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A commenter back in April or May or one of them spring months told us that Ryan Ludwick went by The Queen’s Assassin when he was down in the minors. The Queen’s Assassin was a nod to Ludwig from The Naked Gun — “I must kill the Queen…”  You know what having a Minor League nickname means? It means doooode was in the minors forever. Long enough to watch The Last Emperor. In 2008, Ludwick went from minor league journeyman to a late blooming flower.  Or some shizz romantic.  So what will Ludwick do in 2009? 80/32/95/.265. What, too direct? You were expecting me to beat around the bush? Nah, kid. That ain’t how Grey do. Bee-tee-dubya, Grey does talk about himself in the third person like Suede from Project Runway (he was robbed!). Ludwick’s average was a mirage, his power is for real. He can kill it like TJ Lavin. So if you want Andruw Jones circa 2002, The Queen’s Assassin would be a keeper for 2009. Unless! (Don’t you hate unlesses?) Unless Pujols is injured or elects for some sort offseason surgery, then we would need to reevaluate. Anyway, here’s some more keepers or players to not keep for your fantasy baseball team in 2009:

KEEP

Josh Hamilton – Yeah, he’s injury-prone. And anime is only understood by the stoned or schizophrenic. So what’s your point?

Carlos Lee – This wasn’t a career-ending injury. Doode’s pinkie was hurt. Chillax and keep him.

DON’T KEEP

Magglio Ordonez – He’s a soon-to-be 35-year-old, 20 home run, .300 average hitter. One could argue that Magglio Ordonez is a better bet than Ludwick to be productive, but one could also argue OJ’s innocence. Doesn’t make it right.

Ryan Garko – Okay, V-Mart’s hurt so we’re going to play you and see what you have.  14 home runs in almost 500 at-bats? Hmm… No, thanks. We’d call you Matt Stairs Jr. but, you sir, are no Matt Stairs.

From Around The Web

  1. ShootyBabbit says:
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    Mr Grey..Speaking of keeper/non-keepers (OF’s specifically), Im currently in the middle of a 14 team dynasty league auction (OBP/SLG counted but not AVG.) I overspent on my IF and needed to do a little speculation in my OF. Just wondering how you think Ill fare with this group. (We are required to start 2 each of CF’s, RF’s and LF’s.)

    LF Jayson Werth and Jack Cust
    CF Curtis Granderson and Matt Kemp
    RF Elijah Dukes and Shin Soo Choo

  2. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @ShootyBabbit: You should be a gold miner with that sorta speculating. They’re all well-rounded with a slight lean towards OBP, which works out great for you. Of course, with any speculating, you might get yourself some coal. You could have three of the six guys land a bench role or an injury/I’m-Dukes-and-I’m-crazy setback. I do like Kemp and Granderson a lot for you, and Choo and Dukes to certain respect. Cust, in your league, with those categories, will be fine for you. I don’t trust Werth as much, I think he regresses a bit in ’09. But he could surprise and, in your situation, probably a decent speculative pick (hard for me to say exactly since I don’t know who the choice was between).

  3. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Blind Melon was a nice reference by the Fox guys.

  4. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Oh, I missed it. What did they use it for? And is there going to be a game? What’s the deal?

  5. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Shannon Hoon crooned about the puddles gathering rain. Then he puked and died.

    Rain slowing down, Joe Buck just told me.

  6. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: re: Hoon — How apropos.

    You got Buck on speed dial? Nice. Tell him to lose McCarver.

  7. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: McCarver’s like a mongrel dog, drop him off in Detroit, he somehow finds his way back to J Bucks restaurant in the Lou.

    They may start the game about midnight, I’m no weatherman but I’d say there’s a 99% chance of precipitation.

  8. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: The Lou? Nice. Is that what they call it? I had a layover there. Looked… Um… Yeah.

    So looks moist out there in Philly, huh? Where’s Dash? He’s not hanging with his Pops this weekend?

  9. BSA says:
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    OK, so I just read that Shiva usually goes for a week. I’m breaking mine a day early, so shoot me.

    Kids are down, wife is out, another paper to write and I see we are in rain delay.

    C’mon! Hey Grey, is that T-mobile commercial like your neighborhood out there in Mannywo—, der hold that, I mean Hollywood.

  10. BSA says:
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    Weatherman is calling for rain until midnight!

  11. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Shiva? Did someone die?

    Until midnight EST? I really hope they don’t start the game then. I would just like a World Series game that kids could actually watch. MLB sucks.

    I missed the T-Mobile commercial. Probably around here somewhere.

  12. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Dash had a halloween party he couldn’t miss, we switched weekends. Sux, I had big plans for the upside down guy costume.

    @BSA: What the hell is Shiva? Is it raining in Boston?

  13. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Bummer. It is what it is, I guess.

  14. BigFatHippo says:
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    Oh the humanity! Imagine the Rays fans who traveled all that way only to get pelted by a monsoon.

    Both of them have to be dissapointed.

  15. BSA says:
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    Shiva for my sox. Couldn’t bring myself to Fox right away.
    Hippo – search it. What the hell, rain delay, what else you have to do?

    Don’t know about Boston but, CT is drowning.

    Image from Philly – horizontal rain. Looks like no kids and the west coast gets a 9:00 game with no fans.

  16. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: CT? From Real World/Road Rules Challenges? He’s drowning? That’s awful news. I thought for sure he’d just OD.

    Is horizontal rain better or worse? Did anyone pay attention in their meteorology classes to give us an accurate idea if this game’s going to happen?

    @BigFatHippo: Two Rays fans? You mean Dick Vitale and Larry King?

  17. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA: Oh, Shivah. Almost forgot my Yiddish upbringing.

    What else to do? Could’ve gone to Buffalo Wild Wings with the roomie and his 41 year old date. He’s 28, bangs anything between 19 and 45. I get my pick of the rest.

    I live with a man-whore, seriously.

  18. BSA says:
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    Tarp is off and the grounds cart is zipping along between the raindrops. Cameramen haven’t even wiped off the lenses yet.

  19. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Forecast from the desk of George Carlin.

    “Tonight, mostly dark, with shades of scattered sunlight in the morning.”

  20. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Zelasko was sounding like they were going to play, but I’m not sure it’s not just to keep people watching Til Death.

    @BigFatHippo: He turns away 18 and takes on 45? He needs a talking to.

  21. BSA says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Images of the leftovers keep me in the game when the fights get good here.
    I was in a bathroom the other day and the smell brought me back to my dorm in college – off topic, tmi, and weird I know but, hey, its a rain delay and I just saw Moyer walking in from the bullpen trying to look like he isn’t pissed to be there rather than the dugout.

    Think this will do anything to the conversations about making the world series look like the superbowl with a prechosen neutral location?

    Blondie just reported a ten o’clock first pitch.

  22. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:@BSA: Not from me, he’s my hero. His words, “hey, Cougars need lovin too.” And “Hey, she was 19……. ish”

    It’s kinda surreal living here, I’m waiting for a pygmy with a flatscreen on her head who’s father owns a liquor store. Got a ring on standby.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: How did you end up living with this dooode? Coworker?

  24. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Yeah, I hired him. he moved in with his girlfriend and offered me this place. Then broke up and he’s been here off and on for a year and a half.

    They get together and break up on a monthly basis, don’t know why, might be his extracurricular man-whore activities. Ya think?

  25. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: You should watch The Pickup Artist on VH1. I think you’d like it.

  26. BigFatHippo says:
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    I live in the middle of a cheesy sitcom.

    Think Moyer will have to take a nap in the third inning?

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: He was pretty mad they woke him up to start the game.

  28. BSA says:
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    @Grey:
    Their discussion of the gameday ritual and schedule for Garza and Moyer was interesting because I would think it would be opposite. Moyer rolls in at the last minute while Garza should be there fro breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

    Moyer has to be annoying to try and hit. Mid 80s and all over the place but just getting the plate.

  29. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Re: VH1

    We watched the first season of Rock of Love, I picked the winner from day one. She was smokin!!!!!!!!! Can’t remember her name.

    Did you write that “reality” show?

  30. BSA says:
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    On that note Grey – what are some shows that you’ve dipped your pen and paper into?

    You take me as the reality or House type of writer?

  31. BigFatHippo says:
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    Dangerous beginning for Garza. I don’t like it.

  32. BigFatHippo says:
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    Dangerous beginning for Garza. I don’t like it. Nope, not one bit.

  33. BSA says:
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    @BigFatHippo:
    Jitters, cold or preparation?

  34. BSA says:
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    I don’t know why but etrade commercial cracks me up everrrytime.

  35. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA: Classic young pitcher jitters. Rain delay made it worse.

    Did you see that first pitch to Werth? Woulda threw it over the backstop if the catcher hadn’t got it.

    Happy with one run though, maybe he’ll settle in.

  36. BSA says:
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    Hippo go to email I got a bite!

    Here I go off topic again but the weather here is crazy – rain, thunder, lightening, wind, and 60 degrees. Crazy – it was just 50 degrees during the day last week.

  37. BSA says:
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    Moyer was heading to the dugout before he even swung the bat.

  38. BSA says:
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    Alright the storm has taken out the satellite.

  39. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: @BigFatHippo: Ok, I had to run and get my lady some food. What happened? Moyer baffling them with 60 MPH fastballs?

  40. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA: Sux to be you, did it come back on?

    @Grey: Ha, they float. We all float down here.

  41. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Wow, that was a high strike on Victorino.

  42. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: They say “Moyer’s rolling,” more like strolling. If dooode rolls, he’s hurting his hip.

  43. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: We’ll take it.

    Hows it feel to be a honeydo? Did you pick up some pads while you were out? Get the Maxi’s. They have wings you know.

  44. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: She’s got a UTI, so I had to get Cranberry Juice, pads and moist towelettes.

  45. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Dioner, Gabe Gross, Bartlett then Garza. $5 says I could get three of the four too.

    BTW, I’m really sick of this Chevy Chase commercial.

  46. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: When did this become a feminine hygiene blog? Ugghh

    Did you notice the Moyer Foundation? Hope he took Myers under his wing. Might wanna give Larry Johnson a call too.

  47. BSA says:
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    @Grey: Ugh! You’re both killing me.
    I don’t know which is worse being a grown man with a roommate who uses the old sock on the doorknob way of saying go away I’m getting laid by a cougar or
    doing the maxi-run talkin UTIs on razzball!

    On that last note I am taking my thoughts to bed and will see what kind of nightmares I have.

  48. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: So I’m line with the tampons and I say to the old lady in front of me, “I hope these suppositories work.”

    Yeah, Moyer’s a real saint. Considering he has fifteen some-odd kids it’s very invested in the future.

    @BSA: Later. And don’t read the above.

  49. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA: You love it, old married type man. Don’t forget your pills and scoot your bedpan a little closer.

  50. Steve says:
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    Ahoy there Boyz! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The depth of the baseball knowledge is a given – it’s the breadth of the conversation that makes Razzball great.

  51. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Ha

    I always say, “Excuse me, might you direct me to the shelf where the Trojan Max’s are kept”

    Unless she’s an old blue-hair, then I just tell her to turn the left blinker off.

  52. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Hey, just the guy I needed. I got a wager with my girlfriend, can you buy a sugar glider and keep it as a pet?

    @BigFatHippo: The best happened today at the bank. So I hold the door open for three older bitties and they get in front of me in line, ended up costing me an extra 15 minutes. Don’t ya think if you hold the door open for someone you should still get in front of the line?

  53. Steve says:
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    @You have accurately divined that I am a Trivial Pursuit black belt, but what the hell is a sugar glider?

  54. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: It’s called respect Grey. You respect them at the door, they shit on you cause they’re late for Bingo.

    Live with it.

  55. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I just took a wee-wee on your Trivial Pursuit black belt. It’s a type of marsupial that is found in Australia. You guys are close to Australia, aren’t you?

    Back-to-back, just as Aronofsky would’ve wanted it.

  56. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Steve: Quite accomplished in Trivial Pursuit myself, but Balderdash is my game. Undefeated since 1990.

    I’d hate to take Rudy on though.

  57. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Ha! Right next door! If I do have a weakness, it’s science and nature ;-)
    1.1 million kept as pets in the US apparently.
    Big Daddy Howard put that one out with ease. Out of the screws in golfing parlance.

  58. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I told you not to bench Howard! Oh, wait. I just had a flashback.

  59. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Ha, no but it’s fitting. Dashel actually.

    Named him after Dashel Jamison, a thief in one of Raymond E Feist’s novels.

  60. Grey

    Grey says:
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    Dooode is calling strikes on anything close. Anything.

  61. Christopher Walken says:
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    @Grey:

    Frankenstein never scared me.

    Marsupials do

    Cause they’re fast……………………

  62. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: You’re right, Chevy Chase is gettin really annoying. As is Jamie Moyer.

  63. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Christopher Walken: It’s honor to have you commenting, Mr. Walken. I’m a big fan. Is it true you are also scared of men named, “Jeff?”

  64. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Okay, the call was wrong at first, but it was very close and in live action very hard to tell. Could they drop that already?

  65. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: The last angle before the commercial, it looked like Howard didn’t make the tag. They said he was out then broke for commercial, I said wait a minute. Show that again.

  66. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Jodi Johnson’s hot. Wonder if she’s got room in her foxhole.

  67. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I will call you Jo-Jo and you will be my Ho-Ho.

  68. Christopher Walken says:
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    @Grey: I always talk

    in fractured

    sentences.

    So it would be

    hard

    for me to comment

    on here.

    Who’s this Jeff?

    Is he

    Sicilian?

    Or a Moor?

  69. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: God bless America, and eat Hostess Twinkies.

  70. Christopher Walken says:
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    @Grey: No

    comment.

  71. Steve says:
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    Just goes to show that even a quick BJ is still pretty good.

  72. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: How do you stop a dog from hunching your leg?

  73. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Pick him up and give him a Blow Job.

  74. Steve says:
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    Random observation: Doesn’t seem quite right that the most important baseball games of the year seem to be played in non-baseball weather.

  75. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Or while half the country is asleep. Ours, not yours.

  76. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: I’ll be here all night, don’t forget to tip your bartenders and waitresses.

  77. Grey

    Grey says:
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    They (MLB) losses fans by the boatload and they start the third game of the World Series at 10pm EST. It’s really dumb.

  78. Steve says:
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    @Grey: It’s 1.30am in the East isn’t it? Even with the rain delay, that’s crazy.
    The demise of major sport being played in the afternoon is one of the great shames of the late 20th and 21st centuries.
    Er – it probably isn’t, but you know what I mean.

  79. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, I could see not playing during the day on a weekday, but on weekend? Why not?

  80. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: It’s not so much MLB as it is the network.

    Primetime ratings are king, gotta get the commercials in.

    That’s why we won’t see day baseball on weekends ever again, who cares about the kids? Not TV.

    Every game should start at 7:00 central time. Start the pregame at 6, first pitch at 7.

  81. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Agreed. I can’t imagine if I was a kid right now. I might be allowed to stay up, but I’m not sure I’d be capable.

  82. Grey

    Grey says:
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    Damn, this might be the game that got away from the Rays. They shouldn’t have won this game, but they could’ve. And they blew it. Thanks for watching with me, guys. It was fun.

  83. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Not sure I’m even awake right now.

    What, who won? It’s 12:50 here.

  84. Steve says:
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    @Boyz: 7pm here and a nice sunny evening :-)
    Yeah – it is all about the networks. Big-time sport needs TV money – I understand that. It doesn’t mean I have to like some of the side-effects, though (we have similar issues with night rugby in this part of the world). Good fun as always, fellas.
    Hopefully will be able to check in tomorrow.

  85. BSA says:
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    Bed and no directv got the better of me. Thanks everyone for the morning read. Even though they aren’t in it, I still read my daily Boston blog and thought you might want to see what is available for Sawx fans to chew on
    http://bostondirtdogs.boston.com/BDD_JMoyer_fen96_bgjw.jpg

  86. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Wow! I can’t believe that picture’s only 12 years old. Moyer looks like Scott Baio.

  87. BigFatHippo says:
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    Is it just me or does Joe Maddon look like Drew Carey?

  88. BSA says:
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    Just for kicks while waiting for the game check out MLB.com and link to the Fox feed.

  89. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I think Buddy Holly’s who you’re going for.

  90. BSA says:
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    The funny thing with him is during a press conference the glasses look trendy yet throw on a baseball hat and they take on that Holly look. What cracks me up is that he gave himself that Rayhawk yet last night was wearing a winter baseball hat with flaps.
    I think the word is Enigma.

  91. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA: Why? I didn’t see anything unusual.

  92. BSA says:
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    @BigFatHippo: D’ya get your Rayhawk?

  93. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA: Nah, I lied.

    Looked for a monkey though, Wal Mart was sold out.

  94. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Yeah but Buddy’s dead. Doubt they resemble each other much now.

  95. BSA says:
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    Youkkkk Aaron Award – what’s next? Maybe an MVP award for the jockey?

  96. BigFatHippo says:
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    Isn’t the ass part of the body?

  97. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Rays don’t wanna be facing Hamels down 3-1.

    Come on Pena.

  98. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: No, they don’t. Really beginning to feel like yesterday wad the game to steal from the Phils. But you can’t count any team against Blah-ton.

  99. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Just as I submitted that Carl stepped up. Carlos or Carl — hey, isn’t that a cheesy bar in New Orleans? — Whatever, as long as they get it done.

  100. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: I wanna slit my wrist every time that Burger King commercial comes on. Watched that damn thing all day during football.

  101. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: This one is driving me bonkers — “I will do handstands for you…”

  102. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Great, I just get that song outta my head and you stick it right back in. Thanks, thanks a lot.

  103. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Howard just hit a popup to left field. Oh, wait. Home run.

  104. BSA says:
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    @Grey: and the Phillies are making it interesting heading back to the warmth of the Trop.

  105. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: You sound like Harry in his prime.

    Harry: There’s a line shot to 3rd, holy cow he snags it.

    Steve Stone: Uh, that was a strikeout Harry. They’re throwing it around the horn.

  106. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA: Check your e-mail.

  107. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Harry sounds a lot like Rizzuto then.

  108. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: I see what you mean about not paying for wins.

    Edwin Jackson had as many as Hamels this year. Who coulda predicted that?

  109. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I like Jackson’s stuff, but… Yeah, he’s not comparable to Toe Hamels.

  110. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Better than Toe Jammels.

    I feel a big rally comin on. Git yer popcorn.

  111. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Hope your Hippo sonar is calibrated correctly.

  112. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Hippos weren’t blessed with sonar. That’s BigFatBat.

    Thankfully we were given thick skin.

  113. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Ha! I wonder where BigFatDioner ranks in the BigFats.

  114. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Ha

    Somewhere below BigFatCC and ahead of BigFatPablo, one would think.

    BigFatBabe takes 1st and 2nd place.

  115. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Otis, my man!

    Can’t wait to see Role Models, looks hilarious. McLovin’s in it!

  116. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Role Models looks like a bad 80s comedy, which is to say I can’t wait either.

  117. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Can’t wait till the Phils stop hitting.

    Re; Hamels

    Wouldn’t a 5th win match Hershiser for the most all time in a postseason? Think I read that somewhere.

  118. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I think that’s it for our Rays tonight. If the Rays can get it back to the Trop tomorrow, then we still have hope. Right now that’s dimming.

    re: Hamels — Who am I, Elias Sports Bureau?

  119. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Yep, they might as well kiss this one goodbye. Try to get a 2-1 win off Hamels in game 5.

    re: Who are you?

    Whip out your wallet and check. If it says Elias, call the DMV, tell em you stood in line for 6 hours and they still fucked up your ID.

  120. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: 2-1 loss for Hamels would be pretty similar to his entire season, so stranger things have happened. Like a Phils-Rays World Series.

  121. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Exactly like that.

    Hippo out. 5 am comes early <Mr. Obvious phrase of the day.

  122. Steve says:
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    Gentlemen – been out all afternoon (Labour Day here) and just seen the result.
    Dem Rays got their hands full now :-(
    You’re right about yesterday, Grey. When you get yourself back into a game you’ve got no right to be back in, you really have to make that count.

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