With the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished all the hitter recaps. We meaning me, but I’ll include you. No, that’s not a cue to try to hold my hand. Why are you now patting my butt? Don’t muss my hair! The pitching recap will begin on Monday. You can hardly wait. No, you! To recap, the end of the season rankings are based on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. I felt the easiest way to keep it objective would to go this route. This way when I say someone finished 30th and I ranked them 23rd in the preseason, it carries more weight like Jesse Plemons on Fargo. Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
There’s only a few more roundups left on the season, then I’ll be recapping the rest of October, then rookies in November, then sleepers in December, then rankings in January, then I draft Arenado again in February and then March hits and my Cougar wife says to me, “I’ll see you again in October.” So, as you can see, we don’t have a ton of time before next year. So, Part II: So So Again; I wanted to talk briefly about the insanely sexy, hump-taker, Marcus Stroman. Yesterday, he pitched a fantastic little start — 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, to leave his ERA at 1.67 since his return, but I’m more concerned with Stroman for next year. Or as I like to call it, Sixteen after Twenty, The Year of The Stroman. If I call it that, it might give away the ending here, but I’m going to love Stroman in 2016. Stroman, my pain with his fingers. One time, one time. Well, I loved him coming into this year prior to his injury. An injury, mind you and mind the gap, that wasn’t on his arm. What’s to like about Stroman? How about this checklist: solid ground ball rate, solid Ks and excellent control. You know who that is? Dallas Keuchel. Stroman can be that dominant in 2016 too. As for 2015, he’s done, so, yo, Grey, hit the segue! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We have one reader in Nigeria who emails me privately about how I’ve won large amounts of muney (sic), so I don’t need to be working, which means this is more of a PSA, and should be taken even more seriously: Starling Marte is a God. There’s Jesus, there’s his Dad, there’s Jehovah, there’s Mormons’ magic underpants, there’s whoever the Jews pray to — Mel Brooks? — there’s Chief Jay Strongbow, there’s the Pope, there’s Allah, there’s Halla, the Arab God for dyslexics, and there’s others, I’m sure. My God is Starling Marte. You know how the religious say, “Peace be with you?” For baseball players, they should say, “May you always hit in Coors.” Yesterday in Coors, Marte went 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, which is the rainbow jimmies on the ice cream that has been his season. He has 18 HRs, 29 SBs and is hitting .288. Right now, he’s around top 25 on our Player Rater. For 2016, it’s gonna be hard for me to wait past the top 20 overall. Yes, he’s that good, and I may just rank him above McCutchen. Oh, snap! Don’t need the police to try to save them, your voice will seize, so please, stay off my back or I will attack and you don’t want that. Hit the bass, hit the anyway and let’s do this! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zach Britton has a mild lat strain. He hopes to return soon as he’s complained that the loneliness of not pitching is killing him. Britton went on to say, “Bollocks!” Maybe that’s a Briton. Any hoo! Or as a Briton would say, “Tally hoo!” The Orioles haven’t said Britton is shut down, but I highly doubt he closes another game in the next week. Or as a Briton would say, “My Full Monty is knackered. Let’s scallywag over a fag, you donkey arse.” The Irish have fought for independence for the better part of a century, and yesterday they exacted some revenge as Britton went down to an O’Day. Darren O’Day said, “Blarney stone something something potato something something Guinness.” It was hard to understand. I would grab O’Day in every league if you need saves as he’s now converted two in two like Chuck Woolery, and, holy crap, Woolery got old! Have you seen The Voice? His son was on there and Woolery looked like he was gonna turn to dust. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, began yesterday, and Brad Ausmus, the Tigers manager who doesn’t believe in a manger, started atoning for his mistakes, by sending the Tigers closer, Bruce Rondon, home due to a lack of effort. This sends an interesting message. I’d guess, with a motorized scooter and knee-bypass surgery, Victor Martinez still wouldn’t be at 100% effort. Kyle Lobstein and Randy Wolf wouldn’t be at 100% effort with a pitching machine standing next to them as they mimed throwing. Shoot, I don’t know if Miggy was at 100% effort even in his Triple Crown season. Also, what does this say about Ausmus? That he’s managing a team in last place, but he’s coaching at 100% effort? Wouldn’t he be better off pretending he was at, say, 60% effort? How about this, “I sent Rondon home because he was at 40% effort. I lead by example around here, and I demand everyone give 50 to 55% effort, as I do. What? You thought I was at 100% effort and we’re in last place? Please!” Alex Wilson is the likely replacement closer, maybe Neftali Feliz also sees some saves, but he blew one last night. Then, in Kansas City, Greg Holland let the entire organization off easy by saying he had a tight elbow and is done for the year. This saves everyone from calling for Wade Davis to close while berating and belittling Holland worse than a tourist who doesn’t smoke pot and hates windmills. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Troy Tulowitzki left Saturday’s game after colliding with Pillar. That was the same way Julius Caesar hurt himself, forcing him out of baseball and into ruling. Crazy what the stadiums were made of that the Romans used to play in. Alas, as Caesar said, “Rome wasn’t built in a day. Those roads over there took seven months! Freakin’ teamsters.” The MRI on Tulo’s ribs and back came back negative, though it was as in: Doctor, “Can you move?” Tulo, “Negative, Doc.” Because what the MRI originally failed to mention was his cracked shoulder blade. He won’t be shaving with that shoulder blade anytime soon! Or possibly playing baseball for two to three weeks, according to the Blue Jays. Ryan Goins is Goins to fill-in, and that’s the Blue Jays’ shortstop comings and Goins! Stay tuned for more fantasy news and reborts coming up after the break. Offscreen voice, “It’s reports, not reborts, you jackass.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don’t be judging my title. I’m always late to the topical title party. I’m lazy! I haven’t seen Straight Outta Compton because I refuse to pay for overpriced tickets to movies that have nothing visually cool to offer. Seeing the clips and Grey talking it up and being in the same room as Cube has made me reflect… When that album broke, I was in the 8th grade and it was the biggest game changer for us since the Beastie Boys and RUN DMC (I group them together because it felt like it was around the same time). I wasn’t a huge hip-hop head, but I had friends that listened to nothing but street poets. Then came NWA and Eazy-E (I say them separately because Eazy’s album dropped a month after Straight Outta Compton and was treated like a companion piece). It was impossible to own one and not the other. Now, I bring this up because this movie reminds me of the first time I heard Eazy Duz It. I was coming back from Carpenteria (its just south of Santa Barbara) with my good buddy and his mom. He asked her if we could play his new tape on the way home. She, being the very open minded lady she was, obliged and sat through that whole album. Damn, I don’t miss my buddy since he turned into a bitch ass when we got older, but his mom was the baddest mom I knew. From Boyz N’ Tha Hood to Eazy-er Said Than Dunn, we would bump this almost as much as SOC. Hey, we were from L.A., it was great to get someone changing the game from our backyard. Now, you might be asking yourself what this has to do with this weeks creeper. Nothing, I just felt like waxing about NWA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
When I hear the name Domingo Santana, I’m immediately transported to a small village in the Catalan region of Spain. A Gregorian monk overlooks the city of Barcelona. A breeze of air rolls in. Not from the Mediterranean, but it’s that breeze of air that rolls over the city from the residents pronouncing Barcelona with a lisp. This is the Gregorian monk’s city, and his name is Domingo Santana Sr. Sr. and the year is 1789, and I feel like I just pitched a cheap wine commercial to a client at an ad agency. “The tag line is: This monk’s got spirit!” Client leaves; I’m fired. I scream, “But I’ve seen every Mad Men episode,” as the screen fades to black. So, Domingo Santana isn’t the best guy on waivers in every league. I’d likely go with Jayson Werth, Wil Myers and a bunch of other guys over Sunday Santana for this year, but some of youse are in keepers and this post can also be for 2016 fantasy baseball, because I said so. According to some Jean Smarts at other sites, Santana made contact on only around 70% of minor league pitches that were in the strike zone over the past two years. Only one other player in the minors was that bad (Rymer Liriano). To put that in perspective, Domingo can’t hit balls that are in the strike zone. So far this year in the majors, he has a 30% strikeout percentage. What do all of these numbers mean? He might hit .230 if he’s lucky. So, why am I crushing on him so hard like I’m a Swede who just found a frozen time capsule filled with Frusen Glädjé? Because Sunday Santana has 30-homer power and 15-steal speed, and kinda reminds me of a young Carlos Gomez with a bit less speed. The same CarGo that struggled until he was 26 years old, and Domingo is only 23. Will Santana ever make enough contact? It’s hard to say, and it may not come in 2016, but I’d definitely grab him for cheap in keepers for a flyer for next year, and I like him in deeper leagues right now for some occasional flashes of the power/speed combo. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You wanna know what’s on my mind? “If the Nationals wouldn’t have shut down Stephen Strasburg three years ago, would they have been eliminated a day earlier this year?” No, that’s not on my mind. “Is there anything to your business idea of selling 500-foot rulers outside the courthouse to people who just got restraining orders?” That’s been on my mind, but that wasn’t what I was thinking about now. “What does Strasburg offer us for 2016?” Yes, that was what I was thinking. How did you read my mind? “I’m you.” Shh, you’re ruining the illusion. Yesterday, he went 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks. Prettttay, pretttay good. Of course, Effin Stressbird has been an ulcer all year with his 4.30 ERA, 1.23 WHIP and continual injuries that have left him with only 98 1/3 IP. When digging deeper — and it hurts me soul, Lupe Fiasco, to say this — he doesn’t look bad. His velocity went up this year to 95.3 MPH from 94.8; his K/9 is down 10.1 to 9.7, but I think that’s just due to his control, and a 9.7 K/9 isn’t bad. He hasn’t been as sharp with command, but couldn’t that be due to the back problems he’s fighting? I hate him as much as anyone that is making hashtags by combining MLK and the dipshit in Kentucky, but if I’m looking at his stats with impartial eyes, he doesn’t look terrible for 2016. For this year, just give me three more effin starts like last night, you Effin Stressbird. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Masahiro Tanaka went 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks. I took some guff in the preseason for being down on Tanaka, in the non-sexual way. I projected him for the line of 10-4/3.49/1.15/150. His line right now is 11-6/3.57/1.01/125. Yeah, I was waaaaaaaaay off. Multiple A’s to allow time for an eye roll. Kids write me letters and say, “Unkie Grey, how did you know what Tanucky (sic) would do so mediocrely?” My answer is always the same, I’m a witch. Then I continue, “No, that’s just a broom. Male witches ride around on Vespas.” Tanaka was an easy person for me to avoid this year due to his elbow tendon. For 2016, sadly, I don’t see my enthusiasm changing. Or at any point for him until he has surgery, rehabs for 12-16 months and then returns. I wish he would, because I would like to get excited about him, but it’s just not gonna happen, said like Dana Carvey impersonating George H. W. Bush. Now, excuse me, I double-parked my Vespa on Sandoval’s foot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?