Yesterday, Pablo Sandoval hit two homers, and his third in two days to bring his season total to 11. The other day when Alberto Callaspo hit his 10th homer, I went into our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater to see who had been more valuable this year, Alberto Callaspo or Pablo Sandoval. First rule of Fantasy Baseball Player Rater Checking, if you’re looking to see how a player compares to Alberto Callaspo, there’s a problem with said player. There’s no second rule. That’s the only rule you need. Eric Hosmer or Alberto Callaspo? Oh, man, Hosmer you done messed up. Alberto Callaspo or Michael Young? Damn, Michael Young, you smell like a public restroom. Apples or Alberto Callaspo? Your apples are rotten. That’s it. Sure, Sandoval had a tough go of it earlier in the year with injuries when he mistook his hamate for a ham ‘n cheese. Still, Sandoval’s numbers are way down– Did someone just say Sandoval and weight down? No, Random Italicized Voice. Oh-kay. Sandoval is looking like a candidate for a bounce back in 2013, and, if that happens, then we might have to put him on the list with Prince Fielder for guys who make those who follow saberhagenmetrics look smart. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ernesto Frieri – 1 IP, 2 ER and the loss. Ernesto walks into his new room and turns on the light, “Hey, what’s with all of these Mike Napoli posters?” Mike used to live there; it’s Scioscia’s dog house.
Zack Greinke – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. Yu Darvish with his 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. Shoot, this was an old school duel. I mean duel-duel. I mean, like a white glove slapping, Aaron Burr on the top of a mountain saying he invented the ten dollar bill and Alexander Hamilton saying it was him-type duel.
Corey Kluber – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Twins. Fun fact! 2,000 years ago his family changed their name from Kluberandpullherbyherhairbacktothecave.
Casey Kotchman – 3-for-5, 1 run and 2 RBIs. Whew, just under the wire I got in my yearly roundup mention of Kotchman. See ya next year, Casey!
Andy Dirks – 2-for-3 with his 7th homer, after going 3-for-4 on Tuesday. Who has two thumbs, owns Dirks, has a thick mustache, a pimp limp, a purple velvet hat and a leopard skin Speedo? This guy!
Anibal Sanchez – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER. This comes against the A’s after throwing five straight quality starts. That’s dirty, Sanchez.
Carlos Gonzalez – Got in yesterday’s game for one at-bat, then had to leave with moans over his hammy.
Wilin Rosario – 3-for-4, 1 run and his 4th steal. This world is Wilin’s Easter egg, yeah, prepare to dye! Or maybe it’s die. I don’t know, but that song is stuck in my head and I love Wilin. Can I draft him right now for next year? I need me some!
Jeremy Hefner – 0 IP, 7 ER. It’s like Hefner managed to jam all three episodes of NBC’s The Playboy Club’s terribleness into one outing.
Juan Pierre – 5-for-6, 2 runs, 1 RBI. Oh mee gee, this would’ve been the best batty call ever. I wouldn’t have even woke up feeling all regretful, vowing to never drink again.
Chase Utley – 4-for-5, 1 run, 4 RBIs and raised his average to .266. In one game, he made his abbreviated season look decent. Is it sad or predictable or sad and predictable that I’m willing to draft Utley again next year?
Ryan Howard – 2-for-6, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and a 9th inning Grand Slam that shouldn’t have been allowed because it came in a 12-1 game. Comatose Phillies Fan, “Hey, I’ve been out since March, but it’s nice to see the team hitting on all cylinders right before the playoffs. Right? Right? Guys?”
Tyler Cloyd – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. After being staked to something like a 10 run lead, it would’ve been nearly impossible for Cloyd to lose this game, and he didn’t do the impossible.
Ichiro Suzuki – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. This comes after his huge previous day during the doubleheader. Hey, it must be 2004 all over again. No, Yankee Stadium, that does not mean you should play Los Lonely Boys.
Ross Detwiler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks. I saw on Twitter how people were talking about Mark Ellis breaking up Detwiler’s perfect game. Ellis hit a homer in the 4th inning. Seriously. So, if perfect games start in the 1st inning of games, Rickey Henderson broke up quite a few in his day. A 4th inning perfect game? Really? Sometimes I hate the world.
Drew Storen – Got the save yesterday because Clippard pitched both sides of Wednesday’s doubleheader. Not because Clippard pitched poorly on one side of the doubleheader. I could see Clippard muffing a few critical save chances in the playoffs and just that quickly Storen is the closer again going into next year. We’ll see. Or not. Your choice. BTW, I just referred to the Nats being in the playoffs and you didn’t even bat an eye.
Brett Anderson – Will miss the rest of the regular season after falling off the mound on Tuesday. MLB is looking into whether the groundskeeper who was in charge of the mound was playing in a H2H league against a team starting Brett Anderson.
Seth Smith – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer. You know how certain cities adopt a player and make a whole cheering section for him? Like the Wolf Pack and Padilla’s Flotilla. The A’s should have a section of the stands where everyone is dressed in suits with purple bow ties and they call themselves, The Wailin’ Smith’ers.
Josh Donaldson – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th steal. He had an early season audition that went about as swimmingly as a Ryan Lochte interview, but since he’s been back he’s been full-on JEAH!
Jose Iglesias - 3-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI and his first homer, then Iglesias sang, “To all the pitches I’ve loved before…” I’d continue to ignore Jose, he’s a glovechild.
Clay Buchholz – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks to lower his ERA to 4.16. For the first time in the history of my mustache, I may own Buchholz next year.
Andrew Bailey – 1/3 IP, 5 ER with the epic blown save. After the game, he said, “Everyone has to do their part to take the heat off our offense.”
Adam Eaton – 1-for-5 with his first major league homer. Not a whole lot for this year unless you need some steals, but I’m telling you now that a guy who had 7 homers and 38 steals in Triple-A is gonna get a lot of unprotected Grey love next preseason.
Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, and pulled from his start after 92 pitches. In related news, Dusty was away from the club.
Alfredo Simon – Got the save yesterday because Broxton had been used on back-to-back days. Reds like Alfredo Simon because he really murders lefties.
Welington Castillo – 2-for-3 with his 5th homer in 138 ABs. Will be interesting to see if he gets the everyday job out of Spring Training next year or if it’ll be a time share with Clevenger. I like Castillo a bit more, but both guys have their flaws and neither will probably be drafted outside of NL-Only or two-catcher leagues.
Yonder Alonso – 2-for-4, now hitting over .450 in the last week and he will be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. It’s coming, Yonder.
Anthony Bass – Got the one out save yesterday. It doesn’t matter, because Huston Street is due back today. I’d go ahead and lose Gregerson, Layne, Thatcher, Bass, Moe, Larry, Keenan, Marlon, Damon or whoever you owned for Padres saves. If you want one guy, that would be Huston Street.
Starling Marte – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and 2 steals. If I were him, I’d run like crazy over the last ten days so I could show my value to my team. If I were you, I’d own him for that reason. And if I were him, I’d have gold cufflinks that read, “S. Marte,” so people would say I looked smart.
Michael Fiers – 3 IP, 3 ER. I think Fiers is finally outta of gas and went ‘poof.’
Matt Dominguez – 3-for-5. He was hitting in the three hole yesterday and this Astros third baseman is really starting to hit the ball— *snooze* ”Grey, this is Craig Biggio. Hey, man, sorry to come to you in your dreams, some people get freaked out about that, but the Astros shouldn’t put you to sleep. They’re playing with a lot of heart right– *snooze*” Whoa, I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that Craig Biggio came to me and was trying to talk up the Astros, but then he fell asleep too. Damn, meta dreams.
Allen Craig – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, while batting .307 over 108 games. Definitely put together a nice season, but I’m not totally in love with him like some people. He feels to me a bit like Andre Ethier. Slightly more speed and average for Craig, and slightly more power for Ethier. If Craig is drafted next year like a third outfielder or a corner man, I could see drafting him, but if he goes as a 2nd outfielder or a 1st baseman, I’m probably not going to own him.
Trevor Plouffe - 2-for-4 with his 23rd homer. Plouffe goes the dynamite! On a related note, his initials are TP. Appropriately, since he could clean up the mess on my fantasy teams with his 3 homers in the last week. On a semi-related note, you know how some put the toilet paper hanging over and some hang it under? My friend has a theory that guys do it the right way (hanging over) and females do it the wrong way hanging under. He claims that men “get it” that it needs to hang so you can see the end to rip it. This same friend also claims that all the best songs on an album are tracks five and six, and now that I type this up, I realize how bonkers this friend might be. But I Googled to see if anyone else thinks this about the toilet paper, and APPARENTLY there’s an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to this that is almost as long as World War II’s wiki page. ”So, Jim, what did you do today?” ”A bit of this, a bit of that…Oh, and I edited the toilet paper orientation wiki page.”

Think Fiers is just tired or has the league just caught up with his average stuff or more likely a bit of both?
Like him as a back end keeper next season over the likes of Carlos Gomez or Tyler Colvin?
A bit of both probably… Not over Colvin…
Frieri’s was a straight forward loss cuz the game was tied when he entered. Perfect timing for me though cuz my team benefits if he loses his closer gig or he stinks. I just hope the Sciosciapath does his thing now.
It seems like Craig’s wearing down a bit here since he’s been playing everyday. I am really torn on him as a keeper candidate. I don’t have many alternatives… Would love to have lawrie step up a little bit, but it ain’t happening.
Oops, yeah, you’re right on Frieri, my bad…
I see that McHugh followed Hefner to the mound for the Mets yesterday for a great McHugh Hefner combo. Experts are calling it the McDonalds version of the Playboy empire.
HA!
Sitting in 1st in one league and decided to stream Hefner -now in 5th. Last night in fantasy football, my opponent’s waiver wire TE outscored my 2nd round WR by 15 points. So, my question is can you suggest any other hobbies besides fantasy sports that I might enjoy. Don’t say golf because that p—es me off too.
@Mr. Rickey, jacking off… really hard to screw that up.
Pool?
Over the past 14 days, Trout has been my worst performer, in particular he’s hit just 2 HR and 2 RBI. If I loose those categories, I’m out. Would it be insane to bench him? Thanks
I wouldn’t bench him…
H2H playoff next week, weekly lineups. I am debating starting M. Estrada and Lynn. They both are scheduled to double start and they both get one against hou. The problem is they also both get one vs Was. Should I start these guys? They’ve both been hot…
Yeah, I’d start both…
Which two do you like of Marte, Foresythe, Domic Brown and Alvarez? Hamilton out possibly though the weekend is KILLING me in the semis
C – Perez
1B – LaRoche
2B – Phillips
3B – Longoria
SS – Reyees
OF – Cruz
OF – B Upton
OF – D Brown
Util – Foresythe
Bench: Alvarez, Hamilton
Marte, Brown…
Are players like votto and bruce droppable right for hot bats? Both are hurting me down the stretch..
Yup
Am I crazy for starting Wade Miley @COL in my H2H finals? I’m winning ERA/WHIP but QS is tied…
Yes
Great wrap up, as always. A few years back I “won” the gender-TP debate with my wife after pointing out that all of our fancy-Hawaii-honeymoon hotels had the paper OVER ORIENTATION, as wikipedia so elegantly put it. This lasted about four years until we had our kids. Then we quickly learned that toddlers have a much easier time emptying the entire roll onto the floor when they can swipe down at it. So, we’re back to the wrong way hanging TP until the kids stop being obsessed by it. When does that happen anyway, like 7th grade?
H2H points pitcher QS 7pts Win 3, 1pt for K, -3 for loss. Sunday playoff streamer:
Cobb TB vs. Toronto
Floyd CWS vs. LAA
or Nolasco FL vs NYM
Thanks!
@Jef, Thanks! Ha! Yeah, Wiki mentions that people with kids and cats do it the Under Way so it doens’t unroll all over the place… Makes sense… Nolasco
@Grey, wow. I’m both impressed/scared that you not only found the wiki TP page but also read it!
Ha… Yup…
Would you grab Lynn/Fiers/Anibal to stash next year for keepers? Anibal would be a 15th round while Lynn/Fiers would be a 24th round keeper value?
@2 Cups 1 Braun, I’d go with Anibal in the 24th round…
Could have used the Cueto start, but I’ll still manage.
I have 5 starts left this week, should I definitely avoid any of the following:
CC vs Oakland
Dickey vs Miami
Harrison @Seattle
Lohse @Cubs
Gallardo @Washington
Torn on CC because he’s either brilliant or crap, the latter lately. I think Dickey is the only blindfolded-720 reverse slam dunk.
@Randy BoBandy, I’d be the most worried about Harrison, but I’d start them all…
@Randy BoBandy,
Love the Trailer Park Boys reference BoBandy!
Grey,
In a 12-team OBP league, Ichiro or Marte for overall production?
@Eddy, Also in same league,
Grandal, Donaldson or Rosario (who starts a home stand today)
Wilin
Marte
Do you trust Wainwright @CHC tomorrow or should i go with Nolasco vs NYM, looking for QS and Ks.
I’d go Wainwright
Grey…
Regarding TP (man, the season is definitely winding down), there was a Charmin promotion a few years back called the “Roll Over or Roll Under Poll,” in which Charmin purchasers were told to vote on their website to “settle the debate once and for all.” I thought this was crazy, but then I started thinking about it and was like, “yeah, what the hell is wrong with people who don’t pay attention to how they orientate their TP!?”
Apparently, this is a major concern in our society. So much so, people have actually done “scientific analysis” on the subject and made diagrams, etc. Check these out:
1. http://news.cnet.com/over-or-under-the-science-of-toilet-paper-orientation/8301-17938_105-20061128-1.html
2. http://www.tbyil.com/TP_Roll_Installation.htm
I mean, seriously? Line of sight?!?!
Mind —> blown.
Oh my God, we have the Zapruder film of toilet paper…
@Grey,
“…the helpful and fruitful over-hung method on the left and the annoying and detrimental under-hung method on the right.”
^^ That’s sort of how I feel about my Detwiler and Fiers (respectively) throws from yesterday. Fruitful lefty; detrimental righty.
Great quote pull…
Oh, for a “real” fake baseball question…
I have one more move left this week and things are very close in my matchup. I’m going to use the move on a pitcher, but I’m trying to pick the best possible throw out of the next three days and have a big list of shmos to pick from:
FRIDAY
Hommy Tanson @ Phi (SON 96)
Kyle Kendrick vs. Atl (SON 101)
Ervin Santana vs. ChiSox (SON 98)
Iwakuma vs. Tex (SON 104)
Jacob Turner @ NYM (SON 93)
Martin Perez @ Sea (SON 94)
Edgar Gonzalez vs. Pit in Petco (SON 114)
SATURDAY
Travis Wood vs. StL (SON 104)
Wily Peralta @ Was (SON 98)
Ivan Nova vs. Oak (SON 93)
Quintana @ Angels (SON 93)
SUNDAY
Cobb vs. Toronto (SON 108)
Lyles vs. Pit (SON 110)
SATURDAY/SUNDAY
[Scheduled for Saturday, likely to go on Sunday]
Chris Tillman @ Boston (SON 87(!!!))
—————————
Who is the best play of the above? Thanks!
I’d just fall back in SON’s arms and go with Gonzalez…
@Grey, Oof…I was going to do that, but Gonzalez has an extremely short track record for the season and I’m worried the SON is wearing Beer Goggles on that one. I was thinking Cobb or Tillman (especially because I’ll have a better idea of where I stand before Sunday’s final games), but SON is freaking me out and so are my recent memories of what happens when you send a pitcher against an AL East team. I mean, yes, these are not your slightly older brother’s Blue Jays or Red Sawx, but still. Fenway still gives me the willies when I consider throwing a guy there. I’m officially vexed.
I know, I totally hear ya… I’d go with Tillman as my 2nd choice…
Craig has 37 homers in his last 650 at bats. Ethier has 30 homers in his last 1,000 at bats. Craig is also two years younger. I love the stache Grey but let’s not go crazy with comparing Craig and Ethier. They’re on different levels.
I hear ya, it’s not perfect… But neither can stay healthy either…
That Alfredo Simon line was priceless, thanks for the laugh.
Should Peavy be started @LAA tonight or benched?
Thanks
Thanks! I’d start him..:
Would you start Peavy even if you’re watchin your ratios? I lead in ERA by a very slim margin, and second in whip, but its very close.
Nah, I’d sit him…
have you guys thought about doing playercards that show season stats, 7-day stats, 20-day stats, etc., to supplement the player rater? i dont know who codes your site, but you could probably find some kind of module that matches players ref’d in the articles and makes links to a pop-up stat sheet… seems like an easy addition since (i’m assuming) you already have some kind of stat APS for your rater. could add a whole universe of usefulness to an already stellar baseball site. and the jokes!
It’s like you’re reading our mind, we’re hoping it’s an addition for next year but there’s some obstacles like paying MLB for stats…
@Grey, there’s this really swell internet web site called http://www.baseball-reference.com. the web site publishes lots of really neat statistical breakdowns of modern AND historical major league baseball players; statistical information is up-dated every single day on the web sight!
[/nerd]
really, though, check this out if you have not done so already: http://www.baseball-reference.com/about/sharing.shtml. looks like b-r lets you farm its data for free… i’m not sure how much you can tailor the results (i.e. last 7 days), and i’m also not sure whether a CSV (or whatever else they provide) format would be very useful considering how “process intensive” the stats-mining would be… anyway, maybe something worth looking into. Trout!
Yeah, I’ll have Rudy look at this but he’s knee deep in it already and we’re trying to go further than a week, thinking more like a month…
@Grey, that was just an example… i think it would pose the same problem no matter how you want to split the data up. i poked around for a bit and didn’t find a way to cut dates. maybe the owners of b-r need a visit from some of your larger, more dangerous looking friends…
We’re talking to Stats Inc to see if we can get a deal, if they can’t get their price down, we’ll have to *cracks knuckles* figure out a different way…
the resplendent one-line Onion article comes to mind: “Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.” i will be forever thankful however high the death toll.
Heard anything about Giancarlo? Think he’ll be back in the lineup tonight?
He’s supposed to be back tonight…
Dear Mister G,
looking for the best couple options here for sunday
Wei-yin chen @ boston (SON 88)
Huff @ KC (89)
Germano (home) against StL (SON 93)
Smyly (home) against MIN (only if scherzer cant go – not rated on SON)
Ordorizzi (home) against CLE (not rated on SON)
spanks.
They’re not great… Chen, Odorizzi…
@the grate one, FYI…looking like Tillman will be throwing Sunday, bumping Chen to either Saturday or Monday.
OH MY GOD. If you’ve seen this, I apologize for being late to the party. If you haven’t seen this, I apologize for you…
You know about the whole “Bernie Lean” thing in Oakland, right? Quick background: Terry Kiser, who played Bernie in Weekend At Bernie’s, is an A’s fan and attends a bunch of games….naturally, the crazies in Oaktown took this and ran with it, spawning the Bernie Lean.
Well, Coco Crisp (and the A’s) just took it to a new level….
http://mlb.mlb.com/shared/video/embed/embed.html?width=400&height=254&content_id=24739917
Yeah, think Prezii, an A’s fan, was showing this the other day…
@Grey, Ah, bless Prezii. Glad someone got to it quicker than me.
I thought the Reds of all people *wouldn’t* like Simon because he really murders lefties.
HA! Nice…
Thoughts on Ciriaco ROS? He has 4 SB’s in the past week. Will he keep on running?
Need to make up 3 SB’s to secure the title. Any better suggestions for SB’s in the OF position?
Ciriaco
Span
Gorkys Hernandez
I’d go with Span…
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Any chance your Buy Sell article is going to be out before todays first game at 2:20?
Regardless….Need to pick up an OF to fill in for Josh Hamilton
Should I pick up….
McLouth, Mayberry Jr, Marte….or a buy guy from your afternoon article…?
1 more question.
Is Forsythe still a hot shmotato or should I drop him for Scutaro?
Thanks
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@Grey
Thanks for your prayers like I asked, so far its helping. Despite.still batting under. 200 on the week (compared to his. 367 line), I’m leading in runs, sb and one back in homers.
Anyways couple last questions before finals end…
1) Despite his performance last night, would you sit Jennings against Villanueva (1 for 7) in favor of Aoki (v. Jackson), Panda (v. Kelly) and Granderson (v. Parker)?
2) Likely will not need need a streamer this weekend (20 k advantage with 1 less start to go. If I do though, rank top 3 of this bunch: Werner @ SF, Tillman @ BOS, Peralta @ WAS, Correia @ HOU, Buehrle @ NYM
Thanks again. I was worried when I didn’t see your foot prints next to mine anymore, but then I realized you were carrying me to another championship.