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In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I’m going to stumble through some baseball-related drunken lullabies, (mostly) rants labeled as poetry, and a token haiku. If you read between the lines, you just may even find some potentially useful fantasy advice. See what I did there? Call me “overqualified.” Anyway, here’s to some of the players that I look to for inspiration. If this doesn’t tickle your fancy, please don’t tell me what does.

 

I’m no fan of the Mets, but a grand supporter of OPS

So there’s room in my heart for David Wright

If he’s still there in round three, then he’s the third baseman for me

While I locate my picture of the Wilpons, grab my dart, and let it take flight

Though his second half struggles, due to no lack of hustle, have caused many to worry

Instead, I’ll view his season as a whole to tell the full truth, the whole truth, and an all-around fascinating story

My expectation is a fairly close connection to his 2010 season, with a handful or so less home runs

His runs and rbis should lead to an elite line and, if not, I’ll continue to blame the Wilpons.

 

I’m expecting a big thing or two from you, Kyuji Fujikawa, but don’t ask me what rhymes with your name

Carlos Marmol will be traded for naught and reduced to an afterthought once your run at greatness begins

Saves will pile up exponentially, with at least a few a week, since the Cubs will only win close games

Your honor will be restored when The Rolaids Relief Man Award is yours, just like the great Rod Beck.

 

As hard as I try, Ted Lilly threatens my life, but I’m not the first nor will be the last

I plan to write praises for him and I even said he’ll win the fifth starter position on the Razzball podcast

Let’s all take a moment to acknowledge that his victims deserve better than they’ve received

From Yadier Molina to Clayton Kershaw’s hip to that little kid in the seats, to start with a notable three

Then there’s the greatest – the umpire he told “you’re embarrassing yourself” – to the latest: Zack Grienke

I’m not saying there will be an attack, but I’d watch my back if I were you, Chad Billingsley.

 

When did you get so old, Yankees lineup, and what are you building in there?

Are you teaching us a lesson of our own mortality or is this a bump in the road for aging heroes?

Or are all of your heads shaved so none of us will catch on to your real age, evidenced by your grey hairs?

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero

(Don’t take this as a threat, Curtis Granderson and Mark Teixeira, but I won’t draft you)

 

Jason Heyward – will you be my fantasy baseball savior in 2013?

Love isn’t the right word, but it’s the first word that comes to mind, since I have you on every team

I know you’ll be in a better lineup, but when are you going to start walking more?

Or are you going to sell out to the home runs, which everyone (including me) adores?

…Oh yeah, and now that I’ve taken care of Chipper Jones, who’s next?

 

Hey, Giancarlo Stanton, what’s wrong with Mike? I have many friends who share that moniker…

Also, take care of yourself, since I know you have many rabid fans who have become enamored

A few tips: stretch as necessary, eat your vegetables, and when asked an injury question always defer

Lastly, keep a safe distance from unsolicited assistance and all people wielding sledgehammers.

 

I do not trust you

Edwin Encarnacion

P.S. Screw Flanders.

  1. ferris says:
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    i am shamelessly asking everyone

    nl only 5×5 (regular, not OPS, sorry)

    pick one keeper:

    david wright for 28
    jay bruce for 25
    mat latos for 11

    leaning to bruce since wright’s health is uncertain

    choice must me made tomorrow so i must decide on wright as he sits right now

    • Steve Stevenson says:
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      @ferris: Wright

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @ferris: Wright just had to get injured after I sent in this article, didn’t he? I’d lean towards Bruce as well. The medical staff on the Mets doesn’t have the best track record…

  2. Justin says:
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    Great stuff as always Tom. In the eight years I have been playing fantasy baseball(yea im a relative noob) I have never had David Wright on a single team. He is one of those guys that every year im just not thrilled about him. I do not know why.

    Im having an issue trading a couple first basemen in a 14 team 6×6 league obp(not avg). The extra catagories are Total Bases and Holds.

    I have a log jam at first with Goldy, Agon,Hosmer,Tex . The only reason why I have 4 fist basemen is because hosmer and tex came at great values .Picks 154 and 173 respectively. I have been rejected on just about every trade offer I have sent out. What are the values of Hosmer and Texiera?? Right now im trying to trade Hosmer for Moore, I need starting pitching and the team I am hopefully trading with has Ackley as thier ONLY firstbase eligible player.

    I know Hosmer is not as valuable as Moore, but which sp are equivelent to Hsmer and Texiera? Thank you in advance for your insight!!

    • Steve Stevenson says:
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      @Justin: Probably the Samardzija/Morrow range, or maybe someone coming off a down year like Lester or Halladay.

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Justin: I agree with Steve on the pitchers you could target. Hosmer/Tex could be great values, but people have are more attitudes “wait and see” towards them. Usually, when I have trouble trading a player, I hold onto them because I don’t want to clearly lose in a trade. Since you need to trade a first baseman, maybe you could see if somebody would overpay for Goldy or Adrian?

    • Justin says:
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      @Justin: Thanks again, maybe I will just wait and see if both can play at a higher level then last year . Hosmer did not look good in the WBC though. Not like I wanted to see out of him. Currently my sp are Medlen,Shields,Samardja,Parker,Ryu,Gee, and i’m holding onto Shelby Miller. Would you add a piece or hol tight. I just need an outside opinion, sometimes it’s easy to over think things.

      • Tom Jacks

        Tom Jacks says:
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        @Justin: I’d hold tight until you can get a better deal. That rotation looks alright in a 14 team league. Good luck!

        • Justin says:
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          @Tom Jacks: Thanks Tom. Are you guys going to be do anymore drafts that you will be tweeting live during? Had a good time following the Mock draft a few weeks ago.

          • Tom Jacks

            Tom Jacks says:
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            @Justin: Glad you enjoyed it. We don’t have another twitter one to my knowledge, but there is the possibility of another mock draft for podcast fodder.

            • Justin says:
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              @Tom Jacks: Thats too bad, perhaps next year, Rudy and Grey should have you be at the LABR or TOUT Wars draft to follow all the action live… Just a thought.

              • Tom Jacks

                Tom Jacks says:
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                @Justin: That would definitely be interesting. Feel free to pass that on to them…

              • @Justin: Good call. Next year, maybe we’ll have someone else on staff live tweet during drafts.

                • Justin says:
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                  @Rudy Gamble: I will volunter to attend he draft and tweet. Just an idea. Let me know haha

  3. Dan Pants

    Blairtch says:
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    stupid sexy flanders

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Blairtch: Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all… nothing at all…

  4. David Rohrer says:
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    Do I draft Wright, Pedroia or Reyes & who would be 2nd choice. My best options & 1 of these will go in the pick before me. I already have tulo & kinsler (2 utilities & OBP instead of BA) Thanks

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @David Rohrer: I’d rank them Reyes, Pedroia and Wright, even with you having a SS/2B, since Wright has a current injury concern.

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @David Rohrer: I guess it could be better targeting 1B and maybe OF depending on who is available…

      • David Rohrer says:
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        @Tom Jacks: there isn’t much, there is Ellsbury, Cespedees & Bruce. Cain, Cole & Lee for SP. I am pick #3 in keeper draft. #1 will take Pujols for sure. I think I will look to snag Dickey, the Doc or Wainright in 2nd Rd. Hard to say since It’s a 10 teamer if Dickey will be there. Pair nicely with Kershaw

        • Tom Jacks

          Tom Jacks says:
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          @David Rohrer: Ok, then I’d stick with the original plan. Good luck!

  5. Wake Up says:
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    OPS, What a wicked
    Mistress, mistrust homers and walks
    K’s why? K’s! Oh, K’s

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Wake Up: Nice! I think the Razzball community could come up with a solid book of chaotic poetry…

      • Wake Up says:
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        @Tom Jacks: Yep Razzball pretty much boils down to….
        Hitting= love power, need OPS, less K’s please
        Pitching= really love K’s, WHIP too high, less walks please

        • Tom Jacks

          Tom Jacks says:
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          @Wake Up: Agreed.

  6. Big AL says:
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    Drafted E5 off of waivers last year in all 4 of my leagues.Can you say best waiver pick up ever.Yes I can and I did., He’s in such a great line up no one is going to notice his regression in Avg. and Hr’s. Rbi’s and Runs, I don’t think he regresses in. Staying healthy ? Well that’s the thing with E5.If he get’s 550 Ab’s he’ll be fine as wine.
    I have never been able to pull the trigger on Wright. This year I had him on my list ,but have Zimmerman in front of him because of the line up he hits in and he is raking the ball in spring training and looks great.
    Is it just my drafts or are you experiencing the early run on 3B this year. If you want a top 8 guy you better draft him by the 3rd round.I had to reach all 4 times for Zimmerman, and Wright usually went before him. Wright was tearing up the WBC before he hurt himself.
    I see your man crush for J-Hey is out in the open now,like grey’s of Giancarlo. Mine is for Joey V this year. I finally got a chance to draft him and we are Bestie’s now. I have his picture in my wallet. Me and E5 are separated due to man crush on Votto. I still lurve E5 for the summer of 2012.
    Thoughts on A Cashner SD RP-SP. Can he be a10-12 win guy ? Love the SO potential there. Is Gyoko for real or my back up 2B ?

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Big AL: E5 would have been an incredible waiver wire pick up. I’ve seen the top handful or so third basemen go in the first couple rounds too. I love Heyward, although Votto’s walk rate makes me swoon. I could see Cashner having 10 wins and solid strikeouts. I’d rather have Gyorko as my MI than 2B in shallow leagues, if that makes sense.

  7. stlshawgo says:
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    I have been offered Max Scherzer for my Jordan Zimmerman and Wilhelmsen

    12-team league

    My starters are Bumgarner, Chapman, Zimmerman, Peavy and Lester

    My RP consists of Wilhelmsen, Janssen, Parnell, Pestano, and David Robertson

    Fair trade or would you stand pat?

    • David Rohrer says:
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      @stlshawgo: I think u should stand pat. Zimmerman with a little better era & whip tips in his favor, scherezer for more K’s, not totally equal on wins because Detroit’s pen will blow more leads than Washington’s. It’s a good deal str8 up if you need to work on whip more than K’s IMO

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @stlshawgo: I agree with David. I’d stand pat unless you can get a better deal.

      • Jay

        jaywrong says:
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        @Tom Jacks: Zimmerman has been dealing with some dead arm issues. I’d keep my eye on it just in case.

        • Tom Jacks

          Tom Jacks says:
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          @jaywrong: Thanks for the heads up.

  8. Wildflower says:
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    Struggling over keepers. 14 team, $260 budget, Head-to-head league, 6×6 league (with OBP and SLG, and the extra pitching category Quality Starts). Already keeping Verlander, JZimmermann and Gio at very low prices. I have three more keepers. Who would you prefer:

    Bourn at 4
    Cano at 37
    Reyes at 23
    Motte at 7
    Alvarez at 5.

  9. Tom Jacks

    Tom Jacks says:
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    @Wildflower: I’d prefer Cano, Reyes, and Bourn.

  10. Jay says:
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    currently have wright kept @ $22. have the option to throw him back into the auction pool, re-coup the $22…but no option to swap in a new keeper. not a fan of the uncertainty around him right now and quite frankly, wondering if i could even get him for cheaper in the auction at this stage.

    throw him back?

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Jay: Yeah, throw him back and try to sign him for less.

  11. Westmo says:
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    Keeper question:

    I have to keep one of the following:
    C Jesus Montero
    OF Wil Myers
    1b Lance Berkman
    2b Rickie Weeks
    OF Domonic Brown
    SP Trevor Bauer

    I am already keeping:
    Josh Hamilton
    Evan Longoria
    Ryan Howard
    Ian Kinsler
    Mark Teixeira

    14 team league and we score hitters in 14 categories which are R, H, 1b, 2b, 3b, HR, rbi, sb, bb, tb, avg, obp, slg, ops.

    Who do you keep out of the five hitters on the bubble?

    Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Westmo: If these guys can be kept for more than one year, it’s Wil Myers. For this year only, I’d take Berkman, since your league places a heavy emphasis on slugging and he could approach .500 in that category.

  12. Rags says:
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    In a 17 team dynasty roto, my SS is Ian Desmond, my 2B is Josh Rutledge, and my 3B is Hanley Ramirez. Am I addicted to short stops?

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Rags: Yes, you should seek help immediately if conditions worsen. It could be worse though – I’ve heard that the catcher and middle reliever addiction have no cure.

  13. TheNewGuy says:
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    Thrown it out to the other guys so would like to hear your take too Tom.

    Turned up an hour late to my draft due to the clocks changing in the US last sunday! Typical, who’d have funked it….being in England this obviously screwed me up as there was a 4 hour time difference not 5 as there usually is.

    Anyway as its a keeper I was considering throwing in the towel already and rebuilding, but I might be having 2nd thoughts as noone appears to be set to blow the competition away. Know its nothing to do with prospects but always value your advice man, is this team competitive for a 10 teamer in your eyes? Got some autodrafted guys I didnt want, and had missed out on all the studs already, so I had to make the best of what was left and buy the mid value guys I liked (OBP league):

    C- Yadi
    1B- E5
    2B- Altuve
    3B- Freese (yikes)
    SS- Rollins
    CI- Hos
    MI- Andrus
    OF- Dread Pirate
    OF- Beltran
    OF- Rios
    OF- Gomez
    OF- Werth
    UT- C Santana (autodrafted, sucks I know…)

    P- Medlen
    P- Motte
    P- Paps
    P- Samardja
    P- H Bailey
    P- Wilhelmson
    P- Fister
    P- Cishek
    P- Jannsen (the worser one)

    BE- Tex
    BE- Segura
    BE- B Anderson
    BE- Mous
    BE- Kennedy
    BE- Peavy

    Horrible feeling turning up late to a money league isn’t it, we’ve all done it. Especially an auction. Makes you feel like crap at the time seeing all the guys missed but I tried to stay cool at make the best of whats left. Think im light on especially stud power but apart from that is this team still possible to get into contention this year?

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @TheNewGuy: Yeah, that’s the worst feeling. Like you said, it’s lacking some stud power. Since you said that the competition doesn’t blow you away, then I don’t see why you couldn’t have a chance.

      I’d recommend pursuing trades, since you might be able to improve your team by 1) trading one of your catchers and 2) trading one of your MI since you have Segura on the bench. If you were able to trade Andrus and Yadier for a stud at Utility, then I’d be feel more confident about your team (obviously there are other trade approaches that could work too).

      • TheNewGuy says:
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        @Tom Jacks: Yeah thanks, Iam trying to work a trade for Hamilton right now. Sending Andrus and Papelbon for him, thats gotta be worth doing if he agrees right? Got a shedload of closers right now and Hamilton’s power bat is just what I need.

        Just shows though that turning up to an Auction late screws you, whereas in a Snake you can get away with it due to autopicks. Hopefully I resurrected things just in time to give me an outside chance this year. And if not hopefully I can sell of some of these guys for the future anyway.

        • Tom Jacks

          Tom Jacks says:
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          @TheNewGuy: Yeah, I’d absolutely do that deal. Good luck!

  14. SwaggerJackers says:
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    @Tom Jacks: Thoughts on Matt Carpenter as a last round bench player in my OBP league? He takes walks, has eligibility at 1B/3B/OF and should be adding 2B this season.

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @SwaggerJackers: I like him quite a bit as a late round guy. Definitely worth a pick.

  15. Billy B-Cup Butler says:
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    12 team 6×6 (holds, ops) yahoo! standard positions except LF, CF, RF + OF and IF

    Lost Headley, but I can move Trumbo to 3B, but that leaves LF to Cody Ross (belch). I was offered Jedd Gyrko for Emily Boneface (which would obviously keep Trumbs at LF).

    Your thoughts? Thanks!

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Billy B-Cup Butler: I’d pull the trigger. Bonifacio is a big drain in OPS and I like Gyorko’s upside (or any side for that matter).

  16. Bobby says:
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    Tom, who is your #4 player in OPS league? (We also include AVG)

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Bobby: Votto. He’s got 1.000 OPS upside and few have that, which makes him worth taking after the top 3 in my mind.

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