The Nats will probably bring Stephen Strasburg into Washington in the bubble car with the albino John Lannan charged with throwing rose petals at his feet. This was recently overheard in the Nats bathroom sometime in the near future, “Um, John, do you think you can stop with the petals?” “Stephen, it’s my duty.” “Yeah, well, this is my doodie and I’m going to be about 20 minutes.” “Fair enough, sire!” I went over Strasburg for fantasy already. Been there, drunkenly wrote that. I’m not changing my projections from that post. A three and a half ERA seems optimistic enough. Could he do a 2.75 ERA? Sure, but I’m not counting on that. I’m already giving him what I think we can get from Greinke. So a 3.50 ERA… Let’s see, who else could bring such luster to our fantasy El Camino. In 303 and a third 2nd half innings over the last three years, Bronson Arroyo has a 3.06 ERA. Would anyone in their right mind trade Strasburg for Arroyo? Not right now. The hype is way too strong with the young Austrian. Today, I think you can sell Strasburg for someone’s kidney. I’m not sure what you’d do with three kidneys. Maybe a bookend. Think about how you felt owning Matusz, Smoak, Ike Davis, etc. (BTW, isn’t it sad how “etc.” is always last?) before they appeared in one game. Now think about how you feel about those rookies after a month plus? In my 20 team league, someone just dropped Matusz and in another league I’m glad I traded Smoak the day after I picked him up. Yes, I’m telling you to sell Strasburg if you can get the right deal. I don’t think Strasburg will be droppable in two months, but I also don’t think his hype will reach his value. Of course, ignore the previous paragraph in keeper leagues, unless you’re Steve Phillips. In keeper leagues, you rename your team, The House of Strasburg and you dine on fine wines and hard to pronounce cheeses. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Will Ohman – The O’s bullpen looks like Rocky Dennis trying to get dressed up for a semi-casual night out with a girl he likes.
Frank Mata – The Mata Hari of SAGNOF! (BTW, SAGNOF doesn’t stand for Smoking Ain’t Got No Face if we have any Indonesian toddlers reading.)
Trevor Hoffman – I see he’s been dropped in almost 25% of ESPN leagues. Here’s the thing, and there is a thing, the Brewers will try to get Hoffman back into the ninth inning. It’s a long season; he can still save 20 more games this year.
Kerry Wood – Why is he not owned in every league? All of you can’t be playing in 8 team leagues. Though I do think I’m probably preaching to choir. If you read Razzball, you probably own Wood (the player) and Perez, so carry on. Or carry on your head if you’re Jamaican.
Zach Braddock – More of an NL-Only, keeper or league that uses middle reliever pickup. His stuff makes nasty say, “Damn.”
Neil Walker – Yeah, this guy’s the bee’s knees. Meaning of course, bee’s don’t have knees and you probably shouldn’t have Neil Walker either. In NL-Only leagues, this pickup is a’ight.
Chris Iannetta – Just went over him in a roundup. Want more? Read what I just wrote.
Carlos Santana – Now I’d grab him. Do I expect the second coming of Mike Piazza? No. I also don’t expect Darrell Porter, Male Escort. Ad nauseam I’ve been saying if you want to know how much you can get from The Supernatural catcher look at Matt Wieters last year, or even this year. In the end, Santana is still a catcher so don’t cut anyone too great for him.
Felipe Lopez – If it ain’t good ol’ Felopezian sucking from the productive teet. I don’t expect Lopez to have immense value, but then again how’s EverCab treating you?
Rickie Weeks – To answer that small man in the back of your brain that keeps whispering bad thoughts, yes, I like Weeks better than Felipe Lopez.
Trevor Crowe – He has some speed, but no matter how faceless steals are I wouldn’t grab Crowe outside of AL-Only leagues.
Luis Durango – While Crowe is an AL-Only SAGNOF’er, Durango can be mixed league material if he gets every day playing time because he will run more. I mean, that is his one contribution.
Jose Lopez – I know he’s been badder than bad so far, but, and this is a big “but” with J. Lo, for the last two years, he hasn’t started hitting until June. Otherwise known as next week.
Hisanori Takahashi – Might not be a long term pickup, but worth grabbing for his start vs. the Padres and then taking it from there. So I like him, but not completely gung ho, which is also the number one massage parlor in Japan.
Brandon Morrow – His K/9 is 11.70, his men left on base and BABIP have both been unlucky. His FIP is below 4. Morrow’s a man of constant sorrow. So what’s the downside? His walks are Follie Perez bad. Worth a shot in certain leagues where you’re thirsty for Ks and can spare the WHIP.
Jorge de la Rosa – Seeing people drop him in some leagues. Well, better for you astute Razzball reader because he’s coming back by mid to late-June. Astute Razzball reader, “What should we expect from him?” I thought you were the astute one.
Chris Tillman – You want a rookie pitcher? Try John Ely. He’s in the NL and faces the Giants, Diamondhacks and Padres.
Alex Rios – In the top five on ESPN’s Player Rater are Ubaldo, Braun, Vlad, Rios and Longoria. Vlad may not belong in that select group, but at least he’s getting value from hitting homers, which is something he can do. Rios is the bigger sore thumb. His homers are sky high for him, literally. He’s never stole more than 32 bases before and his career high in homers is 24. At some point, the Rios we all know and despise will return with a turd nugget. I wouldn’t trade him for a dinner-date with your senile Aunt Lucy, but I’d explore trades.
Tim Hudson – Before yesterday’s game, he had 27 Ks and 25 walks, his men left on base has been absurd, his BABIP is silly and his team isn’t exactly the pillar of good support. I’m not sure if anyone’s buying Hudson for anything on his own, but he might put another deal over the top. Your leaguemate, “I don’t know if I want to trade Prince to you for F-Her. Maybe we can just be friends.” You, “How about I throw in Tim Hudson and I’ll let you hold me afterwards?”