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We’ve got a crazy post ahead of us, so let’s get started. But before we do, AHHH, pit stop already? Seriously, I just want to thank all of the commissioners. You have taken my goal of 75 RCL’s and shattered it, like those bad guys in Superman II. I’d also like to thank everyone who joined a league, because without you, there would be no us. And you plus me equals us. Because, wait for it… wait for it… I know my calculus. ALL THE POINTS. I want you to know that it really is important to me. There’s no money, no fame, no female boobs in it for us. Only a sense of community, and, well, that’s why we do this. So seriously, I love you. Let’s date. (Oh, and if you still want to join a RCL, there are still spots open! Just scroll to the bottom to get in on some RCL fun.)

So yeah, we didn’t just have the writer’s draft. We had a bunch of drafts. So let’s go over some of those in random ways before we go over whatever you want to call what us writer’s did. I’d call it sexual chocolate, but you might call it flailing loins. Something like that. Okay, whew, pit stop over. Now we can get started…

Mr. Grey, Tear Down This Mauer!

Here’s their Round 1:

R1 Player Team
1 Mike Trout, OF LAA Philly Cuban
2 Miguel Cabrera, 3B DET Mudville Millenials
3 Paul Goldschmidt, 1B ARI Minnesota Mink
4 Clayton Kershaw, SP LAD Polonia Warszawa
5 Andrew McCutchen, OF PIT Stiinta Crajova
6 Carlos Gonzalez, OF COL Krispy Jung
7 Chris Davis, 1B BAL SoDo Mojo
8 Adam Jones, OF BAL Grand Rapids Rampage
9 Robinson Cano, 2B SEA Prague Defenestrators
10 Prince Fielder, 1B TEX Team Stuckless
11 Edwin Encarnacion, 1B TOR I Pity da Fool
12 Troy Tulowitzki, SS COL Captain Pypers Pirates

So, a couple of things. First, Clayton Kershaw was selected fourth overall. You know what’s going to happen next…

greySTkershawHeadExplosionsmall

Second, Prague Defenestrators, good word usage bro. Thirdly, and more seriously, that’s the highest I’ve seen Prince Fielder go so far. I like him on the Rangers, but that just feels a little high. For those who are curious, Ryan Braun fell to the 15th overall pick. I love the discount this year, and if you grab him in the second round, you can jump for joy. Unless you’re white. Then just eat turkey or play rugby or something.

Razzball’s In Her Mouth IV

Ah, a Dug Fister league. Let’s see how his team matches up with Razzball’s drafting influence.

Mostest Razzballian picks: Adam Jones (11), Jean Segura (62), Sonny Gray (155), Trevor Rosenthal (86), Chris Carter (227), Oswaldo Arcia (251) and Marco Estrada (254).

Leastest Razzballian picks: Justin Upton (35), Matt Carpenter (59), Brett Gardner (179), and CC Sabathia (182).

Verdict? Needs more mustache. And Avisail Garcia. And probably some Josh Rutledge just to be safe…

Razzball’s In Her Mouth 3

WUT? More Dug Fister? Give her a break bro! Also, let’s give ‘Ankeny Couch Potatoes’ the Chase Headley award. Best team I’ve seen so far. No joke. Owning Chase Headley has nothing to do with it. And for the league as a whole, shame on you. Why did Edwin Encarnacion fall to 16th pick overall? And Shin-Soo Choo over Jose Bautista and Giancarlo Stanton? You could argue it… but that strikes me as iffy to real iffy. What can I say? It’s an iffy scale. HAHA. Sorry.

I Dream of RCL

Here’s their Round 5:

R5 Player Team
49 Craig Kimbrel, RP ATL Hard Wood on Ball
50 Wil Myers, OF TB River City Evans
51 Chris Sale, SP CWS Turd Ferguson
52 Ryan Zimmerman, 3B WAS Tweaked Oblique
53 David Price, TB SP Walter P. Duckworth
54 Jose Fernandez, SP MIA Rhetorical Butter
55 Yadier Molina, C STL LA Angels of Van Nuys
56 Josh Donaldson, 3B OAK Javy Lopez’s Knee Sweat
57 Adrian Gonzalez, 1B LAD Car Ram-Rod
58 Justin Verlander, SP DET Spirited Scrappers
59 Mark Trumbo, 1B ARI base knoxx
60 Allen Craig, 1B STL Team Sir

I chose the fifth round to highlight to show some nice examples of finding a staff ace late. Yeah, I get it. Kershaw is special. But what’s Jose Fernandez? Chopped liver? If so, needs more onion. And less liver. I’m comfortable as any of these guys as my number one. More concerning is seeing Yadier Molina and Allen Craig go here. Why? I’m not being facetious. I’m serious, ‘Van Nuys’ and ‘Sir’, let me know in the comments section. Knowledge is power. And I want some powerade. Not really, that stuff is pretty nasty. Also, I want to give an award for the cajones it takes for a team named ‘Tweaked Oblique’ to draft Ryan Zimmerman. Are you trying to explode the universe? Job well done.

GREYco Inc.

I’m disappointed in this league. A J-FOH run league should know better than to drop Rick Porcello… for shame J-FOH, for shame…

Note: If I missed out on your league, don’t worry, I’ll talk about it sooner or later. The real question is… why would you want me talking about it?

Without further ado…

 2014 Razzball Writers League

So, it should be noted that I was pretty wasted during the draft. You can see the full results here. Just to clear the air about my team… I couldn’t remember anything after I selected George Springer. And anything really before him. But I still ended up with Chase Headley, so mission accomplished.

Anyhow, some of the writers wanted to get some things off their chest, so here’s what they had to say about the draft…

The Guru says:

“The booze and the bath salts were flowing in the razzball lounge last week as pitching went early and Sky killed a guy with a trident. Your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru managed to avoid the fisticuffs and took the company line approach when it came to drafting this years Razzball Writers team. If we’re going to preach the Razzball gospel we might as well live it. Amen. I stuck to Grey’s rankings, I used the War Room, the pitching tiers and all the other toys Razzball has to play with. While my team isn’t sexy and a little SAGNOF starved the percentages should keep my dirty turban competitive if projections hold true and all falls right, i.e. Albert Pujols returns to form – and by form I mean he’s heathy and back to his old Cardinal days “training” regiment.”

Sky says:

“I went power heavy in my draft to the detriment of average and steals.  I’m hoping, nay, praying that Avisail Garcia hits .360 with 700 ABs.  Yes, I’m that hard up unless a few guys figure out how to hit .260 and not .240.  But overall I’m happy with my draft.  Feel my core 4 SP if Iwakuma, Gio, Gerrit, and Masterson will hold down the fort and if some of my late grabs go off?  I’ll be in fantasy baseball paradise sipping mai tais pool side with all the other nerds who dream about there being an actual fantasy baseball paradise that serves mai tais pool side.”

Tom Jacks says:

“With Clayton Kershaw, Yu Darvish, and David Price as my 2nd, 3rd, and 5th picks, it’s clear I went after pitching early. I also loaded up on non-elite closers in the mid to late rounds. In order to catch up on hitting, I took a number of guys who are older and/or have an extensive injury history that I believe fell enough to where they were worth the gamble (and 2 DL slots this year should help), including: Jose Reyes, (45th overall pick), Josh Hamilton (93rd), Aramis Ramirez (100th), Aaron Hill (117th), and Chase Utley (141st). Also, I should be set on speed, with Mr. Billy Hamilton and Ben Revere (I dropped Andre Ethier for him). Despite targeting starters, closers, and speed, I hadn’t planned to have an anti-Razzball draft. I decided to try it out when it became clear after the first 20 picks that I would have to reach if I wanted to own any of my Razzball faves, so I was curious to try something completely different.”

J-FOH says:

“Like, how drunk were you?”

…then he said:

“Starting off with Bryce Harper and Joey Votto was not my ideal situation,but as each day passes I have grown to love those two. A nice combination of youthful power upside and Canadian bore-side. Having the 11th pick forced me to jump ahead when I could and take some early chances. I took Eric Hosmer, or as I like to call him Goldy-Lite, at the end of the 3rd fearing the guy behind me would take him yet feeling confident that I could get Wil Myers 3 picks later which worked out….YES! That turned out to be the pick that created the biggest ruckus in the draft room. I thought Tehol was going to pass out from all the typing he did towards me after that snipe. Next, I went double low end SP1’s, Sale and Bumgarner because I wasn’t in love with any of the other options. The pick that surprised me was drafting Greinke in the 8th, I had just landed a steal in Beltran (7th), and saw it as a chance to get SP’s off my plate for a while, or so I thought, I couldn’t resist Wacha in the 11th (he has no innings limit this year!)  Essentially I did some Zig to their Zag…or is it Zag to their Zig? I don’t know….At the start of the 12th I went after my favorite bargain lead off man this year, Mr. Norichika Aoki, if he can get Gordon type AB’s in KC then I have just landed a 100+ runs performer at a good price. It’s a chance I might have to live down for a long time, but that’s for me to own. Or I could look like a savant. Brandon Belt in the 13th, Evan Gattis in the 15th, Rajai Davis in the 19th, Howie Kendrick in the 20th and Alcides Escobar in the 21st all made me really happy. Punting the middle infield was my plan and the guys I wanted were there. Thank you other writers and your drunken drafting problems.”

Tehol says:

“This isn’t the team I drafted right?! FML. Need monster years from “Sir” Domonic and Heyward. Reached on Castro and Profar as I just got both of them 5 rounds later in another RCL league. Pitching staff is sick and if Ellsbury wins the MVP I should be Ok. Uhhhhhhhh, I was smoking peyote. Not sure what happened here.”

And there you have it. Mostly. Probably. I’m bad at good-bye’s… so, uh, bye.

 

Want more of the Jay? Don’t we all folks? Don’t. We. All. Well, you, in fact, can have more. AMAZING. I know. You can find Jay enjoying his new dig’s running the Football side of Razz

  1. Sky

    Sky says:
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    My team is straight sex

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Sky: it’s a slump buster waiting to happen

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Sky: been there, done that.

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        @Jay: hit it and quit it. Can’t fault you for it.

  2. Shake N Bacon says:
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    GREYco Inc is a grand league JayWrong. You will see.

    Although we did have two autodrafters, not too happy about that.

    • revchris says:
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      @Shake N Bacon:
      We’ll prove the doubters wrong! Lots of much more interesting things about the draft than Porcello being dropped! Braun going 3rd overall, to name one.

      • Shake N Bacon says:
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        @revchris: Agreed. I was thinking about going after Braun with my 2nd round, 13th pick. When braun was selected 3rd overall, my mind was blown. But I think he could worth that pick, but I’d rather have Goldy.

        How about matt kemp in the 8th round! (Self promoting)

        I think our league will be active and competitive. Can’t believe I didn’t see Chad Quals on the waiver wire last night. I need saves too.

        • revchris says:
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          @Shake N Bacon:
          Braun wouldn’t have made it to the 2nd round – I would definitely have taken him at #9 if he had fallen!

          Kemp in round 8 was sweet. I almost took him in round 7, but decided Zobrist was the safer pick, and hoped Kemp would make it back. No such luck!

          Very interesting as well to see how everyone shied away from Hamels. It had got to the point where I decided I had to take him next time, only for him to go a few picks earlier!

  3. Long Bawls says:
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    Glad that “female boobs” were specified. Matt Adams, you know what to shake!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Long Bawls: female boobs should always be specified.

    • mauledbypandas says:
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      @Long Bawls: Billy Butler is over in the corner eating ice cream because you left him out. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW

  4. coco krispie says:
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    with Jose Fernandez going so late, do you recommend keeping Jose Bautista instead of him in a keeper league that uses OBP instead of AVG? My other keepers are Beltre, Harper, Braun.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @coco krispie: its close, but in a keeper, I’m goong with jofo.

  5. Shake N Bacon says:
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    In the Writer’s League, who is “Juuuusst a Bit Outside”?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Shake N Bacon: lead mod for reddit. Him and I do things together.

      • Shake N Bacon says:
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        @Jay: Gotcha.

        • Juuuust a Bit Outside says:
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          @Shake N Bacon: I have no idea how I got on there, I was drunk in the back of a Ford Explorer somewhere near Canada, and then I woke up with an email about drafting Justin Smoak…

  6. Nico

    John Stamos says:
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    I’m just gonna go out on a limb and say that I hope that my draft doesn’t go like the R1 listed above… I’m looking at picking 9th and snagging Jones and Fielder for the first two rounds… Luckily, my league is not a Razzball league, so I still get the upper hand from all the Razzball wisdom. I’m also gonna hope J-Fer drops to the 50s so I can snag him 5th or 6th round as my number 1 SP. I’m obsessing over this I tell you!

    • Bombo Rivera says:
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      @John Stamos: I was the team with the 9 slot in the first round listed above. I thought about Fielder or E5 there, but I stuck to my rankings and went with Cano. In the second, Braun went one pick before me. I took Votto. Cano and Votto is a pretty boring way to start things off, but that’s just the way things unfolded. I don’t think I’m a fan of that draft slot, but it could work out.

      JoFer went before my pick in the 5th. In fact, all of the guys I have down as aces went before that pick, unless you want to include Verlander in that group. He went one pick after me in the 5th. 7 SPs went between picks 40 and 56.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @John Stamos: Yeah, the drafts I’ve been in so far have been so random.

  7. Big Magoo says:
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    Much like Mr. Tom Jacks, I had somewhat of an unintentional anti-Razzball draft in the Frequent Commenter League, at least from a pitching standpoint. Grabbed Kershaw at #20 overall and Verlander at #68. Couldn’t resist the baited hook.

    • Tom Jacks

      Tom Jacks says:
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      @Big Magoo: “All right, then, I’ll go to hell” -Huck Finn, you, and me during our respective Razzball drafts

      • Big Magoo says:
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        @Tom Jacks: I always assumed that’s where I was headed regardless. Might as well bring some elite arms with me.

        • Tom Jacks

          Tom Jacks says:
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          @Big Magoo: If Kershaw remains healthy all year, it might end up being a decent pick. This year most of the top hitters, especially those outside the first round, have too many questions for my liking.

          I’d think the 180 start limit raises Kershaw’s value too. Having 18% of your starts weighted with somewhere around a 1.00 WHIP and 2.2 ERA should be nice.

          • Big Magoo says:
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            @Tom Jacks: My thinking also. Aren’t a lot of sure things on the hitting side this year. It starts to get risky outside of the top 12-15 guys.

            I actually grabbed Hamels in the 15th as a risk/reward stash play, so if things work out, I’ll get roughly half of my starts from the Kershaw/Verlander/Hamels trio.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Tom Jacks: TOM JACKS IS BLACK?

            • Tom Jacks

              Tom Jacks says:
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              @Tehol Beddict: If you’re thinking of being my baby it don’t matter if you’re black or white

    • mauledbypandas says:
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      @Big Magoo: I too jumped on the pitcher train with Magoo in this league and ended up with F-Her and Yuuuuu

      I am ok with this.

      • Big Magoo says:
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        @mauledbypandas: Outside of my focusing on mid-round RPs to your SPs, our teams are pretty similar in terms of overall roster construction. Great minds…

        • mauledbypandas says:
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          @Big Magoo: Ugh, yeah I really should have grabbed another RP or two instead of my back end SPs. We will see how it all plays out. Rasmus is going to blow up this year (i pray)

  8. Fungazi says:
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    Talk about the wrong stuff – worst team I’ve ever seen. If that’s what you draft, hate to see th type of women you take home when wasted.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Fungazi: ouch

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Fungazi: your comment is based on the assumption that I can actually get a woman to come home with me.

  9. Tehol Beddict says:
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    WHO IS DUG FISTER?!?!?!?!

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Dug Fister: Thee God?

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Dug Fister: is this twitter Dug?

        • Dug Fister

          Dug Fister says:
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          @J-FOH:

          Yes, Tehol made me start commenting on posts. He’s a weirdo.

  10. Dug Fister

    Dug Fister says:
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    Wow that dude’s team in my league is the best team, i can’t believe i didn’t see that.

  11. J-FOH says:
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    J-FOH’s open league is now closed….Lets go for 100 leagues Jay.

    Jay, dare I make another?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @J-FOH: up to you. We’ve already shattered last year’s number.

  12. Ghost of the Disappeared says:
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    Everyday Jay Wrong:

    I must no longer be in purgatory. Because, I’m in heaven now.

    Baseball is on and you are FBBing here everyday now….. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhhhhh… It’s simply wonderful..

    There are beautiful flowers blooming, with no rock’n roll music anywhere to he heard and winged angels are flitting here and there – with trays filled with tapas, desserts and flutes vintage bubbly. The pavilion of the perpetual virgins is a must do when you get here.

    Did Sky say the wrong thing at a RB staff meeting and get shipped off to the RB Gulag or worse?.

    At those meetings, I imagine, the Lidless Eye with his baseball bat in hand roaming about the behind the board room table.giving his “enthusiasms” speech from the Untouchables movie . YIKES!!!!

    That draft sure had a different flow to it than the other you posted … Closer Days hit early and hard in this one,

    Some interesting stuff there.

    Kershaw is a wild card to be sure.

    RazzBall imput is sure there.

    KEEP’M COMING -a great tool.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Ghost of the Disappeared: flowers has new meaning since I finished watch true detective.

      if you’re not aware, you’d like what they mean.

      • Ghost of the Disappeared says:
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        @Jay:

        Jay: I watch as little TV as possible. Becky runs the blicker – like the concentration camp guard – that I’m certain, she was in another life … Which means, total immersion in the Bridal Channel and Reality TV. I stay out of the TV room in general.

        In another generation, it would translate to Lawrence Welk TV 24/7 . “A one and a two” -Then the smiling Bobby and Cissy whirl dancing across the stage, while Welk leads the band with his accordion. ( Even my mom thought them square as she slavishly watched them).

        I guess, I will never know what flowers mean to you.

          • Ghost of the Disappeared says:
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            Bodies in a flower bed?????

  13. mauledbypandas says:
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    I think it’s amazing that there are enough writers to have a whole league full of you guys! The site really has grown a lot in the last few years.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @mauledbypandas: yeah, unfortunately, some of our new guys got left out. worst hazing ever probably.

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Jay: Jeremy is in the FCL, he didn’t even really know SAGNOF…..he’s not ready yet….I say he’s just not ready, he’s only a boy, have mercy on him.

  14. Will says:
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    which 5 should I keep in a 10 team 5×5 keeper league. I don’t have to keep 5, but I can if I want to.

    Goldy, McCutchen, Giancarlo, Machado, Marte, Grienke, Scherzer, Heyward, Rizzo, Matt Cain, Starlin’ Castro

    Thoughts on a top 5? I am at least keeping Goldy, Cutch, and Stanton

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Will: Scherzer and Marte.

      • Will says:
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        @Jay: man, it will be tough for me to throw back Machado, but I am leaning Marte / Scherzer already

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Will: yeah, it’s tough but Marte just does more things at the moment.

  15. Bi-Felicia says:
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    I got scherzer, Sale, Madbum, for around $15 each oh and got annibal for $6 Here’s the rest of my squad
    Pierzynski,Trumbo,Gyorko,Altuve,Reyes,Andrus,Desmond,R.Zimmerman,…Stanton,Bruce,Choo,Marte,Pence,Upton,Bourn,
    RA Dickhead,CJ Wilson,Holland,Melancon,Peralta,CodyAllen,Fieri.
    I know I have overflow but I couldn’t pass on $3 gyorko or a $4 marte

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Bi-Felicia: Gyorko and Marte were awesome steals.

  16. Dano

    Dano says:
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    Someone pick up Ruggiano ASAP – he should go 67-23-67-17-245+ – poor mans soriano w/ more SB and a better AVG.

    I’d also recommend Moreland for 60-25-75-250

    ….these AVG”s dont hurt as much as they used to

    pitching wise id go Ervy, Quintana & probably Santiago in LAA w/ the screwball

Comments are closed.