Yesterday….yesterday….yesterday….
All my fantasy baseball titles seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though one is here to stay *sung in a very fast voice* oh, crap, nope, because I drafted Matt Holliday,
Oh, why did I believe in Holliday…day…day…day.
Suddenly!  Jacob deGrom’s arm is not half of what it used to be.
There’s a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, it’s Giancarlo’s injured groin that I made of plaster of Paris and that just came to me suddenly!
Why the season had to go, I don’t know, it wouldn’t say… because it can’t talk, it’s a baseball season that ended yesterday…yesterday…yesterday!
Fantasy Baseball was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a mother’s basement to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday…day…day.

*sniffles*  Here, take a tissue.  You have to excuse me, I don’t have any clean ones.  What will we do for the next few months without an update on a Mets’ pitcher elbow?  Does Daniel Murphy’s butt hurt or is he just butt-hurt?  What will we do without a Bryce Harper injury update?  WHAT?  WILL?  WE?  DO?  Prepare for next season, of course.  But, first, let’s bask in the last day of the season.  Today is the day when you realize you’ve spent 27,000 man hours this summer beating eleven other strangers to win a virtual trophy, and it feels great!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You know how people write stuff on a grain of rice.  With that in mind, on Rich Hill‘s blister this is written, “Took a whole lot of tryin’ to get up that Hill — R.I.P. Sherman Hemsley.  I can’t believe I not only had room on this grain for an inspirational quote, but also room to attribute the quote to the wrong person and to also add in this meta comment about my inspirational quot–”  Damn, he wasn’t able to fit everything.  That’s the worst.  That’s like when you’re writing a birthday card to someone and you start writing a note only to get to the end and need to start writing super-tiny and curved to fit it in.  And that’s not the first time you’ve heard your curve is super-tiny.  Rich Hill was perfect on Saturday — 7 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 9 Ks — but, to be honest, Hill has been perfect for the last two years (though only 29 IP last year).  This year, 1.80 ERA, 0.96 WHIP with a 10.4 K/9 and 1.74 ERA over the past two years.  So, ya know, your usual ace you get about 120 IP from.  For 2017, it’s going to be hard to rank him much below the top 25 with the caveat that you’re only getting him for three to four months.  Makes you wish rice grains were just a tad bigger to fit all of the superlatives on there for Rich Hill.  Know what I mea– Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Labor Day DKer’s! Hopefully most of you got to sleep in today and if you didn’t you should have, because I’ll only be featuring the late games due to scheduling conflicts. The Early Bird usually fairs well in most aspects of life, but for me in DK it’s just the opposite, as I tend to win in the later contests. My theory is that the East Coasters are putting together weak ass lineups because they’re all loaded up on Bud Light & Blue Crab, trying to chase the dragon from the earlier games. Regardless if there’s any proof to my theory, I can assure you that we’re in line tonight to cash in on some holiday DK dough as long as you follow my lead. There are some top Aces’s taking the mound tonight, I’m hoping that Drew Pomeranz, $12,000 at San Diego gets passed over for the bigger names like Max Scherzer, Chris Sale, Justin Verlander and Cole Hamels. I’m sure Pomeranz was ecstatic when he found out he was being traded to a playoff contender at the trade deadline and they told him he was going to Fenway (lowercase yeah). When the trade went down, everyone questioned his durability after having an All-Star first half, because he’s never pitched more than 97 innings in his previous five seasons. Initially he made the critics look like they knew what they were talking about as he definitely took a few lumps when he arrived in Bean Town. In fact some of the Boston Brass thought there may have been an undisclosed injury, because in his first three starts he went 0-3, coughed up 12 ERs in just 14.1 innings and looked like hot garbage. Good thing for the Red Sox he figured things out, because this Dr. Drew has been carving up AL opponents over his last six starts. He’ll never light up the radar gun, but he’s got a nasty hook that’s contributed to 39 Ks over his last 36.2 innings to go along with a 2.78 ERA. I know it seems like I pick on San Diego every Monday, but this has all the right ingredients for a monster performance by the former Padre. I love rostering guys that are facing their former team, although I’m sure he was happy to leave San Diego, there’s still a little part of him that wants to shove it! I’m expecting double digit Ks tonight to go along with a W thanks to the big Boston bats beating up on Edwin Jackson in Petco.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Kyle Hendricks went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, lowering his ERA (if that’s even possible at this point) to 2.09.  The Seattle museum, Experience Music Project is going to need to update their Hendricks section.  EMP Tour guide, “In 1970, Hendricks said, ‘I’m going to take my guitar, grab Janis, impregnate Afeni Shakur, have my lawyer write a letter that says Ben and/or Jerry can never name an ice cream after me while simultaneously sucking and blowing this joint.  Then thirty-six years later, I’m going to win the NL Cy Young if the BBWAA votes based on ERA.’  Now, let’s move on to our five floors of Nirvana memorabilia.  There’s some interesting flannel stories I can’t wait to share.”   No, of course, Kyle Hendricks isn’t this good.  His fastball velocity is down to 87 MPH, he’s relying heavily on a changeup that isn’t that much slower and his BABIP is absurdly low.  Not saying you drop him, but if Hendricks does win the Cy Young, in 2017, the same faith that befell Dallas Keuchel this year will happen to Hendricks too.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Dodgers were one of the hottest clubs offensively coming into this game, so, what happened?  Baseball happened, and Matt Moore throws a gem — 8 2/3 IP, 1 Hit, 3 Walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.95.  There’s no sport like this anywhere in the world.  Though, my 89-year-old Italian grandfather says the bounce on the bocce ball court can be tricky.  By the way, I recounted the other day on the podcast how he drove back from Florida, non-stop, in flip-flops.  So, yesterday, he went to the doctor because his foot was bothering him and the Pakistani doctor said it was due to the flip-flops.  He said, “Get out of here!  Your people wear nothing but sandals!”  So, great start by Matt Moore, no dur, but he threw the most pitches in a game this season at 133 pitches.  Why do you think?  Because he can’t throw strikes.  Dodgers just happened to feel like swinging at balls.  That’s what I hope she didn’t say!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This weekend, I went to an Ikea for the first time. First of all – you are herded through the store on a specific path like you’re being herded alongside other furniture-buying sheep.

Bahhhhhh! That bottom left frame of Buster is about how I handle crowds like that…

Anywho, at the end when you pick your furniture to buy, it’s in this giant warehouse that makes the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark look like it’s in a studio apartment’s tiny closet. Ish is huge! And that giant warehouse is exactly how I used to look at starting pitching in my 10 and 12-team waiver wires through any given MLB season. Limitless streaming opportunities – sure some with more risk than others – but pretty much a starter widely available every night that I could feel decent enough with rolling out. Alas, it’s no more, with hitting making a comeback this season. Balls are juiced! And in that vein, I’ve been overlooking a lot of the “been there, done that” pitchers that have broken through, none worse than being slow to warm up to Danny Duffy. We’ve seen him have power stuff, but not hold up as a starter, getting meh K numbers in the process. This will anger people – but I saw him as a lefty Nathan Eovaldi coming into this year. Ouch! In more ways than one! But Duffy has been absolutely crazypants this season, vaulting all the way into my top-15 last week. And through this amazing run, he hasn’t even been blessed with a Pitcher Profile! This changes now! Here’s how Duffy looked yesterday afternoon against the Twinkies:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, I’m going to do something a little different today. I’m just gonna throw out the reason why right off the bat: I’m selfish and lazy. That’s what mid-August baseball talk is all about!

As part of my rebuilding efforts in the REL – well, I should say, my main anchor in my rebuilding efforts – I got Alex Reyes to hopefully be my staff stopper. I mean, have you SEEN the Brewers rotation?! Yikes. With some control issues and a pretty bad ERA in AAA, I wasn’t too surprised to see a fantastic arm like Reyes get the call-up anyway as a bullpener. This had been speculated upon all season – the Cards did this with their major prospects in Adam Wainwright and Carlos Martinez – so we’re not getting a big shock. And with Reyes called up at the same time as Luke Weaver, it appears they might piggyback each other for the foreseeable future. But Reyes clearly, CLEARLY looks like a dominant starter that’s about ready. After seeing his debut inning last Thursday night where he hit 101 twice, I’ve been eagerly awaiting an encore. Here’s how Reyes looked in his 2nd-4th career MLB innings Saturday afternoon at Wrigley:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Manny Machado put up his right hand yesterday to measure it against a hand drawing every clubhouse has posted on its wall.  The drawing is of Mark Whiten’s hand that once held four baseballs in it.  Four baseballs for the four homers he hit in one game.  In the Padres’ clubhouse, this hand has been removed because it’s just a not-so-subtle reminder of what will never be.  In the Indians’ clubhouse, the hand is made into a turkey to celebrate the first Thanksgiving.  In the Astros’ clubhouse, the hand has been cut out and fashioned into a t-shirt for Altuve.  Imagine if Donald Trump wins the presidency and throws out a first pitch.  He may never make it to the field, too distracted in the clubhouse by measuring his hands against Whiten.  Yesterday, Machado came a fingernail short of the hand, hitting three homers with seven RBIs.  Now has 25 homers on the year with a .307 average.  Terrific, stupendous, adjective!  What’s more remarkable is he does not have one steal all year.  Almost as crazy, he’s only attempted three.  Did he have a knee transplant this offseason with McCutchen as the donor?  Machado stole 20 bases last year.  To go to none?  Wow, his feet definitely don’t measure up to the Rickey Henderson foot drawings in each clubhouse.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, hey there fellow degenerates. Another Sunday is upon us, so that means a brand spanking new edition of action-packed “DraftKings” picks straight from the only source I trust….The DFSBot. If you’re not taking advantage of all the great tools here at Razzball – stop what you’re doing and subscribe now. After you finish reading this write-up, of course. So let me tease you with a couple of arms I’m focusing on for today’s action. I’m not usually into starting pitchers on the road in Houston, but this situation can be sorted into the exception file. Yu Darvish hasn’t been gifted with a win in either of his last three outings, but he still sports an impressive 26:2 K:BB ratio over that same period. As we all know by now, wins are nice but in the daily game strikeouts are King. That is precisely why I’m targeting the Astros for today’s action. Houston has been more than generous when it comes to swings and misses this season, striking out at a 23.9% clip, which ranks fourth in all of baseball. Darvish carries a price tag of $13,100 – he’s the highest priced pitcher on the board, but that’s okay. If he plays anywhere close to his elite 12.68 K/9, he’ll easily reach value. Over his last four starts he’s racked up 35 K’s in just 22 1/3 innings so this match up has the potential to be of the highest quality. How high you ask? Well think somewhere in between Rio drinking water and a Tim Lincecum fastball….That’s how high. Just kidding. Yu should be fantastic today…..and if you start him, so should you. Huh? What? We’re not quite done yet. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the potential bargain that Adam Wainwright represents as well. Sure, he stunk up the joint in his last start, but over his last five starts he’s pitched to a 2.41 ERA and 1.10 WHIP and he’s averaging nearly a strikeout per inning. The best part here is that Wainwright is a VERY affordable $8,000 and he’s facing the Braves. Atlanta owns a 21% K-rate and a measly .128 ISO on the road, also, Waino has allowed just 8 ER in his last eight starts at Busch Stadium – so there’s that. In light of all the delicious info I’ve given you to digest, I’ll direct you to the rest of my favorite plays for today’s slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 8th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Francisco Liriano went 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks with zero walks.  Insert the madman cackle of Francisco Liriano’s owners who owned him up until last night when he had a 5.11 ERA.  He had 13 Ks without a walk!  This came from a guy who had a 5.7 BB/9 coming into the game.  That’s not bad.  No, no.  You think that’s bad?  You should swipe right on Tinder the next time you come across a thesaurus if bad’s all you got.  That’s effin’ egregious.  That’s the 1980’s Lower East Side before Donald Trump fixed the entire New York City as narrated by Jon Voight.  That’s the worst walk rate since Todd Van Poppel’s walk rate of 6.87 in 1994.   Since 1980, there’s only been walk rates of 5.7 or worse four other times.  In 36 years!  Jesus, 36 years?  I’m getting old.  This start came against the Brewers who have struck out more than any other team in the major leagues.  So, nice start, but I wouldn’t go near him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?