Recently, I had the pleasure of doing karaoke with Johnny Cueto. He decided to go with Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. Here’s what he sang, “I took my ERA and I took it down…. I climbed a mountain and I turned around… And I saw my xFIP in the snow covered hills… Well, I’ve been afraid of changing… ‘Cause I’ve kicked the life out of Jason LaRue… Awh, take this ERA, and TAKE IT DOWN!…” Then I joined him on stage for Islands in the Stream. Cueto was pitch perfect with Stevie Nicks even if he did skip lines here and there to keep it related to fantasy baseball. Right now, his ERA is 1.63. Oh, c’mon. Seriously, come on. Come on, come on, come on Chameleon! His xFIP is 3.52. His K-rate is 6.23 which isn’t good and below previous season marks. He’s leaving 83% men on and has a .216 BABIP. There’s not one category he’s excelling in right now except ERA. The mouth on the left side says, “S.” The mouth on the right side says, “ell.” Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Mark Melancon – He doesn’t make the cut off of 50% owned in ESPN for this post, but that’s my own self-imposed rule, so screw you, homes! Kidding. (Or am I?!) I’m listing Melancon because his ownership is actually going down. Um, he’s the closer, what gives?
Jeff Baker – While the Purple Evolutionist is off mending and writing in his journal about the dodo bird, Baker is seeing starts in his stead. “Yo, get out of my stead!” That was a farmer in the 1860’s.
Jemile Weeks – Just went over him this morning, shut all your porn windows and pay attention to Razzball!
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – This will be the last mention of Nishioka in a Buy column. Won’t mean I like him more or less, but shizz is getting repetitive.
Chris Getz – Has stolen a decent amount of bases this season (12 — well, I did modify with ‘decent’), but he’s strictly a poor man’s everyman.
David Freese – Over the course of a full season, he’s capable of 20 homers and a solid average. He won’t be playing a whole season. Don’t quibble, Random Italicized Voice. But I’m hungry. That’s not what quibble means. Riiiight. I’d grab Freese and expect some power and a good average.
Dayan Viciedo – I think we’re finally affecting change. Last week I told you to pick up Viciedo and this week he’s gone up 0.1% in ownership at ESPN. Woo-hoo! Razzball, we’re the tenth-percenters!
Roger Bernadina – I told you to grab him about a month ago. In that time, he’s been better than Victorino, Ethier, Beltran, Bautista (eat it!), Bossman Upton, Abreu, Ichiro, etc. etc. etc. How is he owned in only 24% of ESPN leagues? Oh, as we just learned, he’d only be owned in 23.9% of ESPN leagues without us. Yay me!
Jason Bay – Haven’t been a big fan of his for years and I’m not suddenly flipping sides like Anakin. I told you to grab him the other day after his 3-for-3, home run game. Then he went back to old Bay without the delicious fish, meat or chicken seasoning. If he’s available, I’d take a flyer that he might get hot.
Wily Mo Pena – Probably only a very short term add for power. On the bright side, his strikeouts generate electricity.
Jonny Gomes – It’s Jonny cat! Frisky! I love this short term add for power, but you must be able to switch him in and out of your lineup when he’s not playing.
Desmond Jennings – I’m guessing he’s up in the next week to ten days. If someone wants to Gillooly Fuld and Ruggiano, that time can be bumped up.
Jon Jay – Four score and one month ago, I told you Juan Hay would get value when Holliday went to the DL. He did a’ight, but didn’t really shamwow my fantasy teams. Well, he’s getting another opportunity with Pujols carrying the burden of one million fantasy teams ruined.
Jordan Schafer – The Braves announced that even with the return of McLousy, Schafer will be the starter. Now when Prado returns something’s gotta give, old lady movie. Until then, I’d grab Schafer for some speed.
Brandon Beachy – I’ve talked about him so much that he should be on everyone’s team that reads this site. There’s really no excuse. And that’s me just being real with you.
Cory Luebke – If he were on any other team, I’d tell you to hold, but in Petco very little can go wrong (damn, if that’s not a jinx I don’t know what is).
Carlos Carrasco – His name sounds like an upscale Mexican restaurant and he’s throwing some good stuff at the plate. It’s a mashup of puns! I’m like Girl Talk of fantasy baseball bloggers. (If you don’t know Girl Talk, shame on you. Download All Day. Here’s your preemptive you’re welcome.)
Doug Fister – Fister? But he hardly knew her! Sorry, so hard to resist that. He’s at a 3.34 ERA and 1.21 WHIP on the season. Yeah, that’s better than that other schmohawk you own. And him too.
Rick Porcello – Of course you should drop him. I’m only listing him to make a point. We get some comments in the Buy/Sell that there are so many more Buy’s than Sell’s. Well, yeah, dur. I’m not going to list 35 names of players to drop. Plus, people have players that are injured and need short term replacements so that’s what the Buy does. Gives you some names for fill-in’s. Now back to the Sell…
Ryan Vogelsong – He’s up to about 97% owned which means there’s been some Johnny-come-lately’s who have gone to the waiver wire in your league to find Vogelsong gone. After that, they’re like, “Damn, you so-and-so always get the hot waiver wire adds.” At that point, you sell Vogelsong to them.
Michael Morse – Sorry, you knew it was coming though, right? I mean, he hit .400+ in May and around .330 so far in June. If he hit .270 the rest of the way, it wouldn’t completely surprise me. He has 13 home runs now, he might hit ten the rest of the way. That would give him around 25 homers and .280 for the whole season. That’s great, wonderful, superlative. Now I’m not trading him for a Bed, Bath and Beyond 20% off coupon, but I would explore options.