The Indians have been more of a trainwreck than Jeff Conaway and Tom Sizemore doing a community theater production of The Taking of Pelham 123. Now Grady Sizemore hits the DL with elbow inflammation. For whatever reason, this season he’s shown himself to be a bit of a flight risk. In 13 attempted steals, he’s been caught stealing 6 times. (He’s been terrible at stealing bases, but has elbow pain? Is he running on his hands? What’s the deal, friend?) Half of me wants to be the doomsayer, um, saying doom that Sizemore’s going to struggle even when he returns because of what we’ve seen in the past from players with elbow pain. Then my better half wants to say it can’t be that bad, he hit his 9th home run on Saturday. So the ladies love Grady, but should his fantasy owners? Unfortunately, if elbow pain is severe enough to send someone to the DL, it’s not a good sign. So I wouldn’t try to buy him low, unless the deal’s too good to turn down. Then again, I wouldn’t sell him low, either. If you own him, I think you need to just hold and hope for the best. Unless, again, someone’s overpaying you for him. Basically, you’re in a pickle between a rock and a hard place. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ben Francisco – 2-for-3 with a steal. Hitting .360 in the last seven games and has 5 homers and 9 steals on the year. Yawnstipating, for sure. But Francisco will now be batting in the top of the order while Sizemore nurses his elbow. Is Sizemore nursing his elbow in public? Gross!
Victor Martinez – Sat out yesterday. Are the Indians punting this season?
Jhonny Peralta – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and the Indians batted third their .339 SLG shortstop. Though I don’t think that lasts.
Chien-Ming Wang – 8 IP, 2 ER and 7 Ks since he’s returned, but, man, it really feels like he’s trying to get you to fall for the old-banana-in-the-tailpipe, right?
Kevin Youkilis – 2 HRs yesterday as he bats .366 on the season and way above where his BABIP says he should be, i.e., the bottom could fall out.
Jon Lester – 6 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks. Even if you missed this start because you benched him, this is a good sign going forward… Unless he continues to alternate good and bad starts, then you’re gonna have to wait ten days for another good start, at which time you’ll probably bench him again.
Alex Rios – 5 for his last 8 and a homer and steal yesterday. In case you don’t own him, which I don’t, you may not know his current stats. 6 homers, 4 steals and a .276 average. From a 3rd round draft pick in ’08 to 5th round in ’09, he’s making a case for the 8th round next year. Maybe the -is on his first name was his Samson’s hair.
Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks. Falls into those untradeable guys. You can’t trade him for how valuable he’s been, because no one believes it. On the other hand, you can’t trade for him either, because you don’t believe it either. Wait, huh?
Jason Berken – 7 IP, 1 ER. Didn’t this guy used to date Lauren Conrad? (BTW, how about that Hills finale? Tears, pho sho!) Anyway, Berken’s not worth a pickup in 16 team leagues that only use Orioles.
Josh Willingham – 2 HRs yesterday and 3rd homer in three days. Had a good May, wouldn’t trust him to have a good June.
Elijah Dukes – Returns Tuesday. That’s if he doesn’t end up in jail. I could totally see Phil Spector producing a Dukes album.
Edwin Maysonet – Rod Roddy, “For the next contestant on The Price is Right… A brand new…. Maysonet!” 9-for-20 since being called up to fill-in for Kaz Matsui. I’m going to go out on a limb and say 9-for-20 is the best string of 20 ABs he’s ever had in pro ball.
Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 1 ER, but lost in a pitcher’s duel to Mike Hampton, who went 7 IP, 1 ER with 3 Ks. The official attendance was 19,566 people bored out of their mind. This would be a good test to see if a girl likes you, “Baby, you wanna take in the Astros/Pirates game? I hear the Pirates mascot, Captain Jolly Roger, shoots wieners into the crowd.”
Ben Zobrist – 1-for-4, batting leadoff yesterday. While it might be nice in theory, let’s not put too much pressure on The Zo. He’s 25-for-74 with 4 homers batting sixth. The Zo likes to relax!
Randy Choate – What, no save today? As I said in the comments on Saturday after Choate notched back-to-back saves on Friday and Saturday, Choate’s a situational lefty.
Kris Medlen – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. The forces of the universe are conspiring against Hanson.
Max Scherzer – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER. Ouch… Wait, huh? Ouch… Sorry, having a hard time sitting down.
Chipper Jones – This year might be the first time I’ve owned Chipper in any league in ten years — in fairness, I only own him there because it’s an OBP, and Chipper does the OBP thing almost as well as he does the, “Ow, my v-jay hurts,” thing. So, my conclusion after owning him for two months is I hate him even more this year. 5 homers is unacceptable. Seriously.
Yovani Gallardo – I thought I was going to witness something historic when he struckout 8 through the first 9 batters. Alas, the pitch count was high and he had to get pulled in the 6th.
Zach Greinke – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks. Who slipped the Kryptonite into his Prozac? Not cool, guys.
John Danks – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER. Walks haven’t been great, but he’s striking out guys at a solid rate. The opposing team’s hits are just coming at the wrong time. His ERA should come down.
Adam Kennedy – 2 HRs yesterday. Though Nixon demanded a recount.
Josh Hamilton – Headed for a MRI for his abdominal and groin problems. Hopefully, they’re separate issues. Otherwise, that would really be a problem.
Andrew Bailey – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, blown save, but the Win. Now not only is he the closer, but he’s also the setup man. Maybe Ziegler disagreed with the choice of Brad Pitt to play Billy Beane in Moneyball: The Movie. I, for one, hope Pitt channels his True Romance character for the role.
Scott Hairston – 2-for-4, and a steal. I know, he’s a Padre, but, seriously, he has value.
Ervin Santana – 5 1/3 IP, 8 ER. I kinda wish instead of saying you should trade him after a few good starts, I pressed you, dear Razzball reader, to trade him before his first start. I think a trip to the Disgraceful List is more likely than a turnaround, but you’ll need to bench him and wait it out.
Ichiro Suzuki – 4-for-5 with a homer. He’s batting .354 so that’s, uh, ya know where you expect it. But he only has 19 Runs. Surprisingly, he doesn’t have 19 solo homers.
Chad Gaudin – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. Threw a masterpiece on Sunday in Colorado. Of course… Sonavabench!
Joey Votto – Totally pulling a Kotchman at this point as he heads to the DL with a stress-related issue. What, he misplaced his ear drops and totally freaked? What’s the deal, Votto? Let’s get our shizz together.
Brandon Phillips – 2-for-4, HR yesterday. I think my concerns about Phillips’s hairline fracture in his thumb were prematurely reported. Seems to be fine. I recant. (<–16th Century Word of the Day!)
Micah Owings – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Nothing really to report with this guy, but the Brewers announcer said something funny during yesterday’s game. (FYI, something is guaranteed to not be funny, when you say it’s funny. Anyway…) Dusty walks to the mound and the Brewers announcer says something to the effect, “There’s no one ready in the Reds bullpen so this is probably just to talk to Owings about strategy for this next hitter.” Then Dusty removes Owings from the game after five and two-thirds and 103 pitches. So the Brewers announcer says, “I wonder what Owings said to get Dusty to pull him from the game.” This made me laugh. What on earth could Owings had said to get removed after only 103 pitches? “Please, Dusty, I’ll wash your car!” “I’m your man next time Dusty Jr. needs a babysitter on a Friday night.” “Dusty, I’ll tell you who crapped in your Cubs Dairy Queen sundae helmet. It was Votto!”