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Holy shiitake mushroom Batman… is it safe to come out yet? Bobby Parnell, Jarrod Parker, Kris Medlen, Brandon Beachy, Patrick Corbin, Bruce Rondon, Jameson Taillon, Matt Moore, and now Ivan Nova have all fallen slain to some guy named Tommy John. Arrest this guy someone! Isn’t this world tragic enough without some mad man weaponizing UCL’s? Personally, I think this is all a plot by Dr. James Andrews to do what Peyton Manning did in Denver, and that’s put himself into position to control the food supply and then ultimately force us to eat all of our cats. Hunh? In fact, Dr. Andrews recently explained why there is such an uptick in UCL surgeries, but I’m pretty sure this is what was going on in his head as he was talking. Regardless, my expert advice is to just go ahead and hide all of your pitchers on the bench and stock up on canned goods. Spam is my choice. Deal.

The RCL Top 10

Why the top-10? Because they’re the top-10 teams out of 1,000+? And that’s pretty amazing? I’m Ron Burgundy? Simply put, they’re the best of the best of the best, and I think they deserve a little bit recognition. BUT NOT TOO MUCH. Just a taste.

1 The Hippos ECFBL 104.4
2 Tennessee Achilles Hu Are Yu? 102.1
3 Philly Cuban Mr. Grey, Tear Down This Mauer! 101.9
4 I Have A Big Wieters Take On The Jay(Wrong) RedditVer 101.7
5 King SoDo The Dirty Turban League 101.2
6 Barroom Heroes Au Shizz2 99.9
7 Just Me and the Boys Boppin’ Au Shizz 99.2
8 Brauny Johnson They Call Me Au Shizz! 99.0
9 Army Of Llamas RCL Epic Beardmen Division 98.6
10 Diamond Dragons Moobs Out 98.5

- Watch out folks in the top-10, our very own mustache-man, Grey, is sitting at #23 (in his RCL #1, more on that league below). When asked for a comment, Grey said: “BOOYOU!, cause I can’t spell booya.” I think that statement can stand on it’s own merits.

- Last week, Tehol cried me a river about not mentioning that he was in the top-10 last week. Little did he know, that was my sweet revenge for spoiling last week’s Game of Thrones episode before I had a chance to watch it. What? I go to sleep early on Sunday’s. Why? Probably the drinking. Anyways, I was going to mention him this week, but oops, looks like someone is missing in action. Solved my problem, so awesome job falling out of the top-10 Tehol. The Elder Gods have spoken.

- Also, three leagues in the top-10 that have ‘Au Shizz’ in the title. I’m leaning conspiracy…

The 2014 Razzball Commenter League Master Standings (Click on it. Seriously. Do it.)

The RCL Round-Up

– So, something crazy happened last week. And no, it didn’t involve Sky’s mother or her bathing suit areas. Though, if you did guess that, you’re pretty close. No, in fact, words cannot describe what went down, so here it is in picture form:

Hershiser

– So yeah, you read that right. This happened in the RCL Magnificent Mustachioed Men. Both Rudy and Grey brought it to my attention, but I feel like there was a good chance I would have stumbled upon this, seeing as how I have a preternatural understanding of all things kimchi. It’s almost as if this team and I were born in the same womb. Well, as you can see, and as Rudy put it, he basically Hershiser’d all over the place. Which I hear is legal in both Texas and Amsterdam. Go figure.

– I know I did this last post, but apparently there was a glitch in the Matrix, or what I also call Rudy’s basement, so we’re going to eyeball the the real top-five teams in transactions and see where they are in the overall standings.

1 The Hippos ECFBL 104.4 96
37 Rube Waddell’s Shiny Objects Magnificent Mustachioed Men 90.3 93
145 Belligerent Azz Clowns Diamond Bags 81.3 117
509 NIK @Nite ECFBL 66.3 148
631 Farquar? I’d Barely touch’er RCL Champions League 60.7 133

- So this is me quoting me from last week’s post“I’m really curious about the effectiveness of transactions, activity, and how any of you with 40+ moves have a life. Living in your mom’s basement cuddling empty Milano bags is not a life, if you were wondering. (That’s so much projection, I should work at a movie theatre.)”  Boy, 40+… that was waaaaaaayyyy off. You guys are nuts. And not the good ones like dates. Because dates are actually fun sometimes. You get to drink, maybe have a make-out sesh if everything goes well. No, this is just plain nuts. 148? NIK @Nite… according to the math, that’s an RCL transaction every 3.5 seconds. (I’m not good at math.) Since you’re up 24/7 doing these moves, heads on a swivel bro, this is how Fight Club started. In conclusion, I’ll ask the same question I did last week: Does it correlate yet? Fascinating, as the answer remains unchanged… I SEE A RESOUNDING ‘MAYBE‘.

The RCL #1

The RCL #1, which sounds like a RCL made for 2001: Space Odyssey (Grey notified me that RCL #1 isn’t related to a space shuttle, but is meant to be said like The Iron Sheik.  RCL #1! RCL #1! RCL #1!), is the Friends & Family league that Grey created so we could all be his fantasy baseball punching bags. Actually, maybe not so much punching bags as mustache combs. Seems more Grey-ish to me.

Regardless, this league stars myself, Rudy, Tehol the Elder God, Prospector Scott, Nick the Podcast Host, and Sky… err, the Blue? We need to find you a better title buddy. But that’s us, that’s the family. Which, I can assure you, I’m already filing paperwork to gain emancipation. The friends are Dalton Del Don from Yahoo, Brad Johnson from FanGraphs, Ryan Carey of Mastersball, Paul Singman of Baseball Prospectus, and Tim McLeod of RotoRob.

The Standings:

RCL1week4

– It’s Grey’s world so far… we’re just living in it. Needs more BBQ ribs if you ask me…

 

Want more of the Jay? Don’t we all folks? Don’t. We. All. Well, you, in fact, can have more. AMAZING. I know. You can find Jay enjoying his new dig’s running the Football side of Razz.

From Around The Web

  1. malamoney

    malamoney says:
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    Would you trade Salazar and Springer for Cain in a H2H points league.

    Here’s my staff (we start 4): Felix, Greinke, Anibal, Gray, Shelby Miller, Gerrit Cole, Salazar, Bauer, Carlos Martinez and Bundy.

    My outfield is (we start 4): Braun, Jones, Gordon, Cespedes, Springer, Calhoun, Moss, Prado and Khris Davis

    Pick 2:

    Ryan Howard, Neil Walker, Aaron Hill, Everth Cabrera, Brad Miller and Khris Davis

    Pick 1:

    Jim Johnson, Broxton or Farnsworth

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @malamoney: I wouldn’t, no.

      Miller, Ecab.

      Johnson.

  2. Eddy says:
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    Holy hell, no earned runs in 51 IP!? That’s insane.

    In my 4 years of tracking my main H2H league, the best I ever saw (accomplished by yours truly), was an era of 0.80 with about 56 IP.

    But a 0.00!? That’s nuts.

    And 148 moves is also bonkers. Going to have to assume it’s 75% MR cycling.

    • Eddy says:
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      @Eddy: Sidenote: last week in one of my league’s a manager won ERA/WHIP with 6.81/1.51 respectively.

      Same league, another guy lost the two categories with 1.80/0.98.

      Gotta love H2H.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Eddy: Yeah, both of those things are pretty crazy.

  3. Grey

    Grey says:
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    Well done, Kimchi Tigers. Your fermentation is all right by me!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Grey: High praise… you never say that about my kimchi.

  4. Tony says:
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    Is it crazy to turn down E5, VMart, and Singleton (HOU prospect) for my Votto in a really deep, long term keeper league? I love my Canadian, but….HELP:(

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Tony: yeah, it’s pretty crazy.

  5. Hawk says:
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    Unrelated note:

    Just read that James Paxton is doing really well in rehab. They hope he might be back by the END OF MAY.

    He has a lat strain, suffered on April 8th. They HOPE he’ll be back by the end of May? TWO MONTHS????

    Baseball players are like finely tuned European sports cars. Great to watch when they’re working but ALWAYS in the damned shop.

    We need more Hondas or Toyotas.

    /endrant

    • Shake N Bacon says:
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      @Hawk: I’ve been trying to say the exact same thing. Your analogy is perfect.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Hawk: Agreed. Especially since my truck is a Toyota.

  6. El Macho says:
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    Would you trade My Votto, Cingrani and Hellickson for his Tanaka, Gio Gonzalez and Fister.
    H2H points league. 7 points for W and 3 Points for QS

    • El Macho says:
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      I already have Pujols…

      • Jay

        Jay says:
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        @El Macho: Looks like you’re covered then.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @El Macho: in that format… yeah, I think so.

  7. Sal says:
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    Would you deal Hosmer for Greinke? H2H points league, 7 points for a win.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Sal: I would, yeah.

  8. MattTruss223 says:
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    Nice! I wasn’t sure anyone was gonna notice Kimchi’s pitching line this week. Honestly wasn’t sure who would be taking the time to look at every league’s stats like that. Who has the time for that? (Says the guy with two teams ranking in the top 5 in moves) That’s my RCL and I was waiting for your column to come give Kimchi some major props. We’ve already chatted in amazement at the feat on our message board. Unreal. I noted that there were a lot of good pitching lines this week across both my leagues. A lot of teams w/ERAs in the ones and WHIPs in the sub 1 range. Pretty crazy. What’s even crazier, is Kimchi still isn’t leading the league in ERA!

    Nice work Jay, always a pleasure to read!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @MattTruss223: Thanks. All of the credit goes to Grey and Rudy for that find.

  9. Tehol Beddict says:
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    “The Fountain” Blows Dinklage

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: In some circles, that’s a good thing.

  10. My team went from 12th to 5th in the last week. At that pace, I’m going to be negative 2nd by next week!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Rudy Gamble: I believe it’s a cycle, so that would put you at 10th place. Which I’m not against…

  11. Nicholas Pieroni says:
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    Trade got vetoed in my league. I gave Braun, Trumbo, Cingrani and Soria for McCutchen, Votto, and Chapman. Points league HR are worth 8 points. Do you guys think it should have been vetoed? Thanks. I have asked a couple of your cohorts already just trying to get as many opinions as possible. The cutch side is the side that everyone says is too much. Basically Braun and crap for Cutch, votto, and chapman

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Nicholas Pieroni: I think it’s close enough. Trumbo isn’t really crap…

  12. Zar says:
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    Hey Jay, my Poor RCL team is super bombed with a really crappy ERA (4.35) and WHIP (1.398). I’m doing well in the hitting categories, but those two cats are last place. Any tips on a good reliever to help stabilize the ratios? Or am I going to have to be careful with who I start the rest of the way? The 11th place ERA is 3.713 and the next whip is 1.258.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Zar: Hard to pinpoint without a list of guys. Thayer, German, Torres (all of them), etc.

  13. bterry says:
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    Question regarding start limits. On espn when an IP limit is reached you can still accumulate stats for that day. Is this the case with games started too? Say I start 9 sp on the day I only have one start left. Do the stats from all the starts count therefore giving me 188 starts against the leagues 180 max? Also will RP stats count once the start max has been reached?

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