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The players listed below more than likely give you many of the feelings Dez Bryant’s mother experiences when thinking on his pending arrival to her home. She must think to herself “Oooooooh, maybe Dezzy will surprise me today with a new bracelet.  A watch maybe?  A new Benzo even?”  These thoughts fill her pretty little head time and time again….. Does she ever receive these prizes that come with having a star NFL player as a son? More than likely, every now and again, she will receive a present. But the other visits will most likely result in black eyes, broken wrists, or swollen kidneys. This is almost precisely how the players below have been making me feel all season. I hope and pray and every day that the big game is coming. That payoff. The reason I drafted them so high, and in numerous leagues!   Sorry, I’m shaking the top turnbuckle right now from anger.  Every so often they give me, and countless others who were popping bottles in celebration of ending up with them on draft day, a reason to keep believing.  A glimmer of hope….. Only to be devastatingly crushed over a 3 week period, or in some cases, every freaking day. Let’s just jump right into it as I need to pour some of this hate out of me.  Here’s some guys that are actively killing it in Point Leagues, and I don’t mean “killing it” like T.J. Lavin.

Eric Hosmer – Might as well start with the biggest dud of them all. If this guy were an album it would be P. Diddy’s “Last Train to Paris.” I’d rather watch Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce coverage for 48 hours straight than be associated with the likes of Hosmer. Unfortunately, I drafted him in multiple leagues and haven’t had the heart to drop the kid, still believing, as Dez’s Mother still does; maybe today I won’t get the backhand. Well, if you take a quick peek at the statistics and tally up the total in standard points league scoring from July 3rd through July 17th, you will get a clue on the kind of trash Kansas City has been putting out there at 1st base all season long. Here are his daily points for the aforementioned time period: -2, -3, 6, -1, 4, -1, -1, -1, 0, 6, 0. For those of you who are not math geniuses, that is 7 total points in 11 games, which is absolutely unacceptable for a man going in the top 6 rounds of all league formats.

His 9 stolen bases have saved him from some getting Nancy Kerrigan’d as we Hosmer owners can still maybe get something resembling a 20-20 season out of him. If your thought process is anything like mine, it’s hard to fathom dropping him with the thought that he may go on a torrid hitting streak to close out the season. My guess is we all go down in flames.

Howard Kendrick – What’s not to like about Howie’s season thus far? Pretty much everything actually. With 3 total points in his last eight games, hitting in one of the more potent lineups in the majors, it’s safe to say Kendrick has been a complete bust. Ranked 17th, below such fantasy stalwarts as Kyle SeagerMike Aviles, Omar Infante, Daniel Murphy, and even Mark F’ing Scutaro, it’s safe to say Kendrick’s testicular fortitude has dropped to “It’s Pat” type levels. 6 steals to go against 5 caught stealing? My god! One would assume that adding Pujols to the lineup along with Morales coming back would have Howie set for a career year. When you throw in the fact that Mike Trout, arguably the best player in baseball at the moment, and Mark Trumbo are absolutely getting off, it’s hard not to notice how peon-like Kendrick’s numbers really are. Look for another option until or if he ever turns it around.

Zack Greinke – The anxiety that Zack Greinke has obviously been feeling has in turn raised my anxiety to new highs, forcing me to double up on my Wellbutrin. Achieving no more than 4 points in any of his last 4 starts against legendary lineups like the Pirates, Astros, and Marlins is an impressive feat. Impressively sickening. Brewers, just trade the guy already. Just please not to a team in a major city with any chance of making the playoffs. Greinke is still ranked in the top 20 for SP’s and I can’t see this continuing, unless of course he is traded to a major market, which would excite me about as much as a “Judge Dredd” remake. What? When did that happen??? On another note, it was awesome to see his start skipped this week!

Mike Napoli – What happened, big dog??? I think it’s safe to say the .320 BA last year was a total fluke. Fantasy players worldwide were probably under the impression that in the Texas lineup, there would be no stopping Napoli, and it would be like having a top 5 first basemen in your catcher slot. Well, that fantasy has quickly turned into a nightmare of Freddie Kruger proportions with Nap coming back to earth and batting a paltry .227 with the rest of his numbers way down across the board. When you throw in the fact that negative points are given with each strikeout, and add that with the fact Nappy already has more K’s than all of last year, you end up realizing he has been a real spark plug in the lineup this year. I’m sorry, did I say spark plug? I meant butt plug. Wilin Rosario is ranked 7 spots higher on the catcher player rater and I can honestly tell you I have no clue who that is. That’s not good.  The 0-4 with 2 K days tend to really hold back fantasy teams. It’s like trying to sprint with testicular elephantiasis. I’ve now used “testicular” twice in one post. I wonder what the record is for a fantasy baseball post? I’m gonna say three:  testicular.  Now I hold the record.  7 points in the last 13 games is not going to get it done. On a high note, since Napoli plays catcher, and misses a bunch of games to cupcake injuries, he will most likely not break the strikeout record. Kudos to him. Points leagues are awesome! So tune in next week guys and maybe I’ll be happier.  Doubtful.  I hate this game!

  1. Bob Jack says:
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    Yeah I got Kendrick. At least I got Plouffed, so Kendircksham can ride the pine in comfort.

    • LT

      LT says:
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      @Bob Jack, i would have given my left nut to be plouffed this year.

  2. raffy's stache says:
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    big fan of the razz’, but comparing domestic violence to drafting fantasy baseball players is in extremely poor taste.

    • Tizzle says:
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      @raffy’s stache,

      Yet still hilarious

    • JoeC says:
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      @raffy’s stache,
      Here’s the pill, dude. Use it to chill.

  3. raffy's stache says:
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    having said that, screw you howie k.

  4. Seven says:
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    Wow. This was one of the more entertaining posts I’ve read on Razz. Love the Hosmer piece in particular. Kerrigan’d?? I will be on the lookout for a place to use it in one of my work emails.

    • LT

      LT says:
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      @Seven, Be on the look out for more Seven. I’m nowhere near done with Eric Hosmer. any ideas on who else I should target?

  5. JoeC says:
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    “It’s like trying to sprint with testicular elephantiasis”

    You, sir, are hilarious!

    • LT

      LT says:
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      @JoeC, Thanks Joe C! I thought I was the only one who thought so

  6. Cbass says:
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    More articles about points leagues please…

    • LT

      LT says:
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      @Cbass, your wish is my command Cbass

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