Stick a fork in week 5, it’s done!  Now, if a fork only has three prongs, is it a threek?  Is a two-pronger a twoork?  Maybe a  twerk?  These are the questions that must be answered.  Another question that must be answered is can anyone can stop the RCL Auto-Bots engineered by Sullivan Inc.?  Last week Mr. Sullivan had three teams in the top with the fourth knocking on the door.  This week, the bots have kicked down that door and taken the top 10 by storm.  The bots now control the first, second, sixth and eighth spots in the overall top 10 and show no signs of slowing.  If there is one mortal who gives the human race some hope of defeating the RCL Bots, it’s Cram It.  After an overall championship followed by a 2nd place overall finish last season, our human hero has a team sitting just outside the top 10 overall this week at 11th.  It’s man vs. machine heading into the sixth week of the season.  This will be a fun battle to watch.  So, grab a twerk and let’s dig into all the stats in the week that was, week 5.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Greetings my fellow dweebs.  I know, I know, my Staind fanatics…it’s been a while.  You think that reference is old?  I’m writing up Ariel Miranda with a nod to a 1989 Disney cartoon whilst simultaneously dropping a 2001 Zoolander on you.   The kicker to all of this?  You got all three references, which means we’re both a little closer to pushing daisies than either of us thought, though not that any of it matters as we’re all hurtling towards the end of days with an ever dying sun at the middle of our solar system.  Eat at Arby’s…Now that I’ve done my job of setting a jolly mood, let’s talk about Ariel!  Or better yet, let’s talk about the Phillies.  I’m not gonna lie and say this is a bottom five team like we’ve seen in recent history but really, they’re not spectacular either and their bats can be exploited.  The Phils tread water against lefties on the year, sitting middle of the pack in some key DFS categories such as 99 wRC+ and a 22.1% K percentage.  Miranda has been pitching a bit over his FIP for the year, but I don’t think these Phillies bats are gonna be the ones to set him straight and with a near 8 K per 9 and miniscule 2.18 BB/9, he’s doing plenty to help his cause as it is.  Is this a cash nod?  Nah, man, but as an SP2 in tourneys, I’m definitely willing to go with this banded, bulbous snarfblat.  Speaking of tourneys…we got ourselves some featured fun via FantasyDraft with a exclusive Razzball Listener’s league contest.  Why listener’s league?  Because you’ll have heard about it earlier today first on the Razzball Podcast.  So if you want in on the Razz family fun, hop on in.  But with that out of the way, let’s move on.  Here’s my hottah unduh dee watah taeks for this Tuesday DFS slate…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

We don’t want to lead off every podcast by bashing the New York Mets, but they leave us no choice. Grey Albright and I get right into it with the Matt Harvey fiasco, before moving on to discuss the merits of Luis Severino, Freddie Freeman, Gerrit Cole, Andrew Benintendi, Corey Kluber, and many more. I then talk about MattTruss razzing me over winning last week’s Razzball Only FantasyDraft Contest due to a lack of competition. He’s stepping up to the plate and playing this week too, so make sure to JOIN THIS WEEK’S CONTEST and take both of us down. Finally, we close the show by dreading the ramifications of Arizona’s prospective humidor, and ponder what kind of anti-gravity chamber Elon Musk would come up with if he turned his focus to baseball. It’s the latest edition of the Razzball Baseball Podcast.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

Jameson Taillon was sidelined indefinitely as he’s being treated for testicular cancer.  *everyone but five girl readers cross their legs*  As a man, this is up there with the scariest things that could happen.  1. Ball cancer.  2.  Someone scratches my ride.  3.  Hearing “Are you in yet?” when you’re in.  That’s ranked in order, but they’re close.  This reminds me of the time I neutered my dog.  I asked the doctor if I could take home in a formaldehyde jar my boys’ ‘berries.’  I told the doctor no dog would ever misbehave with a constant reminder nearby that I could hold up to show what I was capable of.   They didn’t give the jar to me.  Hopefully Taillon’s okay, and back soon.  I will say I would’ve liked to be there when his replacement, Trevor Williams, was asked to take the ball.  Williams gulps, “Can we clarify which ball you mean?”   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

We all have fears, no matter who you are, no matter what you’ve been through, you’re scared of something. It might be clowns, maybe it’s spiders, perhaps it’s being strapped to a chair Clockwork Orange style, and forced to watch a Ben Stiller movie marathon. Totally a plausible scenario, might I add. While not quite as frightening as any of the aforementioned options, I must admit, I have developed a new fear. And no it’s not the fear of Grey mistaking me for Giancarlo, and having to have him surgically removed from my toilet leg. No, that ain’t it, though I am frightened by that thought. It’s far more topical, and far less titillating. It’s the fear of covering a bad start in my weekly pitching profiles. What fate could be worse than writing up an absolute slugfest? What if the pitcher I pick is chased in less than 3 innings? What if he trips and falls jumping imaginary lines? Shizz happens, right? So to prevent this, I decided to pick out three games, record them, and use the start I like best. In my whitewashed, pre-fab world of pitching, there are no bad starts, only starters I poorly ranked.  So who did I go with? Who was this lucky recipient of my barely readable prose? Well, it just so happens, I decided to go ying to last week’s yang, and cover another young AL East starter, facing the Cubs on Sunday Night baseball. That’s right, this week’s Pitcher Profile is on Yankees righty Luis Severino. Not a bad time to dive into the young flamethrower as he’s hotter than fish grease.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

HOT TAKE! Haha, everyone can get all giddy about the renaissance happening in Washington, but I’ll take my attention a little further north in the NL East. Sure, a certain Zimmerman is on pace for like 75 HR and 180 RBI, but I’m not interested in the past. Give me the future. You can take your old balls and five year plan, I’ll take the upside of a incredible prospect we’ve been waiting on for two years.

Listen, everything’s lining up for this. Curtis Granderson? He forgot how to hit. The Mets pitching staff? Essentially dead. Haha, they have Jose Reyes playing 3B. For the Mets, the future is now (watch out for Amed Rosario to get the call soon), and a primary cog for them in that movement is Michael Conforto. Finally.

If you lookout the current stats and slap line, Zimmerman’s the choice, but in projecting out the future, I’d take the younger option. Even ZiPS agrees with a 21 HR to 16 HR ROS projection in favor of Michael. (Keep reading…I’m a fan of Zimmerman, too.)

  • Michael Conforto, OF, NYM (75.9% owned) – With a current line of .325/17/7/20/1 Conforto’s bringing great value since taking over an everyday role. All those numbers are in only 96 PA. Looking deeper the peripheral stats seem to be sustainable, as well, whereas guys like Zimmerman have a massively inflated BABIP and ISO. And by massively inflated I mean it’s almost double anything consistent with their careers. Conforto, though, sports a .345 BABIP and a .300 ISO. Those may drop slightly, but even if they go down to the ZiPS numbers (in 450 PA) of a .224 ISO with a .292 BABIP it gives him a season ending slash of (~).285/81/28/88/3. That’s sustainable. And greater than Zimmerman. They’re both rising, but I’ll take the young buck. And if you’re in one of the 25% of ESPN leagues where he’s not owned…change that. Fast.

ROS projections are tough. Take the savvy veteran with a lower ceiling but higher floor? Go for the risk of the young’n without the history to prove he can do it further? Find what works for your team and go for it! Here’s the Top 100 Hitters…based on my thoughts! My. Subjective. Thoughts.

They just happen to be right a lot. Ha!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

What’s and what’s good streamaholics? I was going to use the intro this week to talk about one of the many great albums I’ve been spinning on my turntable this week, but there’s been a change of plans. The Honcho household had to shift into car buying mode this week, so I’ll pen a few words on perhaps my least favorite thing in the world to do. I mean there is really nothing worse than car shopping. The whole experience is a mess, headlined by the salesmen themselves. In this day and age car salesmen are useless. Most savvy shoppers have done their homework, yet in all their glory, car sales guy (or gal) will show up in their short sleeve dress shirt or tacky dealership polo. They’ll proceed to try to steer you towards something you don’t want and definitely have no use for. “Hey, I came in for a mid-size sedan and left with a gas guzzling SUV with the Limited Edition Sports Package!” Whatever that is. What I’m saying is be vigilant out there, do your research and walk in and confidently present your offer to them. If that doesn’t work, take a dive on the floor and grab your neck. That alone will be worth a few extra pesos off the sticker price. So let me try to sell you the fantasy baseball version of a Yugo. If you don’t remember those, well we probably can’t be friends. Anyway, I’m talking about being the proud owner of a shiny share of Matt Joyce this week. Look, he’s ugly at first sight. He’s batting just .188 this season with two home runs. He’s also known for his work vs RHP, but Joyce is hitting just .159 with a .564 OPS against righties this season. Before you leave, let me tell you how durable he is…meaning what his history is vs right-handers. Joyce owns a career .196 ISO, .346 wOBA and 121 wRC+, but here’s the best part: Oakland will play six games this week and all of them will come against right-handed starters. So here’s what you do, grab a subscription to the Stream-o-Nator and Hitter-Tron and follow me on my streaming journey all season. I’ll suggest players owned in less than 50% of ESPN standard leagues all year-long and we’ll lean on the Razzball Tools to guide us through the forest.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

Ooooh that smell, Can’t you smell that smell, Ooooh that smell, The smell of death surrounds you”.  If you don’t recognize this gem little by Lynyrd Skynyrd, I won’t hold it against you.  I’m sure you’re familiar with their bigger hits like, Sweet Home Alabama, Tuesday’s Gone, or the epic classic Free Bird.  If you’re still drawing a blank and those legendary songs don’t ring a bell, then you’re not a true ‘Merican!  The bad news is Chuck Norris just put you on his list because you’re not a true ‘Merican, the good news is you can use tonight’s DFS winnings to redeem yourself and convince him otherwise.  I y’all have a short memory, but if you followed my lineup from last week you would have got paid straight cash homie!  Yep, for the record I killed it last week with a total of 151.2 points, even with my featured pitcher Luis Severino scoring a paltry 2.75 points.  I banked a cool $125 off a $5 entry.  I’m not bragging by any means, but it just goes to show that you can take your coffee money and turn it into some walking around money.  If you made it all the through my longest intro ever, then your patience is ’bout to be rewarded with tonight’s sleeper pick: Blake Snell at $15,000.  Our featured boy, B’Locke Snell seems like he’s shaken off that undeniable odor of disappointment that tends to linger alongside most rookie pitchers.  Over his last 5 starts he’s gone 24.2 innings giving up 8 ER, to go with 22 Ks and a 2.97 ERA.  If he can get over the 5 IP hump, he could easily pick up double digit Ks vs the struggling Royals offense tonight.  Snell is due to come up smelling roses tonight.  Now let’s see who else is going to keep our winning streak going.

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

True story, I told Cougs that I had the hots for Maria Conchita Alonso, and she was like, “You know the woman who walks her Yorkie off leash in the neighborhood that Ted always tries to hump?”  I answered in the affirmative.  I hate people who have their dogs off leash.  It’s like people who bring their dog into the supermarket.  I love dogs, but I don’t need Arfer Woofruff licking my bottle of Kombucha.  Any hoo!  As you likely figured, the woman with her Yorkie off leash is Maria Conchita Alonso, and she’s no longer hot because she can’t follow the rules!  So, guys and five girl readers, Yonder Alonso has nine homers.  Quite the change from a guy who used to be Hither Alonso.  Okay, Imma let Fangraphs Database finish about launch angle and exit velocity, but Yonder Alonso is the greatest 1st baseman waiver wire pick up right now.  Yonder Alonso had two homers on Saturday and added his ninth on Sunday, and I’d grab him everywhere.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

One story finally gaining a bit of traction this season is the installation of a humidor in the Diamondbacks’ home park, Chase Field.

Digging right into the meat of this point, the reason it’s even being considered is because of the relative offensive production we’ve seen in Phoenix over the first month of the season. Chase Field has actually has a higher park factor metric than the messiah itself, our DFS darling, the Parthenon of fantasy, Coors Field.

Barely edging Colorado, by fractions of a run, rumors are the Diamondbacks organization tried to implement the humidor this during Dave Stewart’s tenure, but he exclaimed, “No! Nothing logically sound can happen in Arizona until I leave!” (cannot confirm through my sources).

While some may not think it’s a big deal, the bible of the humidor’s impact can be found on The Hardball Times, and its author Alan Nathan believes the difference will be notable. Here’s his concluding paragraph from the great column he wrote…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   
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