The man who looks like the man from Man Vs. Food’s father, Lance Berkman, is on a ginormous Kaiser roll. Speaking of pastry, it’s not a coincidence that Lance Berkman’s initials are LB. When he got to St. Louis, he asked the cabbie where the second arch is and why isn’t it painted gold. If you think you have 2010 Konerko, you might. But you also might have the 2011 Berkman, which isn’t nearly the player the 2006 Berkman was. For Berkman, this is either a great month or it’s the beginning of a great year. When dealing with a player on the downside of his career, I invariably go with the former, if the former is the first one where I think it’s just a great month. At least when he was on the Astros, they could just play him at 1B so he didn’t injure himself in the OF. It’ll take an apocalyptic event for that to happen in St. Louis. I’d see if I could get someone to overpay believing this is the beginning of the beginning not the beginning of the end. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Theriot – He’s like a non-Aybar, Erick Aybar.
Danny Espinosa – You know I kept getting questions about Espinosa in the comments and I never put it together that he wasn’t owned in that many leagues. In ESPN leagues, he’s only owned in 13% of leagues? Huh? He’s going to be a top 12 2nd baseman. Sure, that’s like being the soberest Irishman, but still. Here’s a refresher on my Espinosa fantasy. I wrote that post in a hammock in Pago Pago and a homing pigeon delivered it back to Razzball HQ.
Darwin Barney – I have a confession to make. The middle infidel who loves dinosaurs is on two of my teams. So far, those teams aren’t doing well, but there ya go.
Jed Lowrie – You know what P. Diddy & Dirty Money would say about Jed, “‘Ain’t No Stopping Us Now,’ that’s Lowrie’s song.”
Aaron Harang – Know what I like a whole lot? Chilled glasses. And Hodgepadres.
Tyson Ross – I’ll know how deep the leagues are that should grab him after today’s start. “To be continued…” as said by Vincent Price.
Alexi Ogando – Yes, the start in The House They Built Next To The House Ruth Built wasn’t pretty, but you gotta give him a little more leash than that.
Justin Masterson – I like Masterson. You can search the site for info on him. On sorta his last name’s subject, what do people think of a Razzball t-shirt that reads, “Fantasy Baseball, Something To Do Between Masturbation Sessions?”
Scott Baker – Rudy said earlier today he’d prefer Baker to Liriano. That hurts me soul to read, Lupe Fiasco. But if you’re eating what Rudy’s cooking…. Or is that baking?
Matt Capps – “He ain’t no handcuff, he’s the hand closer, essa.” Said a’la Edward James Olmos. Not entirely sure why Edward James Olmos is saying that but my family is in town for the holiday and they’re making me a little daffy.
Mitchell Boggs – After Boggs’ save, he rode a horse around Yankee Stadium and ate fried chicken out of Margo Adams’ bosom… You know, I think I’m clicking on the wrong Wikipedia page– I am! Okay, Mitchell Boggs got the save and could get more. Worth the pick up but there’s no guarantee he’s going to be the go-to guy. We’re dealing with La Russa, after all.
Jon Rauch – SAGNOF!
Frank Francisco – SAGNOF2!
Kyle Farnsworth – Doing pretty well and is owned in only 41% of ESPN leagues, but since 60% ESPN leagues are already abandoned that’s 101% of leagues owning Farnsworth, so surely he’s taken in your league. And don’t call me, Shirley.
David Freese – Liked him last week and this week it’s just 7 days later, which sounds like lyrics for a country song.
Mark Trumbo – Well, you can get on board until Kendrys returns, right?
Danny Valencia – Sounds like the name of a dancer on Dancing with the Stars that gets stucked with Loni Anderson or somebody. “Valencia just roped a single down the line and… What’s this? He’s salsa dancing to first. Wow!” Valencia’s kinda bleh but he’s currently hitting.
Jeff Francoeur – I liked our Tuesday afternoon post that talked about Frenchy. Wasn’t bad, right? (I also liked Monday, Wednesday and Thursday’s.) But I feel like mentioning Jeff not simply because he’s hit a few Freedom Flies so far this year, but because there was something between the lines at that post that had to do with having Frenchy for the whole season. Talking about what he’s going to do all year. That’s cool, I get it, but let’s not forget he’s a fifth outfielder. Get on board now and worry about that rest of the season shizz later. If you get a solid 2 weeks from him then someone better comes along, what Frenchy does in August doesn’t matter. And, for what it’s Wuertz, the French take August off. (And you thought I couldn’t write hundred words about Frenchy… Ha!)
Matt Joyce – Hitting almost .500 over the last week. Now you’re getting your acclaims, Joyce.
Jerry Sands – Like Rudy this morning, I too thought Jerry was black. Who knew he was like the Caribbean and white Sands? Any the hoo! I just went over my Sands fantasy. I wrote it while standing on the Las Vegas Strip smacking escort flyers into my hand.
Peter Bourjos – Similarly to Espinosa, sometimes I think people read Razzball every day and retain all this shizz, so when I get questions about Bourjos it confuses me. Do I like him? Since January.
Ike Davis – I’m not saying to drop him (well, in some leagues maybe), but I’d definitely look to see if I could get anything in a trade for him after last night’s homer.
Sean Rodriguez – Yeah, I pushed him on people in the preseason, but garbage calls on Tuesday to have Sean-Rod picked up.
Alex Gordon – Our on-again, off-again romance lasted for five years (and felt like 45 years, as that sentence seemed to read) and as soon as he started to show signs that he liked me, I want no part of him. I’m such a girl! His walk rate is at 3.8%, K-rate is near 20%, his BABIP is at .426, he’s hitting well but his average will plummet to .275 at some point. When he’s hitting .275 and has 17 homer power and 12 steal speed, he won’t look half as pretty. I wouldn’t sell him for a Nicki Minaj record, but I would explore my trade options.