Don’t you love when New Yorkers say the expression, “I got your _____ right here!” Coming out of the right taxi driver’s mouth, it’s like a cello being played by Yo-Yo Ma. Sometimes it can get confusing when you are actually trying to tell someone you’ve located something. Like, “I got your cellphone right here!” Probably sounds like you’re being an a-hole. Well, in that vein, take a a scruffy taxi driver’s voice, throw it through two packs a cigarettes a day for 20 years and give me a little, “I got your loyalty to Michael Young right here!” The Rangers called up Mike Olt. I can’t imagine they did this so he could play an illegal game of pepper and collect autographs from visiting players. My guess is they’re going to bench Young on most days, sick of his anemic season numbers. They could also let Beltre DH and put Olt out on the field. But why is my heart going pitter-patter and why did I pick him up before even writing this post? Because he’s a mollywhopping monster with power in a terrific hitters’ park. In Double-A this year, 27 homers in 94 games. Hey, what’s up beautiful? Can I buy you a drink? What do I want from you? Oh, I don’t know… Maybe you get on my fantasy team. What-what?! I have a way with picking up the fellas off the waiver wire. Yes, you should grab him. Yes, now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Yu Darvish – 5 IP, 7 ER. His ERA is now at 4.38. Geez, even Byung-Hyun Kim waited a year or two before he was fresh off the bloat. I wonder if everyone will get caught up in the hype for the next Japanese pitcher that is supposedly the answer to, “Did Cy Young have a great-grandson born in Asia that no one knows about?” Probably, even though the Nippon Professional Baseball leagues are clearly inferior. Not saying they’re terrible, but people much smarter than myself (yes, there’s a lot of them) have said NPB is close to Triple-A level. Last time I checked, Triple-A wasn’t the major leagues. There’s no leagues like the major leagues. It’s the one thing, besides obesity, that we have. Unless there’s some Aboriginal league in the Outback playing an even better brand of baseball that no one knows about because those parts are unexplored by our greedy little oil-wanting fingers. So why is it we get all excited still? Did Hideo’s rookie sensation spoil us? As I like to say even though this is the first time I’m saying it, I don’t have all the answers, and even if I did, I wouldn’t say because that would be unfair to everyone else’s self-esteem.
Michael Fiers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. He’s doing so well he could almost make Jeff Tweedy smile. Oh, and… You couldn’t get Michael Fiers if you were f**cking Michael Fiers!
Jonathan Lucroy – Homered yesterday. I just picked him up the other day to replace Grandal, but Pierzynki had to go and hit two homers in the last two games, so I figured who knows better than me on how to screw up my own fantasy team by overreacting and I dropped Lucroy before his homer yesterday. I will now wear a brown bag on my head and be known as the Unknown Fantasy Baseball Blogger. Shoot, I forgot to put eye holes in this bag.
Brett Wallace – 3-for-4, 2 homers. Before I talk about Wallace, I just want to say this will be the last blurb about the Astros for a good long time. Unfortunately, I received a letter yesterday from the National Sports Blog Association’s chairman, Bill Russell. The letter states, “Hey, Grey, this is Bill Russell, I’m not the basketball Bill Russell. I’m white. Brett Wallace did have a good game yesterday, hitting 2 home runs, but as recently as last week your prospect writer, Scott, went over his Brett Wallace fantasy in full detail. Yesterday, he mentioned Wallace again along with a top ten fantasy baseball prospect list for the remainder of 2012. Going over the Astros is fine once, maybe twice. Three times reflects poorly on our industry. Astros fans and/or Astro blogs (if there were any) don’t talk about Astros this much. Talking about the Astros makes people more inclined to go to ESPN or Yahoo, where the Astros are never covered. Ask someone from Houston their favorite baseball team and they’ll ask, ‘Does the Rockets’ summer softball league count?’ The NSBA kindly asks that you stop all Astro mentions, unless you’re talking about The Jetsons dog. Yours, Bill Russell (Still not that one).”
Starling Marte – 1-for-5 with his 2nd homer in the week since he’s been called up to go along with his 2 steals. Prorate that over a full season and he’s going 50/50. Matt Kemp called and said he wants his unrealistic predictions back.
Gaby Sanchez – 0-for-2, but the platoon with Robot Jones and him went 2-for-4, 3 RBIs. Men and four ladies, Jones should really be owned. He’s hit 11 homers in the last two months and near .290. As for Sanchez — No Gaby Gaby!
Domonic Brown – 0-for-4, but whatever. I’d still give him a shot for a week to try and catch lightning in a bottle. Or as Charlie Manuel would say, “Ain’t no amount of hay that can’t burn if you light a turtle on fire and walk him through it.”
Jimmy Rollins – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and 2 homers, now three in two games. He’s rejuvenated now that no one keeps stealing his Spam musubi from the clubhouse refrigerator.
Vance Worley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 0 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.63. This year has been remarkably similar to last year for Worley. A couple of blow ups, a lot of 6 IP, 3 ER starts, around a 8 K-rate, walk rate’s almost identical, around a 3.60 xFIP. This year’s WHIP is a little higher, but his BABIP has also been slightly up. Weird to think of a 24-year-old as being consistent, but that’s exactly how he looks in the big picture.
Chase Headley – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. If you picked him up hoping he’d be traded, and dropped him today then this homer was his bomb voyage.
Zack Wheeler – Mets promoted Wheeler to Triple-A, where he will stay until next June 7th when the 367th comment on my Zack Wheeler Buy article will say, “Wheeler called up!!! Should I drop Cole Hamels for him? By the by, have you ever thought of doing mustache modeling?”
Jayson Werth – Will return on Friday, which according to my Pac-Man Waka Waka Waka calendar, is tomorrow.
Ryan Zimmerman – Didn’t start yesterday due to a sore back. Jordan Zimmermann had his start pushed back a day with a sore shoulder. Andrew Zimmern got a parakeet feather lodged in his throat for an hour.
Blake Beavan – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks and the win. Never doubt the Stream-o-Nator.
Ben Revere – 2-for-4 with his 25th steal as he hits .319 on the year. Revere’s looking like one of those guys that you see next March and you’re like, “He hit .325 with 35 steals and I can draft him in the last round and he’s gonna be a crazy good sleeper and I’m so excited I haven’t taken a breath in like five minutes.” Then you drop him the 2nd week of April and wonder why you drafted him. That’s not to say you can’t own him right now for average and speed.
Starlin Castro – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in the last 3 games. Remindin’ Marte real G’s don’t need G’s.
Jair Jurrjens – Placed on the Disgraceful List. I get it, Braves. Medlen has a rotation spot. He doesn’t need two.
Giancarlo Stanton – On track to return next Tuesday. Just wanted to say I miss his face.
Mike Aviles – Missed another game with turf toe. I sure hope that’s a euphemism for something.
David Ortiz – Says his Achilles is pain free, after admitting to being saddened he didn’t have a Chili’s in his heal.
Joba Chamberlain – 1 2/3 IP, 2 ER. On a side note: my sister is being put to sleep today. Granted, it’s a dog and she’s 17 and a 1/2 years old, which is like 142 in human years, but still I needed a good laugh. You know what would do it, right? Our favorite game show…. Marginally Famous Lookalikes! So…. Is this Joba’s Mom or is this?
Phil Hughes – 6 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks; ERA down to 3.96. His schedule is pretty miserable the rest of the season. Though, to be fair, it hasn’t been a bowl of kittens on I Can Has Cheezburger up until this point either.
Zach Britton – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER. Got the moves like Arrieta!
Matt Holliday – 3 homers in the last two days. He’s reminded me of a different Matt Holliday. A Matt Holliday that would blast 5 homers a week. Could he be Benjamin Button’ing into his former self? Oh, wait, he was playing at Coors.
Zach McAllister – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. And…Scene! I think that’s it for McAllister. I was worried after his last start when he gave up 11 baserunners in 6 and a third, but this clinched it. I could see holding until his next start vs. the Twins, but I’m actively looking elsewhere in shallower leagues.
Corey Kluber – Will take over Josh Tomlin’s spot in the rotation. He had a solid K-rate (9+) in Triple-A, but has also walked the park on occasion. I wouldn’t go near him in mixed leagues at this point, but obviously in AL-Only leagues you gotta do what you gotta do.
Ernesto Frieri – 1 IP, 3 ER and blew (literally) a huge game for the Angels. Usually I’d say a guy with a 2.25 ERA is safe, but The Sciosciapath removed Walden for a lot less. I’d watch the Angels’ bullpen. Jason Isringhausen or LaTroy Hawkins could sneak into some save opps.
Jarrod Parker – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks. And, they were singing…Bye, bye, MediOAKer buy… Drove my fantasy team to the streamers, but the streamers were dry… Them good ol’ buys were talking Blackley and giving any starter in O.co a try, singing… This’ll be the day that I give Alfredo Jettuccine a try… This’ll be the day that I give Alfredo Jettuccine a try…
Fernando Rodney – Recorded his 31st save and lowered his ERA to 0.74 as Joe Maddon continues to be the Crappy Reliever Whisperer. Rodney’s given up 4 earned runs all year and hasn’t allowed one since June 14th. Is it time to take bets on what his season ERA will end up at? Under 0.75 is at 3-1; under 1.00 is even odds, under 1.50 is a horn bet and over 1.50’s odds are the same as any reality show on B.E.T. being good.
Patrick Corbin – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. Magic’s new-look Dodgers. So my research shows that Patrick Corbin is not the guy Carrie dates while waiting for Mr. Big to come around. He’s a guy who flashed decent/respectable/adjective stuff in Triple-A — 9-ish K-rate, 3-ish ERA. He’s often referred to as “No, not Trevor Bauer… No, not Tyler Skaggs… The other guy!” That nickname is fairly accurate. He’s not those guys. His upside isn’t a number one starter, but more like a number three. In NL-Only leagues, everyone is playable and Corbin’s no different. Could give you a surprise 3-something ERA with solid Ks. In mixed leagues, I’m putting as a fantasy ‘pert-ental advisory sticker on him for now.
Paul Goldschmidt – 3-for-3 and 10 for his last 17 with two homers. Miguel Montero homered for the 4th time in the last week, and is having a better season than his religious brother. Oh, and the Diamondbacks look like one of those teams that doesn’t consider itself a contender at the trading deadline then ends up in the playoffs.
Chris Johnson – 2-for-3 with his 10th homer and his 4th homer in the last 6 games. I just went over my Chris Johnson fantasy. The only difference between then and now is doode is crazy hot. Yeah, pick him up in your league. Why in the effhole not?
Ryan Ludwick – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer in 4 days. Yesterday, I said he was the hottest schmotato in the land. So, today I’ll say ditto.
Brandon Phillips – Reds were optimistic that Phillips could be back as early as this weekend. They said, “Players just want to play for Dusty. For instance, we’ve seen pitchers, who look like they can’t throw at all, go nine innings on nothing but fumes.”
Devin Mesoraco – Was suspended three games for bumping an umpire. He’s thinking about appealing the suspension, saying Italians talk with their hips.
Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs with his 26th homer; Prince Fielder went 2-for-4 with his 17th homer; Delmon Young went 2-for-4 with his 12th. The game still clocked in around three and a half hours because the Weight Station by 3rd base was closed.