We’re about two weeks from September call-ups, or as we call it in my house, “One more month and Cougs gets back the Fantasy Master Lothario,” or as they call it in Prospector Ralph’s house, “Let’s make another baby,” or as they call it in any Cubs fan’s house, “Start drinking heavily now so the heartbreak of October is a blurry haze.”  By the way, whatever team faces the Cubs in the World Series should pay Steve Bartman to throw out a first pitch of one of the games.  Bartman, “I won’t do it.”  “We’ll give you $50,000.”  “Do you want me to throw out the first pitch while riding on the back of a goat?”  So, that brings us to who will be the top September call-up, or at least for hype, Yoan Moncada.  About a week ago, Moncada injured his ankle, but he’s likely to be fine in a week.  In about 12 days, every fantasy baseball site will be telling you to grab Moncada, so it depends on how quick you need to react in your league on when you grab him, but I would in most leagues.  “Why, Unkie Grey, what does Moncada do?  Can he help me talk to girls?”  Yes!  If those girls live in Boston, have red hair and are named Francine.  Would you be interested if I told you Moncada went 13/44 in only 97 games with a .300 average?  How about if I told you he’s going to play in one of the best offensive parks with one of the best hitting teams?  What if I said he’d move your car on street cleaning day?  He will do all of that (minus the moving of the car, but it’s good if you get out of the house once in a while).  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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It’s late at night. You’ve got about a half an hour before the bar closes. This is when s@#! gets real. Are you desperate enough to go home with anything that walks? Animals included. Are you content to pleasure yourself? Did you hookup the night before? Do you just want to hit up Taco Bell and pray to the porcelain god? We are approaching that time in the fantasy baseball season. Many of trade deadlines will be here, so things about to get real son. Prepare yourselves.

In this weekly column, I highlight some lower-owned players that performed well over the past week. Whammies are no good. Obama making it rain is muy bueno. Watch old episodes of Press Your Luck if you are not familiar with whammies…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week I laid out some Men In Black references for you fine readers. Always one to double down whenever possible, this week, we need to break out our neuralyzers and forget all about Zack Greinke’s Fenway debacle. It’s Fenway and the Red Sox are leading the world in runs scored. Just imagine if the Sawx had actually signed Greinke a few years back…~Wavy Lines~ Zack Greinke and his 8.37 ERA are in Florida pitching to Pablo Sandoval as he works his way back from his third nervous breakdown in 3 seasons. ~Wavy Lines~ Huh, almost exactly how I pictured it, go figure. Well, all will be sunshine and unicorns this week as Zack and the D-Backs head to sunny San Diego to take on the woeful Padres. Lucky for us, his recent outing in Beantown has suppressed his salary to a very rosterable, $8,800. A pitcher of Greinke’s caliber, against a team with a bottom three team OPS is a borderline ace. For this price, you can get your ace and load up on as many Cubbie bats as possible. So, keep your memory short and let’s take a look and some more picks for tonight’s slate:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 22nd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I had an idea to make the Olympics more watchable.  You know how you watch it now and you’re like, “Damn, he just ran the length of two football fields in 20 seconds?  I mean, it looked like he was going fast, but the guy next to him ran it in 21 seconds, so it’s hard to tell exactly how fast he was running.”  Enter my idea:  in every event, there should one normal person competing so we get a better idea of how great the Olympians are next to average schmos.  Tell me you wouldn’t watch the platform diving if between the North Korean and Chinese diver, I was there trying to get the nerve up to jump from three floors up, then plunging awkwardly into the water on my back.  Or running next to Usain Bolt, doing an 85-second 200 meter dash.  So, this brings me to Kris Bryant, who right now is making other major leaguers look like ‘normal people.’  Yesterday, he went 5-for-5, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 29th and 30th homers.  On our Player Rater, he’s in the top five for the season.  Member in the preseason when people were saying Bryant was going to strike out too much to draft in the 1st round?  Those people are enjoying themselves some Jose Abreu!  For 2017, it’s gonna be hard to rank Bryant much later than the top five, as he enters only his age-25 season.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For the fantasy owners who drafted Chris Archer back in March, the answer to the question posed in the title is likely quite simple: no, he can’t be trusted. And, well, it’s difficult to argue against the fact that he has been disappointing this season. His earned run average has jumped nearly a full run from last year (3.23 to 4.18), and his 7-16 win-loss record looks like it came directly off of the back of Steve Trachsel’s baseball card. The only thing that seemingly hasn’t changed is his propensity to strike hitters out at an elite rate (his 10.66 K/9 is the 7th highest rate among qualified starting pitchers). Other than the strikeouts, everything else appears to have regressed. So what’s going on with Archer? Can he turn things around or was 2015 just a career year?

Let’s take a look at Archer’s profile to determine what can be expected from him moving forward. Here are a few thoughts and observations:

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Hey everybody welcome back for another episode of the Razzball Prospects Podcast. This week JB Gilpin from the big show takes over the Prospect Pod, so of course Michael Halpern and I talk Brewers. Seriously, JB has blinders on with the Brew Crew, but he gives us his fan first perspective on our top 10 Brewers prospects lists. We jump into the hot callups and promotions throughout the majors and minors, talk some Tyler O’neill, Aaron Judge, Gary Sanchez, Tyler Hill, and of course Dansby Swanson. We also discuss why I’m so damn angry lately. It’s the latest episode of the Razzball Prospect Podcast.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

REL baseball logo new20 weeks into the season! Damn it’s flown by. As has our Trade Deadline which didn’t quite have the fireworks of the MLB Trade Deadline, but I think that’s because we all manage our teams smarter than MLB GMs. Why wait until staring down the barrel of a gun at 2:45 at a 3:00 PM deadline to make a deal; you know you need something, make it happen to help your team earlier! My Brewers did that for CC Sabathia, and we needed every ounce outta the big guy! Just like he needed every ounce out of the kegerator…

Not much going on in the standings with the Nats and Blue Jays still leading, but The Tribe continue to be knocking on the door in the AL after making several trades the past month. Let’s see if they can build on the Cavs success! Here’s how week 20 went down in the 2016 REL League:

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Danny Salazar comes off the DL today. I am highly invested in Danny Salazar between being a member of the Tribe faithful, along with owning him on my most important season-long team. I think, if not for the DL stint, he would be priced at least a couple thousand dollars higher on DraftKings today. Believe me, I know how frustrating he can be every once in a while. This time, he’s fresh and ready to go for you and for me.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 22nd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Twenty-six years after my Lord and Savior, Reggie Jackson, retired from professional baseball to collect cars, full-length fur coats and start a business where you use cocktail franks as cocktail stirrers, I saw a young Mariner by the name of Brad Miller.  To this day, when you Google “Brad Miller sleeper,” you still see archival footage of Grey’s massive excitement — that’s not what she said!  I was jazzed back in 2013 because Miller had hit 20 HRs, stole 11 bases and over .300 between the majors and minors.  Then 2014 and 2015 happened, Miller did nothing, and I retreated into my cubby hole of snack food that I eat out of sight from my Cougar wife.  “I’m snacking on kale, baby doll!”  “Grey, you sound louder than usual.”  I was being amplified due to eating a nacho cheese Bugle.  Finally, this year I was sure not to own Miller anywhere.  So, of course, he breaks out.  Yesterday, Brad Miller went 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, 5th homer this week, while hitting .265.  On our 30-day Player Rater, Miller is 5th most valuable for hitters.  The top 4 –> Blackmon, Hamilton, Braun, Betts.  Yeah, pretty good company, like Reggie’s cocktail frank stirrers’ company, The Dog That Stirs The Drink, Inc.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If I may, I’m going to vent for a minute. Or maybe a bunch of minutes. Might even be more than a bunch of minutes, kinda depends on how quickly you read. Let’s just settle on calling it as many minutes as it takes you to read this. There’s no simple way to say this, but I hate your dynasty league. I don’t just hate it a little either I hate it a lot. I want to crap all over it every season to you and your friends, but I restrain. I don’t hate all dynasty leagues, some are great. I play in an embarrassing number of them, with a variety of sizes, scoring, and roster setups. Some have keepers, some salaries, some have complicated rules no one knows because reading the constitution is like reading an insurance policy. So I’ve had my share of aggravation over the years, but nothing like yours. No you guys did EVERYTHING wrong and now you have a crap sandwich on soggy wonder bread. So today I’m going to tell you all the things I hate about your dynasty leagues. Because I’m salty and I can, that’s why.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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