It’s back again, but this time for longer. No, you won’t need any ointment, it’s just interleague play. It starts at the tail end of this week and continues into week 12. I am still not a fan for fantasy porpoises. (That’s a league of dolphins called Hard to the Albacore, in case you were wondering.) Interleague messes up everything; lineups, in game situations and my ability to conjugate verbs. So be careful when setting your lineups this week, certain players will lose at bats, causing them to lose a little value. On the other hand, pitching gains some value. As they face teams that never have seen them before or just not as frequent. So grabbing an extra relief pitcher or spot starter makes a lot of sense to me. So good luck this week as you peruse the week 11 low end pitching options for fantasy baseball. (Please keep in mind that match-ups and pitchers may change.)
ONE START OPTIONS:
6/15
Mark Buerhle @ Min – Blackburn
Charlie Morton @ Hou – Happ
Joe Saunders vs. SF – Bumgarner
6/16
Mike Minor vs. NYM – Dickey
Ryan Vogelsong @ Ari – Kennedy
Jeff Francis vs. Oak – Godfrey
6/17
Scott Baker vs. SD – Richard
John Lannan vs. Bal – Matusz
Kevibn Correia PIT @ Cle – Tomlin
Randy Wolf (@CHC vs. Dempster, @Bos vs. Lester) Unfortunately, road ERA is higher, that and he faces the demon known as the Red Sox lineup. Last five starts 1-0 with a 2.58 ERA. I still reminisce of the days when fans used to wear wolf masks and do a semi-Thriller inspired dance in Philly.
Carlos Carrasco (@NYY vs. Burnett, Pit vs. Maholm) Comes off the stellar start vs. the Triple-A team in Minnesota. ERA 2 runs lower on the road. Innings he needs to build, good stretch I see in his future. Thanks, Yoda.
Josh Outman (KC vs. Duffy, SF vs. Cain) Seems like Oakland has a series of plug and play pitchers that keep them in games. Low K potential. The Coliseum helps anyone outperform because of its wasted space, which is getting its own home and garden show.
Alex Cobb (@Det vs. Coke, Fla vs. Nolasco) Stays in rotation, for now, until Niemann is better from his boo-boo. Never going to be an ace, but should be a decent fill-in guy for AL only or deep leagues in the future. Needs to stop with the free passes to be effective.
Mike Pelfrey (@Pit vs. Maholm, Ana vs. Chatwood) Previously lambasted by the Buccos. Is usually aided by the confines of Flushing. Gives up way too many hits to be a consistent fantasy contributor. Based on match-ups it’s worth a shot.
Aaron Cook (SD vs. Moseley, Det vs. Verlander) Lunch pail, deep end of the pool pitcher. Only desperation and a start at Petco make him special. Well, what do ya know? He has neither this week. If he really is a cook, then thousands die from food poisoning.
Carlos Villanueva (Bal vs. Britton, @Cin vs. Arroyo) Chuck New House is still undefeated as a SP. Toronto has been killing the ball and last time I checked run support is important. LH batting .155 against.
Paul Maholm (NYM vs. Pelfrey, @Cle vs. Carrasco) A victim of fantasy unfairness. Run support. Still sports an ERA under 3.40 and only has 2 wins to show for his efforts. ERA at 2.45 at home and BAA is a low .223.
Jason Vargas (Ana vs. Haren, Phi vs. Hamels) Is on the cusp of fantasy legitimacy and then this week happens, 2 starts against two top ten pitchers. Previous mastery of Angels helps his cause for an add this week, Philly start makes me regret what I just typed.
Bronson Arroyo (@CHC vs. Dempster, Tor vs. Villanueva) Named after Charles Bronson, and all along I thought he was named after the “Perfect Strangers” guy, who knew? Falls into the same category as Wolf as guys who are always at the top of the waiver wire but are never on a team long.
Josh Collmenter ARI (SF vs. Cain, CHW vs. Floyd) His ERA is barely enough to buy an ice cream, 1.11. His numbers scream out luck, but why not take advantage of a good thing while it lasts; his pitching not the ice cream. Though I was thinking the same thing.
News comes that Dustin Pedroia might need surgery on his knee that could sideline him for at least a month. Knee surgery sounds like something that sidelines people for multiple months, even Sparky Anklebiters. Though sometimes Sparky Anklebiters can get so amped with leave-it-all-on-the-fieldness that they lose sight of the big picture and rush back too soon. You know, they try to chew through the cone around their head and don’t heal properly. We know you’re scrappy, Dustin, stop biting on your paw! If he rushes and comes back in July, then he could miss a few more weeks with a setback. Basically, what I’m saying is, you want him to just get sidelined for two months and come back healthy in August. It’s not like what he was giving you now can’t be replaced. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Anthony Rizzo – The San Diego Padres have something to be excited about. No, Tony Gwynn didn’t announce he’s becoming a competitive eater. No, they didn’t put a giant afro on the Western Metal Supply Co. building and rename it Kyle Blanks Auditorium. They called up Anthony Rizzo! Today. Supposedly. When I say, “Exciting,” you say, “Padres!” Exciting… Padres! Exciting…Padres! Unexciting…Padres! Fooled you. Rizzo’s in the same ginormous boat as every other hitter that plays at Petco. It’ll hurt his power, but he should still be able to hit some bombs. For the rest of the year, I’ll conservatively give him 17 homers and a .250 average. He’s capable of a bit more power and a lot less average. But, as with most rookies, you take the flyer on upside and hope he pans out. That’s me, Grey “Fantasy Master Lothario” Albright, telling you to go pick him up in every league. Yeah, even that one. And that one too.
Dustin Moseley – Left yesterday’s game with a non-throwing shoulder injury. Remember, Padre fans — Rizzo!
Brett Lawrie – Has a fractured hand, no relation to Brad. Now he won’t be up until around August. I’d go ahead and drop him in redraft leagues, unless you’re not paying attention to your team but still reading this, which seems odd but I appreciate your enthusiasm.
Adam Lind – 4 home runs in 5 games. Yeah, he can get to 35 home runs this year. You Gotta Believe isn’t just a title of a Marky Mark album.
Danny Espinosa – A Cain pitch hit Espinosa on the hand causing visible pain. You know what’s worse than a .218 hitter? A .218 hitter nursing a hand injury.
Matt Cain – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks. As Cain did everything you could ask for, Barry Zito Foursquared from a bathtub (<–PNSFWUYWAAPPC — Potentially Not Safe For Work Unless You Work At A Porn Production Company)
Brandon Crawford – 2-for-3 with a caught stealing, which is whatever but it’s always good to see guys at least trying to give some fantasy value. In other Brandon Crawford news, Bochy says he’ll continue to start when Sandoval returns next week. That means Tejada has about a week to strengthen his case for the Hall of Fame.
Mike Carp – M’s manager said Carp would only see 3-4 starts per week. To get dyslexic on you, crap.
Pedro Alvarez – Tweaked his strained right quad resulting in a setback in his rehab. Vote for Pedro…as the lamest 3rd baseman in 2011. Both definitions of lame work.
Paul Maholm – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now has a 3.39 ERA on the year, a 1.18 WHIP and a terrible walk to strikeout ratio. I actually own Maholm in one league, which is a little scary since I’m not sure Maholm would own himself in a fantasy league.
Andrew McCutchen – 3-for-5 with his 10th home run, a walk off blast, which gave Daniel McCutchen the win. Then the Pirates played ‘We Are Family’ and everyone hugged. Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time a player hit a walk-off homer to give someone with the same last name the win. Actually, they didn’t say that. But something that was overheard recently at the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “Bill, in human resources, smells of onions for a record five straight days.”
Zach Duke – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K. Good (for Duke) start. Through 126 1st half innings in 2009, he had a 3.29 ERA, so he is capable of an extended run of decent starts. But sometimes you take Zach Duke to the cashier and she rings you up for six innings and five earned runs.
Joba Chamberlain – To the DL with a flexor strain. Someone went too heavy on the shake weight. As Joba’s drug dealing mom would tell you, “Smoke the shake, don’t shake the weight.”
Alexi Ogando – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. He dedicated his non-regression to all the nerds that know what FIP stands for.
Aaron Cook – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. He’s back and healthy. And that’s where the positivity ends.
Eric Young Jr. – Did not start. I like him better than Gordon, but — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — Dee Gordon is starting. You gotta go with the starter.
Bud Norris – 8 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit, 5 Walks, 2Ks. Bud Norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes.
Jason Bourgeois – 2-for-5 with his 14th steal as he finally got the start. It’s almost as if the manager forgot how good he was before his injury. Play Bourgeois, you capitalist pig!
Justin Masterson – 8 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. His sister, Mary Stuart, must have pumped him up for this start. Obviously she was more of a help for him than for her boyfriend last year on the Dodgers, Eric Stults.
Cord Phelps – 0-for-4, was called up by the Indians and started at 2nd base. Cord has solid plate discipline and a lot of can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness. Pretty average power and speed. Outside of AL-Only leagues, you’re grasping at straws right now if you go for a roll in the hay with him.
Ben Revere – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th steal. But it came at the expense of my Masterson. Damn you, Ben Revere. Why can’t you just be happy being a character in a Ben Affleck Masshole thriller? You had to go and sully Masterson’s line. Get it, Sully! Revere’s looking like a decent deep league addition. Shoot, he’s looking better than Span at this point, though that’s a bit of a ‘no compliment’ compliment. He’s a player that I could see Gardy giving everyday playing time to even when Kubel and Thome return.
Justin Morneau – 1-for-4 to raise his average to .230. Nice showing! Everyone knows that all Canadians are robots. Can’t Gardy reboot Morneau? Or can they upgrade to the Vottomatic?
Michael Brantley – 3-for-5. He’s hitting .295 on the year with 5 homers and 8 steals, i.e., he’s on pace for a Victorino type year — 100/10/60/.280/25. Frankly, he should be getting more press from me. He’s having a real solid fantasy 5th outfielder year.
Mark Reynolds – 2-for-3 with the slam & legs. “Now, wait one second, Mini Donkeys don’t eat slam and legses,” said a’la Jimmy Stewart. Not sure why, but his voice is stuck in my head. Mr. Potter! Reynolds does seem like he’s finally found his power stroke. If anyone remembers his 2009, he can get blazing hot for extended periods of time. Do keep in mind he only has 4 multiple hit games since April 13th, so his average may peak at .230.
Zach Britton – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Start anyone vs. the A’s. You have my permission.
Reid Brignac – Finally, he hit his first home run of the year. Geez, what a bust. Billy Butler, “Please, that’s no bust.”
Jemile Weeks – 2-for-3 with 2 runs. He was bumped down the order, but he is starting every day. I’m farting in your general direction, Eric Young Jr.
Randy Wolf – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. He’s actually been solid or terrible in every start. 5 IP, 4 ER start here; 7 IP, 1 ER start there. If you’ve been able to stomach that, his overall numbers don’t look hideous.
Craig Kimbrel – 1 IP, 2 ER. Speaking of waffling between great and awful… Pick a side, Joe Lieberman!
Prince Fielder – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and has now homered 6 times in June… Mmm…Did someone say waffling?
Jason Heyward – Glass Chipper told Heyward he needs to play hurt. That wasn’t very Chipper of him to say. He should change his name to Tough Love Jones. Chipper added, “I was healthy for 11 days between 2000-2010 and that includes the offseason. In fact, I just tweaked my oblique telling you Heyward should play hurt and I didn’t stop talking, did I?”
Brian Duensing continued his hellish streak with an 8 inning 1 ER, 7 K game. While he was able to strikeout 7 of the peasant Royals, his K rate has been around 5 per 9 inning for the past three years in the minors and majors. You know how many great pitchers get by with that type of K-rate? None. Though sometimes a pitcher can sell their soul for a year (see Scott Feldman 2009). Doesn’t mean you can’t throw some caution to the wind. When I was going over the borderline starter post that is coming later today, I noticed Duensing still isn’t owned anywhere. He has a 2.02 ERA in 107 2/3 IP. Seriously, you can look it up if you want… Though that might hurt the trust we’ve built over the summer. We used to be so carefree, me and you. Frolicking through dandelions, playing catch with that raccoon carcass. What about those times we had? Duensing gets the White Sox and the Indians in his next two starts. I would grab him but, and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but, he’s been lucky and he Ks no one, so know the risk. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Phil Hughes – Will have his next start skipped as the Yankees try to figure out the best way to limit Hughes’ innings while ensuring he gets no sorta rhythm going. In redraft leagues, you’re looking at three more starts from a guy who has been getting bombed recently. There’s gotta be better arms out there.
Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Speaking of better arms out there, I’d go with Nova ova Hughes.
Jimmy Rollins – Left the game when he suffered a bout of Middle Infieluenza. I’d say Rollins has really gone downhill fast, but to me going downhill fast kinda infers you’re picking up speed. Rollins is going uphill slow, and it ain’t pretty.
Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-5 with another steal. How about you give me your password and I’ll pick him up for your team?
Aaron Cook – Done for the season with a broken fibula. No lie.
Cory Luebke – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks. In the grand scheme of things, Luebke looks like a fifth fantasy starter. In the last few weeks of the season, he looks like LeBlanc when pitching at home, which is an around-3 ERA, decent K starter. A hodgepadre.
Mike Napoli – Hit his 23rd homer then was pulled from the game for making Scioscia look bad for not playing him every game.
Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Now has a 1.91 ERA on the Diamondbacks. Yes, you should’ve picked him up a month ago. No, I’m not sure what you’re doing.
Marco Scutaro – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers, which he hit with a partially torn rotator cuff. Impressive since I wouldn’t leave my house with a partially torn Z. Cavaricci pants cuff.
Matt Garza – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Him and his stupid smugshot! Don’t fart in my face and say it’s cologne!
Russell Branyan – Hit his 4th homer in the last week. In September, he has 4 homers and 8 hits. In August, he had 7 homers, 17 hits and 12 RBIs. He’s a One True Outcome player, so I wouldn’t expect much more than homers, but he is providing those.
Coco Crisp – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and the slam & legs, which always goes well with cereal.
Jaime Garcia – 4 IP, 7 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. The time to have a start like this was the week prior to the H2H playoffs, you stunod!
Brett Myers – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. His ERA this year is… Wait for it… Here it comes… As soon as I put away my laundry… Okay, where were we? Oh, yeah, Myers’ ERA… Okay, let me just check on my turkey casserole then I’ll tell you. Mmm… Looks good. All right, ready? His ERA is freakin’ 2.91!
Matt Wieters – Hit his 11th homer yesterday and is batting .438 over the last week. Since people in fantasy are so fickle, Wieters should be undervalued next year because of his sub-par 2010, which means I might just own him.
Koji Uehara – 1/3 IP, 2 ER. Was only his first blown save so I think he’ll remain the closer, then again I didn’t think he should be the closer to begin with, so take what I know, wrap it in a Moo Shu Pancake and you’ll be confused again in an hour.
Josh Johnson – Had an MRI to see what’s his major malfunction. They found right shoulder inflammation. His next start was already scratched and now it’s sounding like they might shut him down for the year. Moving from Johnson to Dickey…
R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K and his tenth win. He was in last week’s borderline starters post and will be in next week’s too because people refuse to add him.
Cole Hamels – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. In 188 IP, he has 188 Ks, a 1.16 WHIP, 3.06 ERA and only 10 wins, or one more win than Tyler Clippard. Yeah, screw you, God of Wins and the horse of Quality Starts you rode in on.
Josh Fields – 4 for his last 8 as he hit third yesterday. I like him, but right now it looks like he’s 0nly starting vs. lefties.
Wilson Ramos – 2-for-3 with his 1st major league homer. Don’t think he has enough value in redraft leagues outside of a deep, two catcher league, but, if you can stash him in a dynasty league for a buck for next year, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sees more time than Pudge next year. It’s at least worth the flier to see how playing time shakes out next March.
Derek Holland – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Blue Kays. If you know your matchups, you’ll know what hand Holland throws with. Hint: The Kays are hitting .218 vs. lefties this year.
Ian Kinsler – 2-for-5 with the slam & legs. He has 8 homers and 11 steals on the year. Somewhere, Crapolanco says, “Hey, that’s my season!” I’ll like Kinsler next year when he’s drafted in the 6th round or so.
Justin Morneau – Could be out until the very end of the month with his concussion. Incredible. How do people miss so much time with a concussion? Don’t they have smelling salts in Minnesota? Did something go terribly wrong when they were cloning his mini me? You know, on The Island of Dr. Morneau.
Hanley Ramirez – Didn’t start yesterday due to back soreness. I wouldn’t say Hanley’s the ideal guy to demonstrate work ethic but so many players get lazy in September. Was talking with Rudy about how we need a glossary term for all of these players who are fine all year then give you nothing in September. I present to you… Septumblers.
Logan Morrison – 1-for-3 with 2 walks. His OBP is up to .431. And he played yesterday with a black eye. Too bad he doesn’t play for the Red Sox because Logan was a black eye for that city.
I am slightly distracted now that the World Cup has started. I know you’ll say, “Smokey, Americans don’t watch soccer.” True, but you should. The game yesterday between the U.S and England had more money wagered on it than the Super Bowl and will be watched by more people worldwide. That’s huge for a first round game in the Copa. Anyways, back to my true passion — imaginary baseball. This week sees several retread names to the Smokey posts and a couple that have been shown the door by you in your leagues (for good reason). So here we go with all the fanfare and glitz that it is supposed to have, the week 11 two start starters for fantasy baseball:
Freddy Garcia (@ Pit vs. Lincoln) (@ Was vs. Lannan)
Freddy, I apologize that I said you were crap 3 weeks ago, I’m glad my words motivated you recently. He’s the road warrior this week. Garcia is 19-8 with a 2.82 career in interleague play. Doesn’t K many and will be thankful for good run support. Still loved him more when he needed Soul Glo.
Chris Tillman (@ SF vs. Sanchez) (@ SD vs. Richard)
Gets away from the AL Beast to where the lineups get shorter. I like him a lot long term. Watched him twice in person and he has the goods to completely dominate a game. Two weaker hitting teams may be his kick start. He still pitches for the Orioles, which is detrimental too anyone’s fantasy health.
Justin Masterson (NYM vs. Santana) (@ Pit vs. Lincoln)
Still love this kid, and he showed you why and how he can be helpful by completely dominating his former club. Gets a great ballpark and a great matchup for his 2 starts. The rebuilding has started around him so it may not get any better support-wise. 2 starts are worth the risk even if it might come with a 5 ERA for the week.
Felipe Paulino (@ KC vs. Davies) ( Tex vs. Wilson)
Gets a whole article written about him after I wrote about him… Hmm, we have some great “pirate” readers. His numbers are hidden behind a 1-7 record. Shame he plays for a cellar dwellar. Last 6 starts since 5/14, he is 1-1 27 K’s 1.75 ERA. Yeah, that’s what I said.
Aaron Harang (LAd vs. Kuroda) (@ Sea vs. Snell)
Another guy that I have not spoke about glowingly. It’s like a week of revenge 2 start guys. I’m not going to lie and say he is awesome now and his numbers are awesome. They aren’t. 2 decent matchups and 3 decent starts out of 4. Still gives up way too many hits and isn’t the K machine he once was.
Ian Kennedy (@ Bos vs. Buchholz) (@ Det vs. Porcello)
Has pitched way better than his record of 3-3. Bullpen just kills his starts. Gets 2 starts away against teams who can either kill the ball or lay dead and let you tickle their feet. 7.8 K/9 and a WHIP of 1.18 is worth taking notice.
Joe Saunders (Mil vs. Wolf) (@Chc vs. Zambrano)
Pitched a Gem on Wednesday. 35/34 K/BB rate sucks all the life out if his fantasy value. 2 ER over the last 16 innings makes him semi-rosterable. Gets 2 pitchers that are scuffling and both have been, to be quite honest, sucking out loud.
Aaron Cook (@ MIN vs. Pavano) (Mil vs. Wolf)
Yeah, I know I’m running out of decent option to wax poetic about. He has lowered his ERA a run over his last 5 starts, which is still near 5. Uses his blinker as well as hand signals when making turns, so he has safety of others in mind.
Clayton Kershaw went 4 and two-thirds innings, giving up three earned and 11 baserunners. Six of those ducks on the pond were walks. That’s 1-2-3-4-5-6 walks. Versus the Pirates. A team that had a .318 OBP last year. Sure, this year they’re starting with Robot Jones, “I must kill the Queen,” but c’mon. How did I convince myself a pitcher who can’t get through 5 innings was a good idea? I blame all of you. Someone should of said something. And if you did say something, you should used more exclamation marks or a bigger font. This is not your beautiful wife, this is not your beautiful house, this is a pitcher who walks the ballpark. On the bright side — and let’s face it, we need a bright side since not all of us live on the first floor — Kershaw was very bad last April too. He’ll get better. Or at least I keep telling myself that. Convincing, right? No, really he will. Right? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aaron Cook – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 Ks. Can you smell what the Cook is rocking? Smells like Dwayne Johnson’s movie career.
Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-5, Run scored. I’m as impressed as everyone else with what he’s doing so far. Like a dwarf standing in line, I smell a but. Yeah, random italicized voice, there’s a but. His jumps and/or reads on his stolen base attempts have been poor at best. Last year, his stolen base percentage wasn’t bad, but he was weak in the minors. 6 steals, 3 times caught in Triple A; 9 steals, 5 times caught in Double-A; 8 times caught in 23 attempts in Single-A… Do you want your leadoff man getting on and getting erased? Probably not.
Miguel Olivo – 1-for-3, HR yesterday. I know it’s frustrating when your catcher doesn’t start, but this was a day game after a night game. Iannetta won’t play this game at any point in the season if Olivo’s healthy. Could Olivo steal time? Yup, uh-huh, yeppers. But because he started this game is no indication of that.
Alcides Escobar – 1-for-2, 1 RBI. Carlos Gomez does not belong in the two hole, even if it seems appropriate because of what comes out of the two hole. Over/under for Alcides moving up to leadoff or the two hole is the end of April. I’m taking the under.
Trevor Hoffman – Got his 2nd save yesterday. When he was facing Todd Helton, I smelled fossil.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs, HR yesterday. Desmond can make it all right, brotha.
Cole Hamels – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks, 9 baserunners and the Win. He’s just lucky there’s only one Ian Desmond.
Ryan Howard – Two games, two homers. Howard’s not usually a fast starter. If he stays hot in April, he could hit a lot of homers this year. At least the Maris family hopes so. We was duped!
Kelly Johnson – 2 HRs yesterday. This is why you just draft guys and let them play. Otherwise, you end up like this, “Grey, I dropped Desmond on Monday for Kelly Johnson, then dropped Johnson for EverCab. Now I’m wondering if I should use my waiver claim for Desmond who I just dropped two days ago. Or what do you think of Scutaro?”
Ian Kennedy – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks, 0 BBs. Granted, it’s the Pads, but still Kennedy only really made one mistake — a three-run homer to Hairston. Joba must be thinking of staying in ‘Zona for good next time he goes to Burning Man.
Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks, 0 BBs. Was beat by Kelly Johnson and Krispie Young going long. In Petco, he would’ve won this game. Once a hodgepadre, always a hodgepadre.
Ervin Santana – 6 IP, 4 ER. Has looked bad and I think his elbow might still be hurting him. I’m not getting caught in this guy’s free fall. I’m in the exit row, my life vest is secure and I’m ready to help you secure your flotation device.
Mike Napoli – 1-for-4, RBI. In related news, Jeff Mathis woke up yesterday with a horse’s head wrapped in a Snuggie.
Brandon Wood – 1-for-12 on the season. Good to see he’s really running with the job. If he’s not careful, soon the pine’s good get some more Wood. There’s a pun in there somewhere, you find it.
Justin Duchscherer – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Duchs suchs. Not loving these AL starters at all. Where’s Latos? I need him. I’m feeling a “No Latos” intolerance.
Matt Garza – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. Okay, I’m not hating all my AL starters.
Milton Bradley – Homered then gave the game away with his defense. Blame it on the Mariners’ Moose… Lost the ball in the lights that are whiter than Jerry Reuss…
Luke Hochevar – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners. He looked sharp last night and I’m ready to leap if he pitches this well again. Though he’s pitched well before only to get torched right after, so I am not going to fall for the banana in the old tailpipe just yet.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, 3 baserunners. In what sounded like a battle of Michael Chabon characters, Max Scherzer actually looked even better than Hochevar.
Fausto Carmona – 6 IP, 1 Hit, 3 ER… Wow, that’s not a bad line at– Wait a second, he also threw 6 walks and 1 strikeout. Yeah, that’s not something you want to be part of.
Garrett Jones – Hit his 3rd homer yesterday. I took him out of my lineup because he was facing a lefty. Sonvabench!
Russell Martin – HR yesterday. Martin only hit that homer to annoy all the fantasy baseballers (<–my Mom’s term) who skipped over him in favor of Napoli or Iannetta. He’s in your head!
Josh Hamilton – Now 6 Ks in his last 7 ABs. Maybe he’s missing ex-Rangers hitting coach, Rudy Jaramillo. The second most influential Rudy in baseball.
Rich Harden – I’m sure when a lot of his owners saw he only threw three and two-thirds innings before he was removed that he must of been hurt. Well, take out your piñatas, but don’t swing the sticks near Harden because he’s still healthy. He struckout eight hitters and walked five so he was removed because of a high pitch count. Kid gloves and all.
Vladimir Guerrero – HR yesterday. I never thought the day would come when I owned a DH-Only hitter and was happy about it, but we have Vlad in more than one league and I’m kinda enjoying it. I think at DH and in Arlington he can have a respectable year.
Kyle Blanks – Hit for the golden sombrero — 0-for-4, 4 Ks. He was so bad that firing himself would’ve been both appropriate and punny.
J.J. Hardy – Hit his 2nd HR of the year. It’s no mystery that a SS with 20 HR power has some fantasy value.
Vernon Wells – 2 HRs yesterday. 3 HRs for the year. This resurrection is the best piece of Wells-authored science fiction since War of the Worlds.
Jenrry Mejia – Made his major league debut as he threw one inning and gave up one run in three hits. The Mets seem to be taking the Joba route with him. So far, similar results.
Leo Nunez – Blew the save as he walked in a run then balked in a run. This was after a, uh, balky spring. There’s no clear cut replacement for Nunez but it’s something to watch.
Jon Heyman – Obviously feeling upstaged by the Verducci Effect’s shortcomings, Heyman released his breakout candidates for 2010. Some of the names are Jayson Werth, Justin Upton, B.J. Upton, Matt Kemp, Ubaldo Jimenez, Nolasco, Gallardo and Cano. Great stuff, Jon! I think Lincecum is on the cusp of being a good pitcher. And who knows, maybe there’s something to this Pujols fellow.
Edgar Renteria – 5-for-5 or a hit for every decade he’s been alive.
John Bowker – 1-for-4, HR yesterday. Here’s what I said last year, “Bowker’s proven more than capable in the minors. This year’s Triple-A numbers are 82/21/83/.342/10 with more walks than strikeouts. In NL-Only leagues, you should absolutely grab him. In mixed leagues, I’d wait a few unless you’re absolutely hurting for power.” And that’s me quoting me! I’ll add that Bowker is a little long in the tooth and may be nothing more than a Quad-A player.
