You know how when you turn on the lights in my bedroom, the cockroaches scatter? Well, maybe you didn’t know. Okay, say Hodgepadres are the cockroaches and the lights are from any stadium but Petco. You following the analogy? Good, let’s add another layer. Now, I lay my pillow down on my Kinko’s-made, Michael J. Fox Teen Beat pillow case and I’m at peace with the world. Okay, now say my head is a pitch from a Hodgepadre and my Michael J. Fox-covered pillow is an opposing player’s bat. Got it? Good! One last layer, when I’m resting my head on Michael J. Fox’s head, I’m dreaming about how any pitcher could be going against the Padres, but the pitcher always has the same name on the back of his jersey, Guapo. And ‘guapo’ is Spanish for handsome. And Kris Medlen is handsome! Do you see what I’m saying? Why have you not picked him up yet?! Seriously, I’ve told you about six dozen times in the last three weeks. Search the site for yourself; I get 1/18th of a penny on every pageview. I got a castle made of pennies! You don’t need me to tell you why to pick up Medlen. Again. Just do it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chipper Jones – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. Well, technically, his oblique hit the second homer. But same diff.
Jose Bautista – Took batting practice and should be back in the majors in ten days. Get him back in your lineup (in ten days if he doesn’t have any set backs. Maybe I’ll tell you again in nine days, deal? Or would you prefer 7 days and then we rest on Shabbos? Or I can tell you again when he has a set back and then we can chat for a little over coffee and muffins. Eh, let’s just play it by ear.)!
Jim Henderson – Got the save yesterday, and the Brewers said they are unequivocally sticking with Henderson for saves for at least another game. This is sorta like during the Middle Ages when people would try to avoid the Black Plague by hallowing out dead people’s heads and wearing them as helmets. ”Hey, Jimmy is that the cobbler’s head on your head?” ”Oh, yeah, I was wearing it backwards. It’s the new style.”
Ryan Braun – 2-for-3, 3 runs with two solo homers. After Melky soiled all the baseball headlines yesterday, it’s good to see Braun put on a show for kids to look up to.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Will DH due to a leg situation that the Red Sox said was not a big deal. But when they said it they were winking, though they blamed that on dander.
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-4 with a homer. He has a four-game set in Coors starting last night. I seriously/for realsly/adverbly may lose it at some point with what he can do in Coors. He’s at 22 homers now. I’m going with an over/under of 26 by Monday. Anyone want some of that action?
Carlos Lee – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th homer. I don’t think there’s much left in the El Caballo tank, but he’s got three more days in Coors. Giddy up! (Pun point.)
Michael Cuddyer – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs with his 16th homer as he returned from the DL. As some fantasy sites would tell you, “Get him in your lineups.” Is this actual advice? Is this what passes for ‘pertise nowadays? I mean, I know I talk a lot of nonsense, but “get him in your lineups?” Really? That’s what you got?
Edwin Encarnacion – Didn’t start yesterday because of soreness in his wrist and shoulder from attempting a diving catch the day before. He should be fine, saying, “I’ve already given my fantasy owners enough for two seasons, let me take a chill pill and watch some Project Runway. Now, you make it work!”
Josh Hamilton – 2-for-4 and 3 runs as he DH’d, which switched Michael Young to 2nd (2-for-5, 2 runs) and Kinsler to the bench. Where was Mike Olt? He played right field for the first time in his major league career and made an error. Ron Washington was trying to find creative ways to get Olt in the lineup. He should also find creative ways to help Olt play the outfield. Like maybe one of those giant baseball glove chairs on wheels that he pushes around. Or paint the sky black for contrast. Then Roberto Kelly can sneak into the stadium by parachute.
David Murphy – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs. He hasn’t taken the full time job and ran with it, but I bet he can find himself some value for average with light power. See, he’s a professional hitter. Unlike the Astros.
Dan Haren – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the Rays, who just had a perfect game thrown against them, and Haren’s last start was against the Mariners, where he gave up 5 earned in 3 1/3 IP. Six degrees of suckitude!
Ryan Ludwick – 1-for-3 with his 22nd homer. Since Bruce got hot over the last week, it’s actually becoming a battle between Ludwick and him as who will have the most fantasy value this year. Right now, Ludwick still got a nose on him. Such sounds like a good way to spread germs.
Dayan Viciedo – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in as many games. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but you don’t need that. He’s here now. Savior this moment. Namaste.
Dewayne Wise – 1-for-5 with his 2nd game in a row with a homer. Baseball is a lot like life in that every day is a new day. You can be a goat one day and a hero the next. If you’re a hero two days in a row, you become a hot schmotato. And that’s where the similarities between baseball and life end. In other words, don’t scratch yourself in public.
Francisco Liriano – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. With the lone blemish coming as a homer off the bat of Moises Sierra. Elias Sports Bureau said, Francisco Liriano became the first person to give up a homer to Ruben Sierra, Moises Alou and their son, Moises Sierra.
Cliff Lee – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks. From someone who owns Cliff Lee, I gotta say I like this brand of a no decision better than the 6 IP, 4 ER one. Small victories are the only kind of victories he’s getting anyway.
Matt Harvey – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. Hope you held onto him when I said not to drop him after his craptastic performance vs. the Padres. If you’ve yet to pick him up, go ahead. That was a nudge towards your waivers.
Daniel Straily – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. After his last start where he got bombed, I said, “I’d roll Straily out in his next start and think of this as a blip. If he has another bad game next time out, then that’s no blip, it’s a blimp.” And that’s me quoting me! Turned out it was a blip. Yo, blippin’ ain’t easy!
David Price – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.39. And the Cy Young chatter heats up amongst baseball dorks everywhere! Wait, is that us? Nah, that’s redorkulous!
Evan Longoria – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Okay, AL MVP’s not happening, but I’d happily take September AL Player of the Month honors.
Jason Motte – Blew the save as he got beat by Krispie and Goldschmidt’s homers. Motte’s job is still safe, but I wouldn’t be opposed to someone imposing a Blown Save tax. Can one of the candidates work on that? C’mon, the Republican guy has a baseball first name.
Frank Francisco – Started the ninth in a non-save situation, gave up 3 runs in two-thirds of an inning, and was removed for the Rauch save. Frank-Frank should be doing time in fantasy owners’ Sing Sing before there’s a Mau Mau Uprising. Now raise your SAGNOF cup for Rauch, chin-chin.
Mark Reynolds – 2-for-4 with his third homer in the last three games. Yes, you should grab him. Yes, right now.
Garrett Jones – 2-for-3, 6 RBIs and 2 homers, now with 19 homers on the year. Damn, that would’ve been a great batty call. I’m really kicking myself for not picking up Jones. Not kicking myself anywhere important, like maybe in the appendix.
Neil Walker – Will not go to the DL after dislocating his pinkie finger. Guess he found it.
Pedro Alvarez – 3-for-4, 2 runs and a solo homer. Pedro from Pittsburgh writes in, “Hey, guys, I now have 22 homers and 61 RBIs, but I’m only batting .235. What kind of 2013 do you think I’m gonna have?” Weird, you sound like you have a Canadian accent, Pedro from Pittsburgh. Anyway, I think you need to cut your Ks big time. Right now, it’s you and Adam Dunn at the top of the list of worst strikeout rates and then everyone else. It’ll be hard to hit much better than .240 with those Ks. ”Thanks, now a question from Alyssa from Los Angeles…”
Hanley Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, but the other Dodgers’ acquisition, Joe Blanton (4 1/3 IP, 8 ER), lost the game for them. Hanley said Joe was trying too hard.
Matt Kemp – Ejected yesterday for bumping an umpire, and could face a suspension. He was arguing balls and strikes. As anyone who’s ever dated a Catholic girl knows, you can’t argue your way to first base.
Robinson Cano - Sat out for the 2nd straight day. Stiff neck: bad for baseball, good for traffic.
CC Sabathia - Yesterday, he threw off flat ground. Well, it was flat after he stood on it.
Ichiro Suzuki - 3-for-3, now hitting .284 for the Yanks with a homer and three steals in 22 games. You’d think the Yankees would’ve learned their lesson about trading with the Mariners after Pineda and Buhner.
Andruw Jones - 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Just padding his Hall of Fame resume that he hasn’t updated since 2004.
would you drop haren in a 12 team mixed if you were fighting for a playoff spot?
@ferris, Yup
@Grey — Thanks for recommending not benching Straily at KC. This in the face of other alleged experts (*cough*ESPNdailynotes*) and SoN suggesting this was a suicidal move.
Of course, I had him on the bench. Because I went with my gut. Which is full of bacteria and stinks periodically, so maybe I should stop doing that. Oh well, better a good day on my bench than on my opponent’s lineup! Right? Anyway, I am never going to not do what you suggest not doing again.
@Abdoozy, Ha, well, at least you have him…
Roberto Kelly could sneak into any stadium after 8pm..
“Yo Roberto, where are you? We cant see you!” That one wasnt racist, bochy’s head was just in the way..
@Prezii, Ha!
Brandon Belt or Michael Cuddyer ROS? Thanksss!!
Liriano reminds me Joe Bieden! You’ve got him but youre scared abt whats he gonna do next !
@druss, Cudd
@druss, Awesome analogy… I agree with SJ…
Do you like Straily or Harvey over Kennedy, Hanson or Sheets ROS? Or to put it more accurately, should I drop any of those three for one of the rooks?
Also need to drop a bat with Pablo back. Who do I tell to get lost: Morales or Moustakas?
@Sam, oops. morales…wait for hommy’s start tomorrow
@Sam, Straily over Sheets… Morales…
morales…wait for hommy’s start tomorrow
L Cain or Marte?
@Grey’s da man!, Marte
Ha! As a recovering Catholic, I love that Kemp line. Quality!
@Junglemkke, Thanks!
So I can pick up Matt Harvey but need to drop one of the following 3b (one of which is on the bench in a 5×5 H2H)
Tood Frazier or Trevor Plouffe
@Splendid Sphincter, Plouffe
Would you trade Rizzo for Gordon? Need help ROS in LF but might have kept Rizzo (as one of my 7)…..
Only have 4 moves left for the year. WW includes:
EYJ
Jay
Viciedo
Boesch
Belt
@nightpandas, and 15 team league and if I went the WW route I would drop Snider
@nightpandas, I’d want Rizzo… I’d go with Jay and pray…
Can you please rank L Cain, Rasmus and J Jay ROS? Thanks
@Grey’s da man!, Jay, Rasmus
Does Josh Reddick snap out of this funk? Or is it time to dump him for someone actually hitting, like Robot Jones? Also, you manning the hot corner with Old Man Youk, Glass Chipper, or Frazier (using OPS instead of runs)? Thanks!
@Eddie, Yeah, I’d look to lose Reddick for Jones… Frazier
After 12 years of catholic school, I can attest that you didn’t need to argue to get to first base. Matter of fact, you rarely got thrown out stealing second! Zing! I feel sorry for the people who haven’t been listening to the podcast, as the funniest part was probably lost on them.
Please pick two for the upcoming week:
Straily, Corbain, Harrell.
Thanks!
@Slappy Pappy, Ha… Thanks! Straily, Corbin
Because I pay attention, and do as I’m told, started both Straily AND Harvey yesterday……..WINNING! As an unfortunate fan of the team from Queens, who has watched Harvey throughout his minor league career, I can tell you that yesterday is no fluke. He IS the real deal. Control has always been the issue with him, but when he has it, he can make any hitter look silly. Hoping Straily does as well. In a keeper league, which should I keep. My heart say Harvey, which is why I’m asking you. Thanks
@fyke62, Nice! Yeah, he looked nasty… I’d keep Harvey…
@fyke62, Have you been following Zach Wheeler, what are your thoughts on him…
Kuroda for Hanley a fair SP for offense swap? Too much to give up on either side?
@Bernie Brewer, I’d want Hanley
I looked at the SON and was blinded by Straily’s 88 score (101 outta 111 ranked) and benched him last night. So sad. So blind. Glad it was a blip.
@Jimmy Kickers, Damn…
Drop Chris Johnson for Marky Mark Reynolds? Johnson is my only 3b right now so I’d have to hope someone is available when Reynolds decides to go arctic penguin’s ass cold again
@ManuteBologna, Yes, grab Reynolds…
Sit Adam Jones and Machado vs Verlander for Cuddyer @ Coors vs LeBlanc and Frazier vs Travis Wood?
@Hondo, Go for it…
Harvey, Jamie Garcia, Straily, and Brett Anderson…how would you rank for the rest of the season?
@Jack,
And who is the better RP for the rest of the season….Doolittle or Grilli (no-holds league).
@Jack, Straily, Harvey… Doolittle
Pick up mini donkey Reynolds and drop cold
moose?
@weezy, Go for it…
Grey:
Is Haren droppable in a 10 team dynasty? He’s way past ticking me off as a waste of space.
@CL, Hold
@Grey: Would you drop Lynn for Harvey? I’m worried that even if Lynn keeps his rotation spot with Garcia coming back (and avoids the bullpen) he will just continue being meh.
@Dad, I think you’re right.
@Dad, Agree about Lynn continuing to be meh….
@Dad, I’d go with Harvey…
Grey : Did you read the story about the Melk Man and the NL Batting tittle? Apparently he has qualified in AB’s for the tittle and MLB could be forced to give him the award if the Dread Pirate doesn’t turn it on and beat .346.
MLB giving a guy a batting award while cheating should go over like a fart in church.
@2 Cups 1 Braun, I wrote about it yetserday…
HA!!! How can you beat a Scooby Doo Reference?!?!?!
@VOTTO-VOOM, Ha
How’s about Strailey Dan for his nickname? (Or will no one get the Steely Dan reference?)
@Franco, Ha, not bad…
The Astros problem is they have their pitcher hitting, just wait until they get a DH…
@Wake Up, Yup, won’t be pretty…
@Grey, What do you mean? That’ll fix everything, no?
@Wake Up, Could work out well if some of their bullpen arms can swing a bat…
Nice Roberto Kelly pull! Moved on from busting on the Irish? Now it’s the Black Irish?
@Wake Up, Ha!
Who do you like most in a 5×5 non-keeper, ROS:
Jaime Garcia, StL
Jeff Niemann, TB
Shaun Marcum, MIL
Mike Minor, ATL
Jeff Samardzija, ChC
@Steve D., Minor
That republican dude is just dyslexic…his name is Timm…
@Wake Up, Hehe
who you like more for Util
a) Reynolds
b) Ludwick
d) Wait for the buy/sell
@Jankees, Reynolds
Dunn/Lawrie/Wilhelmsen or Bautista/Reddick?
@crock, Bautista
Anyone else having an issue with yahoo standings not updating for today?
@Schlitzy, yes
@Wake Up, yep.
@Schlitzy, Seems to be all better now….
@Niq Castro, I take that back – 1/3rd better (offense showing up, pitching isn’t, standings not updated). I’ll shut up now.
@Schlitzy, Not showing individual pitching cats.
@Schlitzy, It’s starting to come around but not quite.
Reynolds or Panda?
@Shin-Soo Choo Choo, Panda
I’m still laughing at the Sabathia shot…
@BeerBum, Hehe
@Schlitzy – Yes!
Ahh what to do with Yu.
Even last start he still walked the park. Now he’s going into Toronto where even without Lawrie et al its still pretty scary. Its a 16 team league and I still can’t decide whether to start him, thats how bad he’s been lately. Would you start him?
With or without Yu…
@TheNewGuy, Right now, I’d start most everyone against Toronto, especially while Bautista and Lawrie (and others) are out.
Their last series vs White Sox… the lineups were brutal (including McCoy, Cooper, Sierra, Mathis, Hechavarria… plus Yunel in the middle of the order, yuck)
Yu is frustrating but I’d definitely start him…. even if SON says otherwise!
@TheNewGuy, I wouldn’t start him…
Running out of innings fast, so attempting to re-rank my pitchers for ROS:
Bumgarner, Halladay, Peavy, Latos, McCarthy, Burnett, CJ Wilson
How’s that?
Also, If I have to lose one or two, I’m thinking Wilson first, then start McCarthy at home only…?
@Niq Castro, Yes, and yes…
What do you peg Kipnis, Moustakas, and Hosmer for next year? In a keeper league and I’m trying to figure out relative ADP/auction value.
@Bummer, 50th overall, 75, 100…
Pick 2 of 3 of these hot schmotatos to hold in my 10 teamer:
Medlen, Samardja, Corbin.
@TheNewGuy, Not Corbin
In my 20 team h2h dynasty league, i am thinking of trading darvish sano wheeler for carlos Santana and sabathia. Good trade or too much to give up?
c jp arencibia
1b prince fielder
2b neil walker
ss yunel escobar
3b miguel cabrera
inf Evan longoria
lf carl crawford
cf nishioka aoki
rf justin upton
of Michael morse
util travis snider
bn Carlos lee
bn jurickson profar
bn ryan lavernway
Bn miguel Sano
dl andrelton simmons
sp clayton kershaw
sp yu darvish
sp cliff lee
sp aaron harang
rp sean doolittle
rp matt thorton
rp matt belisle
p joe kelly
p Dan straily
p Jared Hughes
bn barry zito
bn zack wheeler
dl anthony bass
@Ryan, I’d take Carlos and CC
Thoughts on Nova at this point? He was dropped in my 10-man mixed league. Must add over guys like Worley or Corbin? Or is he not ownable at this point?
@Hosmer’s Ho’s, Yeah, lose him for Corbin…
@Hosmer’s Ho’s, Sorry, misread… I meant, leave Nova alone…
What type of hitter could I get for Brandon Morrow? Alex Gordon?
@Tom C, Gordon sounds about right… Maybe a Bruce if you’re lucky…
Best short-term pickup for saves? Thayer, Rauch, W Lopez, Henderson, Burton (Shallow league)
@Grey’s da man!, Go with Thayer.
Which side: Stanton and Sheets for Bruce and CJ Wilson?
Stanton side
Grey,
Viciedo, G.Jones or Reynolds?
Reynolds
i was offered McCutchen and Strasburg for Trout. Trout basically wins the stolen base category for me week in and week out and with the talk of possibly shutting down strasburg what do you think?
@Sal, correction trout basically allows me to win every batting category
I’d take McCutchen in a non-keeper…
Hello Grey,
I was considering picking up Patrick Corbin but who to drop. I have Lance Lynn and Ross Detwiler on the bench. Any of them droppable for him?
Thanks much.
Detwiler
@grey- Should i offer my Rasmus for Medlen if I need pitching help? Also, can you rank Ludwick, BJ UP, and Rasmus for me? Thanks!
I’d take Medlen… Upton, Ludwick
Doesn’t Roberto go by “Bobby Kelly” now? That’s worked about as well as “Deborah Gibson,” but at least he didn’t have to get a nose job and pose nude for the cause.
HA!…
Would you be rolling the dice on Johan Santana or McDonald tonight? Think the 6 days off will help either one of them? And if so, which one would it help more?
I wouldn’t mess with either…
One more Grey,
Do you think Corbin is worth an add over Nova in a 10 Team Roto League?
Thanks again.
Yup
Pestano or Gregerson, see either one getting saves this season?
Probably not…
rest of the season: Hardy or Trevor Plouffe?
Also, im sick of all of the DNP’s Im getting from the buttpirate catcher Michael McKenry – think i should drop him for Soto or Wilin Rosario? not many good C options on the WW.
Plouffe… I’d go with Wilin…
I have one add left this week for a streamer. Eric Stults or Mike Minor?
Stults for just this weekend… Minor for ROS
Hi Grey,
I have LoCain in my last Util spot. Hang on, or drop him for Reynolds or Pedro? (I can’t belive I’m asking this after owning both guys at various points, and dropping them in respective fits of frustration/rage)
Thanks!
Lose for Reynolds…
I think i’ve had my fill of Olt-ernative Rock. Didn’t care for most of it the first time around, and don’t care for it this time either.
I just keep asking myself, why are you here and why can’t I let you go?….Hope is a crazy drug
Hope is the best of things…
Except in fantasy when you’re holding a guy that’s not playing or hitting…
@Grey, It sure is…I’m sorry i thought I wrote Heroine, prospects like Olt are like Heroine. Once you have had a great one, then you spend your next few years chasing the dragon. In my case it was Braun, I feel bad for Trout owners next year because this will never happen again. You can try all you want Trout owners but I would seriously give up the Short Eyes and play it safe, because this will never happen again. Count your blessings,give to charity, work at a soup kitchen for the hollidays because you’all are blessed and to balance the universe back, you must give something back to it. And I don’t mean paying a stripper named Charity
@Simple Jack, Yeah, sounds like what my post about Trout will be next year…
@Grey, nice, I’m channeling January Grey. Those prayer candles I bought in bulk are really starting to pay off.
****THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS.*****
Trade Longo and J Zimm for Braun?
Should have Lawrie back soon at 3B
My team:
C: Perez
1B: Rizzo
2B: EY
3B: Longo
SS: Hanley
OF: McCutch
OF: Bruce
OF: Jay
Util: Rasmus
Util: Viciedo
DL: Votto
DL: B Lawrie
SP: Gio
SP: Bumgarner
SP: J Zimm
SP: Medlen
SP: E Jackson
RP: Wilhelmson
RP: Rodney
RP: Aceves
RP: Affeldt
RP: Perkins
Should I really pick up Profar?
When he comes up will he even play everyday?
In keeper you should… In redraft leagues, hold… Take followups to the newest post…
What about this year? What should I hope for?
Corbin > Vargas, ROS 10 team non keeper? Rest of my SP/RP staff..
Matt Moore
Chris Sale
Paul Maholm
Jered Weaver
AJ Burnett
Addison Reed
Jonathan Papelbon
JJ Putz