By the dawn’s early light, why are you unhealthy again, Jose Reyes?! Tough week for MIs. Rollins must be contagious. It’s the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten. This is like in 1918 when Skeeter McGillicuddy sneezed and the Brooklyn Robins entire team was in the hospital for two weeks with the Robins forcing a team of jailbirds and hooligans onto the field in the heart of the pennant race. Or maybe that was a movie pitch I overheard in a Hollywood Starbucks. Neverthehoo! Right now, Reyes doesn’t sound too bad with only a stiff back and not an issue with his oblique, the mystery ailment that sidelines players and no one has any idea where in the body it is. Reyes said he could’ve even played last night. Excellent, now keep him away from any Met doctors that treated Beltran’s day-to-day thing last year that knocked him out for over a year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4 as he hits third for the 2nd straight game. Yeah, it didn’t work for Reyes either. Rollins is now batting .270 after returning from the DL with a .341 average. Granted, that was only through 11 games, but they’re my small sample sizes and I’ll put them wherever I want. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On May 23rd, Jason Heyward was scratched with a sore thumb. Seems harmless, right? As they say in Norway, “A-ha! (Best group ever.)” Turns out he has a strained ligament in his thumb and is headed to the DL. Member when I said I dropped him about a month or so ago? In your face fantasy baseball gods! (It was a shallow, no bench league, stop judging me for dropping Heyward. I can feel your stares.) Since May 23rd, Heyward has a line of 16/2/12/.210/2. If my math is right, that’s not a good month. No wonder he dodged the Strasburg bullet train last night. He’s scurred, Mystikal. Okay, I do really like Heyward, but this thumb injury could linger until the offseason. Not a great sign. He may not revisit his mollywhopping, pony stick ways until into The One-One. For those doing a bid in redraft leagues, DL him if you can and hope the rest helps his sucky thumb. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Has a poor xFIP, a terrible K-rate and a meh walk rate. It’s not a trick, it’s an illusion! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Bob Feller told a story about how he once threw 117 MPH while urinating. He went on to talk about Triscuits and where he left his teeth. When he came back around to baseball, he said no one’s throwing a 1.15 ERA, even that guy with no hair. Once again, the old Feller has forgotten more than you could ever know. To paraphrase EPMD, last night Ubaldo Jimenez had his ERA tooken. He gave up 6 earned runs in 5 and two-thirds innings. It’s no crime to be hit by the Red Sox in Coors and you had to expect the ERA was going to come up at some point. All things considered, he K’d 7 and walked no one vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m going to put the caveats up front. Caveat #1) When I was younger, I played doctor on occasion, but I never went to med school. Caveat #2) Trading for or grabbing injured pitchers off waivers is risky. You get one setback and you could lose the pitcher for another month or two. Then bam! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alexei has a new comrade with Dayan Viciedo being called up by the White Sox. He’s the Latin 20, Cuban defector that has 240 pounds of baby fat, if, in fact, he is a baby. As I said back last November, “What I’d really like to see is a major leaguer go to Cuba to play. Kevin Youkilis grows out his beard another five inches, jumps in a raft and paddles to Havana. He tears up the Cuban Leagues on a steady diet of fastballs and plantains.” Wait, that quote had nothing to do with Dayan. Oh, here’s the quote, “In his first year of the minors at Double-A, he had a .317 OBP with 89 Ks to 23 walks. He can probably have success with this approach, because he do what he do. His line drive percentages went up in the 2nd half of the year, showing he was making better contact.” And that’s me quoting me! This year in Triple-A, he made progress. In 238 ABs, 30/14/34/.290/1. His Ks are still out of control with 52 in 62 games. Because of his position eligibility (3rd base, Serch), I grabbed him in a few leagues. I’d expect decent power (15 homers) and a mediocre average (.250) with little to no speed. On rookie 3rd basemen pickups, he’s below Pedro Alvarez for right now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Buehrle – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s always fun when a player is traded from one team to another and doesn’t gain or lose any value whatsoever. Can’t wait for Moneyball: The Movie. After the last image of Billy Beane patting Scott Hatteberg on the butt, the screen fades. Over black, we read: After three straight sub-.500 years, Billy Beane, still finding value where no one else is, traded for Conor Jackson, who failed to impress anyone ever but had a career .358 On Base Percentage. (I imagine Hollywood would spell out OBP.) Not one dry eye in the entire theater. Of course, the only ones in the theater are A’s fans, nevertheless! Pursue Jackson timidly in AL-Only leagues. Meanwhile, Gerardo Parra will take over for CoJo. This Parra doesn’t walk people, he runs. Unfortunately, he hasn’t run enough to make him that interesting in mixed leagues. Parra’s upside is 7 homers, 15 steals. He shouldn’t be a liability on average. Obviously, picking him up depends on your league, but he can be grabbed in NL-Only leagues. In most mixed leagues, I think there’s gotta be someone more suave than Gerardo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aaron Heilman – Will officially take over for Qualls. Every since Qualls had kneecap n’ crunch last year, he hasn’t seemed right. Hinch says he’ll let Qualls work in non-pressure situations so he can regain the closer role down the road. So in leagues where you were hoping to lose him, Qualls once again provides no relief. Pun point! Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Brain Freezes lived up to their names last month. With Jenks, Hoffman, Gregg, Dotel, Lidge, Funklin Morales, Qualls, Perez, Wood and Simon all putting dry ice on your fantasy baseball team and then shattering it. No one ever said owning Brain Freezes would be easy, but does it have to be this hard? Can’t I just Ron Popeil my Jenkses and Hoffmen and let them be? No, of course, I can’t. It would be too easy. I come from the school that if a guy has a chance to earn even one save, I’ll own them. Sometimes this yields 6 saves from Alfredo Simon, other times this yields 12 earned runs in a third of an inning from Will Ohman. Please, blog, may I have some more?
It seems like every year around this time I make Mark Teixeira a prime breakout candidate. Why can’t he hit in April? Does he need mittens? His last three Aprils have produced a .245 average and 9 homers in 261 ABs. No other month is close to that bad. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tommy Hanson‘s line yesterday was one and two-thirds innings and eight earned runs. Yes, you’ve been Pwnson’d. Hanson said he felt dizzy during the game, I’m sure his owners can sympathize. Hanson has an ERA of 4.18 on the year and back to back bad starts. Try and put a pine tree air freshener on that and it still stinks. Going into this year, I steered clear of Hanson. I was legitimately worried about his innings pitched jump from ’08 to ’09. So sell fast right now? Not so fast, Paulo. I’m going under the assumption that you don’t own him because you listened to me in the preseason. Hanson has a tremendous K-rate and his walks have been fine. Even yesterday it was an ill-timed homer to Votto that did him in. Do I think Hanson could still be a risk because of his innings last year? Yup, you betcha. But I’d buy him for 50 cents on the dollar. It depends how cheap you can swindle his dramatized owner. It takes alligator blood to check raise to the bed wetter. Anyway, here’s what else saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brooks Conrad – If you didn’t see the end of the Braves game, you should try to catch the Brooks Conrad homer. Unlike Nix. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Saul Rivera, who is surprisingly not related to Eli Whiteside, was acquired by the Diamondbacks. Big shakes, huh? Yeah, Rivera could get into the mix for saves. Another potential candidate for saves is… Wait for it… Here it comes… It’s here somewhere… Where are my notes… Oh, here they are… That’s my freakin’ shopping list, and I didn’t even spell minestrone right… Oh, here… Aaron Heilman! Not sure how the D-Backs are going to have a bullpen of Saul and Heilman. Sounds like the outtakes for Schlinder’s List. Saul walks 3 batters and turns the game over to Heilman. Heilman enters and says, “I pardon you, Saul.” Heilman will probably get exploited for being, well, not so good and having small fingers, but Qualls is close to getting removed from the closer role. Right now, Heilman’s the setup man and he gave up a run yesterday. The Diamondbacks also dropped Bob Howry. Why? Because. Oh, and there’s Juan Gutierrez. That’s not a closerousel, THIS IS A CLOSEROUSEL! I’d own Qualls and Heilman. Gutierrez and I, we’re like Kramer vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?