Yesterday, Hector Santiago went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks. Hey, it’s the White Sox closer from 6 months ago, with that gig lasting for a minute. Not an Urbandictionary minute, which is a long time. An actual minute. (Member the Closepocalypse? What an exciting time to be alive.) By making Santiago the closer, Robin Ventura was taking precedent from Ozzie and throwing chaos on a fire, but when he called Stephen Harper a great man and was met with indifference, Ventura realized he didn’t have what it took to be crazy. Stupid? Sure, he did charge Nolan Ryan, but crazy he couldn’t pull off. After the closer experiment, Santiago went back to middle relief and eventually landed in the rotation. In the minors, he showed solid Ks and wildness. Why does it seem like all the strikeout guys are wild as all get out? For another day, I suppose. If Santiago is in the rotation next year, let’s just say I could see an Edinson Volquez-type sleeper from him. That means utter delight with the Ks and sheer agony when he gets wild. (Yes, I’m already talking about sleepers. It’s a sickness, y’all!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dayan Viciedo – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Viciedo has never hit a home run and not followed it with another homer in the next day or so. That’s not entirely true, but it’s also a double negative so it’s not not true either. Confused? Me too! I’ve written 1500 words a day for the last six months. What do you expect at this point? Shakespeare? To be or not to be, your power is in question and the answer is Viciedo.
Alex Rios – 2-for-5, 1 run and 1 RBI. In this last week of fantasy baseball for 2012, I’m feeling all nostalgic. I ended up drafting a lot better than I thought I did by skipping Votto and Longoria and grabbing Cano and Stanton, even if skipping Votto was a result of the ESPN draft software crashing on me. Votto’s 2nd half is 8/0/8/.321/0. That’s zero homers. What ended up costing me a run at gold in the RCL was patience. I should’ve never dropped Alex Rios and Ryan Zimmerman. Well, more recapping will come next week when I go over each position.
Alex Cobb – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. The Tampa Bay Peach is going to be on my short list for 2013. Yes, that short list is about 17 pages long. I gots time to whittle!
Ben Zobrist – 2-for-4 with his 20th homer, now hitting .273. He’s proven that his year with a .238 average looks to be the hirame.
Chris Davis – 1-for-4 with his six homer in the last five days. Right now, he’s coming off 48 Hours and Trading Places, but we’ll have to see if next year is Best Defense or Beverly Hills Cop.
Matt Wieters – 2-for-4 with his 23rd homer. Keeping with the Eddie Murphy analogies, Wieters just seems to star in The Nutty Professor over and over again. It’s perfectly passable. Like you weren’t walking around saying, “Her-cules! Her-cules! Her-cules!” but it still feels like Wieters should be doing better. BTW, when you Google Eddie Murphy, the first three suggestions are “Eddie Murphy dead,” “Eddie Murphy died” and “Eddie Murphy gay.” Hey, I know a lot of gay people, I also know a lot of dead people, but he was Gumby dammit!
Carlos Gomez – 1-for-4 with his 19th homer, and hitting .260. I’m gonna fight my worst impulses, but I’m not sure if I’m gonna be able to help it. February Grey might just like Carlos Gomez next year.
Jonathan Lucroy – 1-for-4 with his 12th homer. Oh, and if you’ve been following along in this post, you might’ve deduced that Lucroy, like everyone who has homered in the 2nd half of the year, has outhomered Votto in the 2nd half.
Norichika Aoki – 3-for-4, 1 run and his 29th steal. He’s Aoki-dokie with me.
Corey Hart – Tweaked his foot and will likely be shut down. Corey, doesn’t never surrender mean anything to you, man?
Dan Uggla – Sat yesterday with hand swelling. Now he just needs to paint himself green and he has his Halloween costume.
Giancarlo Stanton – Hit his 37th homer yesterday. For all intensive purposes/for all intents and purposes, he hit 37 homers and missed two months of the season. Boing!
Josh Willingham – His season is likely over. In like a lion, out like a ham.
Justin Morneau – Shut down by general soreness. Those were direct orders from Major Pain.
Ryan Doumit – Likely getting shut down. Now batting 3rd for the Minnesota Twins, Joe Mauer. Now batting fourth, Joe Mauer dressed as Snoopy’s brother, Spike. Now batting fifth, Joe Mauer dressed as Snoopy’s other sibling, Marbles.
Ben Revere – 2-for-5 with his 40th steal. Revere, “The SAGNOF is coming, the SAGNOF is coming!”
Trevor Plouffe – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer. Plouffe goes the dynamite!
Wade Miley – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks. When a guy who barely averages over 6 Ks per 9 on his career throws 10 Ks, he’s changed his approach or his opponent is a hacky mess allowing Miley to reach new heights. I’m going latter here.
Wilin Rosario – Hit his 28th homer. Wilin says we don’t need no stinkin’ ham!
Troy Tulowitzki – Won’t return this year. He says he should be good to go in March and out again by April.
Charlie Blackmon – 4-for-6, 1 run and RBI. This Reggie Cleveland All-Star might be a quick two day hot schmotato.
Adam Lind – 4-for-4, 1 run and 2 RBIs. I told you he’d be in the top three in MVP voting this year! *slowly backing out of the room* Well, maybe next year… *runs out of the room, grabs my Cougar’s Pomeranian and dodges flaming arrows*
Jarrod Parker – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks as the A’s clinched a playoff berth. Moneyball Sequel here we come! Let’s do this one around the Brandon Moss/Chris Carter platoon and have Billy Beane’s daughter sing The Bernie Lean.
Corey Kluber – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. To win the big bucks league that Rudy and I were in, we needed a win from Kluber. Not a great start, not even a good start, just a win. Not a quality start, not a complete game, a win. Alas, I say goodbye to that money and wave to it with my WWII-era hat as that train leaves the station.
Mark Teixeira – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer as he returned to the lineup. The Ghost of Phil Rizzuto hit a home run in this game to give you an idea of what the Yankees did to Clay Butthurtz. The Bronx Bombers hit four homers last night (Grandy, Cano, Martin — his 21st homer?! and Te(i)x). What I really want to talk to you about is Homeland. You should be watching this show. The show with the My So Called Life girl and the ginger? Yes, I know, Random Italicized Voice. Does the gay kid from My So Called Life that looks like Carlos Beltran make an appearance? No, Random Italicized Voice. To think of Claire Danes in a good show had me thrown too. Seriously, give it a chance, but watch the first season first.
Dustin Pedroia – Shut down with a broken left ring finger. But that’s the finger connected to his heart that pumps grit and stick-to-itiveness! This is what happens when you put your finger on that special brand of “just can’t put your finger on it” ball play.
Aaron Laffey – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks vs. Minnesota. The Twins came to the game saying, “Are we having a Laffey?”
Fernando Martinez – 2-for-3 with his 3rd game in a row with a homer. I know, he’s an Astro. But he’s been hot and there’s only two days left, so you do what you gotta do.
Miguel Cabrera – 4-for-5 and his 44th homer. I did say Miggy would win the MVP and Lind would only challenge for it. *dodges flaming bag of poop*
Prince Fielder – 4-for-5, 1 run. Be nice if someone got on in front of Fielder. He likes to plate some ribbies!
Felix Hernandez – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER. Slim Charles would surely say that it shows some serious disrespect to knock a crown off King Felix’s head in his last start of the season, pahtna.
Mike Trout – 5 at-bats, 4 hits, 3 RBIs, 2 runs and one Miiiiiiiike Trooooooout.
Howie Kendrick – 4-for-4, 1 run and 2 RBIs. You go ahead and grovel back to me with your four hit nights. When you decided to only hit 8 homers and steal 14 bases this year, we broke off communication.
Alex Gordon – 2-for-4 with his 14th homer and 2nd in as many games. I see what you’re doing, Gordon, and I don’t appreciate it. He’s trying to make his season look a lot better for next year. That’s why he’s connecting on these four baggers. Pretty sneaky, sis.
Everth Cabrera – 1-for-3, a run and 2 steals. Hey, it’s cool and all, but technically if you get one hit you should’ve stole 8 bags. Cust kayin’.
Phillipe Aumont – Got the save yesterday because Papelbon had worked the previous two days. I imagine I’ll be saying how Aumont should be the closer next March sometime around now next year, assuming Papelbon doesn’t get injured this offseason while dancing ironically to “Pretty Fly (For A White Guy).”
Kyle Kendrick – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Comatose Phillies Fan, “Damn, if Kendrick is pitching well, we’re gonna be unstoppable with Oswalt, Lee and Halladay! What? Why’s everyone looking at me? I’m required to wear this John Olerud helmet.”