Let’s just assume Joe Mauer hits 25 HRs, though no one south of the Arctic Circle has him projected for more than 18. And even some less optimistic Eskimos have him down for only 20. Let’s also assume after curing the swine (<–which is prosciutto, I believe), he hits .330. Let’s also chuck in 80 Runs and 80 RBIs, which seems Brobdingnagian (Word of the Day!) considering time already missed. I think these are all preposterous numbers considering his back problems, but let’s suspend disbelief. So Mauer still has 17 more homers, a great average and 60 some-odd Runs/RBIs in him. In the first half of last year, Doumit hit 11 homers with 42 Runs and 29 RBIs, while batting .329. Those numbers are in 207 ABs. He can easily replicate those numbers when he returns. So if you trade Mauer for, say, an outfielder who still has 30 HRs in his bat (Quentin) or a pitcher (Hamels) or a corner guy (Youkilis) and grab a random schmohawk catcher of waivers, you’re walking out of the trade in good shape. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jake Peavy – San Diego is a beautiful city with a low crime rate, a large Navy presence and it’s a stone’s throw from Tijuana donkey shows. Who would want to leave that? Peavy knows how lucky he is to pitch in Petco and the NL. However, this almost trade should raise red flags for Peavy owners. He may end up moving at some point this summer. Hopefully, he lands in Metco.
Homer Bailey – In 12 team leagues and deeper, I’d grab him and not start him for Saturday’s game. In the minors, he looked flat-out dominant coming into May with a 3-0 record and a 1.86 ERA and a shizzload of Ks — we’re talking 15 Ks in just over 6 innings in one game. But since then, he’s back to his old ugly self with an overall 3-5 record and a 4.57 ERA. Caveat emptor, for those in Latin America.
Scott Hairston – Will be the beneficiary of the Gerut trade to Milwaukee. Hairston’s startable in 12 team leagues and deeper. He has an outside chance at a 20/12 year while being in a good run producing spot in the Padres order… Oh, who am I fooling? There’s no good run producing spots in the Padres lineup.
Jesus Guzman – What time is it? Rookie nookie time! You’re showing Gamel, the dealer’s showing Guzman. You win, but it’s nearly a push. Hopefully, the Giants say saynora to Ishikawa, but Guzman’s call-up may just be for interleague, because Guzman makes Gamel look like Ozzie Smith. Pick Guzman up now in deep leagues, keepers and NL-Only leagues and ask questions later.
Travis Snider – Optioned to Vegas with the Blue Jays recalling Candi Whistleshorts from Cheetah’s.
Joba Chamberlain – Came out of the game after throwing two-thirds of an inning when he was hit by a comebacker. Word out of the South Bronx is he’s day-to-day.
Jon Lester – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER. Lifting the moratorium on Lester-speak to say, ’bout time.
Juan Cruz – 1/3 IP, 4 ER. Kazaam!
Juan Rivera – 2 homers in three days. Get’m while they’re hot.
LaTroy Hawkins – Threw a perfect inning with 2 Ks. I dropped Sampson from all my teams.
Bill Hall – 0-for-3 with 2 Ks and 5 men left on. The one where he actually hit the ball in play was an inning ending double play with the bases loaded. Meanwhile, Gamel had his cards read to him by part-time pitcher, part-time astrologer, Dave Bush.
Rafael Betancourt – A Cuddle Boy spotting getting the save. Wood’s still the closer, but that may change after a few more blowups. Could Betancourt step in? Not very likely, but I picked him up in two leagues — My name is Grey and I’m a save whore.
Pablo Sandoval – Took Eckstein out on a slide at 2nd. It looked like Nikki Blonsky slide tackling DJ Qualls.
Zach Greinke – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks. Take that, Greinke! Oh, wait, that was still a solid start.
Derrek Holland – Will start Friday against the Astros. No DH? Yes, to DH.
Raul Ibanez – Hit his 15th homer and racked up his 40th RBI. Doode has been way underrepresented in the daily roundups. The move to Citizens Bank obviously was going to be a boon to his value, but he’s singlehandedly carried me in my 15 team league. If Razzball had a Walk of Fame, Raul would be right next Asdrubal and Wandy. (Asdrubal just because of his silly name.)
Kris Medlen – 3 IP, 5 ER. He looked like a nervous wreck, balking and walking. His fastball has a ton of movement, but he needs to find his Quan. Since he’s a rookie pitcher, he comes with risk and upside.
Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks. After the game, when a reporter asked Leyland why he let Jackson throw 132 pitches, he responded by blowing out a smoke ring and saying, “I’m old school. And don’t spell school with a K, that’s new skool.”
Ian Kinsler – Steal yesterday. With Mark Reynolds breathing down his neck, he became the first 10/10 player on the year.
Mark Reynolds – Mini-Donkey was at it again last night with a homer and a steal, joining Ian Kinsler as the only 10/10 players in the majors. Can the Diamondbacks please play 100 more games in Florida?
Curtis Granderson – Hit his 11th homer yesterday. He could coast to a 25/20 season.
Justin Morneau – Twins score 20 runs. Morneau goes 0-for-2 with one run. Ticker tease!
Bartolo Colon – Clear the deck! We have a Colon blow in Chicago! He was actually another ticker tease for Fantasy Razzball as only one run of 8 was earned.
Adam Wainwright – 8 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks. Even more encouraging is his 17/4 K/BB in the last 22 2/3 innings.
Brad Ziegler/Andrew Bailey – Ziegler gave up the losing run, Bailey gave up two runs earlier. I called up the A’s front office and asked to speak to the closer, and the receptionist said, “Who?”
Troy Percival – 1/3 IP, 2 ER. I don’t think he gets removed from the job, they’ll probably just place him on the Disgraceful List out of respect. I own Wheeler in a league or two, Nelson might be called on too.
Tony Gwynn Jr. – Traded to the Padres. All across San Diego, I picture sons approaching their fathers with this question, “Dad, why do you have a jersey of a guy that stinks?”
Joey Votto - After a week of tests, there’s word that Votto could come back this weekend. Turns out he had an ear infection. Okay, here’s the thing, my meth addict neighbor could diagnose an ear infection. WTF? Seriously.