Dan Haren got the win yesterday, but his line was 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners and 5 Ks. Did he see his shadow in Spring Training and now think spring w0n’t start until August? Someone inform this young brother it’s the pre-All-Star Break. Ergo, therefore, vise a vie, he’s supposed to be pitching well now. He only has about a month before he turns into summer squash. Right? Well, what if he pitches well in the 2nd half this year? I know, it’s crazy talk from a guy that pees into milk bottles. So far this year, he has his best K-rate of his career. He has the 8th best K-rate in the major leagues. He also has the 2nd best K/BB in all of baseball. Just behind Roy Halladay. At his current rate, Haren would have his worst ERA since his first half year. That shizz doesn’t add up. Striking out people, not walking people and a terrible ERA? I know the 2nd half Boogie Monster scares Haren pretty good, but I think he might be able to fight the 2nd half terrors this year if his luck just evens out a little bit. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dana Eveland – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks. Has a K:BB ratio of 21:29, which looks like a Roland Emmerich film. Both are terrible, by the way.
Carlos Silva – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks and his 8th win. Sometimes you don’t question how someone rolls 8 points in a row at a craps table. You just put your money down and hope the dice stay hot.
Koyie Hill – Got the day off to let the former NL Rookie of the Year with a .404 OBP play a game. How generous of Piniella to put aside his plan to kick start the offense with Koyie Hill. Soto went 2-for-4 and he’s hitting .262 with 5 homers on the year. His counting stats are an abomination, but 15 homers and a .270 average seems doable/usable. However, I do know how frustrating it is when your catcher sits a few games a week, especially when they’re sitting for Koyie Hill.
Mike Fontenot – Got the day off after going 1 for his last 12, giving way to Theriot for a 2-for-3, 4 Runs, 2 steal day. Again, Piniella put aside his offensive concerns and went with actual offense.
Starlin Castro – 0-for-3 and hitting .118 in the last week. That rookie nookie got old pretty fast. That was why after I told everyone to grab him, I then told everyone to sell him. (Even if my example was to sell him for Asdrubal, who was injured about three days later. Stupid crystal ball!)
Bryce Harper – Nats selected him first overall and he’s sure to make about a zillion dollars. Yeah, but I have a college degree! I wonder if Bryce Howard will rename herself Bryce Harper Howard if he visits her.
Daisuke Matuszaka – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks and one more completely unpredictable start.
Chone Figgins – 3-for-4 and a steal as he was moved down to the nine hole. That’ll help him breakout out of his season-long slump!… If he were still in that slump. He had just raised his batting average 30 points in the ten games prior to getting moved down the order. Is Don Wakamatsu the guy from Memento? Someone please read the lineup card off his back.
Alfredo Simon – Sticking with the adverb theme presently, Simon will return shortly and be the closer again immediately.
Wade LeBlanc – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. Look at LeBlanc getting it done away from Petco. Now if he can only get his post-Friends career off the ground.
Adrian Gonzalez – 2 homers and his third in the last two games. Just four days ago, I said, “Would love to see this be the start of one of (Adrian’s) crazy homer binge streaks.” Okay, let’s try this again. Would love to see Adrian Gonzalez get traded to the Phillies and become a catcher. Thank you!
Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks. I don’t want to make excuses for him, but he threw a wild pitch to get two runners into scoring position then let the pitcher hurt him with a single to score two runs. It wasn’t like he was getting pounded. Okay, I did want to make excuses.
Jay Bruce – 3-for-4 and his 8th homer as he bats .276 with 5 steals. Member when he was called up and it was the same as the Stanton madness? Two years later still waiting for the explosion. Yesterday, Karabell made his case for Stanton. He ranked ten outfielders he liked more and ten outfielders he liked less than Stanton: Bautista, Byrd, Cuddyer, Drew, Hawpe, Ibanez, Damon, The Big FraGu, Soriano, Markakis, Swisher, Jose Guillen, Carlos Lee and Willingham, to name a few. I purposely mixed up which ones he liked more and which ones he liked less to point out how arbitrary the names are. Damon’s on the list of names he likes more or less? Think what you would say, then go with the opposite. Carlos Lee? I’m not sure if he was liked more or less and I just closed the window the post was on and don’t feel like going back to it. You need The ESPN Hindsighter to read the whole thing, but you ain’t missing anything anyway. For what it’s Wuertz, I’ll go over Strasburg and Stanton in this afternoon’s post in anticipation of Big Baby Jesus and Inspectah Upper-Decker.
Ryan Ludwick – 2-for-4, 2 homers. Alternating productive years, huh? Who are you, Bret Saberhagen?
Carlos Monasterios – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 0 Ks. Did Monasterios steal Ely’s lucky monkey? Eh, the Dodgers jumped out to an early lead and CM stayed away from dropping a BM. Still not really worth anything outside of NL-Only leagues.
Blake DeWitt – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his first home run. He dedicated his first four-bagger to his one-bagger mom, Joyce.