Let’s all give Scott Sizemore a big “Welcome back.” Well… Let’s give him a medium-sized “Welcome back…” Screw it! Let’s give him a quick “Hey” and a head nod like you give to your sister’s boyfriend that you can’t stand. It’s not like he’s done all that much in his short time in the majors, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — who else are you rocking at your middle infidel spot? Sizemore was hitting in the minors (.408/.495/.605 and 2 homers in 92 PAs). It’s worth the flyer to see if he can translate minor league success to the majors. Who knows? Now that bin Laden’s listening to Gary Glitter’s Greatest Hits in hell, maybe Sizemore can get his bats through customs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Freese – He’s gonna miss nine to twelve weeks. Or the same amount of time it takes to get a 4-year degree from the University of Phoenix.
Lance Berkman – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer. Could he win a Triple Crown? Not unless we’re talking horse racing and he’s a jockey. He’s 35 years old, hitting .406 and on pace for 50+ homers. The bottom may not fall out until mid-May or June or July, but he’s gonna slow or get injured at some point.
Kyle Lohse – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. It’s like Dave Duncan pulled out of his hat a dead rabbit.
Mike Stanton – 3-for-5 with his 2nd homer in two days. Wouldn’t shock me to see him hit 15 homers this month. Doode is a mollywhopping, pony stick machine.
Tommy Hunter – His groin was cleared for a rehab assignment. Hey now!
Nelson Cruz – 0-for-5, hitting .225. When a guy who usually hits well or gets injured isn’t doing either, I get this sick feeling in my stomach that he’s going to get hurt and not even get his usual good hitting stats. Though that sick feeling could be from the 7-month old cheese I found in my refrigerator. I can’t resist Camembert!
Brandon McCarthy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks and four unearned runs for the agita-inducing ticker shock.
Josh Willingham – 2-for-4 with his 2nd home run in his last three games. If you wait until he shows up in Friday’s Buy/Sell, he may no longer be hot. That’s from my typees to your eyes. My typees are my fingers. Please start calling your fingers typees. Thank you.
Kurt Suzuki – 2-for-4 with his 2nd home run in the last three games. Do I hear an echo?
Dallas Braden – Had a setback while playing catch. Debbie Downer does Dallas.
Carlos Gomez – 1-for-3, hitting .236 and a .278 OBP. On a real baseball note, I’m surprised the Brewers are only 2 games under .500 batting Gomez 2nd in almost 100 ABs in the first month. Though this will go against what I’m sure many of you think, but I’m not a brain surgeon. Yet, I could tell you batting Gomez 2nd is idiotic. How hard is it to fill out a lineup card? “Let’s see… I think I’m gonna bat the guy with the .278 OBP second. Oh, and what does OBP stand for again?”
Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 7 Ks. I love, love, love, love, LOVE when my entire fantasy staff has to dig my team out of a hole dug by my ace every week. Speaking of a hole, yeah, that’s Gallardo.
Jair Jurrjens – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. No Ks is usually than but no thans, but Jar-Jar’s dancing through the raindrops and not getting wet.
Alex Avila – Hit his 4th and 5th homers yesterday. For those about to ask, I’d take Avila over Suzuki.
Jose Valverde – 1 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners. This could be nothing but the reports in the Razzball comments yesterday said Valverde was struggling and had shoulder issues. Benoit and Ryan Perry have been blech but are next in line. I’d be very impressed if Leyland skipped them just because they’re pitching poorly (read: I don’t think it’s likely). But if he does, we then have the coolest name since Ubaldo, Al Albuquerque, who sounds like either a cartoon character who is a cactus with eyes or a lounge singer. Al Alburquerque has 16 Ks in 9 1/3 IP. Yeah, that’s good.
Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-4 with his 11th homer. Member when I told you every day the first week of the season to pick up Soriano because he’s an April hitter? Yeah, he still is and this isn’t gonna continue.
Jonathan Broxton – Got the save. After the game, Selig announced Broxton is the closer.
Garrett Jones – Hit his 6th homer, is on fire and batting third. Cust kayin’.
James McDonald – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks in Petco, which translates to 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. anyone else in any other stadium.
Aaron Harang – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. This Harangutan couldn’t even get Jane Goddall’s nipples hard.
Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 steals and one knee contusion. He’s day-to-day which is better than minute-to-minute.
Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, but didn’t get the win because I own him.
Tom Gorzelanny – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now has a 2.93 ERA and a 0.93 WHIP. Pitching a tad over his head. And by tad I mean a shizzton.
Sergio Santos – Picked up a one out save after Chris Sale entered the ninth in a 6-0 game and gave up 2 runs. Santos is the closer right now and it could stay that way, even with Ozzie calling the shots.
Jenrry Mejia – Tear in his MCL. Hopefully his 1151 is okay.