The questions have started about Heath Bell getting traded. I think there’s a good chance it happens. Well, Hair Lip, there goes his value! Not so fast, random italicized voice. I guess you have all the answers! Actually, I have questions. What if he’s traded to the Cards or Angels? What if Huston Street gets hurt and the Rockies grab Bell? What if the Mariners gain a few games on the Rangers and become buyers? What if your boss replaces you with a coyote that was raised by humans and can flip burgers better than you? Do you see what I’m saying here? Don’t sell Bell short because of trade rumors. Lots of things can happen.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Vicente Padilla went to the DL with a forearm strain. Maybe it’s was straining to be a fivearm. Oofa! Who am I, Buddy Hackett? Actually, I am. No, I kid. Or do I?! No, I do, he’s dead. Unless I’m writing this post from beyond the grave! Boo! Know what I like most about Matt Guerrier? He’s not Padilla. How’s dem apples? Sour! Then we have Kenley Jansen– “Buh-buh-but, Grey! Who do we own from the Dodgers bullpen? I can’t own everyone. By the way, nice mustache. Primo!” For immediate closer action, I’d own Guerrier, Jansen, Alyssa Milano, in that order. Unless your league counts blown saves, then reverse the order. But — and unless you’re an alien, there’s always a but — I think Jansen ends the season with more saves than Guerrier. The only problem is I think he gets weaned into the job and may not be getting saves regularly at first. Frankly, it’s a committee and too many chefs make too many hors d’oeuvres and not enough entrees, or whatever that cliche is. Oh, and because any great closerousel shituation should keep fantasy owners on their toes, Guerrier pitched the 8th inning in a losing game last night. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joe Blanton – Yesterday, he was scratched. No word if he’s still itchy.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kendrys Morales is out for another 6 months with surgery to remove scar tissue. Who was the first surgeon to operate on him? Dr. Nick Riviera? Hey, boys and three girls! Bummer for the Los Angeles Angels of Not Los Angeles County…I mean, hello, Trumbo. Giddy up, snitches! The Sciosciapath has to play Trumbo now, right? I mean, probably. Can’t put anything over on that sly fox. And by ‘sly,’ I mean dumb. And by ‘fox,’ I mean not a fox. If you’re hurting for a corner man, this should be all the incentive you need to sound the Trumbo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Grady Sizemore – It’s the return of Wounded Knee. Sizemore went for an MRI for his knee pain. In other news, water is wet, taco diarrhea burns and astronaut ice cream is delicious. If you own Sizemore, consider therapy to find out why you keep trying to hurt yourself with your life choices. “Why’s everyone in my living room? I was just going to move Sizemore to my bench.” “Billy, have you thought about trading Sizemore for a pitcher?” “No! He makes me feel special! I hate all of you!” “Why can’t you just do crank like your brother?!” That’s you on the show Intervention when your family confronts you about your fantasy draft choices. Now Sizemore’s MRI says (yes, the MRI talks) his knee is fine. Right. So let him play a few days, then you trade him. He’s not going to run this year, so what do you have with Grady? You have Beltran, Jason Kubel or a host of other some power, no speed outfielders. You don’t have the 30/30 Sizemore of yesteryear (2008).Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jonathan Broxton is out with elbow pain. Andre Ethier is out with an inflammed elbow. Since Casey Blake has a staph infection in his elbow, him, Broxton and Ethier must’ve rubbed elbows. It’s an idiomatic joke! Dodgers Fever. Take some penicillin! If this elbow thing was being passed around the Dodger clubhouse any quicker….Alyssa Milano would get royalties! Ah, you knew that was coming. That’s what Alyssa said! With regards to junk-in-his-trunk Broxton, I’d grab Padilla then Kuo. I think both should be rostered in every league for right now. Wouldn’t be surprised if this week it’s Padilla then Kuo takes over for two months. In deep leagues, I’d even grab Kenley. He should be back shortly. As for Andre the non-Giant, he should be fine, but he’s been known to take a 15-day stint at a Beverly spa now and again. BTW, yesterday, Jay Gibbons hit 3rd. He can’t even see! The Dodgers first three hitters were Gwynn Jr., Aaron Miles and Gibbons. I’d rather have Cincy’s Triple-AAA lineup with Sappelt, Frazier, Alonso and Mesoraco. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now at a 4.93 ERA on the year. Just as I drew it up when I drafted him to be my not-so-flashy-but-solid contributor to my fantasy teams. Maybe I spent too much time breathing in the air in Port-a-Johns when I was younger, but I think Lilly’s still gonna end the season with a 3.70 ERA.Please, blog, may I have some more?