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I don’t el-oh-el. It’s kinda girly. I don’t emoticon. It’s seriously not how a man with a ‘stache rolls. A man with a ‘stache rocks tight white shorts with his balls hanging out and does not care. That’s how a man with a ‘stache rolls. A man with a ‘stache doesn’t listen to Jack Johnson. A man with a ‘stache drafts Ryan Zimmerman and then drops him just after the draft — Just. To. Prove. A. Point. That’s what a man with a ‘stache does. A man with a ‘stache cries when his vinyl collection falls out of his El Dorado on the way to his DJ gig. A man with a ‘stache also cries when he loses Pujols to the DL. I am so effin’ effed in the effin’ Poo-hole. I’m praying he returns in three weeks like the Cards are saying. I’m hoping he doesn’t make a two column list with Pros and Cons on why he should just have elbow surgery while this other setback mends, because I know if I were making that two column Pro/Con list, I’d probably opt for surgery. I really think he might be gone for the year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball yesterday:

Alfonso Soriano – Will be out for at least six weeks with a broken bone on his left hand.  The only bright side to Soriano’s propensity for injury is his ability to bounce back from injury. Though he’s still going to be out. With Alfonso off the menu, the choices are now limited to Pie and Stale Cake (Jim Edmonds).

Victor Martinez – Will undergo MRI on his inflamed elbow. I think if you’re going to concoct an injury because you haven’t hit a home run in two months, you’d take the lie a little further than an inflamed elbow. Can’t he cook up a conspiracy that Jim Leyland passed around small pox infested blankets to all the Indians?  That would explain Pronk’s year as well….

Ryan Doumit – Third home run in two days. Is it me or does he remind you of Craig Wilson? (Not Craig T. Nelson aka Coach.)

John Lackey – Into the 8th giving up only 2 runs. I choose him as my AL Cy Young, then I jumped ship when he missed time with arm issues. Now I’m regaining faith in this Angel (sorry, that was dreadful).

Dan Uggla – Walk off grand slam. Wow, I wonder where he’d go, if I were drafting today… *wink wink Razzball Commenters’ League*

Andy LaRoche – My James Loney has a first name — it’s P-L-A-T-O-O-N. LaRoche’s here and he hit a home run. The Dodgers are only starting him against lefties for now. Add him to the marginal 3B pile.

Jason Kendall – Hit first home run of the year. Somewhere a tidal wave hit.

Ian Snell – Now this is the Ian Snell we all know and love! Oh, against the Nats. Well, made for a nice spot start for someone.

Luke Scott/Mark Reynolds - Mentioned them the other day as guys who are streaky and getting hot. Yup, more home runs.

Mike Pelfrey – We are haunted by Berman voices in our head saying – where was the Diamondbacks hitting – well the bats were in the Pelfrey!  Whoop!

Jorge Cantu – Hit two home runs. Yesterday in the Razzball Forums, I said this, “He (Cantu) gets to thirty. He’s overdrafted next year. He’s a disappointment in ’09. Guaranteed.” I’ll tell you what, I can be quite authoritative when I want to be.

Kosuke Fukudome – The league’s definitely caught up with him, but he just hit another homer. 3 dingers in last two weeks. I put that into Japanese Google Translator then took that translation and put it into English Translator and out came this, “Wrigley blowing out. Jim Belushi could hit home run.”

From Around The Web

  1. WTP says:
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    I like me some Pie. Too bad it looks like Lou pulled it out of the oven, didn’t realize it was ready, and then stuck it back in to burn.

    Yay for extended metaphors that work!

  2. wakeNbake says:
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    With Isringhausen set to return soon, does St.louis move Franklin to 8th inning duties? If so, where does that leave Chris Perez? Also with Santiago Casilla set to return this weekend, do you like his upside over Chris Perez since there is talk of possible injury/trade with Huston Street?

  3. wakeNbake says:
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    who wins in this trade….Oswalt for Carlos Gomez??

  4. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    My Lackey for AGonzo trade is looking pretty good right now. (Knocks vigorously on head, in lieu of wood.)

    Also: SNELL. I picked him back up. Dropped Parra. Homey don’t play home/road splits. Instead, Homey likes to get behind good-not-great outings from Bucs pitchers against the league’s worst offense.

    @WTP: Delicious!

  5. @wakeNbake: Izzy will close until he gets hurt or really fails. Franklin wold go 8th inning. Chris Perez would be 7th I suppose. I don’t think either of those guys will get more than 1-2 saves this year. Even if Street is dealt, Joey Devine’s name has been thrown around to close as well.

    @wakeNbake: I like Oswalt. Carlos Gomez’s stats other than SB are bad for an OF.

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: I used Snell for a spot start yesterday. He’s got the ChiSox next outing which is a tougher call than WAS. I’ve got Parra on the same team. He hasn’t been dominating but that’s 3 wins in a row for him.

  6. BSA says:
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    Looking at Snell the game before he put up good numbers but seemed to stay in too long. Which I guess is why their is so much frustration surrounding him.

  7. wakeNbake says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: If Santiago comes back looking like he did b4 he got hurt would u take him the rest of the way over Perez? Disregarding how many save opportunities they may get, im looking for who will put up the best peripherals.

  8. Frank Rizzo says:
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    Mentioned it in the forums but not much response.

    Was offered CC Sabathia and Mike Lowell for David Wright. I’ve got Miggy so I could move him to 3rd. I’m thinking of doing it if he’s willing to throw in Harden for Owings. Harden’s most likely going to get hurt, but he’s got more value than Owings right now.

    Good trade? It would give me a starting pitching staff of…

    Bedard
    Sabathia
    Shields
    Lincecum
    Wainwright (DL)
    Harden
    Joba

    I’d be hard to beat in the pitching categories.

  9. B.J. says:
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    Cueto- I knew he was going to be up and down all year but last night was brutal and on top of that I left Duchy on the bench. Why you ask b/c I was a drunken douchebag at a Tom Petty concert and forgot to change my roster from my phone. Should I hold or dump him? I’m going to have to drop him eventually with Dice-K coming off the DL soon (hopefully- never thought as a Yanks fan I would say that)

  10. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    ****MORROW! PICK UP MORROW!****

    Not toMorrow, but toDay. I’m a Putz owner. I went to pick him up after the 9th inning yesterday and I missed out on him.

    A BRANDON MORROW HAIKU:

    Putz out Morrow in.
    A leaguemate picked up Morrow.
    I look like a putz.

  11. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @Frank Rizzo: Don’t like this trade for you. It’s essentiall CC for Wright straight up (Lowell’s a throw-in) and you can’t like that swap. Wright is likely to go off at some point this year, and your staff is solid enough that I wouldn’t bother with this.

  12. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @WTP: Don’t bet on Pie getting called up:

    This is from bleedcubbieblue.com today:
    “Will it be Matt Murton, who could start in LF? Will it be Eric Patterson, who can play several positions and hits lefthanded? It could, I suppose, be someone like Josh Kroeger, who also hits lefthanded and could play left field and who, unlike Murton, has actually shown some power at Iowa this year (.483 SLG to Murton’s .395), and Lou seems to crave lefthanded power. Kroeger, however, is not on the 40-man roster and it’s full right now, so someone would have to be let go (why is Jake Fox still on the 40-man?). Or how about… Felix Pie?

    “My suspicion is that the Cubs will fill from within for now — they could, from time to time, as they did last night, put Mike Fontenot at 2B and Mark DeRosa in LF, which also happened ten times when Soriano was out with his leg problems in April (the Cubs went 8-4 with DeRosa as their starting LF). They could also play Reed Johnson in LF with Jim Edmonds in CF, if necessary.”

    I shudder at that last one, but if either Pie or Patterson (yup Corey’s brother) is called up, they’re both still absolutely worthless in fantasy. Patterson has an atrocious OBP much like big bro, and Pie was still struggling mightily in AAA, working on a new approach at the plate, shortening his swing.

    My money’s on Murton and Hoffpauir.

  13. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @IowaCubs: An excellent breakdown of the impending Pie-Murton debate. Sadly, it’s only of interest to a) Cubs fans; b) very deep NL only leaguers; c) people in Cubs-only leagues; and d) Felix Pie and Matt Murton.

  14. wakeNbake says:
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    @Frank Rizzo: I agree with my man BVV, I hate the Mets but the only way Id trade David Wright is if I was getting first round talent in return. Wright can just help your team in too many ways, hes really hard to replace. In my opinion hes a notch below A-Rod…..Ok maybe 2 notches below.

    @B.J.: I feel for ya. I grudgingly went to a Tom Petty concert also and was kind off turned off by him because he changed his guitar for every song he played….weird and annoying. On another note Id hold on to Cueto for another start or 2 just to see what he does, he can be dominating when hes on.

    @IowaCubs: A day late on the info, hes definetely scooped up in any competitive league by now. haha…diggin the Haiku tho.

  15. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins: I think Murton could interest redheads. As the father of a redhead, this news makes me very proud. I’m going to add him in my all-redheads NL Central Only league. It’s a very shallow format, though I’m leading the league in saves with Ryan Franklin.

    Keep an eye on Patterson if he gets the call. Lou doesn’t particularly care for him, but if he gets starts, he has 2B eligibility, and will likely steal bases if you’re in to those sorts of things.

  16. B.J. says:
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    @wNb- even hold him if Morrow is available?

  17. wakeNbake says:
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    @B.J.: hmmm… thats a tough one. If you are desperate for a closer I’d prly do it. Just realize theres no word of Putz going on the DL yet, if Putz doesnt miss any time you may be dropping a starter with good upside for a middle reliever which are really a dime a dozen. Theres really no one else you can drop?

  18. wakeNbake says:
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    @my fellow Razzmates: May be nothing but I just read this: Joakim Soria was unavailable Wednesday because of what the Kansas City Star calls “some tightness in his backside.”

    Soria also went unused Tuesday due to the same injury, but understandably declined to chat about the problem following the game.

  19. RT says:
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    Headley last night?
    Bomb. 2 Runs. 3 RBI. 2 BB’s.
    Interleague tomorrow = DH for Kouz
    Just sayin’

  20. B.J. says:
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    @wNb- unfortunately I don’t think so I don’t carry any bench hitters and my SP are Cc, Big Unit, Pedro, Maine, McGowan, Duchy, Cueto, Greinke, Liriano and DiceK who is on my DL. My closers are Soria, Capps and Borowski.

  21. B.J. says:
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    word is accoring to Rotoworld at least that Isringhausen is going to be possibly activated this weekend. Does he get the closer role back or languish forever in MR hell

  22. wakeNbake says:
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    @B.J.: yeh I see your point then. In a perfect world I’d wait till its announced that Putz will be out for any period of time but by then Morrow could be gone in your league. I happen to like Cueto, its a tough call for me. Hopefully Grey or Rudy can give you more solid advice on this move. If it were me since you have 3 closers already I’d prly stick wit Cueto until we get word on Putz. Since he hasnt been picked up by your league mates yet maybe you can wait till we get word on Putz.

  23. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @wakeNbake: If you’re deadset on trading Wright for pitching (which I wouldn’t recommend) you can easily target Santana, Peavy or Webb. My diagnosis? You DON’T need 20 “CC”‘s of Sabathia, stat!

    Sorry — I’m channeling the old Spy movie critic, Walter Monheit.*

    @IowaCubs: It is odd that you say this, as I myself am a redhead**, yet I am not interested. Perhaps I am the exception that proves the rule.***

    Isn’t Dunn a redhead? I’ll have to call the national office and find out.

    @wakeNbake: I’m not going to touch this.****

    @ ALL & SUNDRY: So, it finally happened — the Cueto owner in my league divested himself of Cueto. Can’t blame him. 8 BBs?!?! The wisdom on Cueto before was “The peripherals are great, he’ll come around.” Now the peripherals suck. Oh, Cueto. You broke so many hearts.

    So… is he worth picking up?

    *no one will get this reference
    **soon to be extinct in 100 years!
    ***this saying makes no sense
    ****that’s what she said

  24. wakeNbake says:
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    @B.J.: I asked a similar Q about St.Louis penn earlier…..refer up top for Rudy’s answer.

  25. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    Note to Milton Bradley owners: And so it begins. From Rotoworld:

    According to the Dallas Morning News, Milton Bradley attempted to confront Royals television announcer Ryan Lefebvre in the press box following Wednesday’s game due to what he believed were unfair comments made on the air.

    As the Rangers’ designated hitter, Bradley was able to watch the broadcast when he wasn’t batting and took offense to a comparison Lefebrve made between him and Josh Hamilton. Manager Ron Washington and general manager Jon Daniels stopped Bradley before he got to Lefebvre, at which point Bradley returned to the clubhouse in tears. “All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had, that’s it,” Bradley said. “I love all you guys. I’m strong, but I’m not that strong.”

    Returned to the clubhouse in tears? Yeesh. Plus, I’m guessing he’s already made a better life for his kid than he had, unless his dad really is the guy who invented Yahtzee.

  26. wakeNbake says:
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    Im not trading David Wright, I dont even have him. If I did I wouldnt move him tho. Just giving advice to Mr.Rizzo

  27. RT says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins:

    Cueto was just dropped in my league as well. We are deep so SP are hard to come by. Any advice?

  28. wakeNbake says:
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    haha…. I love Bradleys crazy ass. As a matter of fact he should be on my team. I have my next trade target.

  29. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins: I’d pick him up because I’m a K-whore. As long as you can balance him out with 4 middle relievers, you’ll be fine.

    @wakeNbake: Am I the only one who is excited about Soria’s backside?

  30. wakeNbake says:
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    drank about 6 cups of coffee this morning…..went a little post crazy.
    @IowaCubs: I guess you cant blame Soria for not elaborating on his sore ass. Even tho were all waiting anxiously…haha.

  31. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @IowaCubs: Really? Those Ks are worth getting trashed in two other cats (ERA, WHIP)? Why not pick up someone more useful, someone about to break out, someone with high K potential and a proven track record…

    Someone like SNELL.

  32. JR says:
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    Just made a trade. I have two roster spots open and I need to replace a closer I just dealt.

    Pick 2 of these options:

    Gagne, Buchholtz, Casilla, Bell, Perez, Devine, Corpas

  33. yak says:
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    If it makes anyone feel better, here’s a sample of the awesomeness of my league. I wake up this morning,check my e-mail, and see this trade proposal. Now maybe I’m missing something, so if I am, pleaselet me know. I get Pabst,Dye, and O. Hudson. Not bad right? I would give….wait for it….J. Hamilton, L. Berkman, and Cole Hamels. I wish I were kidding…

  34. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins: One good start and how soon you all forget about all the Snellieving happening in the Pirates bullpen. (That’s relieving Snell for all you Snellievers).

    I’m saying that if you’re a Middle Reliever Believer (a “MR. B” for those of you who live in Des Moines and shop at Mr. B’s fine men’s clothing store, you’d understand this double acronym), and you have Marmol, Broxton and Buchholz like me, you’re allowed a little leeway in terms of high K, mediocre era/whip guys.

    I play in a league that sets it’s lineups weekly. If Cueto had a 2 start week, I’d pick him up and start him, cry about it for a day, put my 16 k’s in my pocket and give my big old, MR. B self a hug.

    …And I’d be nicely dressed while doing it.

  35. @B.J.: I’ve got Cueto on two teams. He’s now battling with Andy Pettitte (on 1 team) as my worst starting pitcher. Love his minor league stats but 8 BB against STL is awful. He doesn’t seem mentally fit which is a problem given his manager. I’d drop him for a closer in a heartbeat. He might come around but your other starters are more bankable.

    I’m holding onto him now but not sure if i’ll be starting him next game.

  36. Cowboy says:
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    @Grey: Garko or Swisher as a Pujols replacement?

  37. wakeNbake says:
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    @JR: Gagne for saves……then Bucholz and Casilla

  38. wakeNbake says:
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    @yak: those type of trade offers infuriate me to the point where I will offer the other team rediculous trades all year too see how he likes trying to be ripped off.

  39. yak says:
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    Same here. Plan on proposing my Pedroia, Morrow, Kershaw for his Utley, Braun, Volquez. Thats about as bad as I can make it. It isn’t like I haven’t made any moves all year. I fluctuate between 3rd and 6th(I have horrible pitching). Speaking of which, what kind of pitcher, SP or CP, for Rollins/M. Young, and which one should I try to move? I currently have Bedard,Hamels,Wolf, Kershaw, B. Wilson,Corpas,Rauch,Morrow,S. Torre.

  40. yak says:
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    I should add, I am fairly new to fantasy baseball. My offense is Doumit,Howard,Casilla,Rollins,M.Reynolds,Bruce,Hamilton,Berkman,Victorino(util). Bench-Pedroia,Young, Zimm(DL). Any other advice would be much appreciated as well

  41. KarlJ says:
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    @yak: And I thought the offer I received today where I give up Braun and get back Randy Johnson and JD Drew was bad!

  42. KarlJ says:
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    @yak:
    I would drop Corpas. He has no value right now and Buchholz is next in line for saves if Colorado trades Fuentes. Are you looking to trade Rollins for a pitcher or are you looking to acquire Rollins?

  43. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    This is the kind of fantasy baseball advice I hate (from Rotoworld):

    Ryan Doumit is 9-for-11 with four homers and two doubles in his last three games. It’s time to start looking at him as a sell-high candidate. He has the talent to be a top-five fantasy catcher, but he’s always had big problems staying healthy and he’s even more likely to get hurt while playing so frequently.

    Yes, because the minute someone on my G-dforsaken team starts hitting, I should sell high. Especially catchers. So I can back to streaming the likes of Olivo, Navarro, and Ramon Hernandez. NO THANK YOU.

  44. I think everyone – including Grey and I – get a little overzealous on selling high.

    The problem is that no one wants to give fair value for a player who’s overperforming expectations. Think about Volquez this year – how many sell highs was he on? Probably could’ve got him for cheap…

  45. Ross says:
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    guthrie or mcgowan?

  46. yak says:
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    I figured that Corpas had to go.

    I have J-Roll and Mike Young. I’m looking for a starter. What type of guy could I get for one of them.

    Thanks guys. Mucho Aprecciado

  47. wakeNbake says:
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    @Ross: McGowan, dont be suprised if he dominates for 6-8 starts in a row, he has the stuff.

    @yak: For Young if you find someone that really needs a SS you could get a pretty good SP, say someone like wainwright or vazquez possibly, if I were you Id try to get James Shields. For Rollins you can get any starter you want basically.

  48. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: I like a good sell-high as much as the next guy. I sold high on Volquez earlier this year, and just sold-high on AGonzo. But there’s a mania to it that defies logic. Can’t I just enjoy my Doumit homer binge in peace, and not have to start fretting about how to turn him into Hanley Ramirez?

  49. wakeNbake says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins: mmmm…Hanley, and the wheels in the head start turning.

  50. KarlJ. says:
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    @yak:
    wakeNbake hit it right on the head. Rollins is a first rounder so unless you can get Santana, I would hold on to Rollins and try to pick up a solid # 3 guy like Tim Hudson for Young

  51. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @yak: I agree with KarlJ. Don’t trade Rollins. Send Young for a Hudson-type pitcher.

  52. Joe says:
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    Grey/Rudy—

    I just saw the update on Chase Headley at the forums.

    Should i be dropping Kouz, Maddux, Wolf, Parra, Baker, or Foulke for him before he gets snapped up?

  53. Joe says:
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    Wow- I just noticed from my post that i’ve got a lot of Padres. I’ve got A-Gonz and Bell as well.

  54. Chase says:
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    Yahoo sports is not working for me and the draft is in 10 minutes. I shall panic in 5.

  55. wakeNbake says:
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    @Grey: better spot start for tommorow…. Gallagher vs. Burnett @ TOR or Jo-Jo vs. Garland @ LAA??

  56. wakeNbake says:
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    Also im thinking of dropping Edwin Encarnacion for Kelly Johnson, Francisco, Francoeur or David DeJesus…….whaddaya think?

  57. wakeNbake says:
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    Im also thinking of dropping Edwin Encarnacion for David DeJesus, Kelly Johnson, Francisco or Spilborghs…….whaddaya think

  58. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Joe: Foulke.

    @wakeNbake: I’m not crazy about either. Probably opt for Gallagher. Grab Francoeur, Johnson, Dejesus, Francisco, in that order.

  59. wakeNbake says:
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    Pierzynski over Olivo the rest of the way?

  60. wakeNbake says:
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    u like Francoeur enough over EE to use a waiver on him

  61. KarlJ. says:
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    The Razzball Commenter’s League Draft completed about an hour ago. Porkburn posted the results in the Forums
    I am curious to see how Grey and Rudy think as far as how the teams stack up

  62. wakeNbake says:
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    Exactly where in the forum are the results for the league

  63. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @KarlJ.: I don’t know how anyone can compare the teams given there’s like 30 teams with about 112 players on each.

  64. KarlJ. says:
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    @wakeNbake:

    Under the Roster, Rants, Raves- The thread title is RCL Post Draft

    @Baron Von Vulturewins:
    I know what you mean. I pre-ranked a 100 players before the draft and that only got me through the first 6 rounds

  65. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @wakeNbake: Yes, I’d use a waiver claim on him, but I don’t know if your league would warrant it. Depends how deep.

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