The Yankees got bested by the team that gave Adam Jones away in a chump trade. I mean, yikes with a side of damn. I could even see adding seven a’s into that damn for good measure. Michael Pineda is done for the year with a torn labrum, which only sounds like an injury that a female gymnast would get. Mariners threw him for 340 innings in 2011 and then traded him to the Yankees for their best prospect. Hey, Yankees, say hello to your mother for me! Pineda sounds like he’s done for the year. This is good for teams that drafted him, but had an “Only one Pineda per team” clause. For all other teams that drafted him this isn’t good news. Drop him like a hot Pineda. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Zimmerman – He’s gonna try to hit on Thursday. I kinda hope it goes badly, and I own him. Here’s the scenario I see happening if it goes well: He returns on Friday, reinjures himself and then really needs 15 days from Saturday. At least if his hitting session goes poorly, the Nats can backdate his DL stint. Yes, I’m hopeful for a DL stint. Yes, I’m Googling his address so I can have a “word” with him.
Jim Johnson – Headed for more tests as the doctors try to figure out what’s wrong with him. “His peripherals look terrible, but he has so many saves. Hey, why are we looking at box scores on an X-ray light box?” That was the doctors after the first round of tests. Pedro Strop is the pick up for the time being. Hopefully, Strop isn’t short for closetastrophe.
Shin-Soo Choo – Sat on the bench last night as Shin-Soo Healthy, Hamstring-Soo Not.
Ike Davis – Dropped to 7th in the order, which is terrible for his value. This was only surprising to me because, no matter how bad Davis has been, for the life of me I couldn’t think of six hitters better than Davis in the Mets lineup. Hairston? Tejada? Really, Seth Myers?
Lorenzo Cain – Had a setback with his groin. Pain…Sugar! Sounds like he’s not coming back for at least another week.
Sergio Santos – Out for at least 4 weeks. Could easily lose Santos until July. That’s just me being real with you. See, the truth is, everyone wants to know how many saves Cordero is gonna get or what closers I’m still cool with. Cordero could get more saves than Santos this year. If Cordero’s unowned in your league, then your league’s abandoned. Makes me wonder why you’re reading this, but love your dedication.
Carl Crawford – Headed to Dr. Freeze with a sore elbow. Looks like Crawford found a new joint to stink up. Anyone know if Carl has to be with me if I go to City Hall and have his last name changed to Crawful? No word on how long he’s going to be out, but I’m sure Dr. Freeze will find something to sideline him at least two months. We shall see. Or not. Your choice.
Pedro Alvarez – 3-for-8, 2 RBIs, 2 runs as he hit two homers and a double in the doubleheader. I told you 18 months ago that he was gonna break out! Excuse me if I’m just too cutting edge for you.
Aubrey Huff – To the DL with an anxiety disorder. At least someone is feeling guilty about taking Brandon Belt’s playing time. Aubrey just needs some good male bonding time with his old college teammate, Pat Burrell. “Anxiety’s just another name for you need to get laid more.” That’s Pat Burrell’s motto.
Juan Nicasio – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks as he battled James McDonald, who threw seven innings of 1 hit ball with 8 Ks and 3 walks. Even though this game and their seasons so far tell the opposite story, I like Nicasio better than McDonald. As a commenter said the other day, maybe it’s because Juan’s last name makes me think of my grade school watch calculator. In the end, I wouldn’t say either are necessarily must-starts in shallower mixed leagues.
Corey Hart – 2-for-3 with his sixth homer. SIX HOMERS, WHO KNEW? Well, Al Caps, Corey Hart owners maybe. His family– I WAS BEING RHETORICAL.
Jose Altuve – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI. Rudy’s poster child is having a nice breakout as he bats .377 on the year. Oh, and I was using the alternate definition of “poster child.” Rudy literally dresses his child in Altuve posters. Rudy also talked about him in this week’s podcast (you know, the one where Corbin Bernsen was a guest).
David Freese – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. You know how someone punts 3rd base in your league and gets lucky with one of their flyers? Whoever drafted Freese looks like that guy this year.
Lance Lynn – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Now has an ERA of 1.33. Yeah, I told you to pick him up before the season even started, but I don’t need another notch in my belt; I’m skinny.
Bryan LaHair – 1-for-4 with a solo homer. Did you know I have French ancestry and my family name was once LaBright? Totally not a true story. I own LaHair (above my LaLip) in an NL-Only league and he’s fighting it out with my cougar for my love. The LaHairness is racing for mixed league value, and I’d want to be the one to own him.
Trevor Cahill – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER which comes after a 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER effort. Can’t wait for his next 5 IP, 4 ER start. I keed with your fantasy feelings. In most leagues, I’d try to hold onto Cahill; I think he’ll be better and he only has a 3.70 ERA; it’s not like he’s Scherzer’ing all over your team.
Jarrod Parker – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. How was that debut? How about sparkerling? Yes, I’d pick him up. Yes, in your league too. I just went over my Jarrod Parker fantasy the other day. I wrote it while sitting on top of a crescent moon with an umbrella drink.
Alex Liddi – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Being the one major leaguer that was born in Italy has its drawbacks for Liddi, after a base hit in the sixth, he peered across the diamond to his third base coach giving signs and thought he was flipping him off.
Jason Hammel – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. Has close to a K/IP, a 1.00 WHIP and a 1.73 ERA. I’m officially on board, but there’s one problem. Or caveat if you’re Latin. His next start is in the House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built. I want no part of that start. So if your league is a bunch of vultures, grab Hammel now and bench him. If you think you can get Hammel even if he pitches well at New York, then let him sit on waivers for a week.
Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. I’ve said to pick him up for, like, three straight weeks. I’m moving on now. You do what you do, I’ll do what I do and we’ll let our probation officers figure out the rest.
Chris Sale – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. I like Parker this much, but I like Sale this much. I was holding my arms further apart for Sale.
Hector Santiago – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, giving up a homer to the Cuban raftee, Yoenis. What the H. Santiago? About two weeks ago, I said Santiago wouldn’t make it out of April with the closer job. Well, his ERA is 8.53 and literally everyone in their bullpen is better. I mean, no shizz here, everyone. I think Reed will end up getting saves at some point, but Thornton’s been solid and he has that ever elusive closer experience gene that MIT is currently trying to grow in a Petri dish for the Red Sox. If I had to guess, and that’s what I’m doing at this point, I’d pick up Thornton first. If he’s gone, I’d speculate on Reed. If Reed’s gone, make me a Denver omelet. Oh, well. I tried.
Billy Butler – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. This was the first time he heard “what a pair” and didn’t blush.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. Ubaldo won the award yesterday for the most fantasy owners looking to drop him. I think it might be the right move too. I’m tilting in that direction. I would put him on my bench in most leagues and see what he does next time out.
Angel Pagan – 1-for-5 with a home run. He has 17 hits in 17 games played. Mr. Obvious, “He’s averaging one hit every game.” He also has two homers in the last 5 games. I’m not saying he’s a hot schmotato yet, but he’s on the brink of it. Right now, he’s been in the microwave for eight minutes and he’s still a bit too solid when you stick a fork in him.
Brennan Boesch – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games. Pick him up immediately! Seriously, don’t make me explain it to you. If he was dropped, grab him. Now.
C.J. Wilson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks. I think I got some funny looks by ranking Wilson as high as I did in the preseason, but I’d take him over Haren at this point. Yeah, I said it.
Vernon Wells – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer as he bats .239. If he hits two more homers by next week and raises his average to .260 (which would only really take, like, two 3-for-4 games), I’m gonna mention how I told you to draft him in the preseason. If he doesn’t do one of those two things, we’ll once again go back to never mentioning that I ever suggested you draft him. Hey, at least I’m honest with you about my hedging. Bee tee dubya, he has 4 more homers than Stanton. I’m crying right now, please look away. Hey, my tears are wiping Stanton’s name off my Trapper Keeper. What does that mean? I wish I had a pint of ice cream and… Why isn’t Lifetime playing Bride Wars!?