Fantasy Baseball Advice

All the final 2009 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters has been done. For those that skipped the title, today starts the top 20 starters for 2009 fantasy baseball. This is NOT for 2010 (caps for those still wearing their Final Destination 3-D glasses). This is a recap. Will these effect next year’s rankings, sure. But not entirely. (Note: These rankings are from ESPN’s Player Rater. It’s just an objective third party to fairly gauge my preseason rankings. Does this mean I think ESPN’s Player Rater is perfect? No. For one, it weighs Wins very heavily.) Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Zack Greinke – I’m sure Rudy will cover this at some point in the offseason, but let’s get it out of the way right off the bat.   Greinke showed up on the Risky pitcher post in the preseason.  I count 13 of the 20 pitchers Rudy flagged that did run into troubles in 2009, so I think we can agree it wasn’t an abomination.  The concern with the high pitch count in 2008 for Greinke turned out to be nothing.  Everything was roses.  Red luscious roses like Rip Taylor’s intern tosses at his feet.  Two months under a .55 ERA, more than a K/IP on the year, next to no walks and he didn’t need to talk to the ball between hitters.  Preseason Rank #42, 2009 Projections:  9-7/4.10/1.30/130, Final Numbers:  16-8/2.16/1.07/242

2. Tim Lincecum – A few weeks ago, someone in the comments said Tim Lincecum’s mullet makes him look like someone Ellen DeGeneres should be dating.  It’s funny because it’s true.  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  17-8/3.00/1.18/210, Final Numbers:  15-7/2.48/1.05/261

3. Felix Hernandez – To stick with the Ellen theme, F-Her headed the preseason tier I named, “Guys I’m Kinda Gay For.”  Wainwright was also in that tier.  Luckily, I grabbed Hernandez in one league and Wainwright in just about every other league.  F-Her had one bad month (May; 4.34 ERA), topped 200 Ks, a 1.99 ERA in Away starts, a .603 OPS against and 19 wins.  This is about this year, but, I’ll say it, I love him for next year, too.  And, for some reason, I think he’s underrated.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections:  13-9/3.85/1.33/190, Final Numbers:  19-5/2.49/1.14/217

4. Javier Vazquez – In the preseason, CHONE drooled over Vazquez.  Lots of people disagreed.  CHONE 1, Lots of People Who Disagreed 0.  My abridged comments in the preseason were, “Besides having a last name that would be great for Scrabble, I like him.”  At 33, it was hard to imagine Vazquez having a career year, but that was exactly what he did.  Preseason Rank #34, 2009 Projections:  15-8/4.15/1.25/200, Final Numbers:  15-10/2.87/1.03/238

5. Dan Haren – In the preseason, I said, “Here’s the first pitcher (in the top ten) that I have a legitimate shot at owning in leagues in 2009.   Wins aside, guess who had more value in 2008, Haren or Webb?  Obviously I’m asking the question because it’s Haren.  He beat Webb in WHIP and Ks and practically tied him in ERA.”  And that’s me quoting me!  I did end owning him and he pitched predictably terrific in the 1st half and just-above mediocre in the 2nd half.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  16-7/3.40/1.15/195, Final Numbers:  14-10/3.14/1.00/223

6. Chris Carpenter – Not going to claim I saw this season coming at all.  I always thought Carpenter was a great pitcher, but, frankly, I was worried about him coming off the injury season.  I preached caution; I should’ve preached to ignore me.  Preseason Rank #59, 2009 Projections:  9-5/3.70/1.27/110, Final Numbers:  17-4/2.24/1.01/144

7. Roy Halladay – In 2008, Halladay had a 2.78 ERA and 206 Ks.  This year, 2.79 and 208.  If I had to boil down fantasy baseball success, I’d say you want predictability + upside.  Considering most starters are like shooting fish in a barrel that has no fish in it, Halladay brings a sense of predictability that isn’t easily found.  Preseason Rank #8, 2009 Projections:  16-6/3.50/1.10/165, Final Numbers:  17-10/2.79/1.13/208

8. Adam Wainwright – Had some control problems early in the season, but he straightened those out in a big way in the 2nd half (97/18 K/BB).  Yes, he made Rufus and me very happy this year.  Preseason Rank #23, 2009 Projections:  13-7/3.60/1.20/150, Final Numbers:  19-8/2.63/1.21/212

9. Justin Verlander – With his 2nd season in a row of poor April numbers, it’s fair to say Verlander takes some time to start cooking.  I guess when you rely on a 98 MPH fastball, the warm weather helps the, uh, heat.  Preseason Rank #41, 2009 Projections:  15-9/4.00/1.30/160, Final Numbers:  19-9/3.45/1.18/269

10. CC Sabathia – When you see his ERA went up in 2009 compared to 2008, it’s easy to say he couldn’t handle The Jetstream.  Alas, you’re wrong, doode.  He had a 3.17 ERA at home compared to 3.53 on the road.  It’s all about the home cooking (and eating).  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  18-7/3.20/1.10/200, Final Numbers:  19-8/3.37/1.15/197

11. Josh Johnson – Throw out his final start of the season when he may or may not have been suffering from an illness and his ERA would’ve been 3.03.  BTW, don’t you love how ESPN and Yahoo put a guy’s condition in parenthesis in their player card news?  I wish everyone had player cards.  “Last night, Grey grabbed a burger (hungry) then tried to have sex with his girlfriend (headache).”  Preseason Rank #39, 2009 Projections:  13-6/3.75/1.32/140, Final Numbers:  15-5/3.23/1.16/191

12. Matt Cain – Cain was a strange case for me.  (Prepare yourselves for the longest run-on sentence in history.  You may need an oxygen mask.)  I loved Cain coming into the season, ended up drafting him in a few leagues, he got off to an incredible start, I wrote repeatedly on the blog about how his numbers were supposed to regress, so no one would trade for him in any of my leagues because of what I wrote or because they read something similar elsewhere, the more I tried to trade him the better he pitched, then I stopped trying to trade him and he finally regressed in September (5.22 ERA).  Preseason Rank #32, 2009 Projections:  14-10/3.35/1.26/200, Final Numbers:  14-8/2.89/1.18/171

13. Jair Jurrjens – Not that I’m against Jar-Jar, but his K-rate does bore me a bit.  Preseason Rank #48, 2009 Projections:  12-8/3.75/1.35/150, Final Numbers:  14-10/2.60/1.21/152

14. Jon Lester – He had the tale of two seasons.  It (June on) was the best of times, it (April/May) was the worst of times…  If you jumped on his coattails in June when I advised you to, you did pretty good.  Preseason Rank #27, 2009 Projections:  15-7/4.00/1.30/150, Final Numbers:  15-8/3.41/1.23/225

15. Wandy Rodriguez – Hmm… What’s this, snitches? Yup.  Preseason Rank #42, 2009 Projections:  10-7/3.75/1.30/160, Final Numbers:  14-12/3.02/1.24/193

16. Ted Lilly – I avoided Lilly in all of my drafts to my detriment.  But, honestly, when you have F-Her, Haren, Cain, Wainwright, Wandy and Wolf in 90% of your starting spots on your teams, you’re doing okay.  I’ll repeat it ad nauseam in the preseason, but you don’t have to draft pitching early to compete.  The only league I drafted a top pitcher, I took Peavy.  And we know how that worked out.  Preseason Rank #44, 2009 Projections:  12-10/4.30/1.25/160, Final Numbers:  12-9/3.10/1.06/151

17. Randy Wolf – In a 15 team league (that’s deep, ya’ll), I grabbed Wolf off of waivers.  In my 16 team league, I took Wolf in one of my last picks.  Chances are Wolf was not drafted in your leagues, which makes me think Wolf was one of the best value pitching picks off of waivers.  I like Wolf and Wolf Like Me, TV on the Radio.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  11-7/3.23/1.10/160

18. Josh Beckett – My preseason AL Cy Young pick didn’t fair that terrible, but he’s definitely not winning the award.  The odd thing is my preseason predictions for his numbers weren’t very far off.  Just turned out there were a lot of great pitchers in 2009.  As Jessica Shaw would say, steroids out, pitching and speed in.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  16-10/3.75/1.20/175, Final Numbers:  17-6/3.86/1.19/199

19. Ubaldo Jimenez – Chances are if you owned Ubaldo, you picked him up sometime in May or June after his 7.58 ERA April.  So his numbers are even sweeter in your Active stats.  Preseason Rank #49, 2009 Projections:  10-8/4.20/1.40/165, Final Numbers:  15-12/3.47/1.23/198

20. Cliff Lee – The Adverb moved to the NL and his ERA went up.  Weird!  Guess it’s because the Phillies play in a stadium smaller than a jai lai fronton.  Somewhere in Aruba, J.P. Ricciardi dials his phone.  “Hey, Halladay… You’re welcome!”  Preseason Rank #17, 2009 Projections:  15-10/3.75/1.22/150, Final Numbers:  14-13/3.22/1.24/181

Ryan Madson finally took over for Brad Lidge.  This was only about three months in the making and after six separate endorsements by Manuel saying Lidge is their closer.  Ah fanabla, what a headache.  Ever since Brett Myers returned from his MMA training, fantasy baseballers (that’s you!) seem ready to put Myers in the closer role.  That would be too easy, right?  Right.  No, Madson’s the first guy to grab and maybe Myers sees time here and there.  I’d grab both of them, unless you have a bleeding ulcer, then I’d stay away.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Feldman – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks and leads the AL with 16 wins.  Shoot me now.  Seriously.  Shoot me and Randy Wolf while you’re at it.

Marlon Byrd – 9 for his last 14 with 2 homers and 7 RBIs.  He was having problems with kidney stones prior to this outburst, by I guess that problem passed.  (Pun point for Grey.)  Oh, and he’s single-handedly winning H2H leagues.

Francisco Liriano – Activated from the Disgraceful List and sent to the bullpen.  He still has no value.

Jake Peavy – Supposedly, he should be ready to go against the Mariners next week.  Was this whole elbow thing a ploy to face an NL-type offense?  BTW, the White Sox pulled the plug on this season already, why are they trying to get Peavy back in there?

John Maine – Will return for this Sunday’s game vs. the Phils.  He’ll be limited to around 70 pitches which will, uh, limit his value.

Ian Kinsler/Chris Davis/Nelson Cruz -  Because we all love a nice bit of schadenfreude, I present to you, frequent commenter, Zombie, “For those who revel in others’ misfortune, I present a Trifecta Ticker Tease as the Rangers wallop the Tribe today 10-0.  Those of us who own Kinsler, Davis, AND Cruz have returned from lunch, eagerly check the boxscore and see a combined 2 for 14,  0 RBI, 0 HR, 0 SB, and one goddamn Run…. The lone run only seems to punctuate the dearth of any additional production!  And for all you Esteban German owners out there, you deserve his 5 for 5 day, you bastards.”

Felipe Lopez – HR yesterday.  Now on pace for 10 homers and 7 steals.  Somewhere, Crapolanco smiles.

Bobby Scales – Ran head first into a wall, went down for a minute or two, then played a few more innings before being lifted for Sam Fuld.  Fuld, indeed.

Huston Street – Unable to return until early next week, according to Rockies pitching coach, Bob Apodaca.  I love that name.

Justin Maxwell – 3-for-5, 1 steal.  Could have some cheap speed for deep leagues, but he misses being a legitimate major leaguer by that much.

Carl Pavano – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Now has 4 starts in a row where he’s been completely digestible.  He gets the Indians next.

Rafael Soriano – 1/3 IP, 2 ER as he blew the save.  Member when his ERA was around 1.50, like, a month and a half ago?  Yeah, me too.  Now it’s near 3.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  And it rolls on.

Carlos Delgado/Jose Reyes – Both said they want to return in the last two weeks of the season.  The Mets will just need to win 25 of their remaining 12 games to clinch a playoff berth.

Randy Wolf – Had his start scratched with a tweaked elbow.  Sounds like an excuse to rest him as they head towards the playoffs.  Kuroda will take his start.

James Loney – HR yesterday.  Now has two in three games, while batting near .400 for the last week.

Scott Podsednik – 4-for-7 with a steal.  He’s been a top 30 outfielder this year and the most valuable White Sox hitter this year.  Cust kayin’.

Carlos Gonzalez – 1-for-5 with a steal.  Now has 11 homers and 12 steals in 211 at-bats.  Prepare for an offseason barrage of fantasy baseball ‘perts telling you you have to own him next year and causing his value to skyrocket.

Jose Lopez – 3-for-4, HR yesterday.  Now has 3 homers in 5 games while batting near .500.

Krispie Young – Hit another homer yesterday.  Now has five in 4 games.  I’m sure we’ll see him again in Friday’s Buy/Sell.

Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks with his 18th win.  He wins the Cy Young, right?  Not rhetorical.  Seriously, he does, right?

Matt Holliday – Left the game with a bruised knee.  He said he should be good by the Cards next game as long as he never has to play in Oakland again.

Albert Pujols – 2 HRs yesterday.  After the 2nd homer, Pujols’s BFF Lugo jumped around like Pujols called the shot beforehand in the dugout.  So this got me thinking, and maybe I’m just devious, but if you were a random baseball player in the playoffs, let’s say Casey Blake, wouldn’t you have your teammate pretend you called a homer?  Beforehand, Casey Blake and Orlando Hudson make a deal.  If Blake hits a homer, Hudson will jump around in the dugout screaming, “He called it!”  Like Fox Sports wouldn’t run with this story and suddenly Casey Blake would be the star of the World Series, get endorsements — Hi, I’m Casey Blake, this is a Sprint phone and I called it. — and he would get a huge contract.  Casey Blake would be synonymous with clutch.  Oh my God, I’m Scott Boras.

Eric Young, Jr. was in the September call up post, but it turns out he’s a preemie by a week.  Young has so many steals in the minors he’s worth a pickup in every league.  How many steals, you ask.  Well, I was getting there if you give me a second.  In the last four years of the minors, he has 87, 73, 46 and 58 steals, respectively.  Or disrespectfully, holy effin hey, are you kidding me?  In my never-ending rotation of schmohawks (thanks Beltran!), I dropped Alcides Escobar for Young in one league and chucked Drew Stubbs for him in another.  Will Young play every day?  Seems doubtful.  He has been playing in the outfield for at least a few days and will occasionally spell Barmes — B-A-R-M-E-S.  I think he’ll see four to five days a week, but for those needing steals, you know the drill.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Johan Santana – Done for the season.  This, and his lackluster (for him) season, might actually help Johan come at a discount in 2010 drafts.  I wouldn’t reach for him because I don’t believe in drafting pitchers early, but I could see him falling into the 5th or 6th rounds of early drafts.  The reason why I specify early is because once Johan looks good in spring training, he’ll bump up a round or two.  Then if Johan looks terrible in March, you’ll want to trade him for Nick Markakis.  Oh, and your fly’s open.  Don’t ask me how I know.

Billy Wagner – Headed to the Sox before The Curse of the Shirtless Bernazard got him.  He’ll back up Papelbon and, as a commenter pointed out yesterday, hopefully he turns out better than The Gagne Experiment™ in 2007.

Hank Blalock – Will be a bench player and will be asked to perform Cole Porter’s Anything Goes.  This is good news for Chris Davis.  Now for Davis to do something with this vote of confidence.

Freddy Sanchez – Headed to the DL.  Postdate this next comment 2011:  The Giants trade for Sanchez will cost them dearly.

Jake Peavy – Doode just can’t win.  On the next to last batter in his last minor league start, he was hit on the elbow by a comebacker.  Cue Kudrow, “I did not need to see that!”  Now because of elbow soreness, he might not be able to pitch this Saturday vs. the Yanks.

Joba Chamberlain – 4 IP, 7 ER.  He’s going again on regular rest this Sunday vs. the Orioles, so I can kinda understand holding him until then, but he’s really unstartable.  Then, on top of that, he’s been skipped here and there.  Okay, he’s not unstartable; he’s unownable.

Jorge Posada – Hit his 16th homer yesterday.  I’m calling a bogey on February Grey who said Posada was done.  He obviously was not done.  Being wrong at catcher is the position to be wrong at, but nevertheless still wrong.

Robinson Cano – Hit his 20th homer yesterday.  Not wrong here, because in the preseason I put him in the “Good value before we get to total Crapolanco” Tier.

Mat Latos – 7 IP, 2 baserunners, 0 ER in Atlanta.  I’m guessing a lot of people were sonavabenched on this one.

Jimmy Rollins – 2 HRs yesterday.  Coming up after the break, J. Rolled The Dorf.

Brad Lidge – No outs recorded, 3 earned.  Lidge has blown nine games this year, an 0-6 record and a 7.33 ERA.  If anyone happens to run into Lidge, give him my regards.  And, by regards, I mean the middle finger.  (BTW, On one team of mine, I had Lidge, Frank², Capps and Bell all give up runs and blow three saves.  Bad week to quit sniffing glue.)

Ryan Doumit – Obviously just needed the additional push of me putting him in Friday’s Sell.  He now has 2 homers in his last three games.

Travis Snider – Hit another homer yesterday and now two in three games.  I have an idea, stop Kemping him and move him up the order.

Carlos Pena – 2 HRs.  Six homers in the last week and a half.  On August 13th, I asked how many homers does Pena have left in his bat?  I gave the over/under of 13.  That means he has an over/under of 7 left.

Carlos Zambrano – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  I admire Big Z for returning from the DL with a mustache, but this start did not make ’stached men proud.  No, sir.  Clay Zavada and I may need to have a word with him.

Josh Willingham – 4-for-4, 2 HRs, 5 Runs and 6 RBIs.  This is the total production of Jose Reyes’s 2009 season.

Zach Grienke – 8 IP, 2 ER, 15 Ks.  *speechless*

Adam Wainwright – 8 IP, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks.  His ERA is only .08 away from Greinke.  Cust kayin’.

Bronson Arroyo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks.  Continued his post-All-Star break march of excellence.  He’ll fool someone next March who thinks he’s going to be good in April, May and June.

Felipe Lopez – 4-for-5 with his 8th homer.  He left the game in the ninth and is day-to-day.  It’s nice and all that he’s hitting .319, but 6 steals on the year is not buttering the biscuit.

Delmon Young – 4-for-5 yesterday.  Wait, Delmon Young actually had a good game yesterday?  Glory be!  Only 18 months after predicted.

Howie Kendrick – HR yesterday as he started only his third game in the last week.  In some ways, I kinda understand what Scioscia is doing with Kendrick’s playing time.  I mean, everyone on the Angels is slap-hitting .300 right now.  He could run out there Dick Schofield and he’d hit .300.

Laynce Nix/Jayson Nix – 3 HRs combined yesterday.  Their older brother, Jaymes Nix got drunk.

Stop the press. Who is that?  Vicki Vale?  Nope.  Ricky Romero, Ricky Romero.  Yesterday, Romero went 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks with 8 baserunners.  Let’s go in the Wayback Machine… Cue dream sequence music, activate wavy screen… Here we are back on April 20th, “(Romero’s) walks are very low (for him), and he’s left a lot of guys on base, so he will see a correction in his future (SMACK!), but his FIP is only 3.86 (now at 4.20).  …Might want to try a little R & R. (POW!) Oh, and get Ben Zobrist right now even though he only has 3 homers.”  And that’s me quoting me and making up a false quote about Zobrist!  Pretty much all that holds true from back in April.  Ricky Romero continues to get lucky with men he’s leaving on base, so that could turn around and bite him at any moment.  But you really should own him at this point, though I wouldn’t start him in The Jetstream next time out.  Slide, slide, slippity slide… The Jetstream!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Elijah Dukes – Frequent commenter, Doc said, “Dukes sent to AAA on Wednesday. Nats host Domestic Violence Awareness Day at Nationals Park on Friday.” Nats seem like they’re going from 5-tool outfielders to 1-tool — Dunn, Willingham… Maybe they can get Jack Cust to play center.

Sean Burnett – Gave up the game-tying homer to Cody Ross.  Welcome to the Washington Nationals organization.  If you wish to excel, you’ve come to the wrong place.  Here you will either fail or be ignored when you succeed.  Don’t bother with the life preservers.  On his way out of town, Dukes punctured them all.

Kelly Johnson – Cox says Prado’s has won the starting job over Kelly Johnson.  Bad year to be a Johnson or a Wang.

Alexei Ramirez – Hurt his middle finger and will have X-Rays.  I’m preparing to give him my middle finger if he’s out for an extended time.

Mike Aviles – Out for the season with Tommy John surgery.  As opposed to, out for the season with terrible stats as he had been.

Justin Morneau – Left yesterday’s game with a slight groin pull.  Isn’t that what they booked Pee Wee Herman on?  Word out of the Twin Cities is Morneau should be okay.

Brandon Webb – Here’s the good news, Webb doesn’t need season-ending surgery.  Here’s the bad news, he’s not scheduled to pick up a baseball any time soon.  Everyone’s talking about dropping Peavy, but I’d expect Peavy to return before Webb.

Josh Johnson – 3 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners and 1 debt of gratitude to Badenhop for bailing him out.  Not to be a nervous Nelly and start putting Band-Aids on my face, but I hope Johnson wasn’t lackluster because of any sort of injury.

Leo Nunez – Got the save, Meyer got the vulture win.  Who ya gonna call? Maroone!

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks.  Continues to pitch much better than his 4.52 ERA indicates.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 Ks.  Would’ve been too easy to take him out prior to the 8th inning when he had only given up two runs.  *shakes fist at sky*  Maddon!!!

Brad Bergesen – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 4 baserunners vs. the Sawx.  High GB %, Low K Rate. Like a featherweight, he doesn’t knock opponents out as much as outlast them and wins on points. That’s serviceable enough if he’s fighting against pushover opponents in friendly confines like the NL West (see Cook, Aaron) but the heavy punchers of the AL East….forget about it.

Koji Uehara – Out with a tear in his elbow.  Punt!

George Sherrill – 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  With the trade deadline less than a month away, Sherrill’s auditioning for the job of Nats closer.

Mike Pelfrey – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks.  Has been terrifically yawnstipating this year, averaging about 5 and two-thirds per start with a 4.26 ERA and 1.44 WHIP and no Ks.

Jason Hammel – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks, 5 baserunners.  Has a 2.13 ERA away from home.  I’ll say it again for the people in the back of the room, 2.13 away from Coors.  Unfortunately, he’s at home for his next three of four starts.

Clayton Kershaw – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit.  Hopefully Kershaw’s niche doesn’t remain these 5 inning affairs.  Don’t want no short stint man.

Juan Rivera – HR yesterday as picks up in July as he was hitting in June, a month that saw him hit 8 homers.  Yes, months can see.

Jered Weaver – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Ouch.  Wait, what?  Oh.  Ouch.

Vladimir Guerrero – 3-for-4, 0 RBIs, has two homers on the year.  Maicer Izturis has 2 homers on the year.  Cust kayin’.

Yovani Gallardo/Adam Wainwright – Dozen Ks and one earned run a piece as they faced David Wright +8 and The Team That Let Bonds Break Aaron’s Record and Now Karma’s Repaying, respectively.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 0 ER.  Ah, it’s nice to be done with interleague.

Jay Bruce – 0-for-3, batting .212 on the year.  I see what he’s doing.  He’s setting himself up to be a sleeper next year.  Pretty sneaky, Bruce.

Randy Wells – 7 IP, 1 ER.  I thought he was done being productive a few starts ago.  Wells obviously thought different.  He has a solid K to Walk ratio and is worth taking a chance on in 10 team leagues and deeper.

Hank Blalock – 2 HRs, now has 16 on the year as he resumes the role of oft-injured 3rd baseman that has to play DH because he’s oft-injured.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Sure, this is about as much as a limb as John Cusack playing a misfit hipster with a strange job who girls like as a friend until he declares his love in some offbeat fashion, but Francisco’s not right.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see Wilson getting saves again.

Let’s just assume Joe Mauer hits 25 HRs, though no one south of the Arctic Circle has him projected for more than 18.  And even some less optimistic Eskimos have him down for only 20.  Let’s also assume after curing the swine (<–which is prosciutto, I believe), he hits .330.  Let’s also chuck in 80 Runs and 80 RBIs, which seems Brobdingnagian (Word of the Day!) considering time already missed.  I think these are all preposterous numbers considering his back problems, but let’s suspend disbelief.  So Mauer still has 17 more homers, a great average and 60 some-odd Runs/RBIs in him.  In the first half of last year, Doumit hit 11 homers with 42 Runs and 29 RBIs, while batting .329.  Those numbers are in 207 ABs.  He can easily replicate those numbers when he returns.  So if you trade Mauer for, say, an outfielder who still has 30 HRs in his bat (Quentin) or a pitcher (Hamels) or a corner guy (Youkilis) and grab a random schmohawk catcher of waivers, you’re walking out of the trade in good shape. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jake Peavy – San Diego is a beautiful city with a low crime rate, a large Navy presence and it’s a stone’s throw from Tijuana donkey shows.  Who would want to leave that?  Peavy knows how lucky he is to pitch in Petco and the NL.  However, this almost trade should raise red flags for Peavy owners.  He may end up moving at some point this summer.  Hopefully, he lands in Metco.

Homer Bailey – In 12 team leagues and deeper, I’d grab him and not start him for Saturday’s game.  In the minors, he looked flat-out dominant coming into May with a 3-0 record and a 1.86 ERA and a shizzload of Ks — we’re talking 15 Ks in just over 6 innings in one game.  But since then, he’s back to his old ugly self with an overall 3-5 record and a 4.57 ERA.  Caveat emptor, for those in Latin America.

Scott Hairston – Will be the beneficiary of the Gerut trade to Milwaukee.  Hairston’s startable in 12 team leagues and deeper.  He has an outside chance at a 20/12 year while being in a good run producing spot in the Padres order… Oh, who am I fooling?  There’s no good run producing spots in the Padres lineup.

Jesus Guzman – What time is it?  Rookie nookie time!  You’re showing Gamel, the dealer’s showing Guzman.  You win, but it’s nearly a push.  Hopefully, the Giants say saynora to Ishikawa, but Guzman’s call-up may just be for interleague, because Guzman makes Gamel look like Ozzie Smith.  Pick Guzman up now in deep leagues, keepers and NL-Only leagues and ask questions later.

Travis Snider – Optioned to Vegas with the Blue Jays recalling Candi Whistleshorts from Cheetah’s.

Joba Chamberlain – Came out of the game after throwing two-thirds of an inning when he was hit by a comebacker.  Word out of the South Bronx is he’s day-to-day.

Jon Lester – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Lifting the moratorium on Lester-speak to say, ’bout time.

Juan Cruz – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Kazaam!

Juan Rivera – 2 homers in three days.  Get’m while they’re hot.

LaTroy Hawkins – Threw a perfect inning with 2 Ks.  I dropped Sampson from all my teams.

Bill Hall – 0-for-3 with 2 Ks and 5 men left on. The one where he actually hit the ball in play was an inning ending double play with the bases loaded. Meanwhile, Gamel had his cards read to him by part-time pitcher, part-time astrologer, Dave Bush.

Rafael Betancourt – A Cuddle Boy spotting getting the save.  Wood’s still the closer, but that may change after a few more blowups. Could Betancourt step in?  Not very likely, but I picked him up in two leagues — My name is Grey and I’m a save whore.

Pablo Sandoval – Took Eckstein out on a slide at 2nd.  It looked like Nikki Blonsky slide tackling DJ Qualls.

Zach Greinke – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  Take that, Greinke!  Oh, wait, that was still a solid start.

Derrek Holland – Will start Friday against the Astros.  No DH?  Yes, to DH.

Raul Ibanez – Hit his 15th homer and racked up his 40th RBI.  Doode has been way underrepresented in the daily roundups.  The move to Citizens Bank obviously was going to be a boon to his value, but he’s singlehandedly carried me in my 15 team league.  If Razzball had a Walk of Fame, Raul would be right next Asdrubal and Wandy.  (Asdrubal just because of his silly name.)

Kris Medlen – 3 IP, 5 ER.  He looked like a nervous wreck, balking and walking.   His fastball has a ton of movement, but he needs to find his Quan.  Since he’s a rookie pitcher, he comes with risk and upside.

Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks.  After the game, when a reporter asked Leyland why he let Jackson throw 132 pitches, he responded by blowing out a smoke ring and saying, “I’m old school.  And don’t spell school with a K, that’s new skool.”

Ian Kinsler – Steal yesterday.  With Mark Reynolds breathing down his neck, he became the first 10/10 player on the year.

Mark Reynolds – Mini-Donkey was at it again last night with a homer and a steal, joining Ian Kinsler as the only 10/10 players in the majors.  Can the Diamondbacks please play 100 more games in Florida?

Curtis Granderson – Hit his 11th homer yesterday.  He could coast to a 25/20 season.

Justin Morneau – Twins score 20 runs.  Morneau goes 0-for-2 with one run.  Ticker tease!

Bartolo Colon – Clear the deck!  We have a Colon blow in Chicago!  He was actually another ticker tease for Fantasy Razzball as only one run of 8 was earned.

Adam Wainwright – 8 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Even more encouraging is his 17/4 K/BB in the last 22 2/3 innings.

Brad Ziegler/Andrew Bailey – Ziegler gave up the losing run, Bailey gave up two runs earlier.  I called up the A’s front office and asked to speak to the closer, and the receptionist said, “Who?”

Troy Percival – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  I don’t think he gets removed from the job, they’ll probably just place him on the Disgraceful List out of respect.  I own Wheeler in a league or two, Nelson might be called on too.

Tony Gwynn Jr. – Traded to the Padres.  All across San Diego, I picture sons approaching their fathers with this question, “Dad, why do you have a jersey of a guy that stinks?”

Joey Votto -  After a week of tests, there’s word that Votto could come back this weekend.  Turns out he had an ear infection.  Okay, here’s the thing, my meth addict neighbor could diagnose an ear infection.  WTF?  Seriously.