The horrid season for Shin-Soo Choo continues. He’s probably wishing he just went the Bob Feller-Inglorious Basterd route and did his required military time this year in his home country. Kevin Correia said, “We could’ve used him.” Now when Choo gets blotto he can’t even hitchhike home from one side of the road. An optimistic timetable has him out for 6 weeks, but it sounds like Choo doesn’t think he can. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see him until September and, even then, what are you going to get? The same you’d get off waivers. If you don’t have DL room, I’d cut him, Mickey. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jose Tabata – Left the game on a cart with a quad injury after running out a bunt single. Paula Deen would call that a bunt ache. Or, as Cameron Frye would say, Tabata Tabata Tabata, stuh-rain, Tabata Tabata. The Pirates immediately pulled Alex Presley from their Triple-A lineup. It’s time for the really big shew with today’s guest, Alex Presley. Girls in poodle skirts go crazy. I just went over Presley the other day. I said, “He sticks…longer…profiles…” Hmm… Gotta work on what quotes I pull. He’s a 12/20 guy over the course of a season. In one league instead of Presley, I grabbed Xavier Paul, though Garrett Jones was who the Pirates called on yesterday to replace Tabata. He would be my first choice too in some fantasy leagues.
Pedro Alvarez – Another setback as he has the worst sophomore effort since The Strokes’ follow-up to Is This It.
Ryan Madson – Having problems gripping the baseball on certain pitches and is sidelined for a few days. On one hand, he’s had this problem since May 20th so hopefully he can pitch through it. On the other hand, this sounds bad for a pitcher. On the third hand that is really just a foot wearing aqua socks, I’d grab Antonio Bastardo and Michael Stutes, in that order, for vulture saves.
Justin Morneau – Out for another 6 weeks with neck surgery. Lessneau is better than Morneau at this point.
Delmon Young – On the DL with a high ankle sprain. After having a breakout season in 2010 (.298/21/112), he went on medication to prevent future breakouts (.256/2/21 in 200+ ABs). The Twins are bringing up Rene Tosoni to try and replace Young’s 0.2 WAR. Minnesota hasn’t had this high profile of replacement-level performance since Paul Westerberg left town.
Elvis Andrus – Out with a wrist sprain, but says he should be good to go as soon as Tuesday. Viva la Elvis!
Justin Verlander – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 14 Ks. As Leyland would say, “He’s as cool as menthol cigarettes.”
Ty Wigginton – Hit 2 home runs on Sunday and one on Saturday staying the mayor of Hot Schmotatown.
Chris Iannetta – 2-for-4 with the rare catcher slam & legs as he hit ninth behind Blackmon, who’s sunk like a rock, man.
Jay Bruce – Missed yesterday’s game with an illness. Dusty said, “We have to find a way to quarantine him so he doesn’t get everybody sick.” I have a better idea, put him with Ramon Hernandez so you have to call up Devin Mesoraco.
Cory Luebke – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. Yeah, you should pick him up. Yeah, even you ducking behind your desk trying to hide while you pick your nose.
Johnny Venters – 2/3 IP, 4 ER. Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, Venters gives up 4 earned runs in Petco.
Nick Markakis – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a steal. On Saturday, he hit a home run. He’s now batting near .325 for the month of June with only two home runs. He’s become pretty yawnstipating during his prime years, but he is currently hitting and can keep the average up.
Jon Niese – Left Saturday’s game with a rapid heartbeat, but was fine on Sunday after taking it Niese and easy.
John Danks – To the DL with a strained oblique. Figure he’s out for 3-4 weeks. Just as he was on the road back from an 0-8 record to 3-8. Next stop 33% winning percentage! Oh well, Danks for the memories.
Vernon Wells – Homers in back-to-back games. It pains me to be an apologist for Vernon Wells, but, if you throw out his April, he has 8 homers in his last 92 ABs. That’s 30 homers over a season. Now to undercut it — he’s really not doing much else.
Geovany Soto – 3-for-3 with a HR and now has hit 3 HRs in his last 10 games. Finally hitting the baseball like he hits a spliff.
Jonathan Broxton – Scratched from his Triple-A game because of a stiff elbow. Or a little firmer than al dente. The Dodgers get saves about as often as I update my hairstyle, so this might be moot, but I’d hold Guerra.
Jonathan Sanchez – To the DL with an injury the Giants made up so they didn’t have to watch him walk hitters anymore. Was a bad weekend to be a pitcher with any variation of the name of Jonathan, though okay for Joe Nathan.
Al Alburquerque – Got his 5th win and now has 46 Ks in 27 2/3 IP. I hate middle relievers. There’s no rhyme or reason. I’d put $20 down that Al Al’etc won’t even be a top 30 middle reliever next year. These guys are the fantasy baseball equivalent to Icarus.
Luke Scott – 1-for-3 with a home run. Usually I don my Easter bonnet and start doing The Funky Chicken when Scott hits a home run because where there’s one there’s usually multiple. But I think he’s really struggling with his shoulder this year.
Roy Halladay – Complete game victory in Philly against the A’s. Connie Mack is rolling over in his grave!
Chris Narveson – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. In three short months, I’ve learned to hate Narveson. I like him, he gets beat bad, I decide to move on from him and he pitches well. Grr… Chris Narveson really is the Christian name for The Noid!
Ryan Braun – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with a home run and steal. Gotta love a guy that only gets one hit and fills his fantasy line so well. Love you, Braun. Write soon!
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – 2-for-4 with his first multi-hit game since his return from the DL. Would love to see him steal a base, more so I can see if he can.
Jhonny Peralta – Now has 11 homers since June 7th. Silent H, which only sounds like a euphemism for herpes, has been better than lots of other shortstops. Hanley, for one.
Joakim Soria – Has recorded six straight saves and hasn’t given up a run in June. Has also only walked two hitters all month while striking out 12. Guess he just needed a pat on the back to get through his May hiccups.
Ricky Romero – A 4-hit shutout against the Cardinals as he plowed right through their Pujols-less lineup. His 2.74 ERA should be closer to 3.50 but is deflated thanks to a high strand rate (80+%) but his K-rate and BB rates have continually improved over his 2 1/2 seasons. I just ask that he sticks with Ricky like ‘The Dragon’ did versus start insisting on being called Rick like Mssrs. Nelson and Schroeder.
B.J. Upton – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs. Back-to-back games with homers. Has 2 more home runs than Longoria and 19 more steals. But everyone hates Upton… Sorry, everyone hates low averages. Stop dispaveraging!
Evan Longoria – In 6 at-bats, 5 RBIs, 4 hits, 3 runs, 2 home runs and a partridge in a pear tree.
Matt Downs – 2nd pinch hit home run in the last week. Has a .280 average and .388 OBP. Nice that the Astros are giving long looks to Clint Barmes and Jeff Keppinger. Never know what they might give you. Some days it’s 1-for-4 with a caught stealing and some days it’s 0-for-3 with a sac bunt. The sky’s the limit! If I were Ed Wade’s Toupee, I’d
trade give away Barmes, Keppinger and Carlos Lee at the trade deadline.
Roy Oswalt – To the DL until August with back pain. Oswalt was excited about the suggested treatment until he learned that traction has nothing to do with John Deere-branded equipment.