Tommy John surgery, Dr. Freeze, Adam Wainwright. Words you just don’t want to hear. Okay, not Dr. Freeze as much unless you only get your news from Razzball, which I’m fine with but you may walk around calling people schmohawks and telling your girlfriend her meatloaf was kinda yawnstipating. Rudy totally called this one! (Just a fraction too early, like 12 months.) Obviously, this is terrible news for Wainwright owners (and kinda Wainwright himself). If you are drafting right now, assume Wainwright will miss lots of time, if not the whole season. I plan on moving Wainwright to the end of the top 80 starters. I wouldn’t draft Wainwright in any league. I also don’t believe in this, “Ooh, I’ll draft Wainwright for a dollar and sit him on my bench for a year in keepers.” You’re using a bench spot that is critical to winning this year, which everyone should be trying to do. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball news:
Cliff Lee – Strained ab muscle. He is like an apple. The only thing that leaves a bad taste in your mouth is his core. Word on the streets is he’ll be fine. Going too high in drafts for me to take him anyway, so there’s that.
Corey Hart – Said on Monday that he played 2010 without contacts. You’d think the Brewers could spring for some prescription sunglasses for night games.
Neftali Feliz – The Rangers are stretching him out to see if he can move into the rotation. If it happens, he would immediately be in the top 40 starters, right behind Marcum in the tier, “I kinda love these guys.” I’m not completely convinced it is going to happen as Ron Washington has said he likes Feliz getting the final three outs. Also, it could be one of those shituations where Feliz looks great in the rotation and Mark Lowe is the closer for three days, gets rocked and Feliz is the closer again. The good thing about this is if you draft Feliz, he’ll have value wherever he ends up.
Vicente Padilla – His forearm didn’t say it was a forearm before it grabbed his nerve and now his nerve has a case of entrapment. Or something. Grey no doctor. Padilla does need elbow surgery, but he shouldn’t have been drafted in any leagues in the first place. BTW, Padilla before the elbow pain. Padilla after the elbow pain.
Matt Kemp – Reports say he dropped 15 pounds in the offseason. I thought Rihanna weighed at least a couple more pounds than that.
Brian Roberts – Going for X-rays on his neck. Blech. Do me a favor and don’t draft him. He’s like Mr. Glass brittle.
Alfredo Simon – There’s no plan right now to exonerate Simon in manslaughter charges. It’s Oriole profiling. This pattern goes all the way back to Ben McDonald when he was accused of using his right hand to fondle three men’s testicles at the same time at a Sandals resort.
Francisco Liriano – Threw a bullpen session on Tuesday after complaining of some shoulder tightness last week. I’m staying cautiously optimistic about Liriano, thinking that if you drafted him last week right after the shoulder tightness news came out you might’ve got yourself a bit of a discount.
Nick Punto – Out 8-12 weeks with a sports hernia. Calling his hernia a ‘sports’ hernia is both a literal and figurative stretch.