Aaron Heilman

Grey

Giants Reclaim The Brandonship Belt

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 211 Comments

by:

The Giants brought Brandon Belt back up from the minors where he was batting .293 with 3 homers in 12 games in July.  Last time he was recalled it was the Giants doing their best fill-a-Buster and Belt was a bench bat.  The time before that he was promoted and forgot his game back in Fresno.  “A box of sparklers, a Groupon to the Macaroni Grill, Brandon Belt’s game.”  That’s someone going through a lost and found in Fresno.  So those two negatives led to two (stutterer!) positives.  Bochy started Belt at first and he homered.  I’d look at Belt in all leagues for his sweet, sweet upside, but don’t drop anyone too good or it could end up smacking you upside your head.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into today’s roundup, wanted to mention that the fantasy football leagues are signing up over at our sister site, and I’m using the word sister like in Oz.  You click that linkie-ma-who and it’ll take you there.  It’s magic!  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Jeff Keppinger – Of course, Sabean acquired Keppinger.  Rogers Hornsby was unavailable.  Keppinger is a defensive upgrade on the usual flat-footed vet Sabean brings over like Burrell, who plays the mannequin defense.  Most times the defense alignment means moving guys in and out, right and left.  The mannequin defense requires them deciding if they want to play their fielders with their gloves in the air for a fly ball or on the ground because once the ball is hit there is no time for them to move their arms.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 108 Comments

by:

In September, closers either mean everything or they mean nothing.  You either really need closers to catch the next nearest guy in saves or you have too much ground to make up and you’re secure in your standings.  If you fall into the former category, I’d grab anyone I could to get saves.  Hello, Juan Gutierrez, would you like to dance?  If you fall into the latter category, you can either start dropping brain freezes –  Joel Hanarahananananan, we had a terrible time together and now I will drop you.  Goodbye.  –  or just bench your lower tier closers to avoid getting Kazaam’d.  I’d only drop a closer if I knew no one could catch me in saves or if it were strategic.  For instance, I’ve been known to drop a closer because I know the guy with the high waiver claim can get him and catch the guy in front of him in saves, which will help me in the overall standings.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Kemperor Strikes Back

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 224 Comments

by:

Matt Kemp doesn’t seem like he cares.  Well, about anything outside of protecting Rihanna’s honor and piercings.  I don’t blame him.  The GM questions his defense.  The manager plays Jay Gibbons over him.  Andre Ethier gets all the cool pink shirts.  Manny was recently overheard saying, “What does a man have to do to get a cool pink shirt up in this mug?!”  I contemplated not going with Kemp for this lead because it’s past a lot of people’s trade deadlines.  If it’s past your deadline, skip down to the Buy section, there will be plenty of schmohawks to grab off waivers.  If it’s not past your deadline, there’s few top players whose value is lower than Matt Kemp right now.  Kemp’s owners right now are having flashbacks to last season when he was batting behind the pitcher.  Torre’s a Sciosciapath with Kemp, his owners know it.  So, step one for value is achieved, Kemp’s price tag is cheaper than his value.  Could Kemp continue to suck on the suckhole for the rest of the year?  I suppose, loyal Razzball reader.  But he’s also capable of a 7+ homer, 5+ steal month and there’s not a lot of guys that can say that, especially at his current price.  Anyway, here’s more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Hisabobby Takafelicianell – No relation to Zoey Deschanel, if anyone was wondering.  This shituation would be clearer if we only had some idea who setup K-Rod in the Family Lunge.  Did Parnell help setup the in-law with a stomach punch or nipple twist?  Did Feliciano come in with a left hook?  Did R.A.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Reds Set To Deploy Cuban Missile

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 251 Comments

by:

The Cuban legend goes that Aroldis Chapman once threw a fastball so hard that it caused Fidel Castro to say, “I haven’t seen something so beautiful since a young Charo.”   Knowing that Fidel is a huge Charo fan, that’s not mild praise.  (Fidel co-wrote Charo’s unauthorized biography, “My Cuchi-Cuchi” with Kitty Kelly.)  The problem with our Cuban friend, Aroldis, and it’s a pretty major problem, there’s no spot for him in the rotation and he’s been pitching strictly as a reliever for a month or so.  He’s on his way to the majors and I’m foaming at the mouth to own him in keepers and leagues next year.  He can be a top 25 starter next year.  Alas, for this year, you’re looking at a long man out of the bullpen.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  First, wanted to point out that the RCL Standings and Fantasy Razzball Standings have been updated.  Anyway II, here’s the Buy/Sell:

BUY

Brian Duensing – Okay, I’ve mentioned him now to the point where it’s going to start to seem like I really3 like him.  His K/9 was terrible in the minors and not much better in the majors.  He has been able to keep his ratios all tidy-like and he gets the Indians next.  I’ll buy that for a dollar!  (Not much more though.)

Daniel Hudson – Is it Dan or Daniel?  Can we get a ruling on that?  I’m more bullish in NL-Only leagues on Hudson, but he has the stuff to make a difference in mixed leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Youk Thumbs Up the Jam

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 231 Comments

by:

Thumb up the jam, thumb it up!  While your feet are stompin’!  Sorry, hard to stop that once I start.  Kevin Youkilis was placed on the 15-day DL with his jammed thumb.  Thumb up the jam, thumb it up!  Youkilis was diagnosed with a tear of the muscle that helps contract the thumb.  It’s a rare injury.  Hey, maybe they can name it after him.  Careful, brah, you’re gonna give yourself The Youk Thumb!  Sounds like Youk won’t be rating movies anytime soon.  If the injury is exacerbated, it could be career threatening.  DL him for now while you wait for more news, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Youk’s not back for a while, if at all this year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mike Lowell – Started at 1st base for the Red Sox and hit a homer.  Last August, Lowell put up 14/5/15/.319 numbers, which is pretty much what you could’ve expected from Youuuuuuuk.  There’s no guarantee Lowell has that month again, but if you’re really hurting for a corner man, there ya go.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 144 Comments

by:

Matt Capps got traded and kept his job, Rauch didn’t get traded and lost his job, Octavio Dotel got traded and lost his job, Brian Wilson didn’t get traded but is moping because his shoes are no longer shiny.  It’s the bullpens, ya’ll.  Just yesterday Lindstrom was out with a sore back that he hurt when he tried to get the A’s replacement closer in his fantasy league.  That’s a true story in opposite world.  On the top of the rankings, Wagner made himself a $12 Salad.  On the bottom of the rankings, I wanted to move Chris Perez into the Donkeycorns, but he needs more time in the role first.  He’ll be a Donkeycorn by September.  Mark my words!  But don’t mark them on your computer, that doesn’t come off.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

End Of July Is Kind Of A Big Deal

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 91 Comments

by:

What I never understood about the trading deadline is why wait until the last second to make a trade?  Did the Padres really wake up on July 31st and think they suddenly needed a bat?  Wasn’t this apparent on April 2nd?  I understand you don’t trade for pieces if you’re out of it, but the Padres, for instance, haven’t been out of it all season, unless they assumed they weren’t contending when the season started.  Maybe they wouldn’t have got Ryan Ludwick, because the Cards may not have been selling him in April, but they needed someone.  Then there’s the other deals that remind me of my friend who buys things just because they are on sale.  “Do you really need a 120 count box of chicken bouillon?”  “No, but Shop-Rite was selling Chicken Bazillions for only $2.99.”  So, in that vein, do you really need Matt Capps when Jon Rauch is serviceable?  No, but we’ve been dying to shed these upside prospects and the price was right.  Deep thoughts by Grey Albright, I suppose.  Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Lance Berkman – Traded to the Yankees.  This is one of those moves that’s actually better for fantasy.  In real baseball, adding Berkman to the Yankees lineup is like adding pecan sandies to a tray of chocolate chip cookies.  Hey, if you like a pecan sandie, then go for it.  I think you were fine with the chocolate chips.  Let’s face it, leaving Houston helps anyone’s value.  Berkman goes from between Keppinger and The Glue They Once Called El Caballo to hitting in an All-Star lineup.  Hey, Runs and RBIs, nice to see you again.  As I mentioned in the comments when the trade went down, A-Rod’s sitting at 16 homers, so don’t expect The Stadium They Built Next To The Stadium That Ruth Built to suddenly add 20 homers to Berkman.  He’s still old and struggling.  Value goes up, but only so much.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Staying Healthy Isn’t Peavy

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 267 Comments

by:

Jake Peavy was walking off the field before the trainers even got to him.  On a scale of bad signs, that’s around a 9.  That’s on a scale of 1 to 8.  The good news is it’s not his arm.  It’s his dorsi muscle.  Peavy’s a dolphin?  Put down your noisemakers, it’s not that good of news.  To paraphrase Ludacris, “Peavy back bad, Peavy not good… Peavy back don’t do stuff that yo’ back do… (Repeat chorus 17 times.)”  Daniel Hudson, rocking a 3.47 ERA in a hitters’ park in the minors, could get the call if Peavy needs a DL stint.  You know that guy you see when you search for Tim Hudson on the waiver wire?  That’s him!  He has more than a K/IP in the minors, though his control is iffy at times.  He’s worth a pick up in AL-Only or deep mixed keeper leagues.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Aaron Harang – Headed to the DL with back spasms.  Dusty said, “If he dies, he dies,” while wrapped in a Reds flag.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 171 Comments

by:

For the first time in over two years, Jonathan Papelbon is no longer a $12 Salad.  I know, call your Congressman.  Pass Prop 12.  There’s been signs for a long time that he wasn’t the same closer from 2007.  I didn’t want to move him because he seemed like the epitome of a $12 Salad.  Overpriced lettuce?

Please, blog, may I have some more?