So let me preface this piece with my first hipster moment in history: I’ve been doing Razzball Writer’s Leagues since last year and by that I mean we had one on the Football side of Razzball. Don’t believe me, click the link! We’re still writing over there. If for some reason in all this baseball you’ve got a little hankering for fantasy football off-season news, well we’ve got you covered. Alright, I’m done whoring for the morning so I’ll get you back to your regularly scheduled fantasy sport you came to read. Let me hit you with the straight facts: this league is RCL style. That means all the info about how we do this thing we do you can learn from the original sign-up page for the 2013 Razzball Commenter Leagues so I don’t have to repeat it. Date of the draft: Sunday, March 24th at 9:45 Eastern Standard Time. Why is that important? Because we tried to change the date for the EST’ers of the league and got stuck having to vote. When did fantasy baseball start to require chads? Didn’t we designate a Commish for a reason? Many of us fantasy baseballers suffer through this democracy in America every day but secretly yearn for the iron fist of a dictatorship and usually this is one way we get it. And before I let this go I want to announce one other thing. Referenda, ESPN? I’m not gonna lie, had to google that and it was a menu item in our league. Google told me it was ‘The submission of a proposed public measure or actual statute to a direct popular vote’. Ok… or you could’ve just called it ‘vote’. ESPN, you give me Chris Berman and his ‘ZIP! WHOOP!’ combo special and then throw legalese at me like I’m on trial? I’m not the father, ESPN, and I already proved that on Maury! Did you not see my sweet dance moves!?! Oh, got a little personal there. But enough about that, let’s take a look at the draft results here and below I’ll list all the players of the game:
1) All Hail Beddict – Tehol Beddict aka LT Murray, contributor for Razzball Basketball, Razzball Football, Razzball Baseball and Razzball RedTube… which I just googled and is a link of a post by Grey from Sept 30th of 2010. You better explain yourself to the future Mrs. Albright there, Grey!
2) Smokey McPots – Smokey who is a contributor for Razzball Baseball and is the local medical marijuana card holder for the office.
3) Boxed Wine Smokers – That would be myself, Sky, main writer & editor for Razzball Football and contritubor for Razzball Baseball. If you’d like to look over my previous work, you can catch up with all my work when I was Oregon Nut Cups… don’t ask…
4) Lincec*m In Your Pujols – That would be Andrew Nordmeier, main editor and writer for Razzball Hockey, contributor for Razzball Football and clearly a man whose not right in the head.
5) Jersey Exits – ChrisV, contributor for Razzball Basketball and someone who doesn’t mind being associated with Snooki.
6) Erin Andrus – Slim Smitty who is a contributor for Razzball Baseball and is Elvis Andrus’ sister. If you wanna know what that looks like, put lipstick on this. We’re not on TV for a reason here, folks.
7) CTRL + F ing Tehol’s Mom – JB Gilpin, main writer and editor for Razzball Basketball and contributor for Razzball Football and Razzball Baseball. Oh and as you can tell from his team name, someone who cares about all the mothers around the world.
8) Podcast Kings – The maple syrupy sweet drippings of the voice of the podcast, Nick Capozzi of course.
9) 710 All Stars – Joe Morris… eh, Joe Morris? I think he crept in under our surveillance. I keed, he’s a behind the scenes contributor for Razzball… I think. Or maybe he’s just Grey & Rudy’s bodyguard. I wonder if he looks like Kevin Costner.
10) Lights And Music – Our very own Scott Evans, prospect extraordinaire contributor for Razzball Baseball. Anything you want to know about minors, he’ll tell you/aid you in eluding the police about. Wait, what? Nobody f@#$s with the Jesus!
11) Jaywrong’s Yu Mad, Bro? – Well, it’s Jaywrong of course, who is a contributor to Razzball Baseball, Razzball Football and is a cunning linguist.
12) Grey’s Semen – Trevor, contributor for Razzball Baseball as the War Room spreadsheet technician. Also a clear sign that Grey has blessed at least one woman’s womb with his seed in this world.
Unfortunately with it being a 12 team league we couldn’t squeeze in two other vital writers. VinWins, who contributes to both football and baseball and is an RCL stats magician and Tom Jacks who is a contributor to the baseball side and keeps you up on all things OPS. With that said, peruse around and have a look at the teams. Lambast anyone and everyone except me because I wrote this and I will just delete your comment if you say one bad word about me. I’m joking, of course. I’ll simply edit it into a comment about your mom in bed with someone. Probably JB. In either case, it promises to be a fun year full of highs and lows with most of the highs contributed by Smokey and most of the lows contributed by our actual Fantasy Baseball prowess. Wish us all luck and by that I mean me!