Confessions: 1) I force my two year old twins to practice swinging a bat from the left side. 2) My baby cries whenever I make him practice his split-finger or his circle-change (I don’t care if you’re two months old kid!). 3) I force my wife to wear the Cubs bra when it’s time to make babies (now THAT’S what I call a “C” cup! Yowzah!). (Why do I do this? I don’t know, its way obsessive and cruel and has got to stop.)
I live a pretty good life here in Iowa. I’m blessed with a great wife, three young boys, a good job, a small but decent brick ranch-style with a backyard at the end of a cul-de-sac. I have an organic garden with killer heirloom squash and tomatoes. My neighbors are quiet and friendly and strangely diverse (for Iowa, “diverse” means there are two Italians, a black guy and one Mexican family on my street). Some days I forget to lock the door when I leave the house, but I never worry about someone breaking in. It’s a great life!
So why would I need fantasy baseball or anything else to stimulate my granola Iowa day? It’s the Field of Dreams here, right? Is this heaven? blah, blah, blah…
Because deep down inside, like you, I owned the Bobby Bonilla 1986 Fleer Update rookie card that I swore would pay my way through college. Like you, I once struck out 9 batters in a game (or was it 7?) as a 12 year old in Little League and was a double away from the cycle (or was it a triple?). Baseball is a part of our lives that we never want to let go of, so much so that I absolutely need something to hang onto as my hair falls out and I quit getting any action at home since the wife burned the Cubs-themed bra. Like you, I can’t forgive myself for never making it as a professional baseball player. So what’s a dork like you and me to do?
You do the next best thing, which is to play lots of fantasy baseball, that’s what. You love it and live it; and you come to Razzball, because let’s face it: all the other sites are fine (as much as Razzball is), but does any other Fantasy Baseball site refer to Brad Penny as Alyssa Milano’s boy toy? Does any other fantasy baseball site think that the name ASDRUBAL is funny? No! Because not only is Razzball great with fantasy advice that you can (pretty much) count on, they also make you spit out your coffee in the morning and change your daily conversations with your boss to include terms such as “SAGNOF” and “Teabagger.”
See, the reason you read Razzball is because you want to believe that you’re not really a dork and that you actually have a sense of humor about things that you’re passionate about. Sure, it’s just a hobby, but why not have any fun with your fantasy baseball obsession? That’s why you read Razzball, and that’s why you should donate to Grey and Rudy for the amount of time they spend answering your questions, which, ultimately amounts to hundreds of hours more than any other fantasy baseball site out there.
The other night, I was invited to this kegger off the campus of the The College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston, when this friend of mine, Associate Professor Matt Berry came up to me and asked me for $4 to purchase the cup necessary in order for me to drink his beer. So I paid the $4, did my keg stands, showed off my Ron Santo nipple rings, my “1.296 OPS” and “1060 W. Addison” tattoos, politely told all the co-eds that I was a married man and had a great time serving as the guest DJ by playing mostly Girl Talk .
But something I saw there really pissed me off… Sneaking through the back door were these four Freshmen, holding their own cups, who live at the quad and bypassed Berry who was occupied in his room watching re-runs of bootlegged Megan Fox DVD’s. So here they were, stealing all sorts of fantasy baseball advice and BEER from Matt Berry’s party, and, well, drinking for free.
The moral of the story is: don’t be that guy that brings his own cup and drinks for free. There is no charge for the awesome advice and commentary that you read on Razzball, so PLEASE consider making a contribution to Razzball, even if it’s just a few bucks. It’s very easy to do. Just click on the link below and tell Grey and Rudy thanks for the advice by giving a few bucks every once in a while.