The Phils promoted power-hitting prospect, Darin Ruf, who hit a minor league-leading 38 homers (with 20 of them coming in August). That was at Double-A and he’s 26 years old. In scout speak, that’s not good. Scouts speak in short sentences so they don’t miss the Early Bird Specials. Based not on facts but my gut (and Ruf’s), “Babe” Ruf reminds me of Matt Stairs. Ruf’s a righty, but like Stairs he’s got two beer kegs for legs and the upside of a guy who would be fun to hang out with in the dugout. Though Ruf’s position is 1st base, the Phils said they will try to find him playing time. Specifically, Charlie Manuel said, “If Ruf can sling up the flapjacks, we’ll make sure there’s batter on the griddle.” To me, he profiles as a guy that will come up and do damage in the very short term and then get lost sometime next April. Or become a career pinch hitter. Or maybe I’m being too harsh. Ryan Howard didn’t come up until around that age too. The Phils focus the 22-24 ages on mastering the Golden Corral buffet and ages 25-26 on mastering baseball. So, if you’re in the need for power in a deeper league, I’d grab him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kyle Kendrick – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. He’s now rattled off five quality starts in a row. The other day I was thinking how Quality Starts is the first step to a downward spiral of baseball stats. Once you start talking about Quality Starts, you’re susceptible to xFIP and BABIP. Quality Starts is a gateway drug.
Antonio Bastardo – Got yesterday’s save because Papelbon pitched both sides of Sunday’s doubleheader. Bastardo said, “I treat the Marlins like I’m their daddy. The daddy I never had.” Then he cried.
Domonic Brown – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Do I smell a 2013 sleeper? No, I pooped my pants.
Collin McHugh – 4 IP, 2 ER (3 unearned runs), 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Mets are keeping his innings real close, so even when he’s scheduled to pitch, you might see only 5 innings, at most. McHugh is in the name of the father only.
Andrelton Simmons – 0-for-3 as he returned from the DL. But he did hit into a double play that scored the Braves only run, so if you’re in a Jim Rice-inspired league, score! I could see adding Simmons if your back is against the wall at middle infield. Simmons has some speed, but I mean really against the wall. To give you an idea, I picked up Brock Holt before Simmons. Hmm, that could mean you want to go with Simmons.
Mike Minor – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. ERA in the 2nd half of the year is below 2.50 — sorta like my college GPA, and unlike my college BAC — and, suddenly, it seems like everything is clicking for Minor. For two years now, I’ve been waiting for this. Can I draft Minor and Medlen right now for next year?
Chris Carpenter – Said he’s ready to start a game because the Cardinals need him. Oh, look at Carpenter being the martyr. I wouldn’t bother adding Carpenter anywhere, unless I had next to no options.
Lance Berkman – Will have season-ending surgery and his career could be over. The sports world now has lost the two best Lances of all time in one year – one because of PEDs, one because of McD’s.
Jaime Garcia – 3 IP, 4 ER. Ugh, in Petco? Really? Really, Seth Myers?
Justin Masterson – 6 2/3 IP, 6 ER. He’s been totally schizophrenic this year from start to start and, in this start, he was good in the beginning then from the third inning on, he was the Dennis who looks like a registered sex offender.
Lonnie Chisenhall – 1-for-3 with a homer in his first game back from the 60-day DL. If you need power at your corner infidel, I’d go to your waivers, pick him up and then scream, “Lonnie gonnie!” Make sure you follow all the steps.
Chris Parmelee – Was scratched yesterday due to his groin. Whoa, TMI.
Samuel Deduno – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. I haven’t said much about Deduno. I can’t get behind a guy whose Ks and BBs are nearly equal. It was almost the first thing we learned at the Fantasy Baseball College College of Charleston. Right after, do the opposite of whatever Matthew Berry says.
Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-4 with his third homer in as many games for his 21st homer overall, and has his average up to .286. I had him for 200 ABs and he gave me 3 homers and a .236 average. That almost seems impossible. I’m laughing on the outside, but crying on the inside.
Kurt Suzuki – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer in the last ten games, as he bats around .250. Eh, he’s pretty yawnstipating.
Gio Gonzalez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. He recorded his MLB-best 19th win because he loves me.
Ian Desmond – 1-for-4 with his 22nd homer, as he bats .293. If he’s drafted anywhere before the 7th round, he’s going to be overrated for next year. Cust kayin’.
Jose Quintana – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. If you started him vs. the Tigers after he gave up 7 ER in one and a third vs. the Twins last time out, you get nad props, which is what the saying “mad props” originally was when Oscar Wilde first used it in the 1890’s.
Alex Rios – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer, as he bats .294. I wonder what my team would’ve been if I held Rios and Zimmerman. *wavy, dream sequence lines* “Grey, congratulations, you’re the greatest fantasy baseballer ever! Ride your giant turtle around the block!” “Why am I riding a giant turtle?” “I don’t know, it’s your dream.”
Gordon Beckham – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs with his 14th homer. He’s now hitting near .300 with two homers in the last week. Bleh, I can’t even build up enthusiasm for him.
Brandon Moss – 2-for-4 with his 17th homer. Between Moss and Carter’s 14 homers, the A’s have managed to Frankenstein together a 1st baseman with 31 homers.
Jarrod Parker – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. I’m flummoxed how much gas is still in the Parker tank. Flummoxed, I tell ya!
Buster Posey – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer as he bats .330. He’s done all you could’ve asked from him. Well, I mean you could’ve asked him to hit 50 homers and to take your little sister to the Senior Prom, but that’s unrealistic.
Mat Latos – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. He only threw 61 strikes in 106 pitches. After the game when Latos was asked about the ump’s strike zone, Latos said it’s been a long time since he’s seen a box that tight.
Aroldis Chapman – 1/3 with 3 walks, was removed mid-inning for the first time all year because he was fatigued and could barely touch 95 MPH. That’s not Chapman, that’s a chapped human. Grab Broxton right now!
Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-6, 1 run, 4 Ks. In a 14 inning game with a lot of terrible hitting lines, Alvarez took the golden sombrero. Though Garret Jones (0-for-4) might’ve had a worse line if he wasn’t lifted in the 10th. So we’ll give him the golden early showers.
Logan Forsythe – 3-for-6, 1 RBI. He’s hitting near .400 in the last week, but he’s more of an NL-Only shout out. He’s playing every day for the Padres, though you’d think if Forsythe was in SoCal, he’d be saying hello to the Angels. He doesn’t have much power and Petco will suppress that further. “Stop smothering me, Petco! I mean, mothering. Actually, I don’t.” Forsythe has five homer power and teen speed in 162 games. You do the math! Or not. Your choice.
Chris Denorfia – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and has a ten-game hitting streak. He’s hitting .340 vs. lefties and therein lies the problem. He’s a platoon player. Against southpaws, he’s the cat’s claws. Hey, I’m a poet and I’m aware of it.
Norichika Aoki – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 24th steal. No idea where I heard his name before… Oh, I know! I’ve touted him about 15 times in the last 14 days.
Wily Peralta – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. He had nice Ks in the minors (8+ at Triple-A), but his ERA there was 4.66. If you’re in an NL-Only league, he’s ownable, but in an NL-Only everyone is ownable that plays in the NL. In mixed leagues, I call him Wily No Wanna.
Roger Clemens – Said he doesn’t think he can pitch in the major leagues this year. Then the Astros jumped on that and said, “Of course, he could pitch this year for the Astros. He could pitch every home game the rest of the way. If I were an Astros fan, I’d buy every ticket available.” Then Clemens said, “No, really, I can’t pitch, but my wife’s hitting 90 on the gun.” Here are some fun facts about what the world looked like when Clemens recorded his last win in 2007. National Treasure 2, starring Nicholas Cage, grossed $457 million worldwide, but Nicholas Cage lost $200 million betting his movie wouldn’t make over $456 million. Al Gore finally gets around to trademarking “The Internet” but is told Tipper did that 15 years earlier, leading to a divorce a few years later. Rock group, Yo La Tengo, revealed they didn’t speak Spanish. Oh, and doing steroids was frowned on by the MLB, but still being done by all players, except Roger Clemens*. *According to Roger Clemens.