J.A. Happ went the distance yesterday, throwing a shutout with 3 baserunners and 4 Ks. Somewhere, Ed Wade’s Toupee smiled. Now Happ has almost a month of quality starts. So all’s good under the Happ hood, eh? Eh, indeed. Or more like crapp. Something’s not copacetic when a guy has 32 walks against 41 Ks. His xFIP says he’s a devil’s uncle. If a devil’s uncle means Happ has gone lucky. His team’s been better in the 2nd half, but they’re still the Astros. And all of those reasons are why I’m short of Happ-y on J.A. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dan Uggla – Strained right groin knocked him out of the lineup yesterday. His left groin said the right groin was always ‘acting pissy.’
Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, but gave up 3 more unearned runs for the ticker shock.
Aaron Hill – Hit his 20th homer. He has 434 ABs, 92 hits, 62 Ks and 20 homers. You don’t have to be Professor Frink to know that Aaron Hill should be hitting better than .212. He’ll go from overrated in the 2010 preseason to a sleeper for 2011 as I practice Saberhagenmetrics.
Wade Davis – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. All you streamer harpies out there should take notice that Davis gets the O’s next. You know what happens when you see a pitcher on waivers that is getting the Orioles? You get the O’s face.
C.J. Wilson – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. There should be a glossary term for a closer/middle reliever that is mediocre in a relief role then becomes a reliable starter. Think Dempster and Wilson.
Nelson Cruz – The good news is he returned from the DL. The bad news is he’s one day closer to his next DL stint.
Bobby Jenks – 1 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Hey, maybe he can become a starter. I know what you’re about to ask. My answer is Thornton should be back Thursday.
Alex Rios – 5-for-6, 4 RBIs and the slam & legs. You got him for the price of a Honda and he’s driving like Alexis.
Gordon Beckham – Hit on the wrist by a pitch and was immediately taken out. X-rays showed no breaks, which is oddly enough a good break. He’ll still miss a few games while the pain dissipates.
Roger Bernadina – 2-for-4, 3 Runs and his 13th steal. He also has 10 homers on the year. It’s a Bernadina bounty! He’s managed to put up Big FraGu’s numbers in 150 less ABs.
Travis Hafner – 8 for his last 12 and has his average up to .282. Imagine if he wasn’t hitting for power like a Sparky Anklebiter (10 HRs).
Homer Bailey – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. Here’s what I said 2 weeks ago, “Is it me or does it feel like he has a triumphant return to the majors every other month? Seems to go like this for Bailey. First start in the majors and he blows away the opposition. Starts four more times and gets rocked or injured. Then he’s DL’d or demoted. A month later, he returns triumphantly. Rinse and repeat.” And that’s me quoting me!
Peter Bourjos – 2-for-3 with the slam & legs. Bunch of games yesterday for a Monday so I had to bench one hitter in all my leagues. Guess who it was. Sonavabench!
Carlos Zambrano – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Brenly pointed out something interesting that was obviously fed to him by a producer. If you throw out Big Z’s first start of the year, his ERA is around 3.75 as a starter. Take that, Gatorade cooler!
Mark Reynolds – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with 2 homers. A double donk night for Mini-Donkey. All brays to the Mini-Donkey.
Justin Upton – Hurt his shoulder after striking out. Maybe a fantasy owner went overboard with his voodoo doll. Hopefully he doesn’t need a DL stint. You have my promise that as soon as someone else reads about it, they will update me in the comments and then I will put a pithy spin on it in tomorrow’s roundup.
Rod Barajas – 3rd homer this week. Before you know it, he’ll be the hero of Los Angeles then he’ll be unceremoniously dropped to waivers in 18 months.
Hiroki Kuroda – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks. Kuroda’s been good for a while now, but the Phillies are a mess right now. I haven’t seen a whole lineup slump this bad since NBC post-Friends.
Jonathan Sanchez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Jorge de la Rosa’s 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks. How did I have the cojones to start both of these guys in multiple leagues and not get rewarded with at least one win? How?!
Ian Stewart – Mini-Mini Donkey is headed to the DL with… Go ahead, guess. If you guessed strained oblique, you are a genius. Take a lap around your computer, cheering yourself. This is apropos of nothing but I found it funny. PETA was protesting a basketball game where the players would ride donkeys. Someone responded in opposition to PETA’s opposition saying, “You can’t hurt a donkey unless you REALLY try, hard. They will also bite or kick if somebody mistreats them. (They’re) perfectly capable of looking after themselves without the intervention of PETA.” It would be awesome if PETA agreed and went with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (except, ya know, donkeys. They’re self-sufficient.)