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Now, it makes sense.  That’s Justin Smoak and Dustin Ackley sitting in bathtubs overlooking Mt. Rainier.  “The beans acting up on you, Smoaky the Bear?”  “Why do you ask, Ackalacka?”  “Cause I heard bubbles coming up in your tub.”  “Nah, I get bubbles in my tub when I get an erection.”  The move to Seattle will definitely reduce injury risk for Kendrys Morales.  Not because he’s now assured a DH role, but because he can’t hit homers as easily.  Snap in an inverted W formation!  Kendrys is listed as a Latin 29.  If you think he’s 29 years old, I have a bridge in Nova Scotia made of smoked salmon to sell you.  It smells and it’s greying on the edges, but it’s worth a lot in retail at the butcher.  “Saul, I can get my hands on a bridge made of lox, can you resell it?”  That’s you talking to your butcher.  Kendrys took forever to come back from his limp-off homer, but finally looked to be in a groove in the 2nd half of last season (14 homers in 238 ABs).  He’s a possible Zombino, even though if he’s really 29 that shouldn’t apply.  29?  Ha!  And I’m fifteen with the most beautiful mustache that your deity of choice ever created!  Please!  His numbers at Safeco aren’t nearly as bad as you might think.  In 120 ABs, his line is 19/7/23/.292/1.  I’ve seen worse.  Nick Punto in any ballpark over the course of three seasons combined.  That’s worse.  I imagine now people will look at Morales with a real puss on their faces because he’s in Seattle, but, while the park and lineup aren’t great, he doesn’t have to worry about platooning randomly whenever the Sciosciapath feels like it.  For 2013, I’m still going to predict a bounce back for Kendrys, even though I was thinking of an even bigger one before this trade.  The projected stat line I’ll give him is 77/26/89/.272.  Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Jason Vargas – Went the other way to the Angels.  What’s the thanks the Mariners get for raising Jason Vargas?  Some indie film cred from the Hispanic community.  It’s not enough.  They put him on the map.  Now, he’s got big city pressure (not really; it’s Anaheim, people) and he’s no longer in the pitcher friendly confines of Safeco.  His numbers at the Big A over his career aren’t bad (2.27 ERA, 1.09 WHIP, 6.8 K/9), but last year his total away numbers were 4.78 ERA, 1.31 WHIP and a 5.5 K/9.  I tend to believe the latter numbers more, if by latter I mean last year’s away ERA, et al (not the Israeli airline).  He’ll mean more to the Angels, than he will for fantasy, except in favorable matchups.  I’ll give him the line of 13-9/4.22/1.30/129.  Belch.

Jose Veras – Signed with the Astros.  There’s some rumblings that the Astros might use Veras as the closer.  I’m kidding.  There’s no rumblings about the Astros anywhere ever.  You could stand three feet away from Astros GM, Jeff Luhnow, for the next six months and not hear Astros rumblings.  Most of Jeff’s friends don’t even know what he does for a living!  Once the Astros decide how they want to close out their thirty-eight wins in 2013, that closer will be worth a draft pick.  If I had to guess, I’d say they’re going to give Veras a chance.  He’s got the stuff for it.  His K-rate is 9.39 in his career 314 1/3 IP.  The small issue that’s not really small is he’s 32 years old and he can’t find the strike zone with a Google Map and Siri.  As Marmol has proven, for stretches of a month or three, someone like Veras can succeed.

Carlos Pena – Signed on to be the Astros DH.  Finally, the Astros figured out how to end their rallies!  Phew, before this signing, I thought the Astros might bat around in the 1st inning of the 1st game of the season and keep batting around for the next six months never getting through one game.

Stephen Drew – Went to the Sawx.  In 2009, Drew was coming off a season of 21 homers and a .291 average and looked primed for a breakout.  In 2010, he was coming off a disappointing season of 12 homers.  In 2011, he was coming off his 2nd consecutive disappointing season.  In 2012, he was coming — what, his third straight terrible season?  I don’t know; I lost track.  In 2013, where are we with Drew?  Fourth terrible season in a row?  Fifth?  I can’t count any higher.  Can we just get the Sawx to start Ciriaco so we don’t have to count so high?   I’m tired.

Collin Cowgill – Sent to the Mets.  Hey, a move to get excited about!  About time.  Seriously.  I’m not being sarcastic right now.  Damn, I can’t even tell when I’m being sarcastic.  Cowgill may sound like a Texas radio personality, but he’s a guy that’s languished in the minors for longer than he’s needed to.  He’s ready for the majors, and there’s a chance the Mets play him.  In the minors, he showed some pop and nice speed.  Think 7 homers and 25 steals with an everyday job.  He’s also shown the ability to take a walk in the minors, but so far in the majors (196 ABs) he’s looked overmatched with ballooning Ks.  Definitely a solid flyer for NL-Only leagues and I wouldn’t be surprised if he earns a spot in an early season Buy column.  You’ll hear about him much more if secures a job in Queens.

Hiroyuki Nakajima – Signed with the A’s to be their shortstop.  I have one name for you:  Tsuyoshi Nishioka.  I’ll give you another name:  Abu Nazir.  What the eff happened to Homeland?  I’m by no means an expert on cable dramas.  Shoot, I just watched Breaking Bad, about four years after everyone else, but has any show taken a quicker nose dive than Homeland?  SPOILER ALERT (though, I am saving you from watching it):  Nazir’s big plan is to come to the states, secretly kill the VP, then get killed so hopefully Brody will go to the VP’s funeral?  Convoluted Plot, “You rang?”  And what if Brody didn’t go to the funeral because, I don’t know, he was in the room when the VP died and basically killed him?  Maybe someone might have detained him about this since he was considered, I don’t know, a terrorist.  Then Carrie tells him to go to Canada?  I understand Canadians may get news a day later due to carrier pigeons struggling to fly north, but this is where you send someone who is probably the most infamous person in the world?  Maybe he can grow a beard and wear a lumberjack flannel.  No one will ever find him then because he’ll blend right in with all Canadian women!  Ugh, what a mess they made of a solid show.  Hiroyuki looks like he has some light power and speed, which translates to barely usable in Oaktownco.  I’d let someone else give him a whirl and put his 2013 line at 65/7/72/.272/12.

From Around The Web

  1. mooseknuckles says:
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    I actually feel bad for the Mariners. I think this is a great move for them. Their management seems to make the right moves and good ones. They traded Pineda for Montero because they needed a bat. They are able to trade Vargas for Kendrys to get another bat. They are one of the only teams that seem to be able to make trades and keep their farm in tact. The reason I feel bad though, is that they cant seem to find any free agent that wants to play there. They seem to always get stuck with signing guys that have been passed on elsewhere. And when a member of their farm pans out and his contract is up, they are out of there quicker than a fat girl in a game of dodgeball. Sorry if I offended one of the 3 girl readers. I am pulling for Seattle. Maybe they can land Bourn and he doesnt turn into another Figgins.

    • Dingbat says:
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      @mooseknuckles: I’m also pulling for the Mariners, and I agree that they seem to struggle to attract free agent hitters (less so with pitchers, definitely), but I’m having a hard time thinking of examples of Seattle prospects who succeeded in Seattle and then bolted as soon as they could. Notable Seattle prospects who did well elsewhere — Asdrubal Cabrera, Shin-Soo Choo, and Adam Jones — were all traded by the Bavasi front office that was absolutely horrible at talent evaluation.

      • mooseknuckles says:
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        @Dingbat: o guess Lee was a rental technically and they had no shot at keeping Griffey. I did have Jones in mind but forgot he was part of the Bedard debacle. That trade in itself makes me retract my earlier sentiment.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @mooseknuckles: I think we have 4 girls now, but I hear ya… They have a culture of losing and a terrible hitters park so why would free agents want to go there? It’s similar to San Diego… I think they should just build around pitching and hope they win a bunch of 2-1 games…

  2. TecmoBallz says:
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    ha! im currently reading thins watching season 3 of breaking bad on net flix.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @TecmoBallz: Such a great show… 3rd season is the bomb, yo…As Jesse would say…

      • Reno 911 says:
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        Been watching since day one. Can’t wait to see how this shizz ends BITCH, as Jesse would say.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, it’s one of the rare shows that is actually getting better with each additional episode…

          • TecmoBallz says:
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            @Grey:
            for some reason Pablo Sandoval reminds me of a fat Tucco Sullamacca

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Ding, ding, ding… You got it!

  3. I hail you Grey as a caeser–and as I would a taxi (because I need your services). Would you please rub your Crystal Ball (singular?) and tell me whether Andrelton Simmons or Zack Cozart would make the better long-term shortstop for my needy team?

    Thank you, dear man.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Fanthead: Long term I’d go with Andrelton… This season I’d go with Cozart…

  4. joe says:
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    Hilarious Homeland rant! convoluted plot, yes!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @joe: Thanks… Such a mess, which is a shame, because the show was good…

  5. Gumby says:
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    So this opens the door for a Trumbo to be a full time DH I would assume.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Gumby: Yeah, it should… Which may not be a great thing for the Angels, but you reap what you sow…

  6. Great trade for the Angels…

    Good trade for Seattle… With the chance to make another ordinary pitcher a good one at SAFCO (sp – a logo?? HAHA)… They needed the hitting … If they keep Smoak and he with the rest of the youngsters come through.. They might have a fun 500 + season stranger things have happened… Look at the A’s last year… YIKES!!!

    I think, the Angels gave themselves a chance to go all the way with their moves and now a solid 5 man rotation…. All these guys have to do now, is go out there and pitch to help the win the game – opposed to winning it by themselves… May not make for great fantasy numbers though… Only the BlueJays have done as well this off season — Isn’s not having to worry about money, great… QQQ??? now, is do they flip the interesting Richards for another experienced solid hitting bench bat or wait???… Minors are really picked over… Wells will stay is my take … He could have a nice season off the bench for them if the energy is right…

    Pena is worth it (if the $$$ are low) for the month and 1/2 he is on fire… Then sit hiim and forget him…

    Cowgill was a good dish off for the A’s… He was just too far down their OF Depth Charts… See Cowgill as a 350 – 400 AB 4th good OFer for also rans … Quality defence… Mets need to and will bring in more outfielders to compete with him in ST… He better not see 500 ABs or the Mets will be stinky poopoo this year

    What have you got on Marte… He has advanced nicely… Maybe his numbers will catch up with him now… OAKLAND NEEDS A 3RD baseman BAD!!! Donaldson is a heart attack… I take a look at Cespedes at 3rd in ST (one time SS – his infield work gets raves all the time).. Opens up the OF slots for Crisp Young Reddick and Smith… Then they have a lineup to really worry about… Cespedes could not be any worse than Donaldson – who had every kind of Defence- itus an infielder could have in the 2nd half in Oak.. Green is the rookie to watch on the field this year – his bat could push him into a starting role by years end…

    Nakajima is interesting and a better move for the budget constrained A’s than Drew IMO… He has some D questions.. quirky throwing issues… Throws benders all the time (from video)… He does play 3rd though… A good thing!!!… Think, the A’s should inquire about 209er Barlett if cheap coming off another knee prob… Look for a break out season out from Rosales – if they don’t sign anyone else and Green doesn’t get the push “funny feeling”

    Boston is signing everything their can get there hands on… An eclectic mix of vets… Could be interesting … Esp. if Lacky is back… Drew might do real well there… He was showing signs of coming all the way back at the end of the last year…

    ONLY 2 MORE MONTHS TO PITCHERS AND CATCHERS NOW… THE COUNT DOWN HAS BEGUN!!!!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @T Moore: Wow, nice comment… I think Marte is the kind of guy that never sees at-bats for the major league team… Or it’s way too early to tell… He’s looked awful in the minors… Donaldson is the 3rd baseman barring an injury… You might be right about Cowgill, but I think he’s actually the kind of player that is more valuable in fantasy than real life… If he can get 7/25 in 500 ABs he’s a great low end gamble in NL-Only leagues…

    • OaktownSteve says:
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      @T Moore:

      You’re off base on Donaldson. He was really solid offensively and improved defensively after the callback in August he slashed .290/.392/.488. 29 runs, 8 homers, 26 rbis and 3 bags in 176 ABs after the recall. He booted a few routine balls early but he showed the ability to make great plays (his dive to his left in game 3 of the division series was incredible and timely). A full off season of working at 3B should help him on routine plays. He’s only a year removed from being a full time catcher.

      I love his approach at the plate. He hits the ball harder the other way than anybody on the roster and he showed good power to the big part of right center at the O.co especially. Solid LD rate at 22%, manageable K rate at 20% which should also trend down. He showed good disipline late.

      He’s one of the best raw athletes on the team. I see him taking another step forward and I’m excited to see him give a full season.

      • @OaktownSteve:

        Boy, we saw 2 different players… His throwing is highly inaccurate – often killing double plays and pulling the first baseman all the time… Continually, does not get balls thrown to him on tag plays at the bag …. Drops, the ball all the time… What about the run down where he dropped the ball while attempting a tag on the runner returning to 2nd and proceeds to kick it out into the outfield… Hilarious!!!

        A lot of this stuff did not show up as errors on the score card… And I think he was getting plenty of benefits of the doubt from the score keepers too…

        Never forget Reddick laughing and discussing him on a post game for dropping his perfect throw to third that would have clearly nailed the runner and would have given Reddick a record (club??) for outfield assists…

        He factored in a few negative ways in the Greatest Baseball Game ever played … The Yankee game in NY… 14 inning – 10 – 9… He lost that one ( with the help of Moss and others).. And there were plenty of other lost games too.. He got covered/picked up by his fellow players in many games and even himself (credit due)

        This was all in half a season!!! Hate to think of what is going to occur in a full season…

        Yes, he does have decent range and athleticism… He belongs on the team… Just not as the starting third baseman.. His 2nd half hitting was a pleasant surprise… There is little reason to expect his to continue on at that pace either… Maybe, he will get better… There certainly is a lot of room for improvement…

        Here is a trade … David Wright 3B and MiLB Wheeler SP for Parker SP and Young OF… And the A’s will throw in Donaldson too HAHAHAHA

        • OaktownSteve says:
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          @T Moore:

          Pretty much totally disagree. Saw a guy getting better and better. Like I said, he had a few ups and downs, but he’s new to the position. Could see the footwook and the fundamentals there as a solid foundation. A lot of what you describe are more nuances of playing the position (taking throws from outfield, rundown plays) rather than the bread and butter of picking up grounders and making outs. To the later point, I saw progress and promise. I think you’ll see a really confident fielder this year and what’s more, the bat is exciting. Like I said, if you go back and look at big hits he had in their big games, and there were more than a few, look at the authority with which he’s driving the ball the other way.

  7. Big AL says:
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    Well this trade for Morales could have been huge. As you know there moving the fences in at Safeco and Justin Smohawk voulunteered for the job. Smo was gonna build new fences inside the other fences kinda like the little league thing. Smo asks the team in the communal hot tub,how about we set the fences at like 250 ft.all around ? Bubbles erupt in the tub.Smo says it might look like it’s to easy ,but we’ll put a mini fenway greem monster in left. make it like 15 ft high that should do it.Lots more bubbles.
    All was good in Seattle. Then King Felix stands up.No erection. I’ll take care of moving in the fences Smo. Meeting over.And as we all know they didn’t really move in the fences.The King just took out a chain saw and cut the leftfield score board down, and just pulled the other fences forward.Kinda leaned them in a bit. True story in some dimension.Now it’s still sad in Seattle.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha… That’s the story the Mariners’ media team is telling the public, at least…

  8. I bet Grey is short for He of the Resplendent Grey Matter. You always tweak my thinking–that’s for sure–so I greedily post my second but last question for the day. I hope that’s all right!

    Starling Marte
    Dexter Fowler
    Dayan Viciedo
    Anthony Gose
    Max Venable

    –how would you rank these outfielders for their long-term prospects, i.e., not just will they will make it to December 22, but how will they fare two or three years down the road?

    (Bonus Matter: Will Fowler’s speed return?)

    I’ll take my answer off the air. Thank you!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha! It’s perfectly fine… And you’re close on the name… Marte, Fowler, Viciedo, Gose… Fowler’s speed will return….

    • TheNewGuy says:
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      @Fanthead:

      Max Venable? Thats the name of my old cat (just add an s to the end) no joke!

      Saw somewhere he’s a former major leaguer right? Guess this guys just getting mixed up…

  9. Jack Full of Hate says:
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    I think Jeff Luhnow either works for Bain capital or he is the cooler, ala William H Macy…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      If you look up a picture of him, he looks like the even more boring brother of William H Macy… So I’m going with the latter…

  10. TheNewGuy says:
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    As for the trade, pretty boring deal for us in mixeds.

    Kendrys could’ve been interesting getting full playing time elsewhere, but Safeco just kills him unless they really do bring the fences IN. Vargas will be a meh pitcher for most leagues, was and still is that won’t change. Always a nice streamer though.

    Still wish Kendrys had gone elsewhere though, I mean is there a worse place for a fantasy player to hit than Seattle all things considered? San Diego maybe, gotta be between those two.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I think Kendrys power will play in Safeco and could be nice corner infielder with everyday ABs, which he’ll have… Unless he went to Rangers, Yankees or Rockies, there wasn’t much he could’ve done with his value…

      • TheNewGuy says:
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        @Grey:

        True he could swat 25 jacks with no problem.

        The bit im worried about is the 60RBIs that’ll come with hitting in that crappy lineup… Bit of an exagerration but still you get me.

        Really can’t see him being more than a marginal player in mixed leagues next season. A proper question for you, when was the last Mariner powerhitter a top 10 rounder in fantasy. Big Richie Sexson? Boy thats a long while ago now lol.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, I get you… 85 RBIs for a middle of the order hitter with 500 ABs is about bottom of what you’re gonna get… A top 10 rounder in 10 teams? So top 100 pick? Jose Lopez hit 25 homers in the middle infield there three years ago… But he was drafted later… Probably when Beltre was there in 2008…

          • TheNewGuy says:
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            @Grey:

            Ah Beltre yeah course. Shows how few Mariners bats I’ve had the last few years.

            When I think Mariners in terms of fantasy I always think (starting) pitchers.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Yeah, most people do… Beltre wasn’t great his time there, but at 3rd he was passable…

              • Charles says:
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                @Grey:

                Maybe I’m mis-remembering, but I thought Chone Figgins was easily in the top-100 for his first year in Seattle in 2010 coming off the .298/114/5/54/42 season.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Yeah, but he said a power hitter…

              • TheNewGuy says:
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                @Grey:

                Yeah just shows how much playing there sucks the life outta your bat. Beltres looks on another planet before in LA and now in TEX.

  11. bradley says:
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    the Jose Veras blurb is Hilarious. Edging out the Pablo Sandoval Ham Bone joke as the funniest thing I’ve read on this site.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks!

  12. Steve says:
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    Jackson and Villanueva both sign with the Cubs. Anything to see here?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I like Villanueva a lot as a late round flyer… Jackson’s iffy, will probably be overrated a tad…

      • Steve says:
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        @Grey: Villa’s always had pretty good Ks and a move to the NL can’t hurt, right?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, he has nice numbers as a starter and great Ks… He could easily turn into an unusable guy but I do like him as a flyer…

  13. costaricanchata says:
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    now that selig has survived the mayan holocaust , ( well , there ARE still 30 minutes left) ,
    he says he’s going to retire at the end of the 2014 season ! ?

    i should live so long .

    • costaricanchata says:
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      @costaricanchata:
      in costa rican time , there’s an hour and 30 minutes to go , which got me to thinking :
      for you guys on the left coast , the world could have ended and you guys wouldn’t even
      know about it for another 3 hours .

      • costaricanchata says:
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        @costaricanchata:
        wait .
        the mayans were on the west coast .

        does that make them , automatically , padres fans ?

        maybe the world WILL end , when the padres win the world series .
        cust .

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        I hope you’d have the decency to tell me if the world ends…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha… Agreed, not soon enough…

  14. Hemmo Bosscher says:
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    Hey Grey,

    Thank you for always answering questions promptly kind sir!
    In a 12-team NL-only league we keep a max of 15 (limit of 10 active and limit of 7 prospects)
    I just traded an $18 Mat Latos, $5 Luis Cruiz, $14 Ryan Howard for $1 Carlos Gomez and $5 Gerrit Cole.
    I have several keepers of the Latos/Cruz-value variety, but giving up Howard sort of hurt.
    How did I do? I really like Cole and the $1 Gomez of course..

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      No problem… I don’t love it, but it could work out for you… Depends on how long it takes Cole… Seems like a lot to give though… Gomez was good this year, but can be a mess…

  15. kevinnovascotia says:
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    I have a bridge in Nova Scotia made of smoked salmon to sell you……right on Grey, we follow you up here too. The bridges really aren’t made with smoked salmon anymore….how do you see Morales affecting Montero’s at bats this year? Now Seattle has two guys that can’t run in their line up. Grey…Lobster is $3.00lb off the wharf this year. All the best, kevinnovascotia.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Your bridge is delicious, but a bit ripe in the summer… I think Montero will still see more ABs than most catchers… Smoak stands to lose some ABs…

Comments are closed.