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For this one I admit you need some Fallon, or an annoying college girl’s exclamation of agreement, to lighten to mood. After all, the Creeper of the Week for Week 21 was compared to none other than Jeff Francoeur back in June by FanGraphs. And, unfortunately, it wasn’t that far off. However, said player also miraculously graded as a 75 overall player (almost unheard of) days before the start of the 2015 season. Ratings like that rarely translate into a washed up player at age 25. Yet, here we are near the end of August 2016 and our Creeper is currently sitting in AAA. Raking in AAA, but AAA nonetheless. And in case you’re wondering, I realize that I haven’t done a good job, no, any job of convincing you to roster the upcoming player, but that’s what the next paragraph is for. So…channel your best sorority girl: YAAAAAAASSSSS! (And then just continue the rest of his name.)

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I love this time of the year, the opportunities for fleeting teams to make a splash fantasy wise gets really fun.  Guys pop up here there and everywheres.  Young guys looking to plant the next year seed in their clubs minds is a great thing for all of us.  This week, we focus on the go-go Brewers.  Yeah… them.   My apologies to the 50’s White Sox, but there wasn’t fantasy back then or I would be waxing poetic about Hall of Famer Luis Aparicio.  Alas, a different era and a completely different town.  Same like for beer, which automatically makes me a fan of either.  So we shine the LED spotlight this week on Keon Broxton.  The evictor of everything Niewenhuis. Over the past 14 days of games, he is flashing an OBP of .447, with 8 steals and an almost crazy 19% BB rate.  Those are all things we look at from a straight SAGNOF contributor, but throw in the .320 batting average and a run every 6.5 plate appearances and he is a swoon for the stretch run of cheapie SB’s.  Best part is he has only gotten two games off this month, minus the PH appearances for one quality AB in the stat column.  Ownership is the key here, and he is being carried in just over 16% of ESPN RCL leagues, That, my friends, is probably a tad low for the ones surfing for pre-September goodies.  The Brewers are most likely going to give him the go for the final 40 games, which should net him 130-140 at bats.   So go use those stimulating numbers I gave above and extrapolate those over those games.  If all stays the same, he should get you 10-12 Sb’s and 15-18 runs.  Good for a regular team not a team cruising 20 games under .500.  Lets see what else is going down in the world of cheap SAGNOF-dom…

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I was going to lede with Lester the Molester is going to flip the script on the Padres, but I didn’t want the Vatican Policia to flag me. The last thing I need is some little Italian guy going through my trash in the middle of the night. I just had a vision of Grey outside of Giancarlo’s house rummaging through his Salvation Army donation bags looking for his old jock straps. This coming from a guy who tried to get Manny Machado’s birthday bubble gum he tossed at us when Grey proposed a Netflix and chill night. Oh what hijinks we get ourselves into. For the record I wasn’t going to extract the DNA for a Mini Manny Heater, but that’s a hell of an idea, Grey! Now let’s get into the real reason you’re here; Monday Night DK. There’s only 8 games on the docket tonight. I really liked the Dodgers matchups, but unfortunately they had a 9:35 am start time and DK doesn’t even have that game available. A-Gon will probably hit 2 HRs and Kazmir will probably have 15 baserunners and 1 K because I need him to deal in our Scout league. I’m not to thrilled about the offensive matchups tonight as there’s some solid arms taking the bump tonight. The few matchups I do like are through the roof expensive, so I’m going to pay for two top arms and try to jimmy rig the rest, hopefully it comes together. I know we like to pick on the Padres, but after seeing Robby Ray strikeout 13 over 7 innings on Saturday I just can’t pass up on this matchup. Granted, Jon Lester at $12,500 is the most expensive and he’ll probably be highly owned, so it goes without saying he’s not the ideal tourney play. Lester had a couple clunkers going in the All Star break, but he’s been great over his last six starts picking up 4 Ws, 38 Ks to go along with a 2.47 ERA over 36.1 innings. With the Padres offense trailing just Milwaukee for total Ks on the year I’m counting on Lester to hit double digit Ks and he could top 40 points if all goes well tonight.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

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When I was fresh out of college, I worked at a web company (everyone did in the 90s).  There was four of us.  The other three had real job titles; I was the gofer/do-whatever.  It was about a month before I was going back to school for my Master’s.  I had no intention of keeping the job.  Honestly, I doubt they would’ve kept me for that full month if I weren’t leaving.  I failed at everything they assigned me, but they kept giving me new tasks, hoping I’d succeed.  The only task I seemed capable of was heating up pre-cooked sausages from Trader Joe’s.  I made sausages on a grill for three weeks straight, so, when I finally did leave, they gave me a plaque that reads, “Who wants some sausages?”  This brings me to the sudden and incomprehensible rise of Yulieski Guerriel.  The Astros are that company, and YuGu is me.  The Astros seem between a rock of “We really want this guy to succeed” and “We have about a month left and we’re just hoping something works.”  Yulieski hasn’t failed in the minors, he’s looked completely lost.  He hit .118 in Double-A, was promoted to Triple-A and hit .222.  I could see grabbing Guerriel in all leagues to see if he can get lucky, and figure out how to make something other than pre-cooked sausages for lunch, but the Astros are not promoting him because of how well he’s looked.  They’re promoting him because there’s about a month left.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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The Astros offense had some fun with the Orioles pitching staff Friday and Saturday night, collecting a total of 32 hits and scoring 27 runs. Solar plexus! Now those are some rockets that would make NASA proud. George Springer lead the way going 7-for-9, with 2 home runs (24), 6 runs and 4 RBI. Jose Altuve was 5-for-10 with a home run (20),  Evan Gattis was 5-for-9 with a homer (19) and a stolen base, and rookie Teoscar Hernandez was 3-for-6 with 4 runs, a homer (2) and 3 RBI. Well, I guess I know one team that prefers the sticky swampiness of the Baltimore humidity in the air. Even with all Houston’s stars doing their part it was the rookie phenom, Alex Bregman, who really impressed me, going 6-for-11, with four runs, his third home run and five RBI. Oh, hello there. What did you say your name was again? Alex slashed .306/.406/.580 with 20 homers and 7 steals in 80 games at AAA, but struggled to start his MLB career a miserable 2-for-38. But the top-prospect has come on strong of late batting .317 with 3 homers, 13 runs, and 10 RBI over the past two weeks. He extended his hitting streak to five games Saturday night, and has hit safely in 13 of his last 14 contests. The best part? While all your real life non-internet friends are off drafting their fantasy football teams, Alex Bregman sits on the waiver wire available in over 70% of leagues. I don’t want to brag, man, but it sounds like most of you gave up on Bregman too soon and he’s just now getting going. Grey told you to BUY this week and I’d grab Bregman everywhere he’s available for some sweet Houston upside in an even sweeter Houston line up. Don’t make me Breg, man! This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Here’s what else I saw Friday and Saturday in fantasy baseball:Sv

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Ohhhhh baby! Here we go with another scintillating Sunday of daily fantasy suggestions. Can you feel the excitement? Can you? Anyone? Okay, well here’s the thing….I’m going off the grid a bit and filling the intro with a couple of bats instead of the usual arm. Riveting, right? See sometimes, even if it’s an unconventional, a good play is a good play and that’s precisely where Dee Gordon and Robinson Cano enter the fray. When it comes to batter versus pitcher stats, you’re either in one camp or the other. Love them or hate them……There is no middle ground. I consider BvP every day before I build my lineups. It’s part of the game. If you’ve ever played baseball, no matter the level, there are certain pitchers that you just know you’re going rake against. Call it confidence or just random luck – your choice, but BvP is a thing and I love it. As far as Gordon is concerned…..the numbers look delicious. He’s 12-for-36 (.333) with a home run, 4 RBI, .500 SLG% and 4 stolen bases vs Ryan Vogelsong. Later on today we have Matt Garza taking the hill for the Brewers as they visit Cano and the Mariners. Over 32 career at-bats, Cano has recorded 12 hits for a .375 average, launched two home runs and produced a healthy 1.068 OPS against the Milwaukee right-hander. He’s also reached base at a .412 clip, so it’s safe to say Robbie has Garza’s number. If we’re being honest here, Garza’s had trouble with lefties this season. He’s yielding a .302 BAA, .378 wOBA and allowing a 42% Hard Contact rate to left-handers. Just to make the non-believers happy, let’s take a look at some advanced stats Cano has put up against righties this year: .272 ISO, 156 wRC+, .371 OBP and a 20.4% HR/FB ratio. I’m overheating just thinking about Cano’s at-bats today. Quick, somebody bring me an ice-cold O’Doul’s before I melt. Anyway, here’s a look at my favorite plays for Sunday’s action:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 22nd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

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Salutations my loyal Razzscalians, and welcome to the latest installment of The Minor League update. I’m your Prospector and Chief Ralph Lifshitz and today I’d like to discuss a mighty slugger from The Great White North. A man with the forearms of a spinach swigging Popeye. A hitter with a swing so strong, that balls explode off his bat head like forgotten land mines in former war zones. The thunderous prospect I speak of is none other than the Mariners Tyler O’neill. The outfielder was a player that popped into many managers favorite prospects lists over the past few months, including yours truly. I mean what’s not to like about Tyler O’Neill “Prospect Power King of the North.”

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In college my roommate would, for no reason at all, walk in our living room and yell, ‘Hot Cross BUNS (emphasis on the word ‘buns’)!’ I had no idea what this was, and presumably figured he was referring to something have to do with a ba-donk-a-donk. And yep…you’re welcome for using ba-donk-a-donk in an article. Now twice.

When I cautiously researched what my Van Wilder of a roommate was talking about my it all made sense. And no…there were no body parts involved. Instead I found these warm, pillowy, sugary bread rolls. That’s essentially what a Hot Cross Bun is: sugary bread. My initial hesitations were eradicated when he made them for us a few weeks later and I partook in the riches of those carb machines. Does any of this justify why in the balls he came in shooting those three words, most likely taken from a nursery rhyme? Um, no. He was strange. One of the smartest and strongest dudes I knew, but like a master level warlock or something in World of Warcraft. He was unique.

I recently had a similar experience. Not with a shirtless 21-year-old roommate, but with the sensation of joyous revelation when I realized Dylan Bundy was good. Really good. Again. For the first time.

If you take his most recent start away (8/17) he only surrendered 10 ER since the end of June, albeit through some long relief outings. But once the former #1 prospect in baseball stepped into the rotation he hasn’t slowed down. To start the year Bundy was relegated to sporadic relief with no real structure to his usage, and even when he took the mound he wasn’t spectacular. However, since the beginning of June opponents are hitting <.220 against him, and he’s striking out batters at rates close to what we saw in the minors currently 8.40 K/9 on the season). Injuries derailed his opportunity to shine before now, but 23 he’s still an incredible prospect that is flashing signs of becoming an ace. And soon. Mike Podhozer at FanGraphs lays out an remarkable case for Bundy’s elite stuff. In short, batters have a hard time not swinging at his pitchers, and when they do they have a hard time making contact. That’s what we call a good combination. Like sugar and bread. Mmm…thank you British bakers for providing that delicious treat. And thank you Dylan Bundy for finally ascending into the elite stratosphere. It’s about time.

Now I’m gonna go stuff my face in some pastries. Here’s how the rest of Week 21 stacks up!

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Who is the best of the best? Or at least, who is the best at each position? I guess the term “best” is subjective, but since I am authoring this post I get to define its meaning. The three key data points I’ve used here are penis size, number of beers they can drink and 2016 salary. Ok, that’s false. The real stats are current points, points per plate appearance and average draft position. Looking at the results it seems that the only player with an ADP of the first round that actually proved to be the best at his position is Anthony Rizzo, and he was more of an early second round player. That’s not to say that any of the following players are less than studs, there just happens to be a player at their position that was better. Let’s look at the results…

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The best way for a starting pitcher to get points in daily fantasy is to get a win a rack up strikeouts. Okay, so find a bad team who strikes out a ton. The Milwaukee Brewers are just that team! They have a 25.6% strikeout rate against RHP, and have won only 3 of their last 13 games. The Brewers also have the 5th lowest wRC+ in the league against RHP at 86. Today, Felix Hernandez get to pitch against theses lowly Brewers. Felix has always enjoyed pitching at Safeco Field. When pitching at home this season, opposing hitters have only managed a .282 wOBA and he owns a 3.34 ERA. Throughout his career, opposing hitters again have a .282 wOBA and his ERA sits slightly lower at 3.08. King Felix has 8 strikeouts in 3 of his past 4 starts. In these 4 starts he has averaged 23 fantasy points. And with that, here are the rest of my Saturday DFS picks…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 22nd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

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