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Cuban phenom and top prospect Rusney Castillo debuted for the Red Sox last night going 1-for-4 with a run scored and a fielding error on a fly ball that resulted in a few boos from the Sawx Nation. “You ahre nevah gunna be like owah Tawmmy!” Be nice you guys, he’s new. OK, so not the best debut, sure, but Castillo made good strong contact on a few fly balls and showed flashes of that speed we’ve all heard so much about. Russy was slashing .293/.341/.440 with six steals, two homers and 10 RBI in 18 games at Pawtucket, and Boston is in desperate need of an offensive jolt right now. If he’s still available in your league you need to go grab him immediately, he was number one on Prospector Mike’s Power Rankings and Grey told you to BUY. If I’m projecting conservatively, I could see 10-12 homers and 15 steals from Rusney with a .275 AVG, but there is a lot of upside here and the homer in me wants to project 25 jacks, 30 steals and .325 AVG, because that’s way more fun. He also has the same hair cut as David Ortiz so they should be best friends forever in no time, and that’s always a bonus, especially if your league counts “Hugs Received” as a category.

Here’s what else I saw Friday in fantasy baseball:

Dustin Pedroia – 3-for-5, RBI. Don’t worry Rusney, pretty soon the Fenway Faithful will love you unconditionally, just like this little guy. We just have to get you in a Dunkin Donuts commercial first. Hope you like Iced Regulahs!

Brock Holt – 2-for-3, run, 2 RBI. He’s no Cuban phenom, but if anyone deserves to start everyday its Brock Holt. Boston isn’t paying him $70 million though. It’s not about who deserves what, its about who gets paid the most. Makes sense. Right?

Rick Porcello – 4.1 IP, 7 hits, 7 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. Red Sox 2015 Starting Pitching Staff. That dog will never not be funny to me.

Mike Trout – 3-for-6, run, SB (8). I forgot to tell you guys what happened at Miggy’s big 400 Homer Above-Ground Pool Party Extravaganza. As I mentioned last week, I went with Bryce Harper, but the power is going to his head and I ended up leaving with Mike Trout. Scandalous, I know. I’m so bad. Anyway, we drove around Detroit all night and then we went to Subway and I watched him eat sandwiches until the sun came up. It was the best day of my life.

Albert Pujols – 2-for-6, HR (8). I guess his hand is OK. Because magic.

Hanley Ramirez – 1-for-1. Left the game after getting hit in the hand with a fastball. Aren’t you glad you traded him at the end of April? HanRam is Domincan like Pujols, and they have special regeneration powers like Wolverine. So if his hand really is broken my guess it should heal in 2-3 days.

Bryce Harper – 1-for-2, HR (16). I love so much the things that you choose to be. He’s got 39 RBI and is slashing .336/.475/.750. Don’t forget about me when you’re the best player in the world!

Max Scherzer – 8.0 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER, 6 K and his 5th win. 1.67 ERA. Check. 0.88 WHIP. Check. 72/9 K/BB rate. OK, now you’re just showing off.

Chris Archer – 5.1 IP, 6 hits, 1 ER, 4 BB, 8 K and his 5th win. Is that Kenny Loggins I hear because the A’s have entered Archer’s Danger Zone, LANA! The 2.40 ERA is Sterling, as is his 70/20 K/BB rate, you don’t have to be Kreiger to know that’s good. Even Burt Reynolds is impressed.

Evan Longoria – 2-for-3, 2-run HR (5), SB (5). The slam & legs as the Rays are in first, you guys. Chew on that, Maddon!

Steven Souza, Jr. – 1-for-3, 2 runs, HR (7), SB (7). With the slam & legs as he bats .230. In St. Petersburg, they like their legs soft boiled with warm ginger ale on the side. But really, its too hot to cook, let’s just go to Steak & Shake.

Stephen Vogt – 2-for-5, HR (10). I think stashing Stephen Vogt until he gained catcher eligibility is the best pick up I made all season. Good job, me!

Carlos Carrasco – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K and his fifth win. Buy Carlos while his ERA is still 4.74. This could be your last chance!

Brandon Moss – 2-for-4, HR (7), 3 RBI. Something tells me the Injians are about to become one of the best teams in baseball real soon. That pitching staff, that line up, it all points to a good ol’ fashioned hometown community pow wow just waiting to happen.

Jason Kipnis – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI. He’s batting .337 after batting just .218 in April, with a .463 AVG this month. It’s unbelievable what the May flowers can do for some players’ morale! Kipnis looooves daffodils.

Jeff Samardzija – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, 9 K and his 4th win. Cue Jaws music. Shark is back! Probably Z-Marge’s best start of the season, and seeing the nine strikeouts is certainly encouraging. More like this!

Ryan Braun – 3-for-3, 2 runs, HR (11), 4 RBI. Bigger. Faster. Stronger! I don’t own Braun anywhere, and I apologize for that.

Alfredo Simon – 7.0 IP, 4 hits 0 ER, BB, 5 K and his fifth win. Alfredo is a conundrum, wrapped in a enigma, covered in riddles and deep fried in mystery, with a whole lot of cream sauce, parmesan and hot pepper flakes on the side. Doode just gets it done. The strike outs won’t be there, but he should remain a solid option in all leagues, especially pitching for Detroit.

J.D. Martinez – 2-for-3, 3-run HR (9). I picture JD constantly in the weight room training and staying up late watching game tape. Always trying to get better than Miguel Cabrera, while Miggy just chills and watches reruns of How I Met Your Mother.

Nelson Cruz– 2-for-4, HR (17). He leads the AL in batting average and homers, and trails Kendrys Morales for the lead in RBI by just a couple runs. Yes, Nelson Cruz is currently a triple crown candidate. Whaa? Nelly conducted his post game interview with a band-aid under one eye.  He told the world, “I am #1!” Then he dusted off his Air Furce Ones, flipped his bat and strutted off into the sunset.

Logan Morrison – 1-for-4, 2 RBI, SB (2). I told you to buy him two weeks ago, and he hit a triple last night. A triple, you guyz!

Felix Hernandez – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K and his seventh win. That’s how you Ace!

Chris Colabella – 3-for-4, 2-run HR (2). This guys got pop! Get it? Because, soda! Irregardless, Grey told you to BUY so grab this fizzy little soda before he goes flat.

Gerrit Cole – 8.1 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, 10 K and his sixth win. Probably one of the best starts we’ve seen from Cole to date and it was a doozy. This kid’s gonna be a star, ha-cha-cha! (If he’s not already).

Noah Syndergaard – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 5 K. Mets announced he’ll remain in the rotation. Some bad defense lead to a rough outing against a hot-hitting pirates team but he should be owned everywhere at this point. If he’s out there, go pick up Noah, and then if you have room, pick up two of every animal on the planet.

Jung Ho Kang – 1-for-4, SB (3). He’s got a five game hitting streak, batting .310 with 2 homers and 3 steals. As far as average middle infidels with some speed and average Jung Ho is the tops!

Jimmy Paredes – 3-for-5, RBI. ALL HE DOES IS HIT BASEBALLS! He is slashing .353/.385/.603, and finding a way into the line up everyday. He could gain some sneaky eligibility soon. Hot little potato or not, Paredes needs to be owned right now.

Justin Bour – 2-for-5, HR (2). The Boring World of Justin Bour. This is the boring boring boring world of boring Justin Bouring. Zzzzzzzzz.

Dee Gordon – 2-for-5, run, 4 SB (16). FOUR STEALS! SAGNOF! Wait. He’s batting .386? You Dee man, Dee!

Prince Fielder – 2-for-5, 2 HR (7), 4 RBI. With two swings of the bat tonight, Prince erased all the negative energy and feelings surrounding him from last season. Of course, I didn’t own him last season, but I feel like I can speak for those owners.

Mitch Moreland – 2-for-4, HR (4). Mitch is batting .417 with 3 homers in the past week! Yeah, you read that correctly. Summer is here and Texas is getting hot at just the right time. The balls are flying. Now throw Josh Hamilton into the mix next week and things should really get interesting!

Didi Gregorius – 1-for-3, 3-run HR (1). I knew there was a reason they traded Shane Greene for him! Is that sarcasm? Wait. You guys, Shane Greene isn’t really good, especially not from a fantasy perspective. Oh. I see.

Michael Pineda – 6.0 IP, 8 hits, 4 ER, BB, 4 K and the loss including a 7 run 3rd inning. I’m not sure if I hope he’s hiding a injury and he really is the Ace he looked like two weeks ago, or if I hope he’s perfectly healthy and just regressing a bit. Maybe both?

Chris Young – 6.0 IP, 6 hits 0 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. 5-0 with a 0.78 ERA. I wrote about Young last week and I am thrilled to see he’s kept it going, as it makes me look wicked smaht. No, I still can’t quite recommend him outside AL-Only leagues yet, and no I wouldn’t pick him up myself, but, “Wow! How about that RoyalsChris Young, right? Impressive!”

Kendrys Morales – 3-for-4, 2 HR (2), 5 RBI. Leads the league with 37 RBI, and Lorde just shipped him a tiger on a gold leash. You’re a Royal now Kendrys, now you’ll rule, you’ll rule, you’ll rule. You can rule my fantasy–league.

Dexter Fowler– 1-for-5, 2 runs, HR (5), SB (10). Slam & Legs. Chicago-style, that means extra polish sausage. I own Dexter everywhere. He was that player in drafts I didn’t really want, but as a fifth outfield leading off for the Cubs, I was like, “Ugh. Fine.” It seems like those are the players that always win your fantasy league.

Jon Lester – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Your buy window is closing quickly.

Paul Goldschmidt – 3-for-5, 2-run HR (11), 3 RBI, 2 SB (8). Au Shizz! What do we call it when a player hits two homers and steals two bases? I think I would lose my shizz if Pauly G. did that. Only Bryce Harper has been more valuable this year. Good thing I own both!  ; ) *dodges tomato* *bows to crow* *exits stage left*

Nick Ahmed – 3-for-6, HR (1), 2 RBI. Ahmed is batting .212 on the year and .500 in the past week. Moving along…

Will Venable – 2-for-4, RBI. Venable will see the playing time with Myers out but he’s hard to recommend outside deeper leagues. Still, he’s hitting .357 in the past week with some speed and he’s got 3 homers on the year. For a fifth outfielder, you could do a lot worse.

Joc Pederson – 2-for-4, HR (11). Did we just become best friends!? I think we did.

Andrew Cashner – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, BB, 3 K. Cash Money was looking a whole lot better than he has been last night, even if he was facing a struggling LAD lineup. That SD pitching staff is an oddity this year, let me tell you about it! James Shields is 5-0 with a 3.74 ERA, while Cashner is 1-7 with a 2.89 ERA. Andrew’s BABIP is way higher than previous years as is his HR/9, so it’s probably just bad luck. I might look to buy straight Cashner, homey.

Matt Duffy – 3-for-5, 2-run HR (2). Batting .300 with two home runs and is currently leading the league in “Who is that?”s.

Wilin Rosario – 3-for-5, run, RBI. Where there’s a Wilin! Grey told you to BUY him and I don’t know if he’ll play everyday, but he’s playing now, and he’s playing in Coors and he’s catcher eligible, and he prob better than your catcher. So yeah, you should pick him up.

D.J. LeMahieu – 2-for-4, 3-run HR (2). I feel like I’m always writing about DJ even though he’s a lower end fantasy option. What can I say, doode is hot! Hey DJ, can you play that one song–it’s like dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum dum dum dum. Cheeeeee. Chicka, chicka, chicka, bmmm bop! I think its called “Pretty Girls”, but I call it “Bad Singer feat. Bad Rapper.”

Ryan Vogelsong – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 5 K and his third win. Vogelsong has given up just three runs in his last four starts (25.2 IP), and managed to get out of Coors unscathed. He’s available in most leagues and gets the Brewers next week. Do what you do!

Brandon Belt – 3-for-5, 2-run HR (4). Batting .450 with three homers in the past week. Here’s what I said about Belt two weeks ago, “He’s hit safely in six straight games, but still has yet to hit a home run. However, he does have eight doubles and a 47.3 hard hit percentage, which suggests good things are coming. Good things.” That might be the best advice I will give all season. That’s like, real analysis from me and shizz, can you believe it? I can’t. I should probably quit while I’m ahead.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!