Emilio Bonifacio is like that kid in the 80’s movies that seemed like he didn’t belong but, by the end, is holding his own. At least for one day. Yes, Bonifacio has 2B eligibility, but the Marlins are playing him at 3rd. Who knows how long this lasts? Perhaps as long as Anthony Michael Hall’s career. It doesn’t hurt that he stole 3 bags and had an inside-the-park homer (I didn’t see this HR, but I assuming he hit it at Dunn). Just don’t get addicted to him (like Ally Sheedy would). Today was nice, but he’s still just steals. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Felipe Lopez – 2 HRs. I <3 Felipe.
Jason Motte – 1 IP, 4 ER, Apple Sauce! How long you think LaRussa’s going to stay loyal to the rookie? Franklin might’ve been named the closer before the final out of the ninth inning. Mint!
Jeremy Guthrie – 6 IP, 3 ER. I like Guthrie and even I had no faith in him for yesterday’s game. He’s incredibly consistent. Not quite a quality start after not quite a quality start. Sounds like a crack, but there’s a place for that. And that’s how you faintly sing someone’s praises. After the game, Hank Steinbrenner told Cashman, “Go offer that guy $120 million.”
CC Sabathia – Without Prince Fielder balancing the other side of the bench, Sabathia fell flat on his face. Hopefully this isn’t a sign he’s getting off to another terrible start like he did last year.
Jorge Posada – HR yesterday. I don’t think he’s going to be any good this year, but if he’s at all usable, it will be in the early going before age and injuries catch up to him. (<–kind of a pun!)
Jorge Cantu – 2-4 with a 3 run HR. Hitting behind Ramirez for the rest of the season can only help. It’s too early to predict a repeat of his 92/29/95 2008 season, but he’ll be a bigger bargain than most drafted cornermen.
Trevor Hoffman – Was expected on April 11th, but now it’s not happening. Ken Macha said, “”Will he be ready on the 11th? Probably not. … I went through this whole thing with Harden.” Whoa… Whoa! Is he comparing Hoffman to Harden? Uh-oh.
Kevin Gregg – Save and an earned run.
Carlos Marmol – Scoreless Hold. Cust kayin’.
Adam Jones – 3-for-3, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs. Have I mentioned lately how much I like Jones?
Chris Ray – Opened the 7th inning, gave up 2 runs and recorded only one out. Let Sherrill free. No handcuffs for him right now.
Tony Clark – 2 HRs yesterday — respect your elders! According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this is the first time in a long time two teammates homered from the both sides of the plate in the same game. (Elias Sports Bureau didn’t actually say that, but here’s something that was overheard yesterday at the Elias Sports Bureau office, “In human resources, Ken put his checkbook on the top of his head and made the same joke about balancing his checkbook six times in one week, which is a new record.)
Chad Tracy – HR yesterday. Tracy could be an intriguing name or he could just kill Reynolds’ and his value. Today might instill some confidence in Bob Melvin making dopey decisions to bench Mark Reynolds. Melvin!
Hiroki Kuroda – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER. No knock on Kuroda, but I’d start anyone against the Padres.
Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 1 ER. You want a limb? F-Her wins the Cy Young. Agreed, he’s not getting support. But Lincecum had the ’27 Yankees behind him? Then again, maybe I should look at who F-Her was facing before starting the superlatives. The Twins are pathetic. Cuddyer’s batting number three. That has to be the sorriest excuse for a number… Oh, wait a minute.
Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 4 ER. Mike Sweeney was the Mariners’ number three guy. Okay, they win. How do you go through an offseason and come out the other end saying, “We’re good. We have Mike Sweeney as our number three hitter.”
Franklin Gutierrez – HR yesterday. The Big FraGu! Was batting 2nd. May as well have been batting 8th since he was being protected by Mike Sweeney. Sweeney!
Howie Kendrick – He went 2-for-4 with a HR. There’s now a 33% chance he finishes the year batting .500.
Brandon Webb – 4 IP, 6 ER. I’ve always been firmly in the Peavy camp when looking at top starters. Webb seems to go stretches where he’s just okay then other stretches where he’s lights out. Six earned runs doesn’t usually happen during the lights out stage, but it’s too early to even think about benching him.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – HR yesterday against a lefty. If he’s starting and hitting against lefties, it could be a great sign going forward.
Alex Rodriguez – Now aiming for a late-April return.
Daniel Murphy – HR yesterday. Just one of those things. May only hit 13 more this year. Which would leave him with 14. That’s math!
Delmon Young – Was benched yesterday. In the dugout, he was seen on the clubhouse phone talking to the similarly benched, Elijah Dukes. Young, “Did you finish A People’s History of the United States?” Dukes, “I just can’t get into Howard Zinn. He’s too militant.”
Paul Maholm – 6 2/3, 1 ER. Can’t hurt to have him as a fourth or fifth starter in some deep leagues.
Cliff Lee – 5 IP, 7 ER. Guest post contributor and frequent commenter, the Baron Von Vulturewins had this to say yesterday about Cliff Lee’s opening day start. Cliff Lee, “Hello?” Reality, “Yes. Is this Cliff Lee?” Lee, “Yes it is.” Reality, “This is reality calling. I was trying to reach you all of last year.” fin
Aaron Harang – Dusty was prudent with Harang, limiting him to 90 pitches. Unfortunately, he brought in Harang to relieve him, which only exhausted Aaron as he had to go from the dugout to the bullpen back to the mound. No word yet on whether Harang had sex with Dusty’s wife or daughter.
Ian Stewart – Sean Connery, “Ee-yan Shtewart is going to get Shecond baysh eligibility.” On a similar note, Todd Helton is set to star in the new Bond film, “Turn Back The Clock On My Back.” Helton’s Bond girl would be named, Miss Aja Chair. Coming this fall, watch as Miss Aja rubs Helton the Rocky Mountain way. The femme fatale would be Clit Hurdle.