielbasa has toiled in obscurity long enough.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Asdrubal Cabrera strains his back, and, no “Asdrubal Strains Back” is not a sequel to a sci-fi porn movie. At this time of the year, any little thing can knock people for the remainder of the year. To help you picture what I’m saying, imagine this is April and we’re talking about Morneau. That’s how easily players can get knocked out. This injury comes on a day where Asdrubal hit his 24th homer. Even if Da ‘drubal doesn’t return, he gave you everything he had this year. Drubal took ’11 to 11. For next year, I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a tad overrated. He never hit more than 10 homers in any professional. He’s been consistent with power this year from month to month, but his HR/FB% soared away above anywhere it had ever been before. He should still be able to get around 15 homers next year, but if you get a 15/15 season, you’re suddenly wondering if a sure-to-be-underrated Jimmy Rollins isn’t a safer way to go. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Billy Butler – Missed yesterday’s game with the flu. Someone dump a Gatorade cooler of chicken soup over Butler’s head.Please, blog, may I have some more?