Because I can’t have anything nice. That is the answer to why David Price left the game injured. For those of you worried about me, I’m gonna be okay. I have the love of a good cougar. Too bad she can’t pitch for my goddamn fantasy team! Why do you laugh at me, Fantasy Baseball Overlord? Fantasy Baseball Overlord, “Because you traded Machado for him and no man’s love will come before myself or Machado.” “I didn’t know. Is this a new fantasy commandment? All I saw was David Price’s K-rate was down last April too and he went on to win the Cy Young?!” “Are you interrogating me? The man who molded Billy Butler’s moobs with my own two hands.” Sorry, have I not serviced you correctly? Would you like a reach around? Do you have to rain frogs down on my team? Hello? Oh, I guess I lost him, stupid iPhone. And I lost David Price too. So, Price left because of triceps tightness. Hopefully after a DL stint, he’ll be back to his old dbnsjicns Oops, will cross my fingers when I’m done with the post. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yes, Matt Harvey was terrific, but I’d like to talk on a real baseball note for a second. If you’re a White Sox fan, you should be mad. No one on your team looks like they care. It’s like you have nine Alex Rioses (Rioii? Riii?). I don’t care how pumped Hawk Harrelson gets. You can put it on the board…This team is bored! Your ambition…It gone! The White Sox have more lackadaisical swingers than a Hedonism resort that only has decaf. “Okay, everyone grab the guy next to you, we’re gonna have a tug of war. C’mon, you guys have to stand for this.” That’s the emcee at decaf Hedonism. As for Harvey, he threw a gem even if he was facing the White Sux — 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, Zero Walks, 12 Ks. I still think you should sell him. It’s not a frantic sell like the roof is on fire and you’re having Sotheby’s over at your place tomorrow to walk through and see your Gregg Jefferies rookie card collection. I wouldn’t take anything less than a number one of something for Harvey, but I’d field offers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’ve all been told to be patient with our fantasy stars in the early going. As a Giancarlo Stanton owner, I was rewarded for my patience as Stanton finally did what I have been waiting for him to do since draft day… he stole his first base (against the Reds, too). Snarkiness aside, let’s look at one of Stanton’s teammates, Juan Pierre, who is probably sitting on your waiver wire as we speak.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Carlos Ruiz set to return from his suspension next week for testing positive for the ADHD drug, Adderall. He had this to say, “I look forward to getting back on the field–Hey, you ever wax your legs? I don’t mean remove the hair, I mean step into one of those vats of wax they have at carnivals that people put their hands in. It’s really cool! I have a rainbow wax leg! Like I was saying, I foolishly took a drug that is meant for people with ADHD– You think the Fonz can pound the wall to make my iPhone turn on? I dropped it into the toilet. You know, I wish butterflies and cows had babies cause I like butter on my steak. Ruth’s Chris does it right! Adderall is a very serious drug, and it should not be abused– When’s The Voice on? Monday? Is it Monday yet? Now? Now? Now?” So, Ruiz was wrong for taking Adderall as he obviously isn’t afflicted with ADHD. Last year in 114 games, he hit 16 homers and .325 with 4 steals. As of right now, he’s owned in less than 5% of leagues. If you’re struggling at catcher, it’s worth taking a flyer on him now. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Cardinals said Edward Mujica ‘could be tried as closer.’ That’s obviously after everyone else has been tried and found guilty of sucking. Matheny said, “I’d rather kill a possum in front of La Russa, than have a lead in the 9th inning with the crap we have.” Okay, that was me reading between the lines. He actually said, “See what happens next time we get there. Right now, Mujica’s making good pitches and getting the big outs when we need them.” He never referred to Mujica as the closer. Maybe because he was afraid of spooking him. How do you scare the beejesus out of a Cardinals reliever? Call them closer. *rim shot, triangle, kazoo* I don’t think Mujica is the de facto closer, but I don’t know what de facto means. Is that Spanish? Hernando De Facto was the first to cross the Mississippi, right? Yesterday, Boggs came into the 9th inning, but it was a 4-run lead and when he got into trouble the Cards started warming up Mujica. The writing is on the wall, and it says, “Mujica is next.” I’d grab Mujica and continue to hold Boggs (on my bench). It may just turn out that Edward is The Last of the Mujica’s in the Cards’ pen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wow, assembling this week’s list of players made me dizzy with enthusiasm. No. I’m lying. To help write this post, I have a hired a shadow writer sorta speak. Readership meet my shadow writer — Vodka. Vodka, meet readership. What did you say? Drink more? Silly you. You’re already empty! Let’s get this thing started before I get prescribed anti-depressants.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings all! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, ready and willing to service you in any way you desire, though the main goal here is to help you with fantasy baseball. I am a man who has worn many a hat. You may know me as the fantasy football guru who dominated the Razzball writers league, or as the fantasy basketball writer who was almost gang raped by she males in Bora Bora, or possibly even seen my man-kini photo spreads in countless magazines and websites throughout the years. It is a pleasure to serve you and it’s a privilege to write for the greatest fantasy sports website known to man. Let’s jump into the post as I’m going in and out of consciousness due to the fact I’ve been starving myself in preparing for an audition at Playgirl.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Unfortunately, Play With Rudy Tonight, my sitcom pitch to NBC, got turned down. I didn’t even get to go through my treatment, I got the ax just with the title. If that wouldn’t have brought in ratings to the flailing network, I don’t know what would. Oh, let’s do another singing show. Just Shoot Me.
If you missed it last week, our friends over at DraftKings are holding their Razzball exclusive Razzball’s Play with Rudy Shot at $50k which begins at 7:07 PM EST tonight. If you’re still new to DraftKings, it’s a sick daily league fantasy site where you can enter all sorts of contests for just a buck or two all the way to the high roller contests where you can win 6-figures. Entry to our exclusive Razzball contest is only $5 and the winner gets entered to win $50,000 in their huge $150,000 Walk-Off contest on April 12th (a $200 value). As Billy Zane would say, “It’s a Walk-off!” ”Put a cork in it Zane!” The Play With Rudy pits you against our own Rudy Gamble to pick the best daily lineup for tonight’s action. And it’s limited to only 50 entrants and 27 spots are currently filled, so you gotta sign up fast! Even if you don’t get the best roster, spots 2-10 will double their money and win $10 and 11-20 will break even and win $5. So you’ve got a great shot to win!
Here’s some guys I like tonight to make Rudy The Biggest Loser (enough NBC puns already!):Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2013 Blue Jays Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Tom Dakers from Blue Bird Banter.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This top 20 1st basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball goes to about forty-two. Every time I thought I was out, I looked at another 1st baseman that pulled me back in. Unlike any other position, there’s a few guys that can give you some huge numbers, then there’s about 25 players that can give you roughly the same stats. Unlike years past, I’m not going to tell you to either draft a top 1st baseman or insist you remove my name from your Trapper Keeper. We can still be BFFs without the drafting of Pujols, Fielder or Votto. For the first time in a while, any of the top 20 1st basemen (that’s the actual top 20 1st basemen not the 42 or so that are on this list; shizz gets a little wonky further along the list). The first basemen position is going through a serious transition. Right now, vets like Howard, Konerko and Te(i)x could still be valuable, but they have some major question marks. Then there’s guys like Trumbo, Davis or even Hosmer that have a different set of concerns. By next year, I have a feeling we’ll see that the next class of 1st basemen move up while the vets continue to fade. But, for now, it’s not clear. As always, for each player there’s my projections and where I see tiers starting and ending. There’s the position eligibility chart for 2013 fantasy baseball, and all the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?