Well, that didn’t take long. Rickie Weeks has swine flu in the wrist. Anything negative health-wise wouldn’t surprise me with Rickie Weeks. “Coach, Weeks got the black plague.” “Wasn’t that only spread by rats 600 years ago?” “Don’t know, Coach. After Friday’s game, he was with some old broad who had snaggle teeth. Might’ve been that.” I wouldn’t be surprised to see this force Weeks to the DL then miss two months of the season because that’s what Weeks do. It would be too convenient for Bill Hall to go to 2nd and Gamel to fill-in at third. But offensively it would make more sense than the blahtoon of Counsell and Iribarren. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Carpenter – Returning on Wednesday. I don’t think he gets to the All-Star Break healthy. If you have Carpenter, you might think about hammering out a deal. (<–Pun!)
Koji Uehara – 5 IP, 4 ER. I still believe he’ll be better going forward than most doodes that are on waivers.
Andy Sonnanstine – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER. As you probably heard by now, Sonnanstine had to bat 3rd for Longoria because Maddon was wearing his Monsters vs. Aliens 3-D glasses instead of his prescription ones when he made out the lineup card. So my question is, how long do you think Maddon contemplated just pitching Longoria to keep him in the lineup?
Armando Galarraga – 2/3 IP, 5 ER. A guy I’d pass over for Koji. Give him a Stiff-Armando off your team.
Ben Francisco – 2 HRs. Be(e)n quite the disappointment. Might be the start of a hot streak though.
Luke Hochevar – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Walks got to Luke HocheVarErich early as he gave way to the bullpen, including Ravishing Ron Mahay.
Brian Roberts – 4 steals this weekend. Obviously the spark he needed was being in Friday’s Buy/Sell. So what’s your excuse Lester?
Pat Burrell – To the DL. Some fantasy owner’s voodoo doll finally worked.
Matt Holliday – 4-for-4, raising his average to .267, meanwhile, after an 0-for-12 weekend, Cust falls to .262. Now if Ryan Theriot would return Alexei’s eternal soul, everything will be dandy.
Trevor Cahill – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER. You know when I might like this guy? 2010.
Brad Ziegler – 2 IP. He’s a middle reliever now, in case anyone’s holding out hope…. Or hoping for holds.
Josh Hamilton – 0-for-3 then left the game with a mild groin strain. This is much better than the extra hot groin strain.
Jordan Zimmermann – 5 IP, 5 ER, 6.35 ERA on the year. How about dem rookie pitchers?! (Way off topic, but I had SportsCenter on in the background when I was writing this up and I think Magic Johnson said Kobe didn’t need penetration because he was busy getting his teammates off. Whoa… Magic. Family show!)
Chan Ho Park – 1 1/3 IP, 5 ER. Give Happ the ball! When I say Happ, you say “Hochevar.” Hmm… Damn you, subconscious.
Johnny Damon – Hit a game-winning homer yesterday (as if no one heard) and now has 10 homers. I think he can hit 22 homers on the year and still have lots of value, but he’s not going to hit 35 homers. The time to sell is… wait for it… here it comes… you know what it’s going to be anyway… but you still want to hear it… so here it is… coming right after this ellipsis… wait, what was I saying… was this about Star Trek? I saw it and liked it, but “Great?” Not really. Oh, and sell Damon now.
Kevin Slowey – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Probably the number one reason why if I trust a pitcher, I start them just about every time out. When you start picking and choosing, you get Slowey for three runs in three innings and miss two earned over almost eight innings.
Gavin Floyd – 5 IP, 6 ER. And this is why I don’t own pitchers who I don’t trust. I wouldn’t want to start Floyd anywhere.
Aaron Hill – Another homer to bring his total to 11. I wouldn’t sell him and could see him getting to 30 homers. Zoinks!
Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 1 ER and 1 hit. I could point you in the direction of Slowey and say the same applies. And it does. What I’ll add is, Kershaw needs to cut his walks otherwise he’ll hardly ever see the 7th inning. Look at yesterday’s game as an example. He gave up only one hit and he only made it to the 7th. Pitch Economy 101 as taught by a former employee of AIG…
Chris Coghlan – If anyone’s paying attention to this kinda of stuff (and my guess is everyone is), Coghlan’s batting .167 and sat yesterday.
Juan Pierre – 3-for-5. Hey, should I sell him high? First of all, random italicized voice, who’s buying a guy who’s on borrowed playing time? Second, why not just collect the 25 steals he’s going to get in the next month and a half and be done with him? Rhetorical!
Rich Harden – 6 IP, 4 ER. Someone asked a very legitimate question about Harden on Friday, “I figured (Harden would be) either dominant or injured…I didn’t expect healthy and mediocre.” Okay, maybe not a question, per se, but it brings up an interesting point. Then commenter, Mark, answered with a little taste of brilliance, “(Harden) threw a ton of sliders last year, and this year dropped back to his 2007 level. He appears to be throwing his changeup more than ever. Velocity looks pretty good on everything….his fastball’s a good bit slower than it was 2 years ago but no slower than last year. Here’s the biggie…he’s lost a ton of movement on his slider, particularly along the vertical axis.” Also, Mark went on to notice that Harden may not be throwing his splitter at all anymore. This could be the reasoning behind Harden’s mediocrity. Or not. But it’s interesting, nevertheless.
David Aardsma – Got the Win yesterday and will get the majority of the saves while Morrow tries to find what he’s looking for where the streets have no names.
Justin Masterson – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER. Throw out two terrible starts against the Indians and the Rays and he’d be sitting on a very pretty record right now.
David Wright – From what I hear from Joe Morgan, Wright took a long slide yesterday when he was caught stealing. A long slide. A real long slide. See, the problem was the slide was very long. Too long of a slide. Joe Morgan sounded like Milli Vanilli when they were caught lipsynching or Raymond Babbitt at the blackjack table. Say it once, Joe. We’ll figure it out.
Brad Lidge – Got the save, but, check this, he wasn’t brought into a save situation until after two lefties faced some other doode. Lidge ain’t off the ledge yet…
Darren O’Day – Got the save yesterday but only because C.J. Wilson got the save the previous two days. Wilson’s still the fill-in. I would own Wilson in just about every league except NL-Only ones, cuz then your leaguemates will just mock you.
Shane Robinson/Nick Stavinoha – If you know who either of these two guys are, you have a Willie McGee bobble head and you’re halfway through writing a book titled, “Whiteyball,” that will definitively answer all those crazy Moneyball people.