When Hunter Renfroe was demoted two months ago, he had to ask himself, “Did I just lose my job to Jabari?” Since he was holding down his soon-to-be-extinct home button on his iPhone, Siri responded, “You’re the jabroni.” This sent Hunter Renfroe into a shame spiral not seen since Lorenzo Lamas spun his laser pointer at cellulite. Then Renfroe stepped on more mental rakes that smacked him in his face. He followed The Iron Sheik on Twitter, who promptly called him a Jabroni. He wandered into a Brony convention, and a bearded man dressed as My Little Pony introduced himself as Jay Brony. It was awful! Renfroe, or as Scooby would call him, ‘Renfroe,’ has a batting average that is the dog’s breakfast, which means it’s Scooby snacks. Zoinks! That’s not why you’re owning him; it’s for power, that he has in spades (though clubs would make more sense). If you need power in the final ten days, grab Renfroe, you jabroni! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know how they say think about baseball to make sex last longer? Okay, so I was thinking, to make the baseball season last longer do we think about baseball? Maybe we think about sex. This is a riddle for the Sphinx! I saw Chris Sale struck out his 300th batter of the season, and I got a pit in my stomach. I mean, I know the season’s quickly approaching its French end title, “Fin,” but it still bums me out like a mid-20’s Evan Gattis. Yesterday, Chris Sale went 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.75. He became the first Red Sox player to record 300 Ks in a season since Pedro Martinez in 1999. And Pedro had his good luck charm, little person, Nelson de la Rosa! Well, I guess Sale does have Pedroia. You look at Sale’s peripherals and you kinda wanna drool — 12.9 K/9, 1.8 BB/9, 2.62 xFIP, and averaging 94 MPH on his fastball. His K-rate is the third best for a starter since 1900. Okay, so maybe Kluber doesn’t win the Cy Young. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Who loves irony? Did you just answer your mom? I said irony, not ironing. As the British will tell you, irony is not a well-pressed shirt. Though, now that I think about it, if I had a well-pressed shirt, and I said, “This thing is real irony,” I wouldn’t be wrong because I was saying it. Any hoo! The irony I speak of is Alex Gordon hitting the major leagues’ record 5,694th home run on the year, while there was less offense around the league last night than I could remember in some time. Granted, from around September 11th to 14th is a bit of a blur. A true highlight (building shizz up now!) was Kevin Gausman and his dismantling of the Sawx (really overselling) with the line 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.61. This year, like a case of lice, Gausman is a real head scratcher. Looking at his perfs (kids say this; think it’s short for perfumes), Gausman is having a garbage year. Velocity is there, so doubt it’s a hidden injury. The walks are way up, Ks are down, and the culprit appears to be his fastball. Went from a near-10 in pitch value on his speed ball to a negative. FS shouldn’t abbreviate fastball, it should be for “F**k’s sake.” The good news is this sounds like a mechanics problem, and might’ve been fixed already. Thanks, Pep Boys! His 1st half vs. 2nd half: 5.85 ERA vs. 3.44; 7.7 K/9 vs. 9.6 K/9; 4 BB/9 vs. 3.2. Yeah, sadly enough, it’s going to be hard to avoid him in 2018 again. Now, that’s real irony (no, it’s not). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Doh! A deer, a female deer and also what the Dodgers say. Ray, a drop of golden filth. Me, a name I call myself who owns J.D. Martinez and Robbie Ray. Fa, a long long way to run if a Bostonian is saying far. SO another name for strikeouts. LA is where the game took place. Ti I dribble down my face, when J.D. Martinez and Robbie Ray play. Yesterday, Ray went 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 14 Ks, ERA down to 2.80. Robbie Ray is an ace. No matter how you slice that pecan pie, he’s an ace. No matter how you put that pancake batter on the skittle. No matter how you put whipped cream in my mouth. My God, I’m so hungry. Cougs has got me doing this Whole30 diet and I’m legit about to eat my hand. At Endorphin Ralph’s top 100 starters for this week, Ray’s ranked 6th. Can’t argue that, and last night he dunked all over the LA K’ers. Then, J.D. Martinez got my goosepimples all a-titter. He went 4-for-5, 6 RBIs with his 31st, 32nd, 33rd and 34th homer. Someone has to Just Dong, so who better than Just Dong? Who?! Sorry, I’m writing this wearing an owl costume. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Valar morghulis. Who could predict that throwing over 150 innings every year since Felix Hernandez turned 18 would be dangerous? Oh, everyone? In pitcher years I’m pretty sure King Felix is 63 years old. Stash or Trash: Trash. He’s predicted to miss 3 or 4 weeks and I’d hate for you to stash Felix and miss your playoffs. This is the 3rd year in a row that Felix’s ERA has risen and it is now at the point where he should yield his “Mariners Ace” crown to the Kingslayer James Paxton. Fill In: German Marquez (44.7%.) It’s time for everyone’s favorite game show: “What Are This Colorado Pitcher’s Splits?!” Home: 4.31; Away: 3.86. Actually not that bad! Marquez has allowed more than 3 runs in only 4 of his 18 starts this season including his last 5 starts being quality starts.
Fantasy Football RCLs are here! Join one today to take on your favorite writers and other readers of Razzball for a chance at prizes!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s just go on what logic tells us. Not Logic, the rapper, but logic the thing you’ve been chipping away at with your weed smoking. In 2015, Billy Beane traded Drew Pomeranz to the Padres for Yonder Alonso. At the time, we have to assume Beane wanted a slugging first baseman. A guy that could hit 25+ homers. Okay, so they dealt with terrible Alonso for two years, and, then, when they get what you think they had to be hoping for, they trade him for a prospect (Boog Powell) that many believe is a bench player. Now, even if Powell pans out, you had in Alonso what you wanted already. I’m beginning to think Beane just does trades to do trades. If you were to hear in fifteen years that Beane was trying to make the A’s worse to get out of Oakland, would anyone be surprised? Moneyball 2 is going to be starring Jamie Kennedy and straight-to-DVD. Any hoo! Alonso loses some value going to the M’s because he’ll likely platoon with Danny Valencia (hit his 13th homer on Sunday), though, I guess it could be argued this is a positive move for Alonso, because he’s hit .188 vs. lefties this year. As for Powell, the A’s might promote and platoon him because what do they have to lose? Or rather, what do they have to win? If they’re lucky, Boog will bring some of his trademark ribs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was craving sashimi last night, so I sauntered to my local sushi joint. When I walked through the door, I heard the familiar, “Irrashaimase maido,” from the chefs behind the counter. As I nodded my head down reverently, I realized there was a new member of the crew. I like to live dangerously, so I sat down at the bar in front of him. I usually ask the chef, “What’s good today?” but last night it was just, “Prepare what you think is best.” Like I said, I like to live dangerously. If I wasn’t sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation, I would’ve knocked my chair backwards and banged my head on the floor from the show I was presented. It was all so un-Benihana-esque. The skill. The grace. As he wiped the sweat from his forehead after slicing and dicing the manta rays placed before him, I asked him one simple question. “Who are you?” He looked me in the eye and responded, “I am Masahiro Tanaka of the New York Yankees.” Tanaka was perfect for five innings Friday night. He ended up allowing two hits, one earned run, did not walk a batter, and struck out 14 in eight innings. 77-of-109 pitches were thrown for strikes. That’s how you earn a big tip! Now, keep in mind that Tampa Bay strikes out the fourth-most frequently against RHP and the huge night knocked down his ERA to 5.09 for the year. He did give up four, three, and five earned runs in his prior three starts and got pummeled in his two previous starts against TB. As Friday night showed, though, Tanaka does have the ability to absolutely dominate. When I eat raw fish, I know there’s always the risk that I could be eating some three-eyed monster from Fukushima. That’s how I feel about starting Tanaka. As I said before, I like to live dangerously.
Here’s what else I saw from Friday night’s action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Lately, Eric Hosmer has been living up to his nickname, Mini Joey Votto. Hmm, that’s a bit long for a nickname. How about Mini Joey? Oh, I know, Embryonic Kangaroo! That rolls off the tongue! *Grey puts on a terrible Aussie accent* “Embryonic Kangaroo is a fair dinkum chockers! What a ripper! I need a sickie, a slab and a barbie on the back of the ute! Or just watch that Toni Collete movie where she’s in the wheelchair singing ABBA. That gets me knickers on the soddy poop schmear!” Yesterday, the Embryonic Kangaroo went 5-for-6, 5 runs, 6 RBIs and a slam (16) and legs (5), hitting .319. He has four homers post-ASB in 50 ABs, and seems to finally have the chockers on dinkum. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On the podcast coming later today, I felt a reverb. Luckily, I do everything while standing in a doorway because who has time to run to a doorway in the event of a earthquake? This reverb wasn’t God practicing his spinning of tectonic plates. Oh no. This reverb wasn’t Dr. Dre messing with Technics either. No siree, Bob. This was the Padres trading Brandon Maurer and Trevor Cahill to the Royals for Matt Strahm, Travis Wood and Esteury Ruiz. Damn, San Diego, save some of the trading deadline hype for other people. Okay, I’m laying it on too thick. This trade is okay for both teams. Royals appear to have playoff aspirations, and get bullpen depth that they should never use in Maurer and Cahill, who has some of the most extreme splits I’ve ever seen. In Petco: 0.72 ERA; elsewhere: 5.75 ERA. Goodbye, my old friend! Of course, this means Brad Hand officially officially becomes the closer. Wouldn’t totally shock me to see Hand dealt — to who? Phil Ivey? — and Maton become the closer, but that’s more for NL-Only. Matt Strahm is an interesting name for NL-Only leagues for next year. As of now, he’s out after knee surgery, and he’s from the crazy Ks and crazy walks variety show, Krazy BBs. By the way, I believe Esteury Ruiz is Rio Ruiz with a badly thought out new name in the Witness Protection Program. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Now the baseball Gods have gone too far. Carlos Correa was my AL MVP pick for this year, my biggest keeper in my main league and one of my few reasons for joy so far this fantasy season. 6-8 weeks is his time table and since it is a torn ligament and not a broken bone he probably won’t have that super-human Freddie Freeman healing time frame. August 29th is the earliest we might see Correa take the field again in real life, but he’ll be playing SS and hitting HRs every night in my dreams. Stash or Trash: Stash. Unless you’re in a 2-team league. In which case, what the hell is wrong with you? Fill In: I grabbed Jose Reyes (18.3%) because I’ve lost control of my life. Since the beginning of July, Reyes has a .405 AVG with 3 HR but only 1 SB. If he’s figured something out he might find eventually himself hitting higher than 7th in the Mets lineup. More likely though, I’ll be cycling short stops in an out until August 29th.Please, blog, may I have some more?