I’ve gone from love to hate to love to “Are we up to love or hate now?” to the DL for Brandon Morrow. I’ll be honest, some of my love came from getting excited about drafting him and some of my hate came from not owning him and him overperforming, according to his peripherals. I’m only human, contrary to the stamp the U.S. government put on my hindquarters. I’m also only human as sung by Human League. BTW, good call on not naming your song, I’m Only League. Getting past the jibber-jabbering, Morrow is due back three morrows from today (I used my fingers to count; if it’s Friday and not Saturday, blame my index finger, I don’t know what it’s thinking some times). When he’s been healthy, which isn’t often but is now, he’s been a fantasy number two with glimpses of being a number one. There’s no reason why he should be on waivers in any league (though ESPN’s numbers say he’s available in 40% of leagues). That gives me an idea. I wonder if we can easily automate ownership numbers for all the Razzball leagues. Assuming those leagues are more active than most, but, as they said in 14th century China, assuming makes an ass outta of you and Ming. Maybe I should email VinWins. Hmm, this feels a bit like my inner monologue. Did I pick up a toilet brush from Target? That Mexican food wrecked havoc on everything it came in contact– Oh, um, pick up Morrow. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Colby Rasmus – o-for-4, but whatevs. This is about today’s podcast…. You asked for her. You harassed her on Twitter. You bugged her on Facebook. You stood outside her house only to realize she was away at college. Geiger, let’s go! The Colby Rasmus Girl is gonna be on this afternoon’s podcast. You can hardly wait. No, you!
Moises Sierra – 1-for-1 as he didn’t start? Hey, I picked up this Creeper. Jaywrong, you better be Jayright, I need our favorite MLB lovechild to produce.
Ricky Romero – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 15 baserunners (8 BBs!), zero Ks. We (meaning me, you and that guy by the copier who’s reading over your shoulder — hey, Bill!) know that Romero would’ve been sent to the Disgraceful List about a month ago if the Jays weren’t hit by so many pitcher injuries, but, on the fo’really, I hope this year doesn’t hurt him going forward in 2013.
Brett Lawrie – Bad news for the Blue Jays young 3rd baseman. He’s ripping it up in the wrong cage. He felt renewed soreness in his ribcage and is being shut down until this weekend, which means he may not return for two weeks. For those of us playing fantasy baseball that have never seen a “hitter” “hit,” problems near the rib cage can cause pain when a batter swings. It’s not good, over-the-internet friend.
Jemile Weeks – Optioned him down to Triple-A. Now when he picks up girls in a club, it’s just a little fib when he says he plays for the A’s.
Marco Estrada – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks vs. the Cubs. Has struggled to go deep in games, and not because his control’s wonky (1.18 WHIP, under 2 BB/9). He’s not going deep because he’s striking out a shizzton of hitters. Now has more Ks than IP and he’s got quite a tidy number of innings (95 2/3 IP). It’s hard to get too crazy about him outside of good matchups like the Stream-o-Nator had for him yesterday, but he gets the Cubs again next time out.
John Axford – Jim Henderson came in and gave up a pair of inherited runs, but Axford cut off the dowry and got the save. Whomever the bottle filled with human excrement stops spinning in front of could be next, i.e., you need saves bad to be messing around in Milwaukee. Forget it, Jake, it’s fantasy owner angina-town.
Luke Hochevar – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (1 Hit), 10 Ks. You know what he’s doing, right? He’s trying to get you with the ol’ great-start-followed-by-terrible-start trick. It’s older than the ol’ banana in the ol’ tailpipe trick. Of course, it’s not the oldest trick in the book, mon, which would be going in for a hand shake and stealing the Schwartz ring. Hochevar has a 4.95 ERA and isn’t worth trusting outside of dire H2H matchups.
Luke Scott – 1-for-4 as he returned from the DL after a month’s absence. Luke, you are my waiver wire fodder. When he’s going well. I’d wait on that.
Doug Fister – Due to his groin, he could be scratched this week. TMI.
Dewayne Wise – 4-for-5, 1 run. Yo, it’s Wewayne and the whole full-Fudd posse! Comin’ wive and coweck! If you aren’t getting some Wewayne wight now, you’re doing it wrong like foreign policy of James K. Polk’s. And….and…and… that’s all, folks.
Kevin Youkilis – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs with his 15th homer, a grand slam. Thank God, Dunn didn’t follow it with a homer. Hawk would’ve needed to be rushed to the ER. He gone! No, really, he gone! Heart couldn’t take all the excitement.
Brett Anderson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks and Tommy John gets another nickel. Pretty incredible start for the first one back, even against the Twins. Anderson only threw 84 pitches with 62 of them strikes. Against a better team, that might be closer to a 6 IP, 3 ER start. There’s really not time for me to see him pitch as many times as I’d like before picking him up, but he gets the Indians next so it’s not a terrible start. Hey, I’m over here, standing between all the hedges.
Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks. I think I’m gonna turn over a new leaf next year. Like a real arborist! I’m gonna ignore all talk of pitchers getting shut down. In the end, is it that big of a deal to get 5 months of great pitching and then have to run streamers out for September? In most leagues, it’s not.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Or if you put it through a Sean Connery translator, “Ee-yan, you’re the man now, dog.”
Geovany Soto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a homer, now hitting near .350 in the last week. Don’t look now but Soto’s showing some fantasy value. I said not to look! You always ruin the surprise.
Yu Darvish – Might miss a start due to a tight right quad. That’s what you get, Yu, when you get lax on your pre-game calisthenics. Have you learned nothing from Sadaharu?
Andrew Cashner – Threw two scoreless in his rehab outing. Cashner rules everything around me, Stream-o-Nator get the money, dolla, dolla bill, y’all!
Jhoulys Chacin – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks as he returned from the DL after a long absence. I’m not messing with Chacin in most mixed leagues unless my options are tizzerrible. He could be fine a start or two here and there, but it’s not worth gambling this late in the year on a guy who goes in Coors. And if you want to argue with me, see this.
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. I found this funny in the it’s-not-funny-at-all way. Scherzer’s ERA is still at 4.25, and he hasn’t had an ERA over 4 since May when it was only a 4.04 for the month. April early showers brought a lot of summer flowers or whatever that cliche is.
CC Sabathia – Will return on Friday or as they call it in Thailand, Flaidai. That would be an awesome name for a Bobby Flay Asian restaurant. No hate mail at all. But Bobby needs to work his Southwestern cuisine in somehow. This is Pad Thai with chipotle peppers. Oh, give it a rest, Flay. You’re an Ginger from New York and you and Phil Simms could have a competition for “Who has less eyebrows?” Wait, that could be his restaurant name, The Ginger Garden.
Todd Frazier – 2-for-3 with his 18th homer. Yesterday, someone asked a FMK question with Frazier involved and was surprised I didn’t want to marry Frazier. As I told them, Votto’s going to come back and squeeze his playing time, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t own him until then.
Zack Cozart – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. There’s no one in most mixed leagues crazyhappycool with how Cozart played this year. But if he gets three more homers in September and raises his average ten points… Well, a 17 homer, .260 average guy at middle infidel is that bad? Rhetorical!
Dale Thayer – Blew this third save yesterday. This is completely anecdotal, but I get the sense the Padres will stick with Thayer simply because they don’t have much incentive to win games — wink, wink. They’d be better off losing them — wink, nudge, kazoo. Smack in the head, better draft pick, Moe eye poke.
Will Venable – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 18th steal. He’s now 9 for his last 13 with 2 steals and a homer. Okay, he may not be playing vs. lefties but there’s no reason you can’t start him vs. righties.
Cameron Maybin – 4-for-4 and his 22nd steal. Obviously the Padres front office didn’t tell their hitters their whole plan of reverse world domination. Maybin’s another guy that is out of his mind right now — 10 for his last 15 with 2 steals. That’s so Maybin!
Kevin Frandsen – 3-for-4, 6 for his last 9, hitting .350 over 80 ABs. Let me show you behind the curtain. I try to watch a bunch of different games, and then look at box scores for what I missed. Frandsen is the kind of guy who I would turn the station to a different game when he was coming to bat, and I’d tend to ignore three hits in a game. So, he’s hitting, but to your deity of choice I pray you can find someone else.
Grady Sizemore – Shut down for the season. Since his nude photo scandal, his career has been in a constant downward spiral. He should get Kris Jenner to manage him.
Eric Thames – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in as many games. I was thisclose to telling you about Thames yesterday. Once is a fluke, twice is a trend, three times is a hot schmotato.
Javier Lopez – Two nights, two saves. Stop salivating, he’s just a LOOGY.
Adam Wainwright – He did the AAAstros with a 5-hit, 12 Ks shutout. Rudy’s pick for 2nd half Cy Young has been lights out against just about everyone since his 2nd start after the All-Star break. He’s now 4-0 in August with 4 GS, 4 Wins, 4 ER, 30 IP and 29 Ks. The Rufus is on fire!
Ernesto Frieri – Got his 15th save. I was gonna say I’m not sure how he doesn’t have 30 saves by now, but the Angels only seem like they’re a good team. They’re three games behind the 2nd place A’s in 3rd place. C’mon, we have Mike Trout on a team and we’re winning an AL-Only league!
Justin Upton – Left yesterday’s game with an undisclosed injury. All the fantasy owners he screwed this year shed a single tear for him. So divide that single tear by 12 million or so owners, and at least one of those guys was cutting onions, so no one is crying for him.
Donovan Solano – 3-for-3, a run, 2 RBIs. All this guy does is rack up singles! Seriously, that’s all he does. Maybe the occasional steal. Really, not much to see here.
Billy Hamilton – Yesterday, he broke the single season minor league steal record previously held by Vince Coleman when Hamilton stole his 146th base. Vince Coleman commemorated the record by throwing a firecracker at him.