As reported ad nauseum yesterday, Albert Pujols signed with the Los Angeles Suburb of Los Angeles Angels yesterday. Or the Albertaheim Pujalos, as they should now be called. Something that wasn’t reported, with Pujols going from a Cardinal to an Angel, Dan Brown now has a new book idea. After every home run, Pujols seemed to be pointing at God, but he was obviously pointing at the Angels. And since it is the Christmas season, let us not forget: When a Pujols gets a contract, an Angel gets his rings. Someone reported how Pujols stands to make $68,493 per day. I have an idea: Occupy Pujols! They’ll like that one in West Hollywood. Okay, enough of the jibber-jabbering.
Pujols’s value doesn’t change with the new league, park or team. He’ll get around 35 homers, 100+ runs and RBIs and .300. In 2020, when players are using jet packs and astronaut ice cream is finally sold at stadiums, then Pujols might not be the same player, but we’ll cross that hovercraft when we come to it. The bigger issue with Pujols, is where is everyone else playing?
The Angels have enough non-abled bodies to make a kick-ass Rock N Jock softball team. They should sign Meatloaf! First up, Kendrys Morales and his non-bionic leg. Since Kendrys has been pulling a Kotchman for the last two years, there’s a chance he doesn’t even make it out of the gate, but I think we have to assume he does play in April and slots in as the DH. Maybe Pujols gives the DH slot a little how’s your father every couple of weeks, but he’s playing the field. Next up, Mark Trumbo and his promising future is either being moved to third base or platooning with Kendrys. For fantasy, a move to third would be great, terrific, synonym. But this is the Sciosciapath managing. Ugh, I already see it getting ugly from a fantasy perspective. I could see Scioscia playing Maicer Izturis at 3rd before Trumbo. This is not good. If Trumbo loses 150 at-bats without gaining 3rd base eligibility, his value goes out the metaphorical window. Then you have an even worse shituation in the outfield. Bourjos has to play center. Glove is too valuable. Angels have already committed to him. Turning back now on him would be a huge mistake/surprise/Mad Libs in something. Plus, Bourjos is just the kind of player Scioscia loves. So there’s two spots left for Vernon Wells, Bobby Abreu and Torii Hunter. That’s awesome if you’re putting together a 2004 All-Star Game team. BUT WHAT ABOUT MIKE TROUT?! I know, Al Caps. I hate teams and their casual lack of regard for rookies. I’m afraid to report to you, Mike Trout’s not seeing time until 2013. My Mike Trout 2012 fantasy is missing one caveat — what happens if they sign Albert Effin’ Pujols? My guess is their outfield is gonna be Hunter, Bourjos and Wells with Abreu platooning in the outfield and at DH.
To recap for fantasy, Pujols is fine, Bourjos is fine, Trumbo is fine if he can play 3rd which seems unlikely, Kendrys is fine if he’s healthy, Abreu is not fine, Mike Trout is not fine. Ideally, the lineup will look like this: 1. CF Bourjos 2. 2B Kendrick 3. 1B Pujols 4. RF Hunter 5. 3B Trumbo 6. DH Morales 7. LF Wells 8. C Iannetta 9. SS Aybar. That’s what you’re hoping for if you have Trumbo in a keeper, at least. Anyway, here’s some more Winter Meeting moves and what they mean for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Lance Berkman – More fall out from Pujols’s signing has Berkman moving to first base. Might keep his legs a little fresher, but the loss of Pujols from the lineup sorta leaves a foul odor on the whole team no matter how fresh someone’s legs are. Mike Matheny’s mother, “You’re gonna manage a World Series team?! That’s so amazing! Wait until I tell your Uncle Morty!” Uncle Morty Matheny, “Pujols is gone! He lost his whole team, Marilyn!” That’s the Matheny’s over the holidays. Allen Craig stands a shot of inheriting a starting job, but he has to get healthy first. Right now, he’s out 4-6 months from knee surgery. That leaves…um…uh…Skip Schumaker? Okay, team’s a slight mess, but everyone loves an underdog, except Dr. Simon Bar Sinister.
Alex Gonzalez – Signed on with the Brewers. But how about Pujols signing with the Angels?! All right, enough of that. You know who has a sad emoticon for the Alex Gonzalez signing? Yuniesky Betancourt. “But I could’ve done the same as Gonzalez with two less homers!” That’s Yuniesky as he watches the Brewers throw his bags out on the curb. Gonzalez is not someone you intend to ever have on your fantasy team, except once a year when he’s hot and hits a few homers in a week.
Ian Stewart – Mini Mini Donkey rises from the ashes! Brays to Theo Epstein! Maybe a change a scenery can fix what ails Stewart, though is there any record of a change of scenery ever fixing anything? Isn’t that the oldest cliche about how you can’t run from your problems? I mean, I may not be smart enough to run a major league club, but I am smart enough to pay attention to what a freakin’ fortune cookie tells me.
Nolan Arenado – Stewart leaving opens the door in Colorado for a possible Nolan Arenado infusion. He will get a post all to himself next week, unless the Rockies sign someone else. You can hardly wait! No, you!
Tyler Colvin – Went to the Rockies in exchange for Stewart. This trade is like when you order something gross and your friend has something unappetizing and you switch plates. Hey, people have different tastes! Though usually your friend’s entree is nasty too. During last year’s preseason, Matthew Berry said Colvin would hit 40 homers. Maybe Berry’s a time traveler and got his years confused and now that Colvin is in Coors he’ll hit 40 homers. Or maybe he’ll platoon as a 4th outfielder, hit 15 homers and bat .230. You just don’t know until they play the games. Though if Berry’s a time traveler, it would help explain why he’s still recycling jokes from the early 90’s.