Don't be shellfish...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+

Looking for the Razzball Podcast? TOO BAD! It’s now Razzball Radio, and you can check out all the episodes here!

With only two (three if you are including the eventual death of Yordano Ventura‘s elbow) notable names going on the Disabled List this past week (Mike Napoli and Noah Syndergaard, who probably pulled something while pillaging a camp near the North Sea… HAHA Viking jokes, so good), things are looking a tad bit brighter. But not really, since there are still about 983 players currently on the DL according to my last count. Which seems low, but what do I know? Rudy does all my counting for me. And, as we took a moment this weekend, between relaxing and cooking stuff, to honor all the men and women, active, retired, and tragically lost while defending their county, in all the armed services, we should take a moment today to remember that Jose Fernandez is awesome. Prince Fielder, well, he’s fat. Matt Wieters‘ elbow just seems to be one angry effer. Kris Medlen is strikingly average, but some Patrick Corbin could have been nice. Special thanks to Bobby Parnell for the wake he’s left in New York. Jose Valverde… more like Jose LOLverde. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, which is probably the most apt metaphor ever. EVAAR. I mean, just check out my team’s start of the season, in picture form:

titanic-maiden-voyage-2

So, after taking a moment yesterday to remember all of those brave souls that we’ve lost, and all those who have served and are serving now to preserve our way of life, let us take a moment today, Tuesday, to remember all the hamstrings that have been pulled, all the obliques that have exploded, and all the ulnar collateral ligament’s that have just simply dropped dead, and honor their sacrifice. How did I honor them, you might ask? By doing what I usually do when perusing my leagues available player list…

XpKRTcC

My Fantasy Baseball brethen… 2014, the year of the DL… always remember.

The RCL Top 10

Why the top-10? Because they’re the top-10 teams out of 1,000+? And that’s pretty amazing? I’m Ron Burgundy? Simply put, they’re the best of the best of the best, and I think they deserve a little bit recognition. BUT NOT TOO MUCH. Just a taste.

1 Big League Wood Smokey’s Humidor 108.3
2 Pittsburgh Lumber Company Take On The Jay(Wrong) Cinco! 106.2
3 BallBag GreyHairs Kid Cuddyer’s Magical Palace 102.7
4 Team R to the Izzo Thunder Down Under 101.2
5 Team Dalmore RCL LEGION OF DOOM 100.3
6 Yu only YOLO once Muscle Car Fantatics 100.1
7 Manwich Men Beddict the Saintly and Friends 100.1
8 I Have A Big Wieters Take On The Jay(Wrong) RedditVer 100.0
9 Satchel Rages Night of the Living Zombinos 99.4
10 Creative Chaos Magnificent Mustachioed Men 99.1


The 2014 Razzball Commenter League Master Standings (Click on it. Seriously. Do it.)

The RCL Round-Up

- So, here we are, about the third of the season complete, and we’ve covered the major narratives ad nauseam. And while talking about the year of the DL and Closermageddon week after week brings me some kind of catharsis, in terms of our RCL’s, well, there’s really not much going on in the way of story. While I’d like to follow up on some of the different aspects we’ve already covered, this week, I’m going to continue last week’s trend of doing some random team browsing… just to see what happens.

- The first team I stumbled upon was Melky Discharge, which sounds gross. Both the image and the stumble. Part of the Crow All Day RCL, the first thing I noticed is that this league also has a teamed called I Wanna Dip My Balls In It. Yeah, talk about the soundtrack to my life. Anyhow, I was going to talk about Melky Discharge, but you’re mom is really sensitive about such things. BURN. But yeah, the team has no second baseman and has made two roster updates all season, so I think it’s save to say we can now name the team Melky Dishonorable Discharge. So let’s go to the team with balls, which is dipping said balls in something, to see what’s going on.

ballsteam

- There’s really not much to complain about here. Not sure why Prince Fielder is still on your team, but maybe you’re offering a free buffet, and he’s over-staying his welcome. I don’t know man, maybe you have an À la carte menu? YOU TELL ME. But I’m pretty sure Yordano Ventura has been marked for death by elbow implosion, sooo, that sucks. And yeah… Casey McGehee… 1 home run, yet 31 RBI’s. What is this dark wizardry I see before me?

- Here’s Captain Jack, from the Au Shizz2 RCL. The only thing I want to point out that the team is 149th in the overall standings, and I’m sure Dee Gordon is a big part of that. He’s been great for everyone, true. But I want to point out something. I’ve always been bearish on him. Also, god made arms and hands so we could pat ourselves on the back. It’s science. Just take a look at this: Last 30 days, .243 average. Last 15 days, .160 average. Last 7 days, .167 average. What say you Captain Jack?

tumblr_lkxpq2I9gt1qgnsnbo1_500

That’s not to say he’s a better player than he ever has been, because he is, and that’s not to say that maybe his speed will still play, but if you wanted to sell high and not deal with his 0-for-67 streaks, well, that boat has long sailed away (Orinoco Flow). Because Enya. That’s why.

- Team Kobayashi Maru, +1 for the Trek reference. You get to be talked about. Loogy On Your Windshield is the RCL in which this new crush of mine resides. Sitting at the 216th spot in the overall standings, there has been a lot more to go right than wrong. Captain Obvious to the rescue! Just a couple of things. First, you should probably activate Adam LaRoche and DL Mike Napoli. Also, you have like 853 starters. In Trek speak, since that’s what’s up, you should reverse polarity on that duadnem colliflex inter-valve dilithium imbalance, or else the gravimetric continuum reciprocating-phase matrix will miss-align. AND YOU DON’T WANT THAT. Why? What a silly question. You know as well as I do that the tetryon matrix can’t take that kind of punishment. Too much alternating variance in the asymmetrical interface nutation, NAW WHAT I’M SAYIN’ DAWG? Word.

The RCL #1

The RCL #1, which sounds like a RCL made for 2001: Space Odyssey (Grey notified me that RCL #1 isn’t related to a space shuttle, but is meant to be said like The Iron Sheik.  RCL #1! RCL #1! RCL #1!), is the Friends & Family league that Grey created so we could all be his fantasy baseball punching bags. Actually, maybe not so much punching bags as mustache combs. Seems more Grey-ish to me.

Regardless, this league stars myself, Rudy, Tehol the Elder God, Prospector Scott, Paul, the Sing(ing)man, Nick the Podcast Host, and Sky… err, the Blue? We need to find you a better title buddy. But that’s us, that’s the family. Which, I can assure you, I’m already filing paperwork to gain emancipation. The friends are Dalton Del Don from Yahoo, Brad Johnson from FanGraphs, Ryan Carey of Mastersball, and Tim McLeod of RotoRob.

The Standings:

rclweek9

Want more of the Jay? Don’t we all folks? Don’t. We. All. Well, you, in fact, can have more. AMAZING. I know. You can find Jay enjoying his new dig’s running the Football side of Razz.

  1. allen says:
    (link)

    Thanks for the read. Is cashner worth a pickup in a 12 teamer??? Waiting for more injury news on him i know

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @allen: Yes. Not giving up until his arm falls off… which could theoretically happen.

  2. Red Barons says:
    (link)

    Is the one gif from a movie version of Wozzeck?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @Red Barons: Wozzech is much to happy for this.

      • Red Barons says:
        (link)

        @Jay: haha, that’s quite disturbing.

  3. bterry says:
    (link)

    I thought I sold high pairing Gordon with kimbrell for Cargo. Its still early, as it was only a week or two ago, but i’m not too happy with it. Watching half my rcl pass me and my lone prince rajai in sb’s over that span didn’t help.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @bterry: I think it was an okay trade, with some risk/reward action happening. Depends on your saves situation… but I’d probably do the same thing.

  4. Plumbing4 says:
    (link)

    I just traded Machado for Hosmer. So my 3B is now Bogaerts with 3 1B on my roster (we have 2 UTIL spots so that is fine). I have Pujols, Hosmer, and Morneau

    Should I try to trade Pujols for Puig or Longoria. Or I could possibly trade Morneau for Zimmerman or another 3B at that level.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @Plumbing4: I’d try that Morneau for Zimm. Otherwise, Pujols for Puig… I could see that.

      • Plumbing4 says:
        (link)

        @Jay: when does Zimmerman come back? Also, I realized that the guy who has Zimmerman also has longoria and Sandoval with Ryan Howard and Rizzo as his 1B options. Do you think I could pull something with Pujols to get Rizzo and Zimmerman. I could add Yelich to the deal. Or just stick with Morneau for Zimmerman?

        • Plumbing4 says:
          (link)

          @Plumbing4: also chisenhall is on waivers I just don’t have many options to drop except gyorko, Pomeranz, or Wong

          • Jay

            Jay says:
            (link)

            @Plumbing4: I don’t think Chis is any good, and I would actually hold those three over him.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
          (link)

          @Plumbing4: They say mid-Junish, but with him, I’d always add two weeks.

          You know, rethinking it, I wouldn’t mind buying low on Longoria. I would actually hold Yelich.

          • Plumbing4 says:
            (link)

            @Jay: you think Morneau would get longoria or would I need to go with Pujols?

            • Jay

              Jay says:
              (link)

              @Plumbing4: Yeah, you’d probably need to pay more here.

              • Plumbing4 says:
                (link)

                @Jay: should I just go Pujols for Longoria

                he also has Soria, Nathan, Kimbrel at RP and Rizzo on the bench

                I have Bogaerts, Yelich, Myers, Pomeranz, all that I could add to the trade. thoughts?

                • Jay

                  Jay says:
                  (link)

                  @Plumbing4: I’m okay with it, maybe try to grab one of those closers… maybe throw in Pomeranz to net you Kimbrel.

  5. FilthyRich says:
    (link)

    Going to trade Choo for some pitching help in 10-team 5×5. Replace him with: Kh Davis, Garrett Jones or L. Cain?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @FilthyRich: Davis for now, getting a little hot.

  6. Mike says:
    (link)

    Not gonna lie, the gif of the dude walking into the water was a disappointment.

    I was seriously hoping you’d follow up that Titanic photo with a gif from the boat crash in Speed 2. Then you’d be getting 2 disasters wrapped up in one. That’s what we call “bang for your buck.” Or something.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @Mike: I’m okay with that. But a Speed 2 gif sounds delicious.

  7. mike iwakuma says:
    (link)

    Jay,

    Just fed up wit carlos gonzalez leaving game tonigjt with another injury. I finally traded him for shields holliday and springer. Did i do the right thing or did I let my impatience get the best of me?!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @mike iwakuma: I think you just kinda have to expect that with Cargo. You did okay in that trade. Looks better right now since Springer is showing some life.

  8. chris says:
    (link)

    How about another Hosmer Haiku story? I need a boost. 1 HR and 3 days from June, UGH… Can we get an update keeper list for those in a keeper and on our way out of the season?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      @chris: I should do another one… but that site has so much dust on it!

      I’m thinking about it, but might be an end of season type of thing. For keeper leagues… half a season of fluctuation just doesn’t feel right to me.

  9. Kobayashi Maru says:
    (link)

    Thanks for the shout-out, and the world’s most obvious advice. I don’t know if you checked into the league history, but I actually started with King Felix as well and dealt him early. The wealth of pitching is a result of everyone sleeping on it in the draft. With the exception of Kershaw, I got all those players well after they should have been drafted, and got mad lucky on Cueto, Hudson, and arguably, Grienke.

    The bigger issue for me is, no one is buying! With the exception of some guy who has offered me Rendon for Grienke like 4 times (I kid you not) no one is trading. Your post inspired me to spam a fresh wave of offers, but until these guys wake up, I’m going to roll with the most legit pitching staff in the history if fantasy.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
      (link)

      Hah, no problem. Yeah, some leagues have their own personalities… one RCL I’m in, there are seriously no relievers left. It’s weird.

Comments are closed.