Don't be shellfish...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+

“I’ve had a vision so great, as it came to me I wept.”

Greetings! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, and last night I witnessed Stephen Strasburg grasping his ankles, shutting his eyelids, gritting his teeth, and receiving the kind of punishment I haven’t seen or thought possible since Tupac verbally accosted the Notorious B.I.G. and his entire crew back in 95. Witnessing this made me think of the film Waterworld. Why you ask? I’m not 100 percent positive, but it’s probably the way superstar, Kevin Costner, was slammed by critics for his dry, mediocre performance in the same fashion I continuously bash Strasburg for his ineptitude on the mound. This brought on a vision of intertwining Strasburg and Waterworld, into another epic fantasy baseball post, and when the vision hit me, I wept tears of joy.

water_1434950c

Really, Beddict? Waterworld? What’s next, Dances With Wolves? What?! It’s throwback Thursday, is it not?! Strasy as the most hyped pitching prospect in the history of baseball and Waterworld (did you know Jack Black was in this film?), which at the time of it’s release was the most expensive film ever made, are extremely similar if you take a few moments and really get ballz deep in your analyzations. Waterworld didn’t fulfill America’s wants and needs (it did fairly well overseas) and Strasburg seems destined to similarly dissatisfy. Let me be clear guys/gals; This isn’t the end of the world by any means. I mean, hey, Waterworld was an extremely enjoyable movie and I’m sure you all agree… no? Most of you then? A few of you? ONE OF YOU!? Either way, the point is this; Though the film never came lived up to the immense hype, it still did well outside of America and sold enough copies on DVD to eventually make a profit. A very small profit, but a profit nonetheless.

Strasburg still has elite abilities, but seems to be missing whatever “it” is that makes Kershaw or Darvish undeniable superstars. I chose Strasy as my preseason Cy Young winner, going with my heart that this would be his breakout year, fully transforming into the G.O.A.T. we all wished he would become. Alas, that doesn’t seem to be in the cards as he’s been uninspiring in 3 of his 4 starts, including one of the most disgraceful outings of his young career this past Tuesday. Words cannot begin to describe the pain and anguish I felt while witnessing that performance. Let’s just pray to the Elder Gods that he’s not injured (he probably is) and hope for a quick turnaround.

I’ve decided to do Game of Thrones every two weeks. This way, it gives everyone a chance to catch up on the show and it also delivers me more quotes to pick and choose from. Everyones’s a winner, yay!!!!

For this week though, it’s Waterworld time, and I’ll sprinkle in some of Dennis Hopper’s character, Deacon’s quotes, for the sake of everyone’s enjoyment (possibly only mine).  Now let’s relish another installment of Disgrace/Delight. 

MLB Disgraces: 

Xander BogaertsThe whole no power/no speed thing is really beginning to wear on me. Oh, did I mention Bogomil here doesn’t have a single RBI this season (he just had his first after I submitted this post)? He seems to only produce base hits at the most inopportune times, as far as helping the Red Sox is concerned. Everyone keeps telling me, “he doesn’t like the cold weather.” Are you effing kidding me? Another one of my low-life friends told me recently that it was just a Dominican Aruban thing. I’m sorry, but those comments come across exceptionally racist, not to mention pathetic excuses for not being able to be a productive member of MLB society. Was that too harsh? My apologies, I’m just sensitive since a sizable portion of my fan base are composed of Dominican Aruban women. Those a$$es!

“Well, I’ll be damned. It’s the gentleman guppy. You know, he’s like a turd that won’t flush.”

These three turds need to be flushed somethin’ fierce, ya’ll:

Matt Lindstrom- As I tried to warn you a few weeks back, Lindstrom is an absolute toad of closer. It blows my mind that he’s being paid to play professional baseball, let alone being the back-end stopper for what should be an up-and-coming team. Don’t fret, my friends, for his time is nearly at an end. One more blown save should put rookie, Daniel Webb, in as closer. Inserting Lindstrom at closer and expecting saves is like throwing Christian Slater in a big budget film and expecting anything better than an epic failure. Gross. Just gross.

Brandon LeagueLet me get this straight for ten thousandth time; The Dodgers gave League $22.5 million guaranteed before last season, even though they already had an obvious upper-echelon closer, Kenley Jansen on their roster, making nothing? Let me reiterate what I said last year after this ridiculously disgraceful contract was given out; Brandon League is one of the worst relief pitchers in baseball. You just gave him enough money to feed the continent of Africa for 50 years. Ladies and gentlemen, your Los Angles Dodgers. Pathetic.

Rex BrothersWhat in the name of the Gods happened to Sexy Rexy!? I predicted LaTroy Hawkins would lose the closers job to Brothers within a month or two, and how was I rewarded you ask? With a bowl full of dog shizz. Brothers has loaded the bases multiple times, and is now in danger of losing the 8th inning role. I had the gaul to laugh at Colorado management for bringing in a 59 year old Hawkins, but now the joke’s on Beddict, and Beddict don’t enjoy being laughed at yo.

“If you’ll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming from the hole in my head, you can assume that we’re all having a real lousy day.”

You can be sure Erasmo Ramirez owners had real lousy days the last two times he started a game. Rarely do I sour on a player this quickly, but I’m just not seeing any positives to “Felix Jr.’s” game. I witnessed Ramirez’s last two starts in there entirety and was in awe of how insanely hittable he was. Like, I haven’t seen human life perform this pathetically since everyone and anyone who was involved with the major motion picture In the Name of the KingDroppable in all standard formats.

Did my ears deceive me or was Adam Jones truly running his mouth about the Elder God blessed, Masashiro Tanaka? Did my eyes deceive me or did Tanaka not fan the ice-cold Jones not once, but twice, when they faced off? What is Jones so bitter about? Maybe he’s still upset the Mariners sent him and Chris Tillman packing for All-Star Erik Bedard (can we have a redo on that one please?). Either way, Jones can’t hit anything and Tanaka is seemingly throwing a gem each and every time I turn on the TV. Settle down Jonesy, and respect the future legend or there will be consequences and repercussions. Witness!

Non MLB Disgraceful people, places or things:

You know, I thought you were stupid, friend. But I underestimated you. You are a total freaking retard! Ha-ha-ha…

Leonardo DiCaprio dancing at Coachella- Wow, Leo must have been popping Mollys like Tic-Tacs, cuz he’s in the zone ya’ll! Check THIS out.

300: Rise of an Empire: I was going to use a more relevant film, such as this one, for my post, but the movie did absolutely nothing for me. Therefore, it didn’t deserve the headline and pretty much doesn’t even deserve this tiny blurb. Everything about the sequel was inferior to the original; Themistocles is no King Leonidas. The women aren’t sexy. King Xerxes was nowhere near as imposing as he was in the first installment. The sex scene I had been hearing about for months didn’t even put me in the mood, and I’m going to be honest with you; Almost ANYTHING puts your boy Beddict in the mood. This film should have been sent directly to DVD. Garbage.

Chelsea Handler not being given the CBS Late Night show gig: I told anyone who would listen (not many) a few years back, that Handler had what it took to be the first female late night talk show host. Now, I must admit, I don’t watch her show anymore but there was a time when this model I was dating insisted upon watching it nightly. When you have an underwear model who cooks, cleans, and loves stroking your chicken (literally, she loved petting my chicken, Beattrice), you throw her a bone (not that bone) every now and again and let her watch a show or two. Handler was originally going into my delight section, for I had heard she was taking that Scottish dude’s spot on CBS. While typing this I saw an article stating CBS had dropped her from the running. Bad call, guys. Handler is a star wether everyone wants to admit or not, and she deserves the chance at being the first ever female late night talk show host. I know she would be successful and I’m sure it will happen for her down the road. Love ya girl!

MLB players who Delighted me this week:

“Let’s have an intelligent conversation here: I’ll talk, and you listen.”

Bryce Harper- It’s nice to breath a sigh of relief in knowing my prize possession is now hitting well above .300 and is showing no signs of slowing down. Wait, what? He’s hurt? FML.

Michael Pineda- Oooooh, that hook is dirtier than Precious’s drawls after an all-you-can-eat $5 dollar Vegas Buffet! Pineda, who I suggested all readers take a late round flyer on, has looked supremely dominant in his first two starts (3rd happening at time of typing, but I know he won’t let me down) of the season and he’s left me like a frothing at the mouth meth addict, who wants, no, not wants, NEEDS MORE!

Domonic BrownThe Elder Gods have blessed “Sir Domonic” with the kind of abilities only a handful of former major leaguers have ever possessed. That 3-run bomb he stroked to put Philly up by 1 run to going into the 9th brought tears to my eyes. Alas, it was all for nought, as the Phillies reliever who I refuse to look the name up on since he took away Dom Dom’s glory, gave up a grand salami to “Mr. close my eyes and swing,” Dan Uggla. Hold on just a tic. This is fantasy baseball. I don’t care about the Phillies and their minimum requirement of being 35-years-old to make the roster. I just care about their one and only true gem of a life form, “Delightful Domonic” Brown. My exasperation with Ryne Sandberg for refusing to move Brown up in the order has reached new highs, but hey, what can we do? Nothing, other than watch this strapping, perfectly proportioned stallion continue to rake and steal bases out of the 6-hole.

Andrelton SimmonsI am enamored with this young Brave and continue to question why Fredi Gonzalez continues to bat him so disgracefully low in the order. I suppose he prefers having a guy who is batting nearly 2oo point less on the season in the 2-hole. It all makes sense now, Fredi. If this blurb was going to be all about “Drop Dead Fred’s” ineptitude, it would belong in the Disgrace section, so let’s move on before I have to re-edit this entire post. When I say “I,” I mean Jay. Anyway, kudos to you if you drafted Simmons late, for he looks like star in the making.

Johnny Cueto- You know I had to give a shout out to my boy, “Johnny Be-Good”!!! After witnessing his complete game, 12 K, shutout performance over Pittsburgh, I can promise you, Cueto is 100 percent back and better than ever. Kudos to you if you stole him late in the draft.  

Adrian Gonzalez- A-Gone is hotter than a Carolina Reaper pepper, drenched in wasabi. I was aghast when Gonzo dropped like a rock in all of my fantasy drafts. I wondered if I had missed something? First basemen who hit 30 homers, knock in over 100 RBIs and bat over .300 don’t grow on trees, do they? Speaking of trees, how high were the people who allowed this Mexican God to drop between rounds 8-10? The moral of this story? Stop smoking marijuana.

Neil Walker- My word!!! I haven’t witnessed a Walker this hot since the immortal Chuck Norris played a Texas Ranger on Television. 5 jacks and 9 RBIs? Yes please! Thats 5 more bombs than Cano and Bogaerts have COMBINED! Uh yea, that’s because they both have zero, and that’s embarrassing. A black hole is created when Neil Walker roundhouse kicks a sun.

Looks like I’m a tad late in jumping on the Jesse Chavez  bandwagon, but best believe I sprinted up to that wagon like Carl Lewis and flung myself aboard with no regard for public safety. Chavez hasn’t give up more than 1 earned run in any of his 3 starts thus far, and has K’d 9……..TWICE! We shan’t get too excited though, for Chavez is a former reliever who is 30 years of age. What’s the cause of this sudden success? Is he on a new form of undetectable steroid? Is he slapping skins with Kate Upton (NSFW)? Is he just on a hot streak that will no doubt end up with him going down in flames and us forgetting about him in a couple months? There’s a pretty solid chance that it’s one of those three things.

Robbie Erlin – Just thought you’d like to know I consider the “Duke of Erl-in” a must add at the moment. So if he’s available, jump on it like Sir Mix-a-lot said.

Kevin Kouzmanoff- Kouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuz!!! Oh how I yearn to be back in San Diego, enjoying a beautiful, sunny day at the ballpark. Kouz getting off brings back memories, and I for one, am rooting for the big guy. Knowing that he gets to perform in front of more than a couple thousand fans (not the fair-weather Padres type) brings great warmth to my soul. I say pick him up for the next week or two and watch him produce.

Todd FrazierGrey couldn’t have been more on point when he said Frazier was going to have a monster year in 2014….Hold on….checking my notes….He said 2013? Oh well, it’s all good. I won a title with Fraz last year and I expect nothing less this season. The important thing here is that Grey pointed out the Frazier’s talent and upside and now we’re witnessing it first hand……He started out hot last year too, didn’t he….

Nord: “So which way we rowin’?”

Deacon: “I don’t have a goddamn clue. Don’t worry, they’ll row for a month before they figure out I’m fakin’ it”

This line slays me! I am by no means a know-it-all and obviously everything I predict is not going to come to fruition. However, I have had a pretty successful fantasy sports career and enjoy attempting to entertain readers while giving a bit of insight. The majority of you can make all the right decisions on your own and use Razzball as a soundboard for your thoughts and ideas. Never would I suggest that it’s a smart idea to just blindly take somebody’s advice without putting in homework of your own. This public service announcement was brought to you by DeaconWaterworld’s one man highlight real.

Non MLB Delights: 

X-Men: Days of Futures Past Trailer- THIS film is almost guaranteed to be legendary. The linked preview blew my mind. Whoever leaves the most interesting comment in the “comment section” of this post wins a ticket to go see it with me in IMAX. And it would be even cooler if you brought two chicks with you. I used to love comic books, so it’s a true pleasure witnessing these films brought to life. #NerdAlert

Razzball’s 32in32in32: I’m sure you’ve heard all about this by now, but my main man, Nick Capozzi, is touring the nation with my treasured  “Boss” JayWrong, doing 32 fantasy football drafts in all 32 NFL cities. This is a baseball post, but if you’re for some reason not participating in fantasy football, you need to jump on that horse and ride it. Like NOW! Oh yea, I also write for the football section if you weren’t aware, and I do a damn good job too!!! My Mom says so anyway…..Anyway, I hope you all come out and hang out with the various Razzball writers including yours truly. I’m not sure what cities I’m going to be hitting yet, but it’s due time Tehol went East.

Ok boys and girls, that’s all for this week but make sure, MAKE POSITIVELY SURE, that you watch Game of Thrones, as next week will be GOT themed for episodes 2/3 of season 4. As per usual your comments and questions will be responded to below. Any topic is safe here so don’t be shy. Don’t post d$ck pics, but pretty much anything else is a go. If you’re not following me on Twitter at @TeholBeddict47, I’d highly suggest doing so. Remember, I’m cocksure, not cocky. There’s a difference. May the Elder Gods look down kindly upon you this weekend. Peace out.

  1. endershadow says:
    (link)

    Do you like Dee Gordon over Xander in a points league yet?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @endershadow: uhhhh for right now yea it’s not even close. Still prefer xander over length of season but ask me again in 2 weeks and I may have a different answer

  2. Matt says:
    (link)

    Shoot, so dont hang on to chavez for this next to starts vs houston?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Matt: no!! Mos def hang onto him buddy. He might throw a perfect game!

  3. The Thumb says:
    (link)

    Brother Tehol, i warn you not to vex with young (old?) Jesse Chavez. His next four starts are Hou (twice!), texas, and seattle. Let us pray for 35 Ks, i think we all deserve it.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @The Thumb: oh I’m by no means saying drop him now. I just picked him up for the GODs s sake. I’m saying like a month or 2 from now he may fall off is all. I hope he never does and I get to enjoy some of the ride

  4. Huskers95 says:
    (link)

    Do you like Seager or Frazier more for ROS and is Frazier worth using the #1 waiver priority on?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Huskers95: frazier right now. Seags looks horrible. Sure worth waiver wire unless u can get springer

      • Huskers95 says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: Muchos Gracias. I have Springer, but he’s not 3B eligible and Seager is making my whole team smell bad.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Huskers95: tru dat. Yea Seags is struggalin somethin fierce. Frazier will be solid

  5. steve says:
    (link)

    What’s your rationale with Erlin?

    • steve says:
      (link)

      @steve: FWIW, the player page link is not working (which i realize is not new news), so i couldn’t check to see if you had written/posted on Erlin previously

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @steve: the high know rate. The nice overall numbers. Josh Johnson being done. Lots to like. Especially at home ballpark

  6. matt h says:
    (link)

    Xander is from Aruba not the Dominican Republic. Assuming he was Dominican is probably the most glaring racist aspect of that blurb.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @matt h: I’m quoting others! Jeeez. Ok I didn’t do the proper research but the comments given were generalized Towards people from warm weather nations. I hope u understand that. Beddict don’t discriminate. I regulate every shade of that ass. Hating is a disease. Relax

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @matt h: that being said I think it’s Jays fault. He s changing it. Sweet sweet jay

      • matt h says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: haha warm weather nations about as politically correct as possible. Good one.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @matt h: Matt H, are you not understanding me? I never referred to him as a domincan. I clearly stated that my low life friends did. Not sure what you’re missing here. and again in the comment section i said “my friends” comments were generalized based on there thought processes. Relax dude. Thanks for commenting

          • Jonas says:
            (link)

            @Tehol Beddict: typical. (all kidding aside you have helped me today!)

            • Tehol Beddict says:
              (link)

              @Jonas: well that makes me happy Jonas.

  7. D Rich says:
    (link)

    Strasburg is so weak!! He’s like a guy you hire who killed the interview process and then all of a sudden you look back 3 years later and you realize this guy needs to be fired! Erlin looks very interesting, with Josh Johsnon out all year do you think Erlin could be ownable all season?!

    • D Rich says:
      (link)

      I just picked up Erlin and dropped Erasmo that fat loser! Glad i put him in my lineup today!! kill me who is kouzmanoff?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
        (link)

        @D Rich: kouuuuuuuuuz!! The former padre legend. Get familiar home slice. Erasmo is done in my eyes. Right on cue he gets shelled again. Bum

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @D Rich: strasy killed me yesterday so he had this coming. Not sure about all season but erlin needs to be owned now for sure.u know a few people who should be fired also.

  8. Jimbo says:
    (link)

    Holy fuck that trailer looked good.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Jimbo: oh I had to watch that twice big dog. I’m ready

  9. Korey says:
    (link)

    AL only, 10 team. With Springer’s call up I now have too many OF and 1B and have to keep a good bat on the bench. I have Abreu and Hunter as sell high candidates. I need 3B and SP. Would Abreu for Machado be even or do you think I should go for more?

    Thanks, I enjoy your stuff as always.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Korey: yo yo. Hunter as in Tommy? or Tori? probably wouldn’t flip Abreu for Machado quite yet tho I’m not as high on Abreu as some. Still a bit concerned with Machado’s injury so that one scares me a bit. As far as the Hunters go, whichever one you’re referring to, yes, I would sell high.

      • Korey says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: Sorry, forgot about Tommy. Tori is the one I have, which gives me him, Wil Myers, Adam Jones, and Springer. Those four plus Abreu and Pujols over fill my position and utility spots.

        Thanks again, and something I needed to consider about Manny’s injury.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Korey: yea sell hunter by all means necessary. If someone bites, slang him like a 20 sack of tha chronic

          • Korey says:
            (link)

            @Tehol Beddict: yeah no one wants Hunter. Been offered Yordano Ventura for my Springer/Teixeira (I have Pujkls and Abreu already anyways). Could use the SP. What do you think?

            I think may call you Tehol the White, and skip Tehol the Grey.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
              (link)

              @Korey: thats interesting. how does your outfield look? I’d do that trade if your outfield decent

              • Korey says:
                (link)

                @Tehol Beddict: OF is Tori Hunter, Wil Myers, and Adam Jones so other than Hunter it should be solid. Oswaldo is also on the DL.

                • Tehol Beddict says:
                  (link)

                  @Korey: yea, I’m on board with that

  10. Gonzo_The_Great says:
    (link)

    Tehol the wise and mighty, it’s like we’re brothers from another mother with this Rex “The Manliest Name In Baseball” Brothers thing.

    Keeper league so I’m remiss to let him go so early, but the combo of Hawkins looking okay, Brothers pitching poorly, and others in that pen pitching well makes me think I should use the roster spot on someone more productive like Erlin.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Gonzo_The_Great: yea, that’s a bit more tough of a decision in a keeper league for sure. But you may be able to pick him back up before anyone else if he shows any signs of life. How many can you keep brotha G? Erlin is tempting.

  11. Erasmo.....SOB says:
    (link)

    Hey,
    10-team Keeper h2H cat. (9Hit -R,H,HR,RBI,SB,BB,AVG,OPS,XBH 8PIT-W,CG,SV,K,GIDP, ERA,WHIP, QS)
    I’m going to dro–Throw Erasmo off my squad, was thinking of picking up a BN bat (have 4 Bench Pit)
    Waiver = B. Dozier, N. Walker, M. Morse, T. Frazier, J. Lowrie, A. Jackson, T. Hunter.
    thanks in advance

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Erasmo…..SOB: Those are all tasty waiver wire morsels. If you don’t need a particular position I’d probably lean Morse, followed by Jackson and Frazier.

      MFing Erasmo. Wow, what a let down

  12. Jimbo says:
    (link)

    In a 15 team mixed someone dropped Rasmus for some 2 start crap pitcher. How much FAAB would you drop on him?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Jimbo: Hmmmmmmm. how much do you have? 100? maybe 5/6? He has 20 plus homer potential. doesnt steal anymore tho, which is strange. Always depends on who you’re playing with. If you have to overpay by a few bucks to get him, so be it.

  13. The Duchess says:
    (link)

    I’m a little surprised with your #NerdAlert- and I have to wonder if you wrote this in your X-Men undies…did you Tehol? seems like it since it was practically PG-rated and certainly not dirty enough for the Duchess.
    You were already lambasted for the incorrect rather racial Xander remark- so I’ll refrain from also doing so, but how did you not know he’s from Aruba? So what if he’s freezing, I’m freezing too and rightfully so for us here on the frigid East coast… the guy is practically a lock for AL ROY (assuming he’s eligible- I am not an expert on eligibility) his glove is amazing, and he will hit and he will run. And he speaks 4 languages- should you ever need some actually accurate Xander trivia in the future.

    So, I let you slide on the Dominican comment but you need to justify why Erlin is a must add. I understand he has 1 BB in 11.1 IP and has a beautiful 0.97 WHIP but he plays on a team that likes to produce runs once or twice a week. So he’s a must add if you are looking for anything but wins?

    Are you ever going to write a post that doesn’t mention Domonic Brown? In the last 7 days he’s gone 4/21 w/an OBP of .261 (i play in an OBP lg so I never pay attn to AVG). Man, I want a few of him on my team. He’s not even that good looking…pick someone worthy of having this large of a mancrush on…like Kemp, who is hitting just about as excitingly as Dom Brown right now but at least he looks gorgeous doing so.

    With your taste in movies I cringe at your selections for date night…that is assuming you go on dates? I mean there are tons of hot women that go to those comic book conventions, no? However, you’re still one of the best experts out there, and I hope I haven’t been uninvited as your “date” to one of the stop’s on 32x32x32…. but pls leave your X-Men undies at home. xox

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @The Duchess: Duchess!!! My sweet, sexy, darling dove!!! If you witnessed me in my x-men man thong you’d probably faint, then wake up hornier than Alexis Texas off of 3 mollies. Not dirty enough for you? How dirty do you like it? Porn star dirty? or 2 girls 1 cup dirty?

      Dammit, people told me Bogaerts was a Dominican!!! The point was warm weather men of color not performing well in cold weather. what i said was irresponsible not racist.

      Jose Fernandez didnt get a ton of wins last year but he was a superstar. Erlin obviously not on this level, but yes, those stats matter. Wins are tough to come by.

      i will write a post that doesnt include Domonic Brown when he is no longer relevant. He singled and scored the Phillies only run today making him a full blown hero in the eyes of millions of Phillies fanatics.
      I’ve never been to Comic Con tho Ive always wanted to go. they actually hire hot chicks to be there including many strippers, many of which I know personally.

      Yes, you’re still mid ate for 32in32in32, and I won’t be wearing x men undies because I won’t be wearing any undies at all. Cant wait

      • The Duchess says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: After reading your reply I promptly ran to the waiver wire and added Erlin…I hope you’re right bc I seriously dislike the padres right now. I too saw big Dom Brown score that only run today-but it didn’t bring me any pleasure… nor does the thought of you in any form of X-Men underwear. Step it up, buy some Zimmerli then you’ll have every girl willing to go on your bad movie dates leaving their undies at home…..you can thank me in person at 32in32in… inches? Man oh man I don’t envy those comic con strippers you’re so familiar with…

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @The Duchess: Domonic would u bring u crazy amounts of pleasure, as would I. 32 inches!? sorry baby, but I’m only half that at best……yea those cominc con strippers are rats but still eye candy for us comic lovers ahhaha. better than nothing

  14. Hawk says:
    (link)

    Baseball related things I can’t wait to see in X-Men: Days of Future Past:

    A true Colossus / Wolverine Sentinel destroying Fastball special

    Ice man “sliding” all over the place

    The Danger Room in Xavier’s School for Gifted Students – a true “home base” for “spring training”

    Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan together on screen again because…do you really need a reason? They’re awesome

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Hawk: My Gods, I used to love Colossus back in the day. LOL, great commentary here. thanks for dropping in Hawk!

      • Balmy Tundrastein says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: and yes ian mccellan does “shoot lazer’s into his boyfriend’s ass at home.” it’s not just acting.

  15. Will says:
    (link)

    Lincecum, Buherle, or Jesse Chavez ROS?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Will: wow, tough one. At this point my heart still says Lincecum. Chavez could easily beat him out tho. I don’t like owning guys like Buherle in fantasy so I would put him 3rd.

      If I had a gun to my head I’d take Chavez based on how he’s pitching right now. My heart says Lincecum but I just can’t back him yet

      • Will says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: ok , I’ll put a claim in for both with Chavez first and Lincecum second and see who I end up with. Thanks for the advice

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Will: yep yep. no problem Sir William. good luck

  16. Matt says:
    (link)

    I own Seager’s corpse, do I try asche in COL this weekend or roll with Frazier vs Cubs who Frazier owns?

    Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Matt: Let’s go with Frazier, Matty. I like his chances

  17. Julio White says:
    (link)

    I like the part where you followed up calling Xander a Dominican with the racist/sexist part about Dominican women. Double barrel buckshot of misogyny.

    Well done.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Julio White: Yea dude, I just reread the post. I was quoting other people. Never did I actually refer to him as Dominican. I do love Dominican women tho. obsessed really. Hate is a disease. where they do that at?

  18. The Guru

    The Guru says:
    (link)

    The Arubian prince Xander will make you eat those words, sir Tehole. But, you gotta like Xander’s Twitter game though.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @The Guru: Oh wise one, you told me he was Dominican!!! I’m kidding. I wouldn’t even tap that. why is Xander!!! He should be boning Kate Upton type beezys. #Fail

  19. Beastman says:
    (link)

    Time travel, sentinels, a strung-out young Professor X, Peter Dinklage wearing a ridiculous mustache, and sweet, sweet Jennifer Lawrence? Yes please and thank you!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Beastman: BEAST MAN!!!!! you’re not kidding. this movie looks like an all-timer. I’m all jacked up son

  20. Bend Me Over and Talk fantasy to me says:
    (link)

    I will only show up to this 32in32in32 thing if you’re going to be there and you promise to take me home and give me that Be-DICT!!! I saw your video interviewing those NFL guys and they have nothing on you. I will literally do anything you tell me to. You’re my favorite writer. Non on razzball but of all time. I love you.

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
        (link)

        @Beastman: ughhhhh, I hope not!!!! YIKES

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Bend Me Over and Talk fantasy to me: WOW! this might the the highlight of my writing career. thanks for stopping by and name yo city and I may just have to come thru. I appreciate the support

      • Bend Me Over and Talk fantasy to me says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: I will DM you on Twitter. I’m off today if you want to get wild today. skype work for you?

        P.S. I loved Waterworld

  21. The Thumb says:
    (link)

    Erasmo has bad acne scars, kind of like my 11th grade english teacher. Cust kayin

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @The Thumb: Never a good sign for fantasy pitchers. very unattractive. he could lose a few also

  22. Joe says:
    (link)

    Robbie Erlin or Mike Leake?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Joe: Leake has a proven track record and I’d lean that way for now, tho Erlin has a tad more upside

  23. The Thumb says:
    (link)

    Btw, watched Now You See Me the other day because the cast is #tits. But seriously what the $@&%????? Im all for movies with crazy unrealistic plots but that was too much garbage for even me to handle.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @The Thumb: Yea, that was a little rough. I ‘m still not sure wether I love or hate Eisenberg or not. It was ok film. i wasn’t paying full attention as I think I was attempting to hook up with a chick on my couch while i watched it. missed a few scenes

  24. Jack says:
    (link)

    Too early to drop Hill for Walker? Grey LOVED Hill in the preseason (ranked 85! overall vs 293 for Walker) but Hill has been SO a lot and BB a little. Thoughts?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Jack: Hmmmmmmmmm, I’d say its a little early, yes. Hill should have better full season unless he’s completely fallen the F off. I would wait a little longer but its not going to kill you if you make the switch

  25. Julio White says:
    (link)

    Could you help me with this trade dilemma I’m having:

    I give: Puig/Cueto

    I get: Bryce/Pineda

    Thanks.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Julio White: Wow, that’s a tough one. I’m taking Harper/Pineda right now tho. Pineda is the risk here but he sure looks good to me.

      • Julio White says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict:

        yeah. i know. a tough one. been thinking about it for a day now.

        got a real life one for you. i have a really big job interview tomorrow and just came down with the flu. can you recommend a good over the counter cold medicine?

        feel like ass. thanks bro.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Julio White: ummmmmm, your picture is of nquil. Try Dayquil, though it makes me feel like I’m on crack. I’m the worst person to ask because when I’m sick I don’t go to work. I don’t do anything productive whatsoever, actually. I just drink nquil every 4 hours until and watch comedies until I’m back to normal again.

          Last job interview I had with the Chargers, I drank one of those huge rockstars beforehand. It was hot as nuts in the room with sun beaming down upon me through the glass. I was sweating profusely, with the rockstar helping with that. Id try and avoid drinking one of those.

  26. Winter Soldier says:
    (link)

    Last place in 12 team roto redraft. Pitching killing me. I have one open slot and these guys as FA: Richards, Morrow, Gee, Koehler, Mejia, Ross, Hutchinson. Also, would you cut Dickey for any of the above?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Winter Soldier: I’m a big Mejia fan. Richards is also appealing. Mejia more so possibly since he’s in national league. I would probably consider dropping dick dick for one of these 2. Maybe give him one more start. or not haha. do you have any other bums to drop?

  27. Ra'zball Al Ghul says:
    (link)

    Agreed on Andrelton that kid is the realness, and that x-men shiz looks veryyy promising

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Ra’zball Al Ghul: yea he got caught stealing today tho. And that was upsetting. Yea, i guess xmen felt they had to step it up after Avengers and Thor all took off

  28. kid A's father says:
    (link)

    erasmo!!! jesus. why do the mariners continue with this bobble headed sack of shit? Pineda is yet another soul crushing trade by a mariners gm. Im out no more baseball until the team is sold and jack z is gone. gonna go ahead and try to slip some cyanide into the cat food i feed my son now.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @kid A’s father: I’m so done with Erasmo. They need to send him down ASAP. I can’t believe Cano had the audacity to call him Felix Jr. that my friend, is a disgrace. Is your son still alive?

      • kid A's father says:
        (link)

        unfortunately yes…i’ll have to start dosing him harder.

  29. Julio White says:
    (link)

    thnx for the advice on the harper trade. i pulled the trigger.

    another question.

    why are you the only writer at razzball that doesn’t get his articles linked from fantasyrundown.com ?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Julio White: no problem. Great Fing question. I’ve never heard of that site. Maybe I’ve been blackballed. I’ll ask

      • James says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict:

        I use fantasy rundown too, but normally check razzball first (since fantasy rundown is only updated a few times a day, so can be several hours behind). Great site that just links to articles across fantasy baseball, razzball included. Instead of checking for updates from other “experts” it just shows up, Thankfully it included Berry’s last post, and i think i remember them having the same sentimentality of it as all of the razzballers had (glee, yet upset morons had to find another place to get advise).

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @James: Well, I guess they don’t like me. that aint right dog. they link all this Bullshizz and won’t give me any play?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @James: ok now he posted it but put “not good” afterwords hahah. where does this dude live?

  30. James says:
    (link)

    asking this in 2 threads….

    Was offered Harper for my Strasburg and Wright.

    league is 5×5 daily roster moves, deep bench, dynasty (keep everyone forever)

    Deep in SP and OF already (OF is McCutchen, Bruan, Stanton, Upton and Heyward, start 3 and 1 util), and SP is madbum, price, miller, kuroda, kershaw and walker. 3rd base would be filled in by Bogearts and Seager, with prospects of bryant and baez.

    Should i pull the trigger… it is harper, or am i giving up too much

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @James: ummmm, your team is F ing stacked James. You won’t miss Wright, especially in future years. strasburg tough to give up when you are already stacked up in outfield tho. You literally have no need whatsoever for harper so I’d say no

  31. frankgrimes says:
    (link)

    Thank you for the consideration of the GOT spoilers.
    In one league the back of my rotation is a fucking mess and there ain’t shit on waivers the hammel Vargas peralta types (12 team H2H) Any sage advice?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @frankgrimes: No problem Frank, but uhhhhh will you be caught up by next week?!?!? I like peralta based on match ups as he’s a k monster. Vargas could be solid. Not a Hammel guy. Lackey? I need to hear some more names. but Peralta has some game and some upside. i like to roll the dice with de la rosa every now and again. I like to live on the edge

      • frankgrimes says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: more names keuchel Cosart Koelher DLR is there pretty slim list of mediocrity.
        Planning a mini marathon Sunday night first three episodes ha.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @frankgrimes: yea those names aren’t too exciting a haha. got to find a gem. go with Peralta and hope for the best. first 3 episodes huh? sounds like an amazing night. i like it

  32. Craig Waring says:
    (link)

    I’m done with Strasburg. Trading him and Sandoval for J. Upton & Kemp. I can’t take it anymore, and he is one 97 mph hitch heater away from tommy john 2.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Craig Waring: I swear the injury announcement is coming. I’m scared. I can’t lie. Not a bad trade on your part.

      • Craig Waring says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: So listen to this, this new league I am in actually has a counter trade rule where you can offer both parties a better trade if they prefer. It’s pretty cool. I actually proposed my trade out of pure spite and hatred as the accepted offer was Price, Butler, & Latos for Upton & Kemp. I just couldn’t let that crap nonsense happen.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Craig Waring: wow. yea u made the right call there, Craig. nice work

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Joel: thats good enough payment for me. Thank you my friend

  33. Shawn of The livid says:
    (link)

    Would you sell your precious D. Brown for Wil Myers?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Shawn of The livid: probably l. Just because Myers is usually in better spot in the order. Think Domonic is just as talented but yea Myers has more value

  34. Frank White says:
    (link)

    Wutup my Dude.. Would you trade Fielder for Peavy and Buehrle?? My pitching is in trouble

    • Frank White says:
      (link)

      I came so close winning the Basketball championship bu got 2nd. Good thing e split the pot 60-40, Lol but Thanks so much for all your help buddy!! Anway I’ve had nothing but bad luck on my pitching squad. Lol. But seriously with injuries and pitchers playing so horrible I had to drop but I had to pickup about 5 pitchers off the wire to add to my squad and not stream. Moore is out for the season, ( Which is a blessing in disguise) and Cobb on my DL. This is my whole lineup, 10 team mixed h2h points…
      Wieters
      Fielder
      Gyorko
      Elvis Andrus
      Adam Jones
      Jay Bruce
      Alex Gordon
      Cuddyer
      Desmond Jennings
      George Springer

      Alex Wood
      Jason Vargas
      Masterson
      Robbie Erlin
      Bumgarner
      Samardzija
      Homer Bailey
      Eovaldi
      Jesse Chavez
      Erasmo ( I’m dropping Him)
      Cobb DL
      Paxton DL ( Only reason why I’m keeping him is because I get 2 DL spots and I’m gonna Replace him with 1 of Seth’s grab n stash guys)
      Glen Perkins
      Jose Valverde
      So after picking the guys up off waivers, which are pretty clear who they are, Lol.. 1 – Do you think I have a good squad or do you think I’m heading for more disaster?? I’ll pickup prospects like I always have done but I got a while for that. On top of my injuries I got Masterson and Bailey pitching like crap and some other pitchers doing great but can’t get a win cause batters and bullpen killing them. 2 – Any advise for me?? I’m 0-2 right now with close scores in both but not getting wins are killing me cause it’s 20 points per win an a point per K and inning. Oh and I just picked all these pitchers recently and they haven’t pitched yet so I’m 0-2 without those new guys. Sorry If I was rambling but I just wanted to give you all the details. LOL.. Thanks!!!

      • Tehol Beddict says:
        (link)

        @Frank White: I think your pitching should be fine, especially when you get cobb back. do not, I repeat, do not panic and trade Fielder

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Frank White: you need to get more in return than that. Fraaaaaank, how’s it going big dog?

  35. Frank White says:
    (link)

    Yo did you ever tell me the name of that Styles P album? You can catch Holliday in the Holliday Inn, and we the beef comes down you can count Holliday in!!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Frank White: It’s called “Phantom and the Ghost” and its not out quite yet. but soon. I’m sure its hard as fluck

  36. peejer says:
    (link)

    I can dump martin of (tex) who is on my bench for either Erlin or Bradley in a H2h espn 5×5

    Scherzer wood nocasio salazar Wacha Cobb(dl) are my starters for present

    PS I have been streaming the nocasio spot

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @peejer: You could do that but I’d probably hold Martin. I liked him before season. not ready to give up on him. but just drop nicasio for erlin

Comments are closed.